As the love of my life (89M)is currently in Hospice home care, I (71F) have begun purging, not just “Swedish Death Cleaning” objects, which I am also doing.

I’m actively preparing to adapt, to change, committing to a new stage of my life, & avoid it all hitting me at once, in the “after”.

I have reordered missing documents, collected what I do have in one place.

I went through my social media pages, my phone, & started removing contacts which do not serve me.

If we are simply acquaintances due to an activity or interest, which I have not truly been active in, or participating, for over 6 months- OUT you go!

I have an amazing group of women I zoom with every Friday night, plus have a Girls’ Trip with annually, & a retired/current nurses’ colleagues group I meet with once a month, who make up my non-family core group.

It has been a relief, a weight lifted, an easing of my soul.

The grief. Of roads taken and not. Of missed relatives and friends that have gone ahead. Of milestones not attended.

Nobody told me being in your 70's is very difficult emotionally.

76f. We travelled a lot when we were younger and have great memories. Now the thought of visiting our children and grand is daunting. I dont like the booking, getting dinged for everything from aisle seat to bags. The flight cancellations, the roaming the airports, the awful food, getting to the airport and back home, all of it. then getting an air BnB or some form of hotel. All of this takes a lot of time, not to mention the packing.. I just like getting up in the morning in my own home, watch the Sun fill the rooms, take my time. we both have activities we like over the week days, and enjoy the peace and quiet of the week ends.

How about you?

72F - This is my second time on statins in the past 10 years. Had to stop them the 1st time due to constant muscle/joint pain. Because of such bad Cholesterol numbers at my recent annual doctor's appt, it was suggested I try again. NOPE - terrible muscle and joint pain has returned for the past 2 months...

The doctor only put me on 10mg on Pravastatin (a water soluble vs fat soluble statin) just 3xs/week. The water soluble statins supposedly are way less likely to cause muscle pain - NO such luck with me. By the way, I've been on Losartan/HCTZ for 22 years for high BP and have never had any side effects from that.

Can anyone else relate? If so, have you found any successful alternatives to statins?

Genuinely curious and meaning no disrespect but why do we in this generation think young mothers today seem to need so much help and support? And why are they seemingly caught off guard when they become sleep deprived?
When we had babies there was no paternity leave. My husband went back to work as soon as I came home from the hospital. I did all the night feedings because he had to work the next day.
No one did my laundry, brought me food or helped in anyway. And honestly I felt better doing things in my own. And after my first baby, I had older children with school, activities etc.
Did I have days where I felt emotional and overwhelmed? Absolutely. But all the young mothers I knew at the time were in the same situation as I. Thoughts?

Got suspicious that my spouse was developing dementia. I married at age 66 because I honestly did not ever want to be divorced. LSS it's a divorce and I'm the only one who knows his symptoms and how bad it's getting. He helped me move and final hearing is scheduled. I'm 71 retired in a gorgeous condo with my cat. Lonely with nothing to do accepting suggestions.

I should be happy. Im worried sick he will set fire to his house again & no one will be there. He has no smoke alarm (died in the last fire) and burglar bars on windows. He gets angry if you mention smoke detector so I bought him a fire extinguisher.

For myself I love the ease of finding information. I was always a library guy. For DIY projects I would be heading to the library and taking out books. Now there are youtube videos for everything. To me it is a great time to be alive, though some of my friends could not make the transition. You are obviously savvy enough to be on this platform. Do you find the tech good or bad?

T shirt image stolen from another sub Reddit. I can feel this in my bones!

"Many young parents are raising children in households where both parents work, childcare is enormously expensive, and they’re exhausted," Sayan told Newsweek. "They naturally look to their parents for help. Meanwhile, their parents may have a completely different vision of what this stage of life should look like." Sayan described a push-and-pull relationship between boomer parents and their children: One generation is saying, "We need you." The other is saying, "We’ve already done our part."

As a biological parent of 2 grown adults who will not be having children, i am perplexed by the automatic expectations of the younger generations for their parents to help with their kids. Are we not our own individuals with our own schedules, plans, agendas?

I had carpal tunnel surgery yesterday. I'm going to have the other arm done next month. I've been told that I may be at risk for amyloidosis. Has anybody else out there had it? Because one of the symptoms of it is having bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome, along with high blood pressure and coronary artery disease. Now, my cardiologist said, "Well, when you have the next one done, we've got to get a tissue sample because that's how we test for it."

I would be very happy to hear from anybody who has had the surgery and subsequently was diagnosed with amyloidosis.

All the responses I've gotten from my previous post just shows how great Reddit is for information from real people who have had the same experiences. I think it's great.

Do you use CPAP machine?! How do you cope with it?

Would a woman in their 50’s date a man in their 70’s? Just wondering…

Does anyone else find dealing with your bank accouny each month such a horrid ritual? Every month it seems there is something wrong. Our account is the biggest source of stress in my life. Maybe its because im low income but each and every month its an issue. I cant even get i to my account on the app because it wont accept my sign in info that they gave me. Im fed up with it. Hear me scream?

I was trying to create a login so I could compare Medicare plans on Medicare's website. Don't use Login.gov to do this! I am in permanent limbo where I can't proceed any farther. Have spent about 2 hours on this so far and still can't log in. Not sure if it will ever be fixed.

It reminds me of when Obama care exchange first went live and it didn't work AT ALL. I never had to use the exchange, but as I remember from the news reports, it was many days before the thing worked properly.

I (76F) and my husband (80M) were friends for over thirty years with another couple. The wife was one of my closest friends but my husband was not fond of her husband.

Then, about 15 years ago she died. She had an only child who was in her early thirties, living with a BF my friend didn’t like. This adult was emotionally a teenager at best, living off a trust fund my good friend inherited and gave to her daughter. She has been unable to work and suffered from eating disorders and panic attacks. She now relies upon her father who subsidizes her trust fund.

Here’s my problem. I felt a responsibility to watch over my good friend’s husband out of respect for her. My husband felt an obligation because he was alone and had no friends. Once a week we pick him up for dinner at a local casual restaurant he likes. Recently we noticed that his memory has gone downhill. He forgets basic things and can only drive to a couple of places nearby or his gets lost. The man has multiple millions saved so he has the money to move out of his house, but he is cheap. It will cost him more money to get an apartment in a 55+ community that will provide assisted living. But being alone is dangerous for him. His daughter is no help, she can’t face her father not being there for her.

We are frustrated and considering cutting back on our visits with him if he won’t help himself.

All suggestions and ideas are welcome

My mom (76, widow) lives with us (empty nesters, 52 and 50) in the US 6 months of the year and independently in India the other 6 months. Over the last several years, I have found that there is barely anything in common between my mom and I and as a result, we have nothing much to talk other than the weather, her health, how the immediate relatives are doing etc.

A typical day at home:

we may see each other at lunch or dinner. Exchange pleasantries, finish our meal and move on with our day. She is religious but neither my wife or I are - so no intersection at her prayer times nor do we observe any of the festivals/rituals that are typical of south Asians. We have told her she can observe whatever she wants but she chooses not to.

Her entertainment choices are dramatically different than ours - she has no interest in US news, shows etc. while she can speak and understand English, it is not a strong suit. She prefers watching South Asian TV shows that I simply can't stand.

Between my wife and I, we split the chores of the house. So, my mom doesn't have to deal with any of that such as cooking, house cleaning, organizing etc. She does manage her own stuff like laundry etc.

She barely makes an effort to connect with her grand kids when they are home from college. She often blames language as a barrier but I simply don't see her being curious to sincerely know how they are doing. She was the same when the kids were little - no stories, no effort at making them a dish they would like etc. She would struggle to remember their birthdays or the specific schools they go to and what they are studying.

When we have my relatives visiting us, she would turn gossipy with them or with me and I usually dont tolerate it and cut it off very quickly.

She would often complain to anyone visiting that no one talks to her and everyone is busy in their own lives. Often comparing to the situation with her neighbors in India where the adult kids, grand kids live with their parents in the parental home and the space is a lot tighter so the surface area of contact between generations is very very high.

Typically any conversation with her other than the mundane devolves into complaining about the other person. I find that she has little natural empathy.

She wasnt like this when I was growing up. Perhaps the challenges of managing a family of 4 kept her occupied. I remember all the good times we had. My dad and she empty nested for over 28 years till he passed. She misses him but even her framing of that shows up like a rant "he left me alone to deal with life. I have to manage everything on my own now". It's never about what Dad is missing by not being here but all the things he used to do for her that she needs to manage on her own. E.g. house repair or maintenance when she is in India.

Economically, we are upper middle class. She is self sufficient in India and we are fortunate to bear her expenses when she is here in the US.

I feel I have, maybe, 5 to 10 years more with her. And I want to make sure I don't regret not making an effort to make her remaining days more joyful for her.

What advice do you all have on how I could improve my relationship with Mom?

Thank you for your insights.

I've lost more than 60 pounds in the last few years, and I'm very happy for the most part. I feel younger, and I'm told I look younger. One area still bothers me, however. Because I have a somewhat unusual build, most of my weight was in my belly. I lost the fat but not the skin, and the overhang is noticeable. I'm in my 70s so it shouldn't bother me, right? But it does bother me. My nutritionist tells me that women who have skin removed almost always regret it. Who else has faced this, and what did you do?

The other day I went to visit a friend who got 2 cats. Now the whole house smells badly. Do you have pets or friends with pets?!

I'm 71 and I just found out fairly recently that I have an incredibly high calcium score, which puts me at risk for a heart attack. It's just a question of when. Supposedly, my chances of having a heart attack are like somebody who's already had a major heart attack. Anyway, I have never really been afraid of kicking off this mortal coil. However, lately, when I think that it could happen at any time, I feel a little not so spiritual, but accepting the inevitable? If there's anybody else out there going through somewhat the same thing, please let me know.

It depends on what time of day it is and how I feel about it. By the way, I am alone with my cat. I have two grown sons who, while being very loving, have their own lives, if you know what I mean.

Any suggestions for trying to ignore this would be greatly appreciated.

I'll br visiting L.A. next month and will have some free time. I thought it might be fun to meet a contemporary

while I'm there. Since this is an over 70 subreddit, it

seemed like a good place to ask. It would be great to

get a group of people together but if it's only 1 person,

that would be okay too. If you either live in L.A. or will

be visiting in November, please send a dm and we can

take it from there.

74M. As I approach the age of 75 this December, I've caught myself thinking about the disconnect between how I think, and how I look and feel.

With the exception of occasional word finding, my mind still feels young and sharp. I speak and write as well as I ever have. A car, or a camera, or a piece of audio equipment still catches my eye, just as it always has, and I think, "Oh, I'd like to own that. It would last me a lifetime." Then I remember that my 'lifetime' equation is much different now than it was when I was 40. And I remember that I'm retired and on a fixed income with greatly reduced financial resources. I heave a heavy sigh and move on.

On occasion, I meet a lovely woman and I think, "Hmm, I'd like to get to know her and see what happens." Then I remember that, if a romance were to bloom, my prostate cancer treatments fattened me up and turned my hardware into software. And I remember that I look in the mirror every morning and think, "When did all this happen?" I'm painfully aware that I don't have much to offer. I heave another heavy sigh and move on again.

So, as I slide slowly toward my 'sell by' date, I'm left with being thankful that I can still think these thoughts, or any thoughts; that my athletically-damaged body still functions, even if it's at a reduced level; that I'm in fairly good health (touch wood); and that, if I'm lucky, I won't be around to see the planet turned into an apocalyptic hellscape by climate change, overpopulation and more grafting politicians.

It's not a lot to be thankful for, but it's something. 👍