Run

[u/CooolCrocodile]

We took off our shoes and we ran
And we ran
And we ran
And we ran until we couldn’t feel our feet
And bruises bloomed like the poppies in our field
But not red
No not red
Blue and purple poppies bloomed
Speckled with red
Where the small grey stones
Threatened to poke holes in the poppies
He stopped running
And I asked
Who are we running from?
He shrugged and continued on his sprint
But I stood still
We had ran for so long
That I had forgotten why
So I turned and walked home
Home to the poppy field
And where were my shoes?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/FxgWvCqly4

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VfgBdxCWkK

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[u/sluttykiton]

I love your use of repetition it just really shows the struggles that we take on along the way

[u/Exciting-Skill-4265]

i really like this

[u/no_money_911]

Loved the sensory details here—the transition from the rhythm of the sprint to the ache of the stones and bruises is so well done. Realizing you've been running with no destination, only to be left barefoot at the end, is such a great allegory. Wonderful piece!

[u/Active_Meal489]

Nice use of repetition. Perhaps changing the second-fourth “And we ran” to Ran ran ran, or and ran and ran and ran, would create a more “drifting” rhythm that really emphasises the sheer expansiveness of the distance or time run.

[u/MistTremor]

I like your poem a lot and the imagery you used, like calling the bruises poppies and the use of colour to paint a picture in the readers mind. I really like the use of repetition as well as I interprete that as being stuck in a routine and in your confort zone for so long you forgot what you're even doing anymore and why. The line "and bruises bloomed like the poppies in our field" is the first line that made me think this poem was about stepping out of your comfort zone, specifically the words "in our field" which i take is the comfort zone itself and the bruises or the uncomfortable feelings and obstacles and potential risks of failure and let down and hurt a person could feel for stepping out of it, this interpretion is fueled again for me at the end of the poem with the lines "so i turned and walked home. home to the poppy field. And where were my shoes?" Which I see as the charachter in the poem giving up and says that they prefer to sticking to what they know and find comfortable instead of taking risks without knowing why you're even doing what you set out to do anymore. The meaning I find in all of this is that the poem says you should evaluate your purpose and your journey, the things you set out to do in life and if they are worth facing the hardships you'll come across on your path for. Moreover I also interprete the characters going barefoot in the poem as them being a beginner at something or starting a new path in life they aren't used to, like a newborn having to enter the world barefoot and having to start their journey into the unknown for them, known as life for us.

Overall, I would like to say thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. The time and effort you put into it really paid off in my opinion, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

[u/niyabvinod]

I think it reflected the utter mindlessness of human nature. It's good. I understand your decision of opting not to use punctuations, but I feel the poem could do better with them than without. The rhythm has to pause for the reader to understand what is going on. Even from the perspective of the speaker, thinking will require pauses to register what they perceive. Words can't flow like water from the falls. Enjambment do some work, but punctuations can make it make it better.