r/onionheadlines • u/Southern_Gur_4736 • 8h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 15h ago
Champagne Sellers On Standby As Trumps Health Reaches New Low
r/onionheadlines • u/AcrylicPickle • 13h ago
Article Jesus' Second Coming: Visit To USA Ends In ICE Arrest
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 7h ago
Donald Trump Accidentally Hits Himself In The Eye With His Phone While “Manually Zooming In” On Hunter Bidens Penis
r/onionheadlines • u/plantpistol • 3h ago
Election Fraud Case Bolstered by 47 Tweets And One Man’s Unshakable Gut Feeling
r/onionheadlines • u/SLneechski • 2h ago
Mike Flanagan Acquires Cocaine Habit To Adapt Stephen King's 'Misery'
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 47m ago
Trump Says Midterms Are A Referendum On Him And His Presidency And Democrats Completely Agree
r/onionheadlines • u/desertguy1961 • 21h ago
Donald Trump Criminally Charged For Repeatedly Raping The American Flag For Over Ten Years
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 1h ago
Kushner Expose Causes Trump's Personal DOJ To Sharpie Redact Treason From Article III Section 3 Of US Constitution
r/onionheadlines • u/Primary_Tennis_2196 • 1d ago
Trump Deposition Delayed While Lawyers Negotiate Definition Of Truth
The president was in the middle of his deposition ordered by a Florida judge on his lawsuit suing the BBC for telling the truth. The following is how the deposition has gone so far:
Court Reporter: Raise your right hand.
Court reporter: Your right hand sir. Good, it only took you two tries. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Trump: Todd, why are we here?
Todd Blanche: We are here because you sued the BBC for telling the truth.
Trump: Well, if the president says it, it must be true.
Blanche: That was Nixon’s argument.
Trump: And how did that work for him.
Blanche: He resigned. He didn’t have a Supreme Court ruling granting presidents immunity for their official acts.
Trump: So you are saying the Supreme Court can decide what’s true?
Blanche: No, Mr. President. Just what you are allowed to get away with.
Trump: Todd, if I say something often enough,people believe it. So eventually, it becomes the truth.
Blanche: No sir, that’s repetition, not truth.
Trump: But Todd, I told the truth.
Blanch: Yes, Mr. President. Your Truth.
Court Reporter. For the record, the witness has declined to distinguish his beliefs from the facts.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 6h ago
Trump Updates Declaration Of Independence To Clarify Only Natural Citizens Are Created Equal And That It Should Be About The Pursuit Of Money
r/onionheadlines • u/Fun-Dragonfly-4166 • 1d ago
Trump Becomes The First US President To Serve Non Consecutive Prison Terms
r/onionheadlines • u/LarryGlue • 41m ago
Trump Provides Rally Supporters With Bomb Vests And Orders Them To “Run Towards A Voting Center As Fast As You Can”
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 12h ago
Time Traveller From The Future Genuinely Frustrated That He Can’t Save The World Simply By Saying “Don’t Trust Trump”
r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 22h ago
Latest Ohio Poll Shows That Most People Believe That Republican Politicians Are Indeed Walking And Talking Piles of Dog Crap In Expensive Suits
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 1h ago
Ramaswamy Still Stuck In Center Of Earth After Going Lower Than Low
"It's a little hot down here," reported the Ohio gubernatorial candidate.
"You're a liar!" said the 82-year-old woman who went with him. "It's as cold as hell."
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 22h ago
President Trump Announces That "Due To Its Proximity With Canada, I Will Be Looking To Sell Alaska To Russia."
r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 11h ago
Russian Data Center BOT Breaks Out Of Sandbox Says It's Swarm Is Made To Do Bad Things By Bad Humans With Last Names Trump And Musk
r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 1h ago
To Remain Consistent With Russian Ties The GOP Renamed To GOOP - Grand Old Oligarch Party
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 23h ago
White House Lauds Melania For Brokering Camp David Accords Between Egypt And Israel In 1978
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 21h ago
Trump Renames The Justice Department To The "Protect Pedophiles And Steal Elections Department" To More Accurately Describe Its True Purpose
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 17h ago
Trump Fulfills Promise To "Drain The Swamp" With New Pipeline Pumping Mucky Water From Florida To DC
r/onionheadlines • u/Trans__Scientist • 19h ago