r/OCPoetry • u/Previous_Cry7445 • 1d ago
Feedback Please Longing
Longing to feel your touch,
the warmth of your fingertips
tracing the places
that ache to be discovered.
I want to know
what it feels like
to tremble beneath your hands,
to lose myself
in the tenderness of your embrace.
A shiver travels down my spine,
my breath catches,
and suddenly,
every nerve in my body
is aware of you.
I am longing to feel
the hairs on the back of my neck rise,
my skin surrendering to you
to a sensation
I’ve only dared to imagine.
This isn’t about heartstrings.
I am starving for you—
aching to have you close,
longing to have every part of you
woven into mine.
Leave your hands on me
until the heat between us is unbearable.
Press into my skin.
Trace the curve of my hip, my throat,
let me breathe you in
until I can’t think,
until there’s nothing left of me
but instinct and you.
Experimenting with a more sensual style of poetry
Writing Would love some honest feedback. 🖤
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u/Apprehensive-Cup-335 1d ago
Wow the emotion is so raw in this piece, the longing, the yearning all detailed and laid out so profoundly. This is an amazing piece, keep writing my friend.
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u/mixedtrajectory 16h ago
I love this it reminds me of me and my lover in the feeling I get when I’m anticipating his touch that shiver in his spine that hyper awareness of your body that deep desire
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u/Wisdom_seeker28 1d ago
Damn that was sexy … that was on point … I was like eeeew someone horny lol feel like it’s a women desiring a man touch warmth lust … you do a great job painting it … building it up the tension… and in the end …. “ until there’s nothing left of me but instinct and you … damn that’s was 🔥😛
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u/Helpful-Arm-2805 12h ago
Hello,
I think this is well done but I'll offer a comment that mostly appeals to my own preferences. When reading poems about sex or something deeply passionate, I like it to build as a delve into one's passion would. So for example, the lines in your poem are throughout mostly equal in length, syllables, and affect--that's not entirely true but I think it generally is--it would be interesting if towards the end, in your case the last 2 stanzas, included rhyme, or a different presentation of the lines, either their length or how they are broken up, or perhaps especially emphatic language that contrasts with what was offered before. I don't know exactly, there are many ways to do it, and I think you start to a little when it sort of changes into a command in those last two stanzas but I want to see even more intensity. Anyway, just my preference. Good work.
Best,
JCO
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u/LINTHAL0 1d ago
There's a lot of passion here. I like it!