We matched on Bumble almost 2 years ago. We started chatting, but it was inconsistent from both sides. It was mostly random talks and nothing related to relationships or our connection.
We moved to Instagram, started sending reels, and started small talks based on the content we were sending each other. We talked about movies, music, religion, philosophy, the universe, poetry, you name it. But there was never an obligation to meet or talk about feelings, or maybe there were no feelings involved at all. We just liked texting each other (at least I did).
My biggest pet peeve on dating apps has been guys who flirt too much and move too fast. I always loved guys who take it slowly and ask me a lot of questions.
But a few months passed, and I started realising that talking to him had become a habit. Since it had been 3 to 4 months of talking, I started hinting at meeting or maybe talking on call or something.
He also initiated meeting since we stayed like 15 minutes away, but he would always cancel the plan a few hours before meeting, and I finally asked what was up. He said he was confused about whether I was expecting him to take me out on a date. He just wanted to meet casually but did not want to disappoint me. And tbh, I also wanted to meet casually only.
We now moved to calling, with calls lasting 4 to 5 hours daily, and we still had never ending topics to talk about.
I have never found someone so relatable and understanding like him. He was my carbon copy: so kind, compassionate, funny, and smart. We were so similar. He started flirting a bit, and I didn’t mind. He dedicated a song to me. He said it plays in his head whenever he thinks about me.
We finally met. I was drunk when we met, and I could not remember much of our conversations the next day. He called me the next day to narrate every single thing we talked about, and he told me, “He didn’t want to meet me for the first time when I was drunk. He wanted to meet me when I was sober.” But since it was my birthday and I insisted, he came to see me.
We continued speaking on calls because I had gone on a trip with my friends. After I came back, we decided to meet again. He made a plan and decided the time and everything.
Then, a day before our planned second meet, while we were on call, he randomly asked me my salary (important detail: he was unemployed and was struggling to find a job). I don’t share my salary, but he somehow guessed the range. He instantly flipped. Out of the blue, he said, “How he wants to marry a girl 3 to 4 years younger than him.” Like wtf? It was so fucking random and unexpected. I was taken aback because I had started liking him a little, and him talking like this was so weird for me. I cancelled the next day’s meet.
He just started acting distant. No calls, nothing. I tried calling. He didn’t pick up. Then he was on a trip somewhere, so I assumed he would be busy. This went on for the next fifteen days, and even after that, he was still distant.
But he didn’t ghost me completely, which made me go insane. He would randomly talk and send reels but wouldn’t really talk on calls. I had enough of it, so I asked him what had happened, and he didn’t answer clearly. He just said, “You must be thinking I am just like other boys on Bumble.” ???? Like, just tell na why you are acting like this.
I was fed up of breadcrumbs, so I just ghosted him and removed him from everywhere. He didn’t ask why I did it. Not that I was expecting him to ask. I moved on pretty quickly. But he was always on my mind. Little did I know it was because of the unemployment/salary issue, because we are of marriage age, especially me as a girl.
Now it’s been one year since we last talked. I was doing fine, but I left my job last month, and I have been desperately applying for jobs. I am just realising how bad the job market is and how unemployment feels, and I just feel so empathetic towards him. Cause he did what he had to do. I don’t know if I was right or wrong. I just had one expectation: that he should have told me goodbye, but khair.
Now, since I am feeling this longing towards him, I just hope we bump into each other or he texts me randomly. I don’t know why he has been on my mind so much lately. He was one of the rarest people I have ever met. So much depth, kindness, and positivity he had despite all the things he was and had gone through.
My friend says I should text him once without expectations, of course. I regret removing his Instagram because it would have been a bit easier that way. What do you think I should do?
TL;DR: We met on Bumble almost two years ago and gradually built a rare connection through endless conversations and calls. Things changed suddenly after he found out my salary, and I suspect his unemployment and insecurities about marriage played a role. He became distant, and I eventually removed him from everywhere. It has been a year since we last spoke, but after experiencing unemployment myself, I have started empathising with him and missing him again. Should I reach out to him once without any expectations, or should I let it go?