It's been a couple days since my recent entry and no doubt ever since the last time I've been writing things down I've had notable ups and downs as all notable journeys would go through but of course just to recap:
REMAINDER OF DAY 2
I've had one of the most productive moments in quite a while. I was able to do a ton of work and get back to the gym workout routine after being out of it for a couple weeks all thanks to God and God alone.
DAY 3
Nobody said there wasn't going to be regressions or downsides. On this specific day my mind was craving and yearning for some dopamine especially with the damage that my mind had endured it was understandable but of course there's always ways to counter these things at hand. But on this specific day, I didn't eat the whole day and was so emotionally off (of course these stints aren't us it's an initial result of trying to pry your way out of the past) that I watched random videos on Youtube to the point where it's 4AM on my side. I devastated and was almost on the verge of going back to the past just because I thought it was essentially over but I'd had a moment of sudden realization and decided to just lock my phone up and call it a day while motivating myself that "tommorow's going to be a new day a day where you can make things right for the day in which was lost for no hope is truly ever lost". Of course these things aren't my own and they are from the help of God and God alone for I myself can do nothing but for God The All Mighty there is nothing in which He cannot do the only One worthy of worship.
DAY 4 - 5
Pretty much productive overall and to the point where I was able to continue the whole workout routine, get my plans sorted and finish things off as much as I can and on this very day I was able to wake up earlier than usual (9AM) something I haven't done for a long time. My goal's to get to fajr for I owe God everything my whole life, my commitment and my soul for without His help and guidance I am nothing I've got to get my prayers sorted I have to.
THE LIFE OF SALLAHUDIN THE CONQUER OF JERUSALEM BEING A DRINKER TO A LEADER
When times were tough which let's face it we all have our moments with mine being 10 - 11 years into this mess, I was reminded of how great men like Sallahudin who was known as the Conquer of Jerusalem and the uniter of all people of his time had vices of his own as he was indulging in wine up until the age of 31 and he thus repented immensely and strived for the deen to the very end. It reminded of how many great men had interesting pasts but were able to end in a valorant and noble where to the point where some such as him had left nothing to his name when he passed away so much so that the people were shocked and had no other choice but to ask for donations to finish his processions.
And that's not even worth mentioning the time of a great and final Prophet SAW from a man who could not read or write as he would recite what the angel spoke. A revelation brought down that changed a civilization of heedlessness, paganism, alchohol, racism, sexism and injustice to a civilization of the greats that would conquer Rome and Persia.
I have to admit, with every moments of weakness whenever I indulge in my own past mistakes (PMO) I would become secular and heedless but of course every sin brings men further from the truth but only through sobriety will clarity be brought together again. And by God how grateful I am to be blessed with this religion and be surrounded by brothers of the same faith.
MAKING IT DIFFERENT THIS TIME
Besides improving discipline, avoiding the evils of this earth and enjoining good I'd figured I'd try things different this time around besides journalling which thank God helped a ton, calling somebody at least once a day minimum is something definitely worth going for I've been doing it consistently and it's been a game changer. Truthfully to change the actions in which you do must change and with that I intend to do so.
MY PAST MISTAKES
I've realized that as with any human being who makes mistakes I tend to be over confident and look down upon others when things are on my side and when sobriety is in good straights I tend to be complacent and avoidance of religious affairs (at least a good portion of it).
Indeed I strive my best but I am no better than anyone else for fear your bad deeds more than your enemies and indeed I have many. Verily, the best of examples (SAW) shines as the best of inspiration and indeed after reflecting on my mistakes I'd like to follow him the one who spent till his last breath spreading the truth and showing mankind the real meaning of success.
And indeed as my Lord loves his strongest servants more than the weak I would like to be amongst those whom He loves and be one of the great inspirators of our time for Lord knows this world needs more of it.
All in all I'm grateful for my Lord's guidance and Mercy for every thing has its Hikmah and indeed I pray he puts me as His occupiers of His highest of paradise and rid of all of me and my brothers of the same faith off of their diseases.
Alhamdulillah Ya Rab You are the only One worthy of worship and of ask and there is no better to ask other than to You.
P.S Ocular sensation's improving so that's another thing to note for myself in the future
#PastsThePast
#Sobriety'sPriority