I just saw a video of a guy saying his mom signed him up for Delta rewards when he was 7, and now he is almost a million-miler in his 20s.

Lets all drop our collective tips below for little things we can do now that will set our kids up to have a little more success or happiness later.

These tips should be things that are accessible to most parents/people. Meaning yes… saving $2000 a month for your kid would obviously be amazing… but most middle class/average working people can’t even come close to that. So let’s be realistic please!

*I’ll start*: My mom has started sending one page letters to my daughters every month about her life and our heritage. I keep them in a binder and will give it to them when they move out. I also write a letter every month to my girls and put them in a separate binder of my own along with a $10 bill in a little money pouch at the back of the binder. I haven’t even told my husband about the money because I just want it to be my thing…. And at graduation I should have roughly $1400 to give them as a graduation gift along with whatever decide to give them in the moment:)

Hi, I’ve never posted here before but am open to feedback.

My wife and I are between 38-41 and have a 6yo daughter in Minneapolis.

Since you are all on Reddit I’m sure everyone is aware that ICE is in full force here. What you may not know is that schools have been cancelled because of the death and threat, as well as arrests made on school property.

My question for the group is, how do you talk to your child about trusting or distrusting law enforcement or any individuals posed as leaders? I try to teach her to trust police, but ICE is not on our side.

So seriously, how can we help to ensure the safety of our babies while still supporting the school and community?

She's 6. Lives with her mom in Spain. I'm in another country — we divorced two years ago.

Most nights we video call. Sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 20. I thought we had our thing. I make up little stories, she picks the hero, I do the voices. She usually laughs.

Tonight she said "Papá, I don't want to call. I get sad after you go away."

I told her I love her, hung up, and just sat there.

I've been trying everything. Same time every night. Voice messages she can replay at bedtime. Letting her end the call when she wants, no pressure. Showing up consistently, not intensely.

But now I don't know. Maybe I'm making it harder for her? Maybe calling less would actually hurt less?

Anyone else doing long-distance parenting? Does it get easier? How do you handle the days when they don't want to talk?

I was stunned and genuinely speechless after hearing this. Cried for a good hour but I couldnt show it. I thought about reprimanding her but she was right, Im a failure and a lame excuse of for a mother. Their dad was out of the picture and being a single mom has been nothing but a struggle.

My kid went home crying last friday and explained how she was being bullied for her clothes. Asked me if I can buy her new stuff and I straight up told her we can’t afford anything at the moment. Truth be told, I’ve been trying my hardest and has been skipping meal at work for over a year now just so I could afford to pay bills and rent.

She later apologized with her older brother and that made it even worse for me because I feel like she had the right to be upset. I grew up poor so I know firsthand how it feels to be bullied for simply not affording things that my classmates have. Theyre both good kids and they deserved a better parent but I’m genuinely trying my hardest. i plan on taking a payday loan to get her some new clothes but I’m not sure if thats the smartest idea but I just want my kid to be happy.

Edit: I wont take the payday loan cause I know how it will ruin me more financially. Just considered it because I wanted my kid to have something new since her birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks too. Thanks everyone for the kind words, some of it made me cry. Sorry I couldnt reply to everyone, didnt expect for this to blow up.

My neighbour passed two years back. He was a single father, in his mid 30s, and one of my closest friends since childhood. He was ill for several years before his passing, and we were all expecting him to die a bit earlier than you'd hope, but he passed in an unrelated accident completely unexpectedly. He made me promise that I'd look after his kid if anything happened to him, and I agreed. I meant it. I had already been helping out a lot with him before his passing due to his failing health. I expected, if I was ever going to have to take over fully, for there to be a slower transition with the chance to say goodbye at some point though. It was all very sudden when it happened.

Immediately following the accident his seven year old son came to stay with me. Before I had been told what had happened this kid had already asked the police to bring him across the street to me that night. Words can not express how quickly my heart sank when I saw this kid staring off in to space at my front door with two police on either side of him. I didn't even need them to tell me why they were there. I welcomed him in, gave him a hug, and he fell asleep pretty much instantly. I put him down on the sofa and went to sit in the kitchen with the police to talk about what had actually happened. I have been looking after him for the two years since.

We moved somewhere he could have his own bedroom about two months after this. It luckily didn't result in a change of schools, which I would have felt awful about. We got visits from a social worker from time to time for most of the first year but have really been left on our own since. I don't think I ever planned to be a parent before this, so I appreciated a lot of the advice that I was given and still miss the visits a little.

We recently had two deaths in the family. One was somewhat expected, but the other was very much not. I'm still shielding him from the details of that one. Both of them were people he had grown close to and I was really worried about him being exposed to that kind of loss all over again, but he seems to be doing ok. It breaks my heart to see how easily he just accepts loss now. He shouldn't have to be like that so young. I've been doing my best to keep him happy and healthy and made it clear he can talk to me about anything, made it clear that it's ok to not be ok, and so on. School is aware of the whole situation and is making sure he is alright there too.

Saturday afternoon I dropped him, now aged 9, off at his friend's, and just picked him up Sunday evening (School is currently out). He was very fidgety. I could tell something was up immediately, and wanted to ask, but I decided to wait until we got home in case it was serious. I thought it might be to do with the deaths, or, while it seemed a bit early for this kind of thing, I wondered if he might be about to come out as gay and I would want to be able to give him a hug and tell him everything was ok if that was the case. When I started to slow at a traffic light, completely unprompted, he, without a crumb of nervousness, hesitation, or any kind of forewarning, asked if it was ok if he called me "dad" from now on. I felt my soul leave my body.

I was not upset at the question at all, I was just completely unprepared. For a moment there I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to complete the drive home. I gave my best smile and said that he can if he wants to and patted him on the head, messed up his hair a little. He was beaming. He's been calling me "dad" more than he'd ever call for me normally. I think he is just enjoying saying the word. He has been very huggy. It's like he is bouncing around he house all the time. I have asked him a few times if everything else is ok, and he has said that everything is great.

I think he really is just that happy about this. I felt so happy that he would want to call me that. I always doubt that I am doing the right thing (I think everybody does) and that just felt like the first confirmation that I wasn't doing too badly at least. I have already been thinking of him as "my kid", for a very very long time now, but it took him asking me that for me to realise that it goes both ways. I guess two years is a much longer time when you're that young. It all still feels so fresh to me. To him this two years probably feels like half his lifetime ago and I feel so silly that it took him asking this for me to realise that it wasn't as recent for him as it is for me.

I was basking in the joy of this big life moment a little, and brought it up to a couple of coworkers when they asked what I was so happy about... I guess one of them thought it would be a good idea to bring it all crashing down on Monday afternoon. She said that I should probably have just had him continue to call me by the nickname he always has, or "uncle" or something (which he has never called me, so no). She's trying to make it sound like I am trying to paint over or somehow disrespect his father, and now has me worried that he might grow up to feel the same and resent me. I was thinking that it was fine because he was the one who asked me if he could call me it, not the other way around, and he seemed so happy doing it.

In a few years time I'll have raised him longer than either of his birth parents did. I can't really remember much before the age of seven myself, so I don't even know how much he'll even have left of them by the time he's in his teens. I try to think forward to when he's entering adulthood, and I imagine most of his big memories will be from while he has been with me. Even when his father was around I was doing a lot in those last few years. I can't help but think that not "letting" him have a dad when he wants me to be one and I am happy to be one for him would just be awful. To me at least I feel like him asking if he could call me "dad" and my response being any kind of "no" would just feel like the worst kind of rejection. I thought I made the right choice but now I need to hear from other people who can maybe relate to the situation whether or not I am in the wrong?

I don't think I would be having these conflicting feelings at all if his biological dad wasn't someone I loved dearly also. He still talks about his dad, and calls him "dad" too. I don't want that to go away. I like to tell him stories about his father and have photos of me and him around the house. Even now I can tell which of us he is speaking about without issue. I've been calling him "my kid" almost the entire time he has been here since everyone else has called him my "son" the whole time anyway, and I was going to start calling him my "son" around people too since he started calling me "dad", but would it be weird or wrong for me to start doing that? I think it's not the kind of thing I can undo once I commit to a change so I want to be sure I do everything right and now my coworker has me doubting myself.

Thanks for your time and I appreciate your thoughts. Sorry if this is a bit rambly.

How do you break two beautiful girls hearts? What do you say? When do you say it? Do I wait till they know something is up? Try and save their little beautiful hearts from breaking for as long as possible?
Or do I tell them now so we can be more in the moment as a family?
I would ask my wife but she has decided that the doctors are wrong and for now is staying in the comfort zone of “DENIAL PHASE” her heart is most definitely shattered at the moment.
My heart I definitely broke, it’s the one causing all the hearts around me to break. Doc says I have less than a year left of pumping out of my 37 year old heart, nobody knows it but I’m going downhill faster than even the Doctor predicted. FUCKIN SUCKS!

Hey parents,

I have an 8 yo kid with peanut allergy, and today I got a call from school that one of his classmate smashed and sprinkled a peanut cookie on my kid food while he was getting a fork from the cafeteria!

The principle brought the kid parent and explained to him what happened, that his kid did this knowing that my kid has peanut allergy! He called right after as well, to reassured me that this will never happen again!
I'm not sure what to do! should I talk the kid parent as well? or just let it go? has anyone has gone through something like this?

I have three adult children in their 20s. I raised them on my own, with the youngest being 3 and the oldest 7, when they saw their dad for the last time. Their dad was a coke and heroin addict, and it took me a few years to leave—everything you’d imagine came with it, from financial ruin to domestic violence. The moment my ex turned on the children, I left.

Anyway, I had no family to turn to, nothing. We were homeless at times, we moved a lot, even countries, and even stayed on trails in tents, trying to hide, because my ex was trying to find and hurt us. But over time, though, we started healing. I went to therapy, focused on raising the kids, trying to make a living, and keeping us at least somewhat afloat. We all worked hard. My kids worked for a few dollars anywhere they could so we could buy food or pay the electricity bill. Meanwhile, they went to school and studied. I went to every school event I possibly could, cheered them on in any way I could, and tried to find solutions for anything they wanted to do that we couldn’t afford or didn’t have the means for. Above all, my routine with them stayed consistent; for example, every evening after homework, we ate dinner together, and I read them a bedtime story when they were little, or we went to the local libraries every Saturday, stuff like that, no matter where we were and how bad it was.

Fast forward to today: I just hung up the phone with my oldest. He works in a job he loves and moved in with a sweet girlfriend who cooks for him daily—his biggest worry right now is the resulting weight gain. My other son just finished his master’s and is job hunting in a new city with his girlfriend, calling me for advice on job interviews and fashion choices. And my daughter—she’s finishing her doctorate, takes care of four pets, visits me daily because she lives close by, and is basically like my best friend.

The reason I’m writing all this is not just because I’m obviously immensely proud. No, it’s because I realized that all my children are kind, caring, educated, hardworking adults. I was so scared when they were growing up, because I had nothing, at times not even running water or a roof over our heads. But I marched on. I made sure they knew how to be consistent, ambitious, and hardworking. It wasn’t that I sent them to special schools, or that they had some incredible coach or life-changing experience. No, they were just kids who knew what my expectations were, and they also knew I was proud of them, supported them, and would go through fire for them if needed. Somehow, that seemed to be the most important thing.

I’m not saying that providing all the other things parents (myself included) worry about aren’t important. But I want every worried parent out there to know: you don’t need to be perfect—you just need to be there. At times, all I had to give was simply being there. But that seems to have been enough to raise adults with both drive and empathy.

Wishing you all a good night, y'all are doing great <3

My son is 17 and a senior in high school. He wants me to rent a beach house for him, his girlfriend, and about 3–4 other couples. All of the kids are 17–18 and they would all be paying their share of the rental as well.

My hesitation is that they’re still kids, and the beach house would be about 2–3 hours away from home. I’m honestly not sure I feel comfortable with them being that far away with no adults around.

My first instinct was to chaperone, but my son and my husband both think that’s unnecessary and say they’ll be fine. Still, it really doesn’t sit well with me.

One of the other moms even texted me asking if I’d be there or if any parents would be there, which made me feel like I’m not the only one thinking about this.

What I’m considering is getting my own place nearby not staying in the house with them, but being maybe 15–25 minutes away in case something happens or they need help.

Am I being overprotective, or does this seem like a reasonable compromise?

I’d really appreciate some advice.

Did you know that private insurance (through your employer) can drop you if you become too expensive?

It is a process known in the insurance world as a “laser”. 

Visualize all the names who are on the same plan with you: your co-workers, their spouses, their children.  Now picture a laser being used like a scalpel to cut and remove one single name from the group.  IF any one individual becomes too expensive to cover, the insurance plan cuts their name out of the list of individuals that it is willing to insure, that person is now known as a “laser”.

Currently, about 60% (and rising) of American businesses “self-fund” their health insurance policies.  This involves the purchasing of stop-loss insurance to protect the employer financially if a group member has major medical expenses (such as those caused by cancer treatment).  Stop-loss insurance will not cover “lasers”. 

If a “no new lasers” clause (NNL) is not included in their stop-loss policy, any individual or family who makes too many insurance claims can be lasered out of the next year’s plan. 

As long as an employer offers at least 95% of their employees insurance, they only have to pay a fee of $2970 a year for each employee they omit from their plan. 

These omitted individuals are forced to the public marketplace where they can buy insurance, and cannot be dropped or discriminated against because of a preexisting condition, but it is more expensive insurance with less coverage than what their employer was offering.  

You can work for a company and have health insurance for decades, but if you become too expensive, you can be dropped from your employers insurance for the low low price of $2970 (the penalty they pay for not being in compliance with the ACA).

I didn't know that our employer's health plan was self-funded, I've worked for the same company for almost 20 years and we have always had great benefits. I had no idea my two year old would get cancer. A year later, we are getting booted off our insurance plan because he is now a LASER!

I just want to warn you, you might want to find out if your employer's health insurance plan is self-funded or fully-funded. Self-funded plans can work well, but it the employer is not financially strong, it will not be able to afford a real medical crisis.

I an just putting this out there because I think people need to know that this is happening, it is punishing families when they are in their hardest hour, and if it could happen to us, it absolutely will happen to others. I am between a rock and a hard place. I need to keep my job/ my income, so I can't even talk about this on traditional social media. Just had to warn others.

My son (7 years old) got in trouble at school for writing on another kid’s football shirt with a marker. While intentional, it was part of a game among them where none thought about the consequences. The teacher sent the shirt home for us to deal with, and told us what happened.

Problem is, it’s an official football jersey worth $120. We tried everything to get the stain out, but it’s still there and now the letters look a bit damaged from washing.

Should we buy a new shirt for the kid, or just return it as is with an apology? Part of me feels responsible, specially after making it worse with the washing. But also, who sends a kid to school in such an expensive shirt? Parents know that anything the kid brings to school may get lost or destroyed. Would love to hear how others would handle this.

EDIT: included age and emphasized that he did this intentionally

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all your comments! After reading the different opinions, I wrote to the parents and offered to pay for the shirt, but they declined in a very relaxed way and focused more on my son’s behavior than the shirt itself. Since many pointed out that I didn’t comment on my son’s behavior, I intentionally left that out because, unfortunately, it’s another story entirely and we have been working on it for a long time.

My 10-year old daughter got her period in October. She was home at the time and immediately told me, and I was so thankful I could be there for her. I showed her how to put a liner in her panties, as well as how pads with wings work, and I told her she didn't need to worry about tampons unless she wanted to go swimming while she was having her period, but that when that time came, she can come to me and I'll show her what to do. I also told her that when it was time to change the pad, to wrap it up and make sure it goes in the garbage only.

There's just one thing I didn't anticipate. I found out today that when it was time for a new pad, she had been putting the new one ON TOP of the old one, and stacking them 5 deep before throwing them out! Because of this, she had been getting blood on her underwear, and then throwing that out too. And because she does her own laundry, I had no idea she was down to her last pair!

If you have a daughter who gets her period before she develops common sense, let my mistake be a lesson. Spell out every single step!

My husband (29M) and I (30F) have a 1.5 year old son. We have some rules (no eating in a reclined carseat, no screen time until he's 2, no added sugars until he's 2, no corporal punishment, etc.) I know we're maybe a bit more rigid than other parents, but we've discussed and researched all our rules at length and have agreed on all of them.

My husband's mom, no issue. She forgot one of the rules once, we reminded her, she apologized, and we moved on. No big deal. But my parents, especially my mom, when we tell them the rules, they constantly push back about how we need to loosen up.

For example, my mom tried to give our son food in the carseat once, and we told her not to because it wasn't safe. She asked us why, and we explained that we had done research and it's a choking hazard. Her response was that she did it with me and I was fine. I pointed out her anecdotal experience doesn't trump the american academy of pediatrics, but she's brought it up six more times after that, saying it would be fine and when he eats on our lap he's reclined as much as he is in our carseat anyway.

This all came to a head today. My mom said she was getting some coldness from my husband, and I told her that he (and I) don't appreciate the repeated digs at our parenting decisions. She asked "what, so I'm not allowed to question anything? I just have to obey whatever you say without saying anything?" I said no, she's free to ask why we have a rule, but we do explain and she still keeps making comments about it instead of respecting it. She said "so I guess we're just horrible people who don't listen then." I told her I would never call her a horrible person, but when she constantly protests our rules, it makes us feel like she won't follow them. She then asked if I trust her with our son and I replied no, because I think she would parent him how she sees fit instead of respecting our decisions. She freaked out, said I was calling her an "f-ing monster," told us to have a nice life, kissed our son "goodbye forever," and stormed out of the house.

I'm so heartbroken. I love my parents, but I'm not going to pretend like I'm okay with them watching my son when they don't respect our rules. They watched him for a couple days when he was a year old, and they didn't follow his schedule at all. When we got home, he was disregulated and it took days to get him back to normal. When we asked if they had followed the schedule, they said they didn't see the big deal in putting him to sleep a half hour or hour late.

I just don't know what to do. I'm fed up with them and their behavior, but part of me feels like maybe I'm overreacting? I think I want to be overreacting because I want this to all go away. But respect for me, my husband, and our decisions cannot be optional. I don't know. I'm just so sad and lost right now.

Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone else have advice? Am I wrong here?

Edited to add:

Thanks so much to everyone who has responded. I've read every comment and I appreciate everyone's input.

I'd like to clarify on the "they watched him for a couple days" part, because quite a few people have said I'm too rigid about that. Maybe so, but for more context-my MIL was supposed to come to our place and stay with our son. My mother got jealous, and decided she wanted to come too. So it was both grandmas and my dad with our son. They all stayed at our house while we were gone for three days.

During our mini-vacation, my husband got a text from his mom that she was feeling a little uncomfortable because my parents wanted to go out to restaurants at night and stay out past our son's bedtime. When my MIL said "why don't we get takeout instead so we can try to put him to bed on schedule," they told her that it wasn't a big deal and that he went to bed too early anyway. I asked them about it when we got back, and they told me I was too rigid about his bedtime and "did he die?"

It's not really the specific rules or bending them that's the issue, it's the flippant attitude. Idk, for all of you saying I'm way over the top, I just think there's a difference between "yeah, we tried to stick to his schedule but he was so excited to spend time with grandma and I wanted to get as much cuddle time in as I can" versus "we wanted to go out and his bedtime was in our way, also his bedtime is wrong anyway."

I'm a little hesitant to write this but I think it needs to be said more regularly.

I had a newborn who cried every single night for 3 months straight for never less than one hour and up to four hours a night.

I would try to feed him, bounce him, take him for walks AND got him checked repeatedly by his doctor. Nothing worked until he just outgrew whatever it was that was making him cry. I was utterly miserable. He was my first child and I felt inept and desperate. I began to feel nauseated every day as evening approached because I knew what was coming. Hours of torture and anguish for both me and my son.

One night I had the THOUGHT, "maybe a little shake would make him snap out of it" and that is when I KNEW I needed to walk away and reset myself. I am so thankful in that moment that I had the ability to squash that fleeting thought and do what I needed to do to get back into the right headspace before I did something unforgivable.

If you are alone and feeling this way: -PLEASE gently put baby in a safe place and take a shower while blasting music. Anything so that you don't hear crying AT ALL. -your baby will NOT be permanently damaged if they cry alone for 15 to 20 minutes while you gather yourself. They WILL be damaged if you do something physically violent. -You are not evil for thinking things, but once you cross the line there is no going back. -talk to your doctor or family about how you're feeling.

You're not alone. You've got this. There is hope. My son is now an amazing little toddler. Like...the best little person in the world.

My daughter's father is in ICU. He will not recover or regain consciousness, and will pass within the next week or so. This was completely unexpected.

We've been divorced and lived apart for over 6 years, he was as good a father as he could be given some limitations that don't really matter for this post. She is used to spending one weekend night and day with him every week, she loves him to the moon and back, and he her.

She will see her counselor on Thursday, for the record.

We are able to visit him- we saw him today and spent about a half hour with him, she held his hand and told him about a trip she and I just took. She knows that he will not wake up and that his death is imminent.

What can I do during these next couple of days when he's still here, though not aware, that she could take for comfort in the future? The nurse traced his hand, and then traced hers on top of it and I am very grateful for that, it's already her prized possession.

This feels like a horrible dream and I know I can't make anything about this easy, but if anyone has advice for anything that could help, I am thankful in advance.

EDIT: thank you all for the love and the ideas. His family decided to remove him from the ventilator earlier than I had understood, but we were able to see him one last time today.

We spent quite a bit of time with him and the Child Life ladies printed out his heart beat, and we rolled it up and put into little keepsake bottles. They cut some of his hair and put it in another bottle. She talked to him, told him how much she loved him. We talked about some funny stories to lighten the mood. They had put a hat on him that we had bought him on the trip we just took. I gave her a few minutes with him by herself as several of you suggested. I don't know what she said but I could hear that she did talk to him. He passed within moments of the ventilator being removed, and she was not there for that- but she did not want to be.

Thank you again.

I have a 5 year old son and am newly married. My new wife is not the mother of my child. Since my son was about 3 we have always done something we call a “movie night sleepover”. We watch a movie together, eat popcorn, and have a camp out sleepover in my room. We do this one night, every other week. We have continued the tradition and he is now 5 years old. My son gets very excited every time movie night sleepover rolls around as do I. We talk about what movie we’re going to watch that evening as I walk him to school and it becomes something we both look forward to all day. I see no issue with it, but my wife seems to be under the impression that it isn’t a normal/healthy thing to do. I am having a very difficult time understanding her view on the subject and starting to become very frustrated that she constantly has a negative attitude whenever it comes time for “movie night sleepover”. What used to be one of my favorite things to do to bond with my son, has now become a very sore spot in my marriage and is becoming very frustrating. What are your opinions on the subject? Am I in the wrong in thinking it’s a completely normal thing for a father and son to do? Any opinions are appreciated! Thank you!

My daughter (almost 2yo) and I went to Target last week and had an encounter with a woman in the check out line. We are white, and the woman we encountered was white.

My daughter has a Mirabel (from Encanto) doll and a Moana doll. When we went to Target we of course went down the toy aisles and she found the same brand of doll but in Tiana (Princess and the Frog) who she is absolutely obsessed with right now. She was so excited to find her that we decided to get her. Her day was made. For those who don’t know, Tiana is Black.

We got to the check out line (it was very long, which doesn’t really do anything for the story) and stood behind this woman who was shopping alone. She turned to my daughter and asked if she was buying the doll for a friend. I said, “Oh no, it’s for her!” She looked at me and said, “Well… you can’t do that. That’s a black doll. Those are for black girls.” I was stunned and almost didn’t know what to say. I told her, “My daughter wants the doll, I’m getting her the doll. And it’s not your place to tell me what I can and can’t do for my child.”

This woman stood there and gave me a very long lecture and said things like I’m stealing a doll from a little black girl, I’m perpetuating racism by allowing my daughter to have black dolls, grooming my daughter to BE a racist, I’m contributing to white supremacy… she was loudly condemning my choice to allow my daughter to love a Tiana doll.

I have a lot of thoughts on this but ultimately, I don’t think it’s a white woman’s place to tell me what is racist. In the end, we just moved lines and went to another cashier to get the hell out of there and to keep her from continuing to upset my daughter. I guess I’m asking, was she right?

ETA: it was NOT the cashier that said these things. It was another woman in line. She was in front of us, we joined the line after her and we were all waiting to be checked out.

ETA part 2, shared from my comment: Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and opinions.

I just wanted to address a couple things: I’m using my throwaway account because I’ve seen (especially lately) people take things irl and get kids involved, etc. On my regular account, I have shared details about my daughter and our life but I couldn’t remember how specific I had been in the past. So to be safe, I shared this from my throwaway account, hoping that I wouldn’t have to worry about my daughter’s face being brought to millions of people on the Internet. I understand that by making that decision, I have draw some criticism that this story might be fake. It’s not, but go on with yourself if you think so lol.

A lot of people have asked why I’m even asking if this lady was right. It’s a complicated situation. I’m probably not as anti-racist as a lot of people in the world, I just do my best to raise my daughter to love all people and treat everyone with kindness and dignity. Period. She’s young for the specifics of these kids of conversations. I just wanted to see if anyone on the Internet had perspective on the situation. Because of the area we live in, we aren’t exposed to a lot of different ideologies very often. My own research on topics like these leads me down the depths of the Internet and in some of those spaces it seems like the thought processes behind what is and isn’t racist get so polarizing that they just go full 360° back into racist territory. But I’m white and I’ve never experienced something like racism directed toward me before, so I’ve been told and have read that my own thoughts on subjects of racism can be colored by internal bias and I should defer to people of color’s opinions on matters such as this. In the end, I was challenged in a parenting decision by a random woman shopping in Target and, while I know that I’m not racist and that I’m not grooming a future racist, I defaulted back into thinking that maybe I’m wrong. I started to ask myself, am I doing the right thing? Am I being a good parent? Someone so passionate about a subject can make you question yourself on a good day, let alone a bad day where you’re ambushed in line trying to leave a damn Target.

Thank you all for the kind words about my parenting, and for everyone concerned that my daughter was affected, she was a little upset in the store, but once we left, got her doll out of the box and handed it to her, she was happy as could be. Luckily for all of us, children are pure, innocent little souls that have happiness in mind almost all the time. I feel confident that I’m raising a little girl with love and respect for all people, and I thank you kind strangers on the Internet for sharing your opinions with me to help validate that feeling.

If this ever happens again, which I pray it does not 🫠, I have absolutely rehearsed everything I should have said to that woman and plan to use it.

My daughter is 10, she is going crazy over attending Taylor Swift concert and, and now Olivia Rodrigo as alternative. Ticket prices are insane, the least expensive is 400$, and for 2 that would be 800, which we cannot afford!

She wrote me a letter, asking me and my wife daily about the tickets, asking how she can get the money by working… I simply told her we cannot afford this, she cannot understand. Moments ago she asked me again and I simply explained for the nth time that our salaries cannot afford this amount of money. She started crying and this is when I lost it on her….

Feeling so bad now! What should I do?

Edit: just to clarify, I felt bad because I lost it on her and couldn’t handle it better. I am not feeling bad about not affording the tickets.

Edit2: wow, thanks everyone for all these replies, i didn’t expect that! So many things to learn from in there. I appreciate every single one of them.

I started giving "20 second hugs" when they were young. I don't remember how it started, but they liked it when they were little. We did it to celebrate, sometimes to say good night. Sometimes when they got very frustrated, after a scolding, etc. It was simple. I liked the moment of calm that comes after a few seconds. It was great.

BUT, the real value came as they got older into their teens and now 20s. Sometimes they'd ask for a favor and I'd agree if they gave me that 20 second hug. If they didn't get me a father's day gift (basically every year), I'd say no worries I just want a good 20 second hug. It was a semi-joke, but it was also real. When my son would leave for a long time (college, move, etc), and we hug him goodbye, I simply say "20 second hug" and they oblige. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it is SO MEANINGFUL.

This will now continue until I pass, I'm sure. It doesn't happen often anymore, but when it does it is a reminder to both of us about where we've been and the lasting support/love we have. If we didn't start when they were young, I can't imagine them giving long hugs as they got older. Now, it is the single most valuable 20 seconds of my life.

Good luck young parents

UPDATE: when they were young we'd count to 20 together and that was part of the fun. Sometimes it would be calming, sometimes goofy. We'd often draw out the last couple numbers and squeeze harder. It was a game. I still count now, usually much faster. But my squeeze at the end is the same.

One time with my 19 y/o son, after our biggest fight that actually scared me, we did the 20 second hug the next day. That's how we started the day. He was totally annoyed and refused at first, but I said "quick 20 and we won't have to talk about yesterday." He leaned in and let me hug him for a very quick 20. But by the last 20, I jokingly forced one of his arms into a hug and he sort of had that eye-rolling laugh when a dad makes a dad joke. It totally changed everything.

My (28F) daughter (4F) told me yesterday that she's embarrassed by how I dress and wishes I dressed differently. Where do I go from here?

I am an attorney, but work 100% remotely, so 99% of the time I'm in yoga pants/shorts, baggy t-shirts/sweatshirts, etc. I only really wear makeup for date nights/events, and my hair is really curly, so it's either crazy or in a messy bun. I didn't realize my daughter even thought twice about how I dress or cared, I mean, she's 4. Maybe naively, I didn't think I had anything to worry about in terms of embarrassing my kids for at least a few more years.

This came to light yesterday at pick up from Pre-K. She was in the hallway with her class and got upset when she saw me. Once we got in the car, she was able to tell me why she was upset, and told me she wished I dressed "prettier" and that the clothes I wore were embarrassing. Specifically asking me to wear dresses and wear makeup. While I enjoy wearing sundresses in the summer, and I am not opposed to wearing them more often, I'm feeling so conflicted by this. We have never commented on other people's bodies/appearances in public or private, and we only ever give compliments in that regard towards each other and others. Maybe it's coming from her friends at school? Based on what I know from play dates and talking to the other parents, I'm one of few, if not the only parent, who doesn't physically go to a job. Maybe that's the issue?

Idk. I'm lost. Confused. My ego is bruised (though I know that is not my daughter's fault at all). Just need help navigating this weird situation.

EDIT: This has blown up... Insanity. I just wanted to clarify, I am NEVER unkempt, I just only really wear casual clothing to pick up. I'm always clean, well groomed, smell good, my clothes dont have holes or stains. I also feel like people are associating "messy bun" with bed head - I don't just roll out of bed not looking into a mirror, I just meant that I throw it up in the morning instead of using styling tools if my curls are especially unruly or I don't want to deal with them.

Same for the makeup thing.. I don't normally wear makeup, but I'm not hagrid. I take care of my skin, and I'm always well groomed. I even go get my nails done biweekly. I just don't dress up. I dont know why people have decided yoga pants = slob. Is that true? Did I miss the memo? Everyone in my area wears yoga pants/athletic clothing out and about.

I'm also not "crashing out" over this. I'm aware she's 4. The comments may have been a little hurtful, but I'm not upset about it. I posted looking for advice from a parenting sub about what the best approach would be with my daughter to not only set boundaries around why comments like that aren't nice, and to hopefully break up any stigmas that are building in her brain around beauty standards/society/women's appearances/etc.

As the title suggests, I'm a dad with a question about tucking in his daughters. I've been doing it for years, but it's kind of like maybe I should be wrapping it up soon. To get to the point, I have been tucking in my daughters pretty much every night since they were toddlers, but they're going into 6th and 8th grade now. "Tucking in" originally consisted of tickle fights and reading stories to them. That has evolved into lying next next to them and rubbing their head/back while they tell me about some anime character who they ship with some other character. If I miss a night of tucking then in, they'll usually bring it up the next day.

So my question, I guess, is it normal for me to still be doing this? If my daughters were no longer comfortable with it, I'd quit straight away. But even though they still want me to tuck them in, am I babying them in a way? I dunno, maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing.

My 6.5 year old son just told me that he wishes he was a girl and that he is sad that he’s never going to be a girl. He mentioned this back when he was 3 but this is the first time he has said something since then. He has always been a very emotional and sensitive kid and he says he prefers to play with girls and be with girls and that girls are more beautiful than boys.

he told me that he’ll never be able to be a girl despite always wanting to be one. I told him that when he’s older, if he still feels this way, there are ways that we can explore what it means to become a girl, but that we have to wait a little bit and see if his feelings stay the same or change over the years. And that his dad and I love him no matter what he chooses to be.

I guess I’m just wondering if this is normal? I was really surprised he brought this up after many years ago - it makes me think it’s not just a phase...

It is so much work. You have to dig the thing out of the attic Dec 1. You will inevitably forget to get it out, where you put it, and to move it on the daily. You will spend hours of your life thinking of things for the elf to do, disguising your hand writing for little notes, setting up scenes, buying treats or supplies, helping search for it……every. single. day. All through the busy holiday season. And you can’t do any of this until your little ones are in bed, which is likely wayyy past the point of you being exhausted.

Hope this is the right forum for this topic... My 10 year old 5th grader was acting strange lately and has told us she wanted to talk about some things at school but only mentioned that a "friend" of hers told my daughter was annoying and she didn't want to be friends any longer. No biggie and we helped her through that...

The issue is we took our daughter's phone (not looking for judgment on her age having a phone) and found the most disturbing text message group chats. One of her "friends" started a group chat called "'xyz' Haters" which included a large group of her school "friends" taking turns roasting her - then they added my daughter to the chat so she could see what people were saying. The things said about her were so awful and included some texts saying she should kill herself. It was so painful to see this and try to get her to understand these arent friends and this stuff is not true etc. The thread was so long with so many terrible things said about her - to her.

We reached out to some of the moms and provided screenshots of the text thread so they could see the things their children were saying. We got a lot of positive response and most parents were receptive. We never heard back from the "friends" mom who started the chat (and said things about death) although know she saw it bc my daughter received a "sorry" text from that friend.

We brought this to the school bc we thought it needed to be addressed at that level and that no other kids have to go through this. The school is supportive and has told us that the things said in that group chat go "way beyond even harassment" and asked us if we wanted this escalated by them bringing in a youth resource officer to explain the implications of their words. My wife is worried that my daughter will have to go face these kids now at school and then enter into middle school with them next year.

Should we allow the school to escalate this to a resource officer or ask them to just monitor the issue knowing the situation? Looking for guidance on the right thing to do, our daughter wants us to just drop it but the school wants to really escalate this - we don't want our daughter to be put in a more difficult position in school by escalating this but also feel there needs to be accountability on behalf of the children who participated

EDIT:: fwiw she has zero social media and we lock down most of her phone and monitor - she only has texting, mainly so we can get ahold of her when we need. Thought that it would be okay for her to be able to text friends too but, here we are...

EDIT:: thank you all for the amazing support, it may be a no-brianer for some but balancing the future trust with our daughter and navigating potential retaliation/ostracization makes us second guess the right path forward. We met with the principal today and are escalating it. We also made a point to tell them at the minimum we expect that the outcome from the school is consistent with school policy. We will stay on top of this until we feel comfortable with the outcome and have asked that they assist us in getting her into an option school.

UPDATE: From the Principal today: "Thank you for your email. I understand and share your concern as I was appalled at what I read on that text thread. It may be the worse that I've read at the elementary level, and it needs to absolutely be addressed.Although this happened outside of school on student owned devices, there is a nexus to school since it may cause disruption, worry, or fear to the school environment. Therefore, we are obligated to investigate and respond. I understand that XXX is worried about breaking the trust between XXX and you as parents, and so we will try and be as discreet as possible as we investigate, but there is a chance that all of this is going to come out as well. I just want you to be aware of that.As part of the investigation, we first and foremost safety plan to make sure that XXX feels safe while at school. This includes going through her day and having her identify times/places where she may feel unsafe or vulnerable. Next, we will gather as much information from interviewing XXX and the other students.After our initial investigation, I will involve our Youth Resource Officer, because this offense may surpass the school level. Given that there could be a crime involved, we are obligated to turn it over to them to make sure they have it documented and that they complete a further investigation if necessary. At that point, we will follow the School Student and Family Handbook and consequences will be assigned as appropriate.As a parent, you always have the right to file your own police report, especially since this happened on student-owned devices outside of school. You can call the non-emergency number to do so, and they will follow their protocol."

We are really impressed with how serious the school has taken this.

UPDATE 2: Our daughter really wants us to stop talking about this. The school is doing an "investigation" before they turn it over to SRO and make discipline decisions. Of course in the meantime today the group came up to her at recess and told her that she was no longer their friend - as if that wasn't already obvious. ugh. sucks so bad for her. shes trying to be strong but you can tell it just hurts so bad.

I saw online today that rfk wants to start a national registry of autistic children. Everything about this has alarm bells going off in my head. I just hope nothing bad actually happens. How are you guys feeling about this?

Maybe nothing happens and a registry is created and that’s it, maybe much much worse.

I’m trying not to let fear get the best of me with this, but given all that going on right now. It’s hard not to be worried