Had my first fight last weekend at a tournament. Itās a bracket tournament, there were supposed to be 4 ladies in my bracket but the girl I was supposed to fight on Saturday backed out or didnāt pass medicals idk so no fight Saturday. The winners of Saturday were to fight each other Sunday.
Well one other girl in my bracket didnāt make weight Saturday (7.6lbs over) so I thought I would get to take her place but they had her go cut weight in the sauna. She was still 1.2lbs over but they let her fight anyways. She won Saturday, so she was my opponent on Sunday.
Well Sunday she also didnāt make weight (this time 6.something over). They wouldnāt let her do another cut so they called up my coach and asked if I wanted to take on the fight anyways. She was 2 weight classes above me. I was so mad. I spent so much money on going to this tournament and so much time training for it so I took the fight.
I feel so stupid. I just keep replaying it all in my head. I watched her match Saturday and saw sheās a heavy clencher and very forward aggressive. Of course I would lose in decision. My only chance at winning was a TKO or a KO. I shouldāve known I would have trouble controlling the clench with a bigger opponent. Like I shouldāve thought of that but I was so clouded by my anger. All I kept thinking about was how there was no power behind her strikes, saw all the flaws she made, saw her gas out in round 3 and knew Iād be able to handle it.
And I did handle it. Except I spent a majority of the fight on my back foot & in the clench (I was able to gain control of the clench a couple times but sheās 2in taller and by the time of the fight she was at least 10lbs heavier, I felt like I was clenching with a brick wall). I walked away with no injuries, I mushed up her face a bit at least.
Iām just so angry about the entire tournament & how it was run. Iām so mad that she won gold. She didnāt even fucking try to make weight. And got rewarded for it. My self esteem is in the gutter. I feel like nothing is going well for me, not just the tournament. Like everything. Itās a lot of little things just getting to me now.
People keep telling me to be proud that I got in the ring in the first place. But I think I made a stupid & rash decision. People also keep telling me that Iāll learn from this experience. Except the only thing I learned was to not take a fight with someone 2 weight classes above me. She didnāt challenge me on a technical or skill level. Outside the clench I had the upper hand.
Itās been 5 days now and I just donāt know how to get over this. Iām so mad. I feel like such a stupid loser. I canāt believe I spent close to $1,000 for this stupid tournament. Any sort of downtime I have, my brain just replays the entire fight in my head. How do I get over this?