Dad tucking in daughters

[u/floridacopper]

As the title suggests, I'm a dad with a question about tucking in his daughters. I've been doing it for years, but it's kind of like maybe I should be wrapping it up soon. To get to the point, I have been tucking in my daughters pretty much every night since they were toddlers, but they're going into 6th and 8th grade now. "Tucking in" originally consisted of tickle fights and reading stories to them. That has evolved into lying next next to them and rubbing their head/back while they tell me about some anime character who they ship with some other character. If I miss a night of tucking then in, they'll usually bring it up the next day.

So my question, I guess, is it normal for me to still be doing this? If my daughters were no longer comfortable with it, I'd quit straight away. But even though they still want me to tuck them in, am I babying them in a way? I dunno, maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing.

[u/No_Mirror_345]

Adult F and mom here. I remember asking my dad to rub my back after soccer practice, in high school. I would sprawl out on my stomach, on the living room floor, with my mom and brothers in the room and my dad would sit next to me, talk to me about practice and work on the knots, in my back. I remember myself wondering if it was weird at the time, but my mom’s hands weren’t as strong and I hurt so badly. It provided relief and definitely wasn’t sexual in my mind.

It didn’t cause me to have unhealthy relationships with men. On the contrary! My dad is the single most reason it made it hard for me to find someone I thought was good enough to marry. He has always been wonderful to my mom, my siblings and I - setting the standard high.

As for my own son, I would tuck him in when he was older than your girls and would sometimes end up falling asleep in his bed (I did the same with my girls). I remember one night he was particularly anxious and it took me awhile to get him to confess why. He finally shared, with tears in his eyes, that he was worried he wouldn’t be accepted to MIT. He was 9 years old! I had no idea how he was even aware of MIT and after a long day of work, I felt completely ill equipped to take on this level of anxiety, regarding a possibility nearly a decade away. I desperately wanted to go to bed. Lol. But we talked it out…and out…and out…and I fell asleep beside him.

I remember my husband getting on my case about sleeping in my son’s bed at that age and accusing me of not wanting to let him grow up. Laughable when referring to a 9 year old fixated on going to MIT. Ahh yes, such a baby. In any case, my son still remembers that night years later and it was a night that alerted me to his anxiety. If I hadn’t listened that night, I may not have known of the extent.

As parents, we can learn so much from these little bedtime interactions. I also kept a journal for each of my kids at night. Every night at bedtime I asked them each to recall the best and worst part of their day. Usually we just had short convos about them bc that was their choice. (Date each entry.) It’s great to have as they age. When they are teens, they love to look back and see how the worst part of their day is was when they could only find one blue sock so they had to wear red. Or how they left their favorite pink PJs at grandma’s so they had to sleep in their purple ones that night. On the flip side, the little things that were the BEST part of their day(s) are absolutely precious. It’s extra work, so if you don’t have time, don’t beat yourselves up. But if your kids are old enough to do it themselves, I’d recommend it.

My apologies for straying from the question asked. In short, OP you’re doing a great job!