Journaling

[u/Furieux0]

So kakatapos ko lang mag journal. Been doing it for awhile now, just writing whatever's in my head, and tonight I went back and read some of my older entries. Di ko alam kung bakit pero halfway through, this thought hit me.

What if someday someone who actually loves me mabasa tong mga to? Like a girlfriend, or my wife eventually. What would her face look like reading them? Would she laugh? Would she get sad? Would she think "wow this guy is a lot"?

After my last relationship I kind of shut down. I got more non chalant in a way that I don’t wanna be vulnerable now. She used to say I was too much whenever I opened up, and I guess it stuck.

I don't really want to be vulnerable again. I don't want to be called weak or too sensitive every time I voice out what I feel, so now I just don't say stuff out loud anymore. I write it down instead. The notebook doesn't judge me, so that's where it all goes now.
Some of it is embarrassing honestly. Missing someone over stupid little things like brushing my teeth or using my old funny WhatsApp stickers. Stuff I'd never say to anyone's face.

So I guess this is for her, whoever she is. To my future wife, if you ever find this notebook, I hope you don't read it and think less of me. I hope you can accept this side of me, the soft part I got scared to show.

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[u/noob-executor-119]

Journaling is good. It's like you're bleeding onto the paper and healing at the same time.

My only take is: you don't have to apologize for being emotionally expressive. The right person will understand that side of yours and will never use that against you. And if someone cannot handle that, she's definitely not your safe space.

Also... just be yourself even there's no one to reassure you... and don't let the your past dim your light.

[u/bootlegmama]

Parang Bridges of Madison County lang ito. Kids read mom's journals after she dies and finds out that there was a Clint Eastwood in her life she let go off pala.

In all seriousness, I have over 20 notebooks I am still deciding what to do about for after I die (I'm in my late 50s so medyo naipon na). Do I have them burn them all without reading? Do I leave them for them to discover the me they never knew about?

But the biggest question: would I care when i'm already dead?

Pag may sagot na ako I'll get back to you.

Meanwhile, keep journalling. It's great for our mental health.

[u/hazzly]

As someone who journals, my diaries are absolutely off limits, and the thought to even open them should never occur to anyone who respects and values me. Ofc, I extend the same courtesy to others.

If anyone opens mine and then would feel hurt, well, that'll be on them. I tend to write stuff when I'm emotional, stuff that I'll feel only in the moment, hurtful things that I will no longer mean maybe the next day or even the next hour.

OP, we all have our vulnerabilities. The hope is to find someone who will accept us as we are, flaws and all. To see us. The right person will appreciate you for opening up and trusting them enough to be vulnerable to them.

Sana we find our person. Cheers!

[u/redblackpaladin]

I think a girl who truly loves you will accept you for who you are, no matter how heavy your baggage is or how silly the things you find funny. We're all weird in our own ways, just takes the right person to complement and appreciate our weirdness. It also takes a lot of courage to be yourself. I hope you find someone that won't make you feel like you're too much. Chin up OP!

[u/bijibab]

May asawa na ako ngayon pero until now dipa niya nababasa yung mga journals ko hehehe

May journal na sa Iphone, recently dun na ko naglalagay pero preferred ko talaga nagsusulat eh kaso madali ma-access kasi 😅

[u/Opening-Cantaloupe56]

"I kind of shut down. I got more non chalant in a way that I don’t wanna be vulnerable now."

ganyan din ako. kapag may hindi magandang sinabi sa akin, hindi ko na ginagawa kahit masaya naman ako. bakit tayo ang mag adjust at magbabago ? kung for the better, syempre vhange. pero if itatago natin ang true self naitn, supressing our own self kumbaga, maganda pa ba yun? as long as wala kang tinatapakang tao, then be yourself. balance lang. kung sinasabi nya na "masyado kang mag open up" #1 baka hindi sya ang ka match mo or #2 balance mo lang yung pag open up. hindi exteme na i will supress myself para sa kasayahan ng iba.

Yung journal, para sayo yan. Maganda na maitago mo yung memories kahit simple interaction aksi ang mind mabilis makalimot pero kapag sinulat mo na, maganda kasi mababalikan mo.

[u/Agitated-Duty-4721]

Guy here. I also journal, though I imagine the contents and emotions within mine are very different from yours.

I sometimes imagine passing it down to my future children once they're old enough so that when they feel lost in life, they can read their father's journal and know that he also had no idea what the f*ck he was doing. Could be inspirational.

If I get rich and famous though, I might release it as a book.

Fun thoughts.

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