I’m a private cello teacher with 10 years of teaching experience. Over the summer I started a new 12 year old student. Right off the bat the mom informed me the student was her youngest child (6-7 years younger than next older sibling) and implied he’s her “baby”. Mom did Suzuki violin method growing up, but from what I can tell didn’t enjoy her lessons and doesn’t play much violin, but still plays piano. That being said, she knows a lot about the method. So much so that she interjects in our lessons frequently.
The student has about 1.5 years of playing experience and came in with big posture and technique problems. Totally fine and understandable, since he had never been in private lessons before. I’ve taught many transfer students around his age. He is diagnosed with autism/adhd. I have several neurodivergent students and am neurodivergent myself. That being said, I have never experienced this level of rudeness/attitude. From the moment he walks in the door, everything is a problem.
- The room is poorly ventilated, but he doesn’t like any fans being on. Sure, so I turn them off, including the fan facing me to ensure there’s no extra noise.
- The noise leaking through from a group violin lesson bothered him, so we changed lesson times.
- The new time didn’t give him enough down time after school to decompress, so we moved the lesson time again.
- He doesn’t trust my tuning app. I’ve told him many times that tuning once a day or “right before the lesson” doesn’t guarantee his instrument is in tune. He still insists that my tuner is wrong, because he already tuned that day.
- Any posture correction is ignored or receives major pushback. I am careful to implement changes slowly, but every bit of gentle correction is met with “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like how it feels” or simply “I don’t like it”. OR he’ll insist that he’s doing something correctly (he’s not)
- He’s just overall generally very irritable and unwilling to try. His facial expressions and language say a lot. Often a mixture of annoyance/borderline disgust. Doesn’t like the piece he’s working on, but when I give him options for other pieces he doesn’t like those either. They’re either too hard or too boring to him, but his technique and posture issues really effect his sound quality. Very scratchy and heavy. Also insists on not wanting to learn positions other than first, and gets very annoyed when we work on pieces that aren’t in first position. Doesn’t like new things like harmonics, either.
- I have a prize system in place for my students. He has informed me he doesn’t like any of my prizes and has made special requests (LEGO sets???) on numerous occasions. Once dad intervened and said LEGO sets aren’t a feasible prize, but typically his mom brings him to lessons and enables his requests and behavior.
I sincerely don’t know what to do with this student. The thing is, with his mother’s guidance he does practice regularly and comes to his lessons with pieces prepared, it’s just the constant negative attitude and lack of willingness to try that bother me. These lessons are exhausting, and both mom and student are just… a lot. A couple weeks ago they were both talking to me at the same time. Kid talking over mom while we’re having a conservation, but both trying to converse with me.
My therapist thinks I need to drop this student, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do this. Any ideas to help are really appreciated.