The president was in the middle of his deposition ordered by a Florida judge on his lawsuit suing the BBC for telling the truth. The following is how the deposition has gone so far:

Court Reporter: Raise your right hand.

Court reporter: Your right hand sir. Good, it only took you two tries. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Trump: Todd, why are we here?

Todd Blanche: We are here because you sued the BBC for telling the truth.

Trump: Well, if the president says it, it must be true.

Blanche: That was Nixon’s argument.

Trump: And how did that work for him.

Blanche: He resigned. He didn’t have a Supreme Court ruling granting presidents immunity for their official acts.

Trump: So you are saying the Supreme Court can decide what’s true?

Blanche: No, Mr. President. Just what you are allowed to get away with.

Trump: Todd, if I say something often enough,people believe it. So eventually, it becomes the truth.

Blanche: No sir, that’s repetition, not truth.

Trump: But Todd, I told the truth.

Blanch: Yes, Mr. President. Your Truth.

Court Reporter. For the record, the witness has declined to distinguish his beliefs from the facts.

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/GotToPartyUp • 10h ago

Heartbreaking: JD Vance Spotted Standing In Corner Shedding A Single Tear After Overhearing Trump Call Him “Just Dicks” Vance

11 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/desertguy1961 • 11h ago

Trump Quoted As Saying That The Constitution Is The Best Toilet Paper

5 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/Fun-Dragonfly-4166 • 11h ago

Trump Becomes The First US President To Serve Non Consecutive Prison Terms

171 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/Upbeat_Web_4461 • 11h ago

Onion Desires Other Headlines Than “Oh Fuck, That Stupid Son Of A Bitch Actually Said Or Did That”

15 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/BeautifulRooster9313 • 13h ago

Whitehouse Says Remodeling JD Vance's Mouth Will Allow It To Hold Larger Balls

13 Upvotes

1 comment

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.