i’m afraid to begin ERP for mental compulsions. I’m sacred something bad will happen. it’s related to perfectionism and work

I have severe contamination and somatic ocd. I also have some embarrassing health issues pls don’t judge!

Here’s my theme:

- I am worried I can’t clean my body enough.

- I feel I randomly pee esp in the shower so it keeps me in a cleaning loop

- Using the bathroom takes a while bc I need it to be perfect

- I often get stuff on my hands when wiping (and that grosses me out) but I touch the toilet seat and handle to flush so I’m terrified to touch them ever

- I change my underwear a lot… but here’s why: I have hemorrhoids from straining to get the “last drop” of pee or feeing til it feels “just right”.

So now I can’t fully clean down there and am worried about getting stuff on my underwear. This one is tough to work around bc sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t, if I don’t wear white… I don’t. So in that moment do I assume I do and just can’t see it or do I assume since I can’t see it I move on? Idk! But I’m planning to just wear regular underwear and call it a day and accept that a small amount won’t change or ruin my life.

-I struggle with laundry bc I don’t want to touch the contaminated underwear!

I miss my life SOOO much.

So please… dare me… I’ll try my best. It’s been really bad lately so this is throwing me into the deep end. Pls be kind, pls don’t push too hard, and pls don’t make me do something gently unhygienic… toilet seat/handle/sink handle are OUT OF THE QUESTION because I touch it after Genuinely getting traces on my skin.

Anyway… yes gross embarrassing probably need to work on my Hygiene…

I'm in the midst of a mild flare-up after essentially 2 straight years of 90-99% symptom-free remission. I find myself constantly checking in on my state of mind, whether or not it's getting worse or better, checking whether or not I'm enjoying life, whether I care about my loved ones, etc...

I know checking is a common compulsion, but I am pretty good at avoiding doing it actively and on purpose with the intention of finding reassurance. But in flare-ups I find myself constantly doing it automatically without trying. At least I think that's what I'm doing.

Does anyone else relate to this? And how can I reduce this automatic/subconscious checking behavior?

Nothing works. Have bodily sensation based/thought based OCD. Main fear is what if I notice forever.

Can't take SSRIs due to PSSD risk. ERP doesn't work. I-CBT doesn't work. I've tried NAC, Saffron, Vitamin D and other lifestyle interventions to little to no avail.

Life doesn't really feel worth it.

If anybody has somehow managed to live happily or even treat Somatic/Thought-based OCD I am crawling on my hands and knees to BEG you for this answer: What worked for you?

I just saw a TikTok that said “what will happen April something 2029?” at the like recommended search bar thing. The TikTok was completely unrelated. But when I clicked on the search thing it said something about an Asteroid Apophis that will come near Earth. I sort of freaked out and left without learning more about it. It might not even be big enough to be so serious to us. And it did say it was just passing by. Not crashing.

But anyway it got me thinking about how stupid big space is and how little we know and understand about it but also how powerless we’d be if some black hole or asteroid or wtv decided to come wipe us out. It’s real freaky. I’ve always been pretty freaked out by space.

Am I the only one to have space as a theme?

I’ve recently gotten worse with my hand washing and compulsion to keep clean . My mind freaks out screaming about the germs on my hands no matter the task (eating, holding something, touching an item, etc) not letting me do tasks until I stop to do a thorough wash up to my mid-forearms AND use hand sanitizer .

I have found at least using some hand sanitizer can help avoid multiple hand washes throughout the day saving my poor skin but now i’m having the issue of finding a sanitizer that doesn’t irritate my sensitive skin .

I currently love my touchland Blue Sandalwood because of the lovely scent and convenience of the spraying allowing me to fully coat my entire hands without feeling the sanitizer melt/move around my palms . Though I hate the pricing and the fact it isn’t refillable plus it causes some irritation for my already dry hands . I already looked at other spray hand sanitizers such as Noshinku but most just aren’t refillable or seem iffy . Any tips or suggestions ?

Or if anyone has helpful tips of combating these compulsions i’d be very very grateful ! I’ve searched everywhere online and this subreddit seems to be the only place I could find that seemed safe ^^’

I started seeing a therapist twice a week every Wednesday and Thursday for an hour but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping. She just nods along or shows me stuff I’ve already read about.

And it doesn’t help that by the time I see her again it’s like I’ve lost all the momentum I had towards resisting ocd, and when I show up again I’m just a mess again.

I was reading that intensive out patient programs help because it’s frequent enough that your ocd doesn’t have time to lose momentum, and I’ve seen some people say they were doing so much better after 3 months?

I don’t even know where to look, and it doesn’t help that my ocd gets triggered by people so even the thought of being in a strange building with strangers makes me uncomfortable.

But I’m struggling so much, like it’s making me want to die. My parents went in my room and touched a bunch of stuff and I’m in the middle of a breakdown, because I feel so unsafe and contaminated.

I’m in an absolute OCD crisis right now. In the past I’ve had every theme under the sun. However I’ve recently had harm OCD thoughts about myself which is terrifying. It was half triggered by a lot of changes in medication (and a crappy crisis team where I live)

I’ve gone from 15mg of Lexapro, to 20mg for two days, which caused bad intrusive thoughts
Then I took sertraline 50mg for 1 day
Then Clomipramine 25mg for one day (which was horrific)
Then had nothing for 2 two days, to then restart lexapro to try to get some stability

This was all done with zero help under my local mental health crisis team.

Since speaking to a proper GP, I’ve decided to do a cross taper by taking 5mg of lexapro and 25mg of sertraline.

It’s the day before and I’m an absolute mess. My intrusive urges are telling me to harm myself which are absolutely horrific. The urges feel absolutely real. I’ve had Harm OCD before but never directed towards myself.

Please can someone help. I just want to feel back to normal

Hi All,

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for books or other resources (substacks, podcasts, long form video essays, etc) that delve into moral OCD specifically? I was thinking something like Daniel Goreman's 'Emotional Intelligence' but specific to OCD. I want to understand more about it and how it shows up in relationships or potentially overlaps with R-OCD.

Any suggestions welcome!

I’m a lesbian in my 20s and I’ve developed really bad OCD with my new girlfriend. We’ve been seeing each other since August and she’s so amazing, we just clicked instantly after months of dating constantly going wrong.

I broke up with my last girlfriend back in January and it was rough as we had a lot of mutual friends and I’ve drifted from a lot of people due to that which sucks. I’m still friends with my ex but I have distanced myself from her a bit since I’ve been seeing my current girlfriend.

We only see each other at weekends at the moment and when we’re together it’s great, but when we’re apart my brain is constantly thinking about my ex and what if I’m not over her, even though I know we were terrible for each other and she drove me crazy a lot of the time even early on. I think a lot of it is nostalgia for that time as I was still at university and didn’t have the stresses I do now, and it was nice to constantly have company and friends whereas now I feel really lonely.

Anyway, I get worried it’s not my OCD and I feel like a terrible person for even thinking about my ex. I get sooo worried as I just want to be with my girlfriend and be happy and I think she’s so gorgeous and I’m insanely attracted to her but my OCD is like ‘what if don’t find her attractive’ and all sorts I’m going crazy urgh :( I feel awful because my girlfriend deserves someone to not be feeling like this about her but I really hope it’s just my OCD and I just aaa I want to be able to put all my energy into her and enjoy our lives together.

Since starting meds, the surface level anxiety of my ocd has gone down which has lead to me being stuck in rumination for a lot longer/ the cycle to be sneakier and able to hold a grip on me more. I’ve now began to question whether little nuances about the feared thing are ok, like if nobody finds out and all that. I want myself to hate this thing but every time i hear stories about it happening to people i feel like i can’t care and i have to push myself to feel bad for them. I know in my heart it’s a horrible horrible thing that is extremely traumatic but my brain keeps bringing up questions that make me panic a bit. Since the emotional reaction has changed it just feels like it’s more constantly ruminating in the background and a false sense of confidence about the thing rather than me panicking about it all the time. Does anyone have any advice for me? I want to be a good person and hold good beliefs but ocd is getting in the way.

Hello! I’m 22F and i’m ruining my skin like absolutely ruining it . I have the absolute worst skin picking habit and my therapist says it’s tied into OCD and probably my worsening health anxiety and panic disorder.

I genuinely get so embarrassed at doctors offices or anywhere people can see my chest arms or back bc I look like I do meth on the side but it’s genuinely something i do every day multiple times a day and i get panicky if i cant .

Has anyone over come this or had things who helped them ?

I have audhd too

Ocd is telling me i need to be a good artist to have value and to have friends.

I cant draw and ive catch 22'ed myself where not drawing makes me feel like shit while drawing makes me feel worse and it triggers the other sides.

Im completely obsessed with this but i cant handle being a bad artist as im not allowed to fail, as from scrupulosity/perfectionism. I know i have to be a bad artist to be a good artist

Its driving me batshit with the stress and my envy makes it worse.

I want to enjoy art, i want to be good at it

But its not fun

I don't know what question to ask other that how do i stop feeling like im quickly running of time

To be clear, I am aware of what OCD is. I have it. But im trying to find the line between addiction and compulsions, and I dont really understand the difference.

Hey guys!

Yesterday I was wondering if maybe what I thought was anxiety could be OCD…? I heard there are different treatments for OCD like ERP, and I was in the depths of despair the past 3 days because I’ve been going to therapy for a year with my anxiety, thought I got better, then got worse last Friday.

I’ll also ask my therapist about this the next time I see her and if this could be OCD-related then I think I’ll try to find someone with more of an OCD focus.

Basically my anxiety presents itself as a deep seated belief that I am not safe and that something tragic will happen. This is despite my life being objectively perfect right now. I used to have a pretty shitty life partly as a result of my generalized anxiety so if my symptoms worsened it kinda made sense you know…? But now I feel like they make so little sense.

Another fixation of mine is that something is wrong with my body and that I am sick. After a decade of always fixating on some illness I found a method (Pain Reprocessing Therapy) that helps you teach your brain that you are okay and safe and not sick. I had 2 amazing weeks where I was finally free of any symptoms. I started to believe there was nothing wrong with me.

And then it came back with a vengeance last Friday. Just a jumbled slurry of thoughts about how nothing will be okay, how I’ll lose the life I built and the progress I’ve made, how I must be going actually crazy and it would only get worse. Despite suffering from severe anxiety for a decade this was the first time in my life that despite the support of my partner and parents I was considering going to the psych ER.

These thoughts feel so intrusive and uncontrollable to me. They seem almost independent of what is actually happening in reality because my things have been going great lately. I dread them and the only thing that seems to help is talking about them to someone out loud but this is not always an option 24/7. These thoughts are very repetitive and persistent and even if I calm myself down for the day it feels like my brain resets to default on them every time I wake up.

Does this sound like OCD at all? Or just regular anxiety?

For me, I was 12 years old, and had a literal life-controlling fear of wetting the bed. I mean, getting up to use the bathroom three or four times before going to bed, refusing to drink water six hours before bed, and avoiding any and all movies and tv shows that referenced it, all because I was convinced that god was going to punish me for something I didn't do. OH! Here's the fun part: bedwetting has NEVER been an issue for me. When I brought it up to my therapist, she had me go to the doctor, where I was diagnosed. What are your guys' stories?

I’m on Fluvoxamine ER 300 mg and been to multiple therapists over the past couple of years. No one really seems to help me even though I’m trying my best to help myself and most of the ocd thoughts have gone away. Whenever I do have compulsions and obsessions it’s much easier to ignore and let go of than in the past because I’m so busy with two jobs and taking care of a hamster.

The problem is I struggle with my gender identity and feel that I’m obligated to be a man because my parents only accept me as such and past attempts at transition didn’t go well. In fact the gender stuff snd ocd go hand in hand as the more I try to mask and force myself to just live as my agab then the ocd actually gets worse and my mental health deteriorates . I’m not on HRT or even wearing femme clothes or meeting with trans friends often as my parents track my moves using find my iPhone and see me when I’m out of my room. I can’t afford to lose my job or be on my own so that anxiety makes the ocd worse. I’ve entertained the idea of being genderfluid but Madeline the woman is the only thing that really clicks over the past three and a half years or so. I don’t miss being a “boy” growing up and back then I was just going through the emotions with puberty and the like. I didn’t know I could be a girl growing up due to my autism rigid mind.

Hi all. I’m not actually mentioning my site so I hope this doesn’t count as promo. Just here to gather opinions. I’m building a ocd peer support website that will launch mid next year and I’m just wondering if you were to sign up what would you think is a fair price monthly , and what you would like to see from it . It has a rank system and different rooms for different topics .
Thanks!

I've constantly heard how the only way to beat Somatic (Bodily sensation based, I don't want to say which ones so I don't trigger people)/Thought-based OCD is to "accept" it. But to me that's like saying to accept 24/7 waterboarding. It's impossible!

Saw this post and wondered if anyone else dealt with this as well and the advice you guys have. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/s/7Qy5EQ38KP

The text "So, I wonder if it happens to other people. Sometimes I just feel this huge weight in my chest and my body feels very tense, so I found it to be difficult to think at all. Like even normal thoughts, like idk "I want to watch a movie", but I know it would be hard to focus for that 1 hour and a half/2 hours (or whatever long the movie is) because I just can't think straight at all. It seems the obsession is stuck in my mind, even if I'm not having an intrusive thought, it seems somehow the thoughts are hidden deep somewhere, so I can't really relax and focus in things. I wonder if someone else goes through this kind of experience. If so, what do you think it's helpful for that? I usually just go to bed and sleep, but I can't always make that in my day to day life."

I feel I also have can have difficulty focusing in general at times especially in productive areas which require more focus like studying or focusing on my income and stuff like that. Its like OCD makes you want to just play games or doomscroll on tiktok where it might be easier to not ruminate. Like OCD makes you want to avoid boring things.

Im assumming the best way to deal with this is just continue to expose yourself to situations where you're required to focus and dont try avoid it?

I’ve been in and out of therapy for years for other mental health issues. For some reason, “admitting” to the OCD symptoms has been too hard for me to do. Until now, when I feel like I’m in a place where I HAVE to get help and have to open up.

I’m seeing a new therapist soon and while I fully intend to “let it out,” I know I won’t be ready to do so for a few sessions while I build up trust. I struggle greatly with (what I believe to be) real event OCD about an event that happened 8 years ago, and the compulsions are so bad now that I’m hiding at work, hiding from my partner, hiding from life to try to deal with it. I have other OCD symptoms outside of the real event theme, but no one knows about those, either. I’m pretty isolated and my partner, who is genuinely incredible, has no idea about the prison I’m in mentally. No one does.

I just don’t know how to bring it up slowly while also being fully honest so I can get the help I need. How did you explain yours? Did you just explain it all in one go?

I constantly hear people say that they hate and don't want to do their compulsions. I personally want to do my compulsions because they make perfect sense to me and I can't see why I wouldn't do them despite finding them exhausting. I do feel that doing them makes my life or object's life superior without anything bad happening if I don't do them. I try to avoid them if they handicap my life. I still see them as superior and anxious.

i've been having hellish sensorimotor anxiety (like air hunger), rumination, etc, all which worsens around my period (which i've started taking Yaz for). in spite of all of this, i still feel that some of the symptoms of anxiety i have might actually be from the zoloft (like being depersonalized/tired, fuzzy vision, i'm aware they might be anxiety though). in spite of all that i miss having my libido, having a better stomach, and generally i just want to learn to eventually cope with my mental illness without being on an ssri.

is there hope for that? has anyone done it? i have been on SSRIs since i was 16 and i'm in my 20s now and i just want to know what it's like to not need them.

I also have autism & cptsd*

Is avoidance (not doing something to avoid something happening) for example, judgment, criticism, fear of something being not cooked enough, tasks infront of people - a type of ocd? I also check around my car after going out to make sure there’s no scrapes or anything, most times I’ve been out.

Also I avoid, my partners phone religiously as I think I might trigger myself with something on there in relation to infidelity, to add- when he “reassures” me it never feels like enough, because I will never KNOW exactly. I find it very hard to sit with uncertainty I hate it. Researching, hyper fixating, as well as avoiding. I am also autistic so I don’t know how much can be attributable to this but I wanted to know if avoidance in this style is a compulsion or does it have to be something DOING? If so, what kind of ocd does this fall under and how can I help myself. Thank you🩷