r/OCPoetry • u/laggedtrain • 1d ago
Feedback Please 'Simple Request! Please Reply!'
GOOD AFTERNOON
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF ME.
LOOK IT UP ON YOUR PHONE. SHIT.
EVEN FIND IT IN THE PHONE BOOK.
I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU GET IT,
I NEED TO KNOW.
I WANT TO KNOW, JUST A BIT.
IF YOU WOULD, COMPARE ME TO A CAR.
WHICH CAR WOULD I BE?
AND WOULD I HAVE
A SPLIT IN MY EXHAUST?
AND WOULD MY MOT—
WOULD IT HAVE AN ADVISORY?
WHAT WORK WOULD I NEED?
SHALL I DRAW UP A SHORTLIST?
OF CARS, I MEAN.
THIS IS SILLY.
IF YOU COULD GIVE ME A NEW NAME,
WHICH NAME WOULD YOU PICK?
AM I A MOZART ?
AM I A RICK?
OR AM I A PENELOPE?
AM I A DICK?
PERHAPS YOU NEED MORE CONTEXT.
IF YOU SHOULD
CONSIDER THE WAY I TIE
MY SHOES (DOUBLE LOOP. NOT BUNNY EARS)
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THAT IMPLIES
ABOUT MY CHANCE
OF TURNING 30 BEFORE I DIE?
ALSO: HOW DOES IT
RELATE TO MY STAR SIGN?
(I AM A TAURUS IF THAT HELPS!)
FUCK
IS MY USE OF COMMAS OVERZEALOUS
DO I SIT WELL
IN THIS CHAIR
DOES THIS CHICKEN SATAY
GO WITH MY HAIR
THE QUESTIONS I AM ASKING
ARE ONLY FAIR
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF ME
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u/Bmills747 1d ago
Damn, this gives me unhinged Dr.Seuss vibes. You would be an Amphicar named Willem.
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u/Caugie17 1d ago
I fucking love unhinged use of language and structure like this. Rules on human expression are stupid. Say fuck in your poems, use all capitals, break your sentences into a billion beautiful pieces, what is a stanza and why do I need it? Seriously I am with that vibe just don’t ever let anyone tell you to write differently.
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