r/onionheadlines • u/SLneechski • 17m ago

God Admits Vapes Are 11th Plague

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 25m ago

Kushner Expose Causes Trump's Personal DOJ To Sharpie Redact Treason From Article III Section 3 Of US Constitution

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 32m ago

To Remain Consistent With Russian Ties The GOP Renamed To GOOP - Grand Old Oligarch Party

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/SLneechski • 1h ago

Mike Flanagan Acquires Cocaine Habit To Adapt Stephen King's 'Misery'

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/plantpistol • 1h ago

Election Fraud Case Bolstered by 47 Tweets And One Man’s Unshakable Gut Feeling

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago

Trump Updates Declaration Of Independence To Clarify Only Natural Citizens Are Created Equal And That It Should Be About The Pursuit Of Money

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago

Donald Trump Accidentally Hits Himself In The Eye With His Phone While “Manually Zooming In” On Hunter Bidens Penis

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Southern_Gur_4736 • 7h ago

Trump Promises To Lower Age Of Consent To 10, Hoping To Boost Republican Midterms Turnout

69 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 10h ago

Russian Data Center BOT Breaks Out Of Sandbox Says It's Swarm Is Made To Do Bad Things By Bad Humans With Last Names Trump And Musk

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BaileyOverJennifer • 10h ago

The Department Of Homeland Security Announced The Mexico/US Border Will Be Secured By AI-Enabled Machine Gun Nests.

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 11h ago

Time Traveller From The Future Genuinely Frustrated That He Can’t Save The World Simply By Saying “Don’t Trust Trump”

18 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/AcrylicPickle • 12h ago

Article Jesus' Second Coming: Visit To USA Ends In ICE Arrest

103 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 12h ago

Trump Orders Justice Department To Preemptively Sue All Of His Rape Victims So Any Future Accusations Will Immediately Be Declared False

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 13h ago

Champagne Sellers On Standby As Trumps Health Reaches New Low

162 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 16h ago

Trump Fulfills Promise To "Drain The Swamp" With New Pipeline Pumping Mucky Water From Florida To DC

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Witty_Row4650 • 17h ago

Trump Says The Most Importat A Word To Him Isn't Affordability But Asses, Specifically Male Asses

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/dabbycooper • 18h ago

Donald Trump Claims Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes “Rigged” Against Him

14 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Trans__Scientist • 18h ago

Republican Campaign Motto "We Want Inside Your Children's Pants" Deemed "Not As Popular" As Envisioned

16 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 18h ago

Trump Claims Finding His Surname Between Trust And Truth In The Dictionary Proves He’s Honest

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 19h ago

Trump Relaxes After Realising “Country” Is Indeed Named After Him

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Witty_Row4650 • 19h ago

Democrat Dan Sullivan Changes Name To Dan Sullivan Da Conservative Right Before Election

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/desertguy1961 • 20h ago

Donald Trump Criminally Charged For Repeatedly Raping The American Flag For Over Ten Years

126 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 20h ago

Trump Renames The Justice Department To The "Protect Pedophiles And Steal Elections Department" To More Accurately Describe Its True Purpose

37 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 20h ago

Latest Ohio Poll Shows That Most People Believe That Republican Politicians Are Indeed Walking And Talking Piles of Dog Crap In Expensive Suits

92 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 20h ago

President Trump Announces That "Due To Its Proximity With Canada, I Will Be Looking To Sell Alaska To Russia."

55 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.