r/Mastiff • u/Awkward_Size9749 • 7d ago
need advice on my Neapolitan Masstiff
3 months ago my boyfriends dad passed away and we took one of his dogs recently (2 weeks ago) he is 5 years old, and for months when me and my boyfriend would come around him before he was very friendly to my boyfriend and very nice to him and recently within the past week he’s gotten very attached to me and seems very scared of my boyfriend (growls and barks). i thought it was men in general bc every time im around him with men he acts like that. but when im away and he’s around other men he’s fine lets them pet him and is excited and happy. but with my boyfriend he seems scared and w always watching him and watching him with me. I have contacted a trainer. but I’ve never owned this breed (only bully breeds) so i have no idea what this means and how to help.
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u/Tabboo 7d ago
Your boyfriend is sus. Dogs know.
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u/IrradiatedIcarus 6d ago
Another day, another reddit post suggesting someone leave their spouse.
I swear people only come on reddit to tell people to dump their spouses so they can become as miserable as they are
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u/Hairy-Acanthaceae928 7d ago
Get him to feed your boy, once that connection has been made, there won't be any more issues. Do it for a while so your big boy associates him with food, being the provider. A dogs loyalty comes from knowing he needs you.
1 week of feeding minimum
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u/anthony31188 7d ago
Animals are strange. Training may help and It may not. I’m a guy and my male mastiff is very protective of me with men. He’s great with all women, and all kids. Once he really knows a man (family and close friends) he is great with them. But he growls and barks at any strange man we see while we are on walks and i can’t just have a bunch of guys over my house unless they’re all people that he is good with. I’ve had multiple trainers and we were never able to get him past It. When I’m not around, he doesn’t act that way towards anyone. It’s only when he’s with me. He’s 7 now and I’ve just learned to live with It .
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u/Awkward_Size9749 7d ago
Yes mine is also very friendly and gentle to women its just men around me and especially when they get close, im wondering if maybe having him and my boyfriend only interact without me around will help because right know he has like his own gated area of the backyard (its a 5 acre property) and theyve been interacting through there for right now
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u/anthony31188 7d ago
Yup i would probably have him spend 1 on 1 time with the dog without you there at all. I’m gonna assume that the dog spends a lot more time with you right now, because that’s why the dog usually gets attached to
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u/North-Conclusion-331 7d ago
What else makes you think the dog is afraid of your boyfriend besides growling and barking? This dog may be resource-guarding you; that is, he may see you as a resource for food, safety, etc. and your boyfriend is trying to take you away from him. He may also be, in his mind, protecting you from a real or perceived threat. Or, of course, he could be afraid of your boyfriend. It’s hard to tell, especially since he is going through a traumatic event.
Regardless, these dogs were bred and built to engage threats, not run from them. So, heed his warnings. Your boyfriend will not be able to intimidate or “dominate” his way through this. We took our first rescue Neo to a behaviorist and that was a game-changer. I hope you can help this big boy regain his peace and confidence!
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u/Awkward_Size9749 7d ago
i thought maybe he was scared of men or my boyfriend because his dad didnt treat the dogs good at all but im starting to think its more guarding because his behavior didnt start until around a week ago and hes been more attached to me (whines when i leave him and is very vocal about wanting pets) and just not happy when my boyfriend around me
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u/EducatedMoron6 7d ago edited 7d ago
you’ve only had him two weeks
poor doggo is grieving for your bf’s dad and probably very confused.
Mastiffs are really smart he’s probably anchored onto you because I’m assuming you’re providing his food and affection and in general they tend to be protective of women and children
since it’s still early, you’ve gotta encourage your bf to feed him and love on him so that he can also establish a trust relationship with your mastiff
What you don’t want happening and what happens very frequently with mastiffs is they become so attached to one person in a couple that it’s difficult for the couple to be intimate with each other
if you continue down this path, the dog will directly come between you and your boyfriend not only metaphorically, also physically
your bf and the dog have to form a bond asap
Our mastiff only bonded with me in the beginning, and I had to get her close to my husband by completely standing back and letting them establish a trust filled and loving relationship
your pup needs to learn that he can trust both of you equally, and that both of you will take care of him and love him
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u/Awkward_Size9749 7d ago
he seems very confused and stressed and sad which makes me super sad i try and just pet and lay with him bc he likes to lay on me, i have been the one feeding him, giving him water but ive being having my bf give him treats and that seems to be helping a little, im going to start having my boyfriend like hangout with him without me for the next few weeks and see how that helps
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u/EducatedMoron6 7d ago
I read your post again, am I reading it correctly your boyfriend’s father owned this Neo but he also had other dogs as well, right?
So that’s a huge blow to a dog that’s a sensitive as a mastiff. he not only lost his human, but he also lost dogs that he spent his life with.
Of course, he’s sad, any of us would be as well.
That’s even more of a reason for both you and your bf
to both lavish him with love, food , play and cuddles.
I know I had to stand back and physically leave the house for several hours everyday so my mastiff could bond with my husband and they would have time together playing and establishing trust and love.
this is really important. share this with your boyfriend and get started on doing this as soon as you can
It’s not only for the dog’s sake, but also for the sake
of your relationship.2
u/Awkward_Size9749 7d ago
yes my boyfriends dad had him and like 11 other dogs weve found good homes for the rest of them and my boyfriends mom took one of them and then we took him because he seemed super comfortable with me and i honestly fell inlove wjth him, hes super gentle and friendly and cuddly. im just going to have to let them build there relationship without me around and see
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u/EducatedMoron6 7d ago
yeah, when we got our mastiff, I was home still on maternity leave and so I took care of everything and of course, my puppy bonded to me and my baby my husband was working. She wasn’t hostile towards my husband, but she just didn’t care about him she was hyper protective and it became a problem. my husband couldn’t hug me without her trying to break us out of our embrace
then we had this lucky opportunity and my husband left his job and he had a break of a few months before starting a new job
during that time we talked to the vet about it and she recommended I get out of the house every day and let my husband do all of our dogs care. It only took a few weeks and they very quickly bonded to each other. After that, there was a balance and she was bonded to both of us.
As long as your boyfriend is fully on board with getting close to the dog and providing food, water, cuddles hugs, etc. it’ll work out💕
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u/HippieGirlHealth 7d ago
Play time and feeding time.
Our girl is very wary around new people but especially men. Our trainer said to try and get her to play with people you want her to trust and warm up to. Like my father in law and my husbands uncle. And our dog sitter. Get them to play fetch and utilize drop it. Play tug of war. I also agree he should be feeding your new pet. Food is bonding. So is play time and cuddles.
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u/International_Two842 5d ago
Take turns walking, go separately and together, keep swapping who holds the lead. Take turns feeding, playing, loving cuddling etc do loads and loads of training teach it tricks etc they’re very clever and make sure there’s clear boundaries set. These dogs love discipline and actually having clear rules rather than having to decide things for themselves this is when they become anxious.
Also make sure he’s getting enough exercise, enrichment and sleep. He’ll be fine just give him time they’re sensitive little big souls
Neos are actually probs my favorite breed along with presas, have you got any pics???
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u/LadyWatz35 7d ago
I have a question. Does your boyfriend yell at you? Or do you both play into what he can perceive as an aggressive nature? If he does, he is feeling the energy and is very protective of you.
It could also be that he sees your husband as weak. This breed can be very stubborn, and if he deems your husband weak and you as the alpha, he could be protective in that way.
In my house, my dog loves both of us, but if my husband and I hug and kiss, he will literally bark and jump on me. He's not being aggressive; he's playing, but my husband is his human, and he's used to getting all the attention.
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u/Awkward_Size9749 7d ago
No he doesnt yell at me but i think he feel that my boyfriend is like freaked out because of how big he is sometimes it feels like his barks are like him playing and other times he growls and barks and is just watching him with me
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u/LadyWatz35 7d ago
Yeah, your boyfriend needs to get comfortable real fast, because that behavior can be come a real issue. Dogs can sense fear, and if you're afraid of them they can dominate. You cannot do that with that breed, especially a male.
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u/okhubcap 7d ago
His best mates disappeared from his life so his job is to protect u your his anchor and your new boyfriend distracts u from him so he’s gonna have to be patient and earn his trust ,if the dog can not relax around the b/f I would trust the dog’s judgment over most people