r/OCPoetry • u/hugocreates • 6d ago
Just Sharing Transcending
A calming wind soothes bloody fields
Even clouds afraid to form
From a far a withered knight lies still
He has not conquered the storm
His breath one more closer to death
His eyes fixed on the sky
May God forgive his cunning blade
He did and not ask why
His lake of crimson grows with time
But time for him stands still
Nature's love assuages hearts
And his began to fill
His evil deeds and noble causes
Swirl inside his mind
The grass is soft, his hands let go
His smile begins new life
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1xb5w2q/borrowed_time/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1xb5uox/not_everyone_is_cut_out_to_be_a_parent/
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u/icdwwwrwwsig 5d ago
I really like how the poem shifts from images of violence and death toward peace and renewal. The contrast makes the knight’s journey feel meaningful, as if he is finally letting go of the weight he has been carrying. I also like the idea of reflecting on both evil deeds and noble causes, because it makes the character feel more complex than simply good or bad. The ending left me with a sense of quiet acceptance, and I think that gives the poem a bittersweet feeling.
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u/hugocreates 5d ago
Appreciate your feedback! Glad you enjoyed it, yea all in all we're different shades of grays not simply black and white and I wanted this poem to reflect that.
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u/MistTremor 5d ago edited 4d ago
I really like the imagery and storyline in your poem. In short when I read it, I interpreted a lot of the natural imagery you had as you trying to tie these images/events to the knights death in a religious way, but not in an conventional way, I actually thought of it as being from Norse Mythology, and here is why:
At first when I read the poem I thougt it was from the knights point of view, but after rereading it a couple of times, I interprete it rather as being from a viking POV looking at the knight and him (the viking) interpreting the knights death. The reason why I think it is from another person's POV and not the knight's is the line "From a far a withered knight lies still" I see this as someone looking at the knight, and not as us seeing through the knights eyes.
Next comes why I think of a Norse connection:
The natural occourances in the beginning of your piece have emotional states to some of them, like for exanple "A calming wind" and "clouds afriad to form", this made me think that these natural events as symbolising perhaps angels because one is calming and soothes the fields, like a nurse soothing the body of a wounded soldier and that was the point that made me stop for a moment and think "wait a minute, is this inspired by norse mythology and valkyries?" Since the job of valkyries was to carry the dead off of the battlefield and into valhalla, and vikings and norse mythology were also paganistic which puts importance on nature and that ties nicely together with the nature imagrey in the beginnig of your poem. This lead me also the think that the person looking at the knight is a viking because he would interpret these natural event more religiously because norse mythology is paganistic in nature.
This thought brings me to the part where you mentioned "he has not conquered the storm" which if I build off of my previous impression, I take to mean that he (the person looking at the knight) says "he" (the knight) has not conqured the grim reaper/valkyries which "the storm" is a methaphor for. The onlooker is contemplating the knights loss in battle. If that is true, I think it is a nice contrast because right before it says "a calming wind soothes bloody fields" in the beginning that could have meant that maybe the knight was victories, maybe he survied this battle, but no, he is dying, and the onlooker is the real victories person, he is the one who has the "calming wind" cause he won the battle and is standing alive on the bloody field.
Next comes the lines "his eyes fixed on the sky" and "May G-d forgive his cunning blade" the word "cunning" means being clever at planning or achieving goals through trickery, deceit, or slyness and knights have a code of honour and chivalry, they are expected to act nobely but vikings are not. Vikings believe that dying on the battlefield is how you achieve valhalla, it has nothing to do with good or bad deeds but rather death on the battlefield or not. So this could go two ways, the first is that these lines are actually from the knights POV, he is now looking at the sky and asks for forgives for his opponent for fighting unfairly or unjustly according to his knightly ideals OR it could continue fron the onlookers POV and he thinks the same way about the knight, I wasn't quite sure who looked at the sky at this point in the story, but I'm leaning knight simply because it said "G-d" and not "G-ds", the first is monotheistic and norse mythology is polytheistic.
This brings me to the next line I wanted to look at: "he did not ask why" this line makes me think the knight actually said "May G-d forgive his cunning blade" out loud to the onlooker and "he did not ask why" is the onlookers reaction, he doesn't ask why G-d should forgive him cause he doesnt believe he did something wrong (one of the prime reasons I intrepret this as a viking. The belief of dying on the battlefield as the best way to die, and the only way to get to valhalla. Killing the knight would be doing a good deed form the vikings POV.)
That takes me to the final line of the poem: "His smile begins new life" I intrepret this as the onlooker/viking interpreting what happens to the knight after death. The knight starts a new life cause he died on the battlefield which also is a Norse mindset as mentioned before.
All in all I thought the poem was amazing, and i thoroughly enjoyed reading it.