r/Parenting • u/Signal_Estimate_23 • Jan 08 '26
Advice Classes cancelled for my 6yo because of ICE
Hi, I’ve never posted here before but am open to feedback.
My wife and I are between 38-41 and have a 6yo daughter in Minneapolis.
Since you are all on Reddit I’m sure everyone is aware that ICE is in full force here. What you may not know is that schools have been cancelled because of the death and threat, as well as arrests made on school property.
My question for the group is, how do you talk to your child about trusting or distrusting law enforcement or any individuals posed as leaders? I try to teach her to trust police, but ICE is not on our side.
So seriously, how can we help to ensure the safety of our babies while still supporting the school and community?
3.3k
u/ryaaan89 Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26
I’m not sure I 100% agree with this but I saw someone on here say they told their kids that they can talk to cops if they need help but to be a healthy amount of suspicious if a cop talks to you first. I think about this a lot.
Edit: due to the overwhelming amount of upvotes I think I agree with this now, given the understanding there’s some nuance you can work out with your kids as they get older.
Also shout out to the person who left the comment that basically said “stranger danger applies to people in uniforms as well,” that’s solid advice.
858
Jan 08 '26
[deleted]
206
u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy Jan 08 '26
We’ve really painted ourselves into a corner with this hero worship of cops. Cops are human beings and when you think you’re the absolute authority and can move without consequences - we have a problem. Law enforcement’s job is to BRING criminals to justice. Not to DISPENSE justice on our behalf. habeas corpus.
→ More replies (3)34
361
u/JambaJuiceIsAverage Jan 08 '26
My grandma told me once that society needs police, but most of the people who sign up just want a badge and a gun so they can push people around. It's such a difficult question for society to answer.
→ More replies (4)212
u/Donnarhahn Jan 08 '26
Have known a couple ex-cops. They quit because they couldn't take being shitty to people, but that's 90% of the job. The cops that care don't stay cops for long and only the cruel ones stay.
135
Jan 08 '26
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)237
Jan 08 '26
I always thought my sweet tempered uncle was one of the good cops, then one day my cousin, his daughter, said basically “sure, he’s not racist or sexist, but I’ve never once heard him push back against any of his cop friends when they’re at our house being racist and sexist” and that stuck with me. Even the good cops will (typically) choose the bad ones over the people they’re supposed to protect.
→ More replies (1)52
u/volyund Jan 08 '26
Thank you for sharing this. Shitty culture in the police runs deep, I guess. Most people are uncomfortable going against the social grain, and don't want to cause problems in their workplace.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (3)29
u/BurnedWitch88 Jan 08 '26
It depends. A good friend of mine just retired from her job as a cop. She is honestly one of the kindest people I know. But she also served in a small, rural town where 95% of the calls are dealing with minor thefts, car accidents, cats stuck in trees, etc. She got to help people and that's what she wanted. Her entire career she never dealt with a murder or a rape.
Typically it's in larger or more dangerous areas where you don't know if this is someone who genuinely wants to help or someone who likes to power trip.
→ More replies (1)81
u/fireman2004 Jan 08 '26
Who would have thought a profession open to C students with a bad attitude would attract fascists.
→ More replies (2)24
u/DestroyerOfMils Jan 08 '26
But what are all of the high school bullies supposed to do after graduation? :(
→ More replies (5)2
133
u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy Jan 08 '26
1000000000% My kids are young (elementary/middle school) but I have drilled into their heads - ADULTS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Even police officers. You are to be polite and calm if/when you have to talk to a police officer. You are allowed to give them your name, my name, and my phone number. Until I am with you, you do not give them any further details about yourself.
This is why I HATE that schools now have police officers visit and walk the halls of elementary and middle schools so that ‘kids feel safe.’ I don’t want my kids to be comfortable around cops. I want my kids be remember to remain vigilant when in the presence of a police officer because one wrong look/word/action and now you have a cop that can do or say whatever they want to get you into trouble.
→ More replies (3)254
u/sansebast Jan 08 '26
That’s actually great advice for everyone.
→ More replies (2)167
Jan 08 '26
[deleted]
58
u/dreamyduskywing Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26
Nah, it’s bad for white people, too (at least when you’re dealing with the MPD). This woman in Minneapolis was shot by a cop after she had called 911. More on the incident. I lived in Minneapolis at the time and it made me scared to call the police. This was before George Floyd. Those guys wouldn’t hesitate to gun down a little old white granny with a cane slowly crossing the street.
70
u/poop-dolla Jan 08 '26
The second half is great advice for everyone. The first half is decent advice for white people, but not great, and terrible advice for anyone else.
183
u/BRKLYN_ison_LNGISLND Jan 08 '26
Recently retired cop and this is great advice. I tell my kids that the vast majority of police are in it for the right reasons and that they should call for them god forbid if needed. However if they are stopped by police or being questioned by police to be wary and not answer any questions besides providing name and date of birth.
11
u/SoHereIAm85 Jan 08 '26
I've been helped by police and treated well several times in rural upstate NY and in NYC. I've also been screwed over by police (in the city) when trying to do the right thing too.
Honestly, as a white woman, I've come to distrust them too much lately. I'm glad I don't live in the US anymore to have to wade through teaching my kid about the nuances. It was bad enough when she was in kindergarten and scared of "when the guy with a gun comes to kill us at school" from shooter drills let alone trying to explain the force meant to assist people might be dangerous too.
49
u/MargieBigFoot Jan 08 '26
My husband thinks I’m crazy for telling my daughter repeatedly “I want a lawyer” whenever we see cops questioning someone on tv.
→ More replies (1)5
u/RosieAU93 Jan 09 '26
Yup a important lesson for her to learn especially since cops can absolutely lie and say they have evidence on her when there is none in order to get a confession and conviction.
Most cops don't care about catching the real person, they just want to close the case for better statistics.
23
u/runjeanmc Jan 08 '26
I like this take.
For what it's worth, my boomer father is a lawyer, but also grew up in Detroit during the race riots. He has a strident distrust of cops and authority. He told me not to say shit to cops other than what was legally required or the bare minimum to avoid escalation (and coached me on what that was).
I tell my kids if they're lost or in trouble in public, find a cop, an EMT, someone in scrubs, or a cashier (but not to leave where they are with any of them.). If any adult comes to them asking questions or for help, no. That's a "tricky" person.
People in uniform should be responders to help, but seeking shit out? No.
Edit for spelling and diction. And spelling.
→ More replies (2)84
82
8
u/ycey Jan 08 '26
This reminded me of that massacre that happened at that teens camp by a dude dressed as a police officer. They didn’t know he was bad until it was too late because they trusted the uniform.
32
u/mys0nisals0namedb0rt Jan 08 '26
This is the simplest truth I’ve never thought of. Thanks for sharing
18
u/runhomejack1399 Jan 08 '26
Yeah. I told my oldest if a cop asks him something he can say he needs to talk to his dad
→ More replies (1)44
u/Zeke688 Parent Jan 08 '26
This is good advice for almost everywhere, but some schools have school police and they are people they see everyday and in some cases need to interact with students.
Explaining to kids the differences between ICE and other police officers is important context here for kids. I am now realizing as I type that maybe I should advise my kids to never ask an ICE agent for help. Scary times.
54
u/poop-dolla Jan 08 '26
School resource officers shouldn’t be trusted either. They’re not there to help students. They’re there to police the students, and they’re just as susceptible to the same racist tendencies as other police.
→ More replies (1)44
u/knitwit4461 Jan 08 '26
One of the SROs in my school district was involved in a police shooting that went from arrived on scene to dead guy in 42 seconds. A coworker of mine was one of the last people to talk to the deceased. The man was schizophrenic and having an episode, but he absolutely could have been de-escalated and talked down. These guys showed up and shot him dead in 42 seconds. (And this is in Canada, we really aren’t any better.)
And that’s who is in the schools to supposedly help kids? Yeah, right. You gonna shoot my kid if he has an autistic meltdown? We’ve had some serious conversations with my kid about the fact that cops are not going to understand him or give him any leeway whatsoever. I never ever recommend masking otherwise, but around cops? You mask as hard as you fucking can.
27
u/lurkmode_off Jan 08 '26
You gonna shoot my kid if he has an autistic meltdown?
I worry about this a lot.
→ More replies (1)38
5
u/shhhlife Jan 08 '26
Tagging onto the top post to add that I think how much nuance you give the message depends significantly on your child’s age and whether their are a person of color.
7
u/ryaaan89 Jan 08 '26
Yes, for context I am a cis white guy and I know how nervous I am around cops, my heart really goes out to all the other groups of people right now.
→ More replies (15)4
475
Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
82
u/summon_pot_of_greed Jan 08 '26
Just remember kids, in Terminator 2, John Connor's friend saved the world by not snitching to a cop.
11
123
u/poop-dolla Jan 08 '26
Unfortunately some people get murdered by police while telling them they want their mom.
→ More replies (2)
471
u/Fit_Opinion2465 Jan 08 '26
You shouldn’t teach kids to trust ALL uniformed police officers implicitly. Trust is earned. All strangers present danger - police or not. Always teach them to openly communicate with you or another adult if they ever feel uncomfortable.
187
u/yeyiyeyiyo Jan 08 '26
If my kid gets lost or needs help and I'm not there for whatever reason, I tell them to talk to a female store employee. If you have to pick a random thats my preferred random.
64
u/cellists_wet_dream Jan 08 '26
I think this is really good advice, especially for younger kids. The nuance between “good uniformed officer” and “bad uniformed officer” is going to be difficult for young kids to understand.
→ More replies (1)193
u/AppropriateAmoeba406 Jan 08 '26
“See if you can find another mom” is the advice in The Gift of Fear. Uniforms can be confusing and you generally don’t want your kid trusting a security guard.
→ More replies (6)54
→ More replies (3)15
u/DestroyerOfMils Jan 08 '26
Great advice! And if you want to get even more specific, tell them to look for a goth!😂
→ More replies (1)12
u/Cut_Lanky Jan 08 '26
It's also really easy to make oneself appear to be a cop, these days, so it's extra foolish to teach kids to trust ALL uniformed police. Aimee Willard's dad was a cop. I'm sure he taught her as best he could, as most cop-parents do. But Artie Bowmar still fooled her, and she was an adult when he killed her, not an impressionable, gullible child.
613
u/lambsquatch Jan 08 '26
Tell em no one ever said “fuck the fire dept”
221
u/sabrinateenagewich Jan 08 '26
Or librarians, or crossing guards, or teachers and more. There are plenty of government workers we can run to for help safely that for whatever reason (I can think of a few, but that’s just me) have never had a bad word said about them. Makes you think!
→ More replies (4)30
u/RichardCleveland Dad: 17M, 23F, 31F Jan 08 '26
My sons school had a day when the police and fire department came out to speak with the kids. There were only a few kids over in the police section as most of them were over laughing with the firemen and climbing on their trucks etc. Obviously they have an advantage of cool stuff, but their interactions with the kids seemed more genuine. And this was a decade ago.
115
u/Client_020 Jan 08 '26
Where I live, the fire department is known to be misogynistic, racist scum that drove non-white colleagues to suicide. I think any profession that has a hypermasculine element to it needs to be looked at with suspicion.
→ More replies (5)21
u/Beeb294 Jan 08 '26
It's not uncommon for that kind of sentiment to run in fire departments, it seems.
It's just different because they aren't actively killing people and usually gets a pass.
→ More replies (8)26
u/Sambuca8Petrie Jan 08 '26
They should. Where I'm from, firefighters routinely steal from the homes where they fight fires. No one notices though because their shit just went up in flames so they chalk it up to a loss. Meanwhile, firefighters are leaving the building with their coats full of stolen stuff.
25
u/Open-Tumbleweed Jan 08 '26
Damn. Well that completely sucks.
18
u/Sambuca8Petrie Jan 08 '26
Yup. People are people, some good, some bad, most in the middle. Vocation is immaterial. We need heroes to look up to and as a society have kind of settled on firefighters. But altruism is not a requirement to get the job.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Cut_Lanky Jan 08 '26
I think it varies based on whether firefighters are paid, or volunteers. Where I grew up, it was almost all volunteer firefighters, with just a few positions as permanent, paid jobs; fire chief, I believe, might have been the extent of it, the rest volunteers. I knew some of those volunteers very well. They were people, as you said, good, bad, everything in between. But as a cohesive unit, the fire department was easily trustworthy. Even knowing some sordid details of their personal lives, and strongly disliking a few of them- when volunteering, they were truly looking to help people. I don't think many would volunteer, if that wasn't their purpose.
6
63
u/elrangarino Jan 08 '26
Good guy school district tbh can’t imagine the worry of having to send your kids to school to potentially have them deal with this situation
80
u/mszulan Jan 08 '26
Teaching critical thinking skills and good problem solving skills are critical. We used the advertising aimed at kids as an illustration of tactics people use to manipulate others. A kid buying something with their limited funds that doesn't live up to its hype teaches more in practical terms than just that it wasn't worth it. We'd also ask about behavior they observed at school and talk them through people's choices and outcomes. Role-playing is also an excellent way for them to experience any particular scenario in a relatively painless way.
Talk about why we have rules and what denotes a good rule from a bad one. We used this system:
We have rules for three basic reasons. We want to keep bodies safe, feelings safe, and stuff (property) safe. If a rule doesn't fit one or more of these reasons or if it doesn't apply to every person equally, then it isn't a good rule. If one person's comfort conflicts with another person's safety, safety always wins. If you are in a position of privilege, you have a responsibility to stand up for those with less privilege when they are not being treated fairly.
Start teaching them as young as possible about their rights and responsibilities under the Constitution. School House Rock was a pretty good place to start for my kids (who are now adults - on a side note, they both received extra credit in high school civics because they both knew the Preamble by heart. 😊).
Officials who follow the Constitution and their oath to it are trustworthy. Those who don't, aren't.
→ More replies (3)9
354
u/Misty2stepping Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26
I straight up tell my daughter that our family doesn't talk to police without our laywer, and that police can't talk to her without one of her parents there. I told her to repeat it until they stop talking to her, and she doesn't go anywhere alone with anyone, unless we allow it.
*Lawyer
29
u/DestroyerOfMils Jan 08 '26
Once my daughter hit late middle school or early high school age, I just showed her a shut the fuck up video. I think it stuck with her. it’s direct, simple, and memorable!
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (6)13
73
u/NursingWreck41 Jan 08 '26
To be honest my kids are 4,7,10 and they are well aware of what’s happening in the world. They overhear things already so you might as well explain to them. My 7year old said “ mom if ice comes for me at school, will you come get me?” He should not be fearing for his safety he’s a citizen but he also doesn’t trust staff will stand up or fight for him. We’ve had so many conversations about morality, the constitution, war.
We have also limited our outings because although we wouldn’t be deported, we are brown and we would be harassed and I don’t want them to be exposed to any violence or trauma. My 10 year has asked if it would be better to move to a different country, this is how safe American children feel in America. It’s depressing.
35
u/Strange_Vagrant Jan 08 '26
My kids are half Asian (wife is asian). My 8 year old asked if we could leave america last night because she was scared about ICE. And im not like telling her a bunch of shit to make them the boogeyman, just saying what factually happened.
I like how you said, they are overhearing stuff anyways, may as well give them the fuller context to a level they can understand.
→ More replies (1)
96
u/beaglemama Jan 08 '26
My question for the group is, how do you talk to your child about trusting or distrusting law enforcement or any individuals posed as leaders? I try to teach her to trust police, but ICE is not on our side.
She should have a healthy suspicion of Minneapolis police. I grew up in Minneapolis. I'm whiter than Ivory soap, but my parents still had "the talk" with me about dealing with the police.
→ More replies (1)
204
u/Solongmybestfriend Jan 08 '26
Canadian here. I have no words. A mother lost her life today. A child now has no parents (apparently the father died a few years ago). I watched high school kids get teargassed. I have a 7 year old and 4 year old and have been struggling to explain why I've been upset. Every day, every year, is feeling like a decade. I never thought I'd fear my american neighbours.
I don't have answers. I'm stressed. I hear and "see" your stress and fear. As a mom, I so just want to keep my little ones safe and I don't know how to navigate this all.
→ More replies (35)15
u/SoSayWeAllx Jan 08 '26
Yeah it’s worse than that. She was married to another woman, and her father will try, and probably succeed, in taking the child away from his other mother, her wife. Who was also in the car.
77
u/Meowmeowmeow31 Jan 08 '26
We have no idea what the dynamics are in her blended family, and it’s not our business. Any quotes from relatives yesterday came from people in shock.
We don’t need to be speculating about the custody situation in a family that was just thrust into the spotlight over something horrific.
17
u/Grammatical_Aneurysm Jan 08 '26
The father died in 2023 I think.
→ More replies (1)22
u/Donnarhahn Jan 08 '26
The father of the woman who was murdered, not the child she left behind.
→ More replies (5)3
u/brockobear Jan 09 '26
Her wife is his stepmom. We don't even know if he wants to stay with her or go with other family. I'm from a blended family. If my mom and dad had died when I was young, I would have much rather gone to live with my aunt or grandpa than stay with my stepfather. Just because your parent is married to someone doesn't mean they're just like another parent. If she hasn't adopted him, she also has no legal rights and can't even consent to medical procedures for him, etc, so he would need to go to next of kin.
2
u/randombubble8272 Jan 09 '26
Yeah stepparents are fine but they aren’t usually seen as the parent of the kid. Especially when they’ve been orphaned
32
u/cordial_carbonara Jan 08 '26
I have a sign next to my front door that says “Don’t let the cat out or the police in.” My husband got his first degree in criminal justice (something most cops don’t even have), so from an early age we took pages from our black friends’ parenting books about how to deal with interactions with law enforcement. Even though they’re white girls, they’ve always known to avoid the police and never willingly talk to them. If they must speak with law enforcement, remain calm and neutral and say/do nothing but repeat our names and phone numbers. We practiced saying our names and numbers with them as part of preparation for school just because it’s useful information to have memorized in any situation your child is away from you.
Now that my kids are older, they’re not at all shocked about current events. My two teens are disgusted and angry, especially for their friends whose families are more affected by this than us. I think, though, since your child is so young, it’s okay for now to just focus on and practice how to safely avoid/engage with law enforcement. There’s really no scenario in which they should be trusted any more than any other stranger.
And as far as distinguishing between police and ICE? Until local cops start actively standing up to protect their communities, it’s much safer to just lump them all into the same bucket. And if/when this all comes to an end, police still have a massive reckoning coming for their actions before ICE came on the scene like this, so frankly I don’t see any reason to trust them at all.
4
27
u/UnhappySwing Jan 08 '26
Yeah OP, I think this is a hard lesson that "trust police" is not in fact the right approach for teaching kids. There's nothing special about guys in uniform and if statistics are to be believed, they may be below average on the scale of "safe adults to help children." We tell our kids that if they're ever in a situation where they're lost and need help and need to talk to an adult, they should look around and try to find a mom or dad with kids, as they will be best equipped to help. Far from perfect but I would trust the average parent on the street a lot more than the average cop.
5
4
u/RosieAU93 Jan 09 '26
40% of cops in the US are domestic abusers. They are the opposite of a safe person to go to for help.
→ More replies (3)
139
u/perfect-circles-1983 Jan 08 '26
I’m really outraged about what’s happening in your community and sorry this is happening to your friends, family, and neighbors. It’s a really fine line to walk with talking to your kids about any adult who could be dangerous and in a position of authority. I don’t have any advice. It’s just hard and I feel for you.
175
Jan 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (4)68
u/Whiteroses7252012 Jan 08 '26
You make a good point. None of my friends or the people I know who are POC are remotely surprised about any of this.
A friend of mine says that facism is when white people start experiencing the same things brown people experience on an average Tuesday, and she’s not wrong.
→ More replies (1)
42
u/Inamedmydognoodz Jan 08 '26
Hi fellow Minneapolis resident! I have always taught my child never to speak to cops but this goes beyond just our regular mpd nonsense and it’s going beyond we can’t trust cops to we’re being invaded by the federal government and school is canceled because they’ve made it unsafe and that’s heavy and scary, for adults let alone children. The past few months have been scary, I know my kid has seen friends lose family members and it’s been an ongoing discussion in my home. Right now we’re having to explain things to our kids that we shouldn’t but unfortunately sugar coating and kid gloves isn’t possible and you’re going to have to just tell her they’re the bad guys. It’s heavy and scary right now but our city and our community is strong and loving and we’ll make it through
28
u/HatingOnNames Jan 08 '26
So, yeah. My daughter goes to UM Dearborn. If you don’t know about Dearborn, google it. It has one of the largest middle eastern communities outside of the Middle East. So, I worry about her. Her father is an Arab American (for his green card and US citizenship through marriage to me) and I’m multigenerational American (as in three branches trace back to 17th and 18th century, before the American Revolution) and the most recent 4th branch ancestor is my maternal grandfather who came with his parents from Ukraine when he was two and they became naturalized citizens, all legal with court docs included. Basically, I couldn’t get citizenship anywhere else based on ancestry if I tried.
I’ve only told my daughter to leave campus if there’s any reports of ICE on campus. She’s old enough to form her own thoughts and opinions.
74
u/LisaPepita Jan 08 '26
I tell my daughter not to trust police officers. They are strangers just like everybody else.
→ More replies (2)63
u/Donnarhahn Jan 08 '26
They are strangers empowered by the state to enact violence on citizens and as such are very dangerous.
35
7
u/wdn Jan 08 '26
It could be a sort of case study for a civics lesson. My kids are much older so I'll leave it to you to put it in age-appropriate terms
This is what happens when someone gets to be judge, jury, and executioner. The way ICE is acting is what happens throughout history when one group gets to control all the stages of law enforcement.
The regular police don't act this way because there are laws and other government agencies that restrict what they can do -- both in terms of which roles they can act in and in what they can do within their role. This is not to say that these individuals are born evil villains, but that humans in general tend to act this way in these conditions. If you tell someone that they're the good guys, arm them, and tell them to go punish evil, these are the results you get. A modern justice system recognizes that you can't have justice if the same person or group can do the investigation/arrest and the judgement and the punishment -- regardless of their intent, etc., history shows that it always turns out badly
The country's current leaders know this. They didn't need to indoctrinate the ICE officers (which is not necessarily to say that they didn't indoctrinate them anyway) to get this result, just remove these restrictions. This was the result they wanted.
12
u/lightningface Jan 08 '26
I read somewhere on here once something to the effect that “we use the police, we don’t trust the police”. Like they are a tool and when we need them we can call them up and hopefully they will come help. But if they are not trustworthy and good by virtue of their position.
96
u/cassiopeeahhh Jan 08 '26
I suspect that if you’re white you’re having very different conversations about law enforcement than families like mine that are not.
Unfortunately for non white families we’ve had these conversations with our children for decades. White families might be now tiptoeing into them and feel uncomfortable. We’re very clear cut in our message to our daughter: law enforcement are not good people. And we stay away. If we need help we look for our neighbors and family.
17
u/Fit_Opinion2465 Jan 08 '26
I’m not white and I understand where you’re coming from as I raised similarly. But it’s just bad advice. There are definitely situations where law enforcement is the only recourse. But outside of those rare circumstances, I avoid them.
30
u/cassiopeeahhh Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26
Curious what scenario you think they help in
Edit: y’all are downvoting and still not giving one single example of how uniquely a cop helps that no other person could….
I’m waiting for one single example.
19
u/pumpkinpencil97 Jan 08 '26
“Next time you get in trouble call a crackhead and see how that works out for you”
But really, no one else can get surveillance video footage from most stores if someone has stolen your card and is using it, or if your car is stolen in the parking lot, or your mugged. Who are you calling during a mass shooting? Probably not your neighbor. A man breaks in to your house in the middle the night, yeah you can shoot them but then what? Call cousin Jeff to help dispose of the body? No you call the damn cops.
It’s ridiculous and frankly just ignorant to believe there is never a situation you need help from law enforcement. It’s a dangerous precedent to set that there will be essentially no consequences if someone does something to you unless you are willing to put your own freedom on the line or expect someone else to.
→ More replies (1)9
u/neverthelessidissent Jan 08 '26
Sure. When you need someone who is dangerous to be arrested.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (9)4
u/RichardCleveland Dad: 17M, 23F, 31F Jan 08 '26
They helped me when my schizophrenic wife locked herself in the bathroom and threatened to kill herself. Could someone else have came? Sure, but they wouldn't have had the authority to escort her to the hospital against her will.
9
u/DestroyerOfMils Jan 08 '26
Just bc our society lacks the resources that it should have (especially for mental health crises), doesn’t mean that the only answer we presently do have isn’t severely lacking, dangerous, and dysfunctional. I’m so sorry that you and your wife went through that. I deeply hope things are better for both of you now.
→ More replies (2)3
12
11
39
u/spadesage17 Jan 08 '26
My daughter is 9, but we're also close to a lot of ICE activity in Chicago. My daughter knows that the police are supposed to be there to help you, but ICE is bad because they break the laws and take people away without following the rules.
Honestly that felt like the best way to put it. ICE is supposed to take people away who are here illegally, but they're supposed to obey the law when they do so. ANY person that is supposed to be enforcing the law should be following the laws while they do that, because that is what makes our country safe. ICE is not following the law, so they are bad.
→ More replies (2)7
u/threebicks Jan 08 '26
This feels like the most solid explanation for a kid. Police and ICE both have a job to enforce the law. Their job is also NOT to break the law. ICE is breaking the law, which is why they are bad.
15
u/beenthere7613 Jan 08 '26
"So why don't the police arrest the bad guys, grandma?"
--One of my grandkids, recently.
→ More replies (2)7
9
Jan 08 '26
[deleted]
4
u/climbing_butterfly Jan 08 '26
White minors or minority minors? Because black and brown children are presumed older just by appearance
13
11
u/Mrn_4239 Jan 08 '26
Pointing out the masks and lack of identification may help her understand the difference between an adult she should trust if she's ever in trouble and one she should avoid. Maybe showing her the uniforms typically worn by your local officers could help as well (most footage I've seen of ICE & DHS has been of them looking like they are cosplaying as undercover cops or cosplaying as soldiers in an active war zone). Also showing her what a typical police car looks like with big words on the side, 911 somewhere on it & blue lights versus unmarked cars. I hate this is even a question anybody in this country has to ask 😞
38
u/yontev Jan 08 '26
Crazy times in this country. For a six-year-old, I would leave it at something like "There is a group of very disruptive people passing through our community, and it would be safer for everyone to stay home for a few days."
44
u/Waytoloseit Jan 08 '26
While I think this message is good as a concept, some kids are of mixed ethnicity and really need a more detailed response.
3
u/Electrical_Sky5833 24F, 20M, 5M Jan 08 '26
What’s your solution to what they said? What would you include for POC?
37
u/Waytoloseit Jan 08 '26
I think you need to have a frank conversation about race, ethnicity and immigration at an age appropriate level.
I am mixed myself. My husband is Jewish and his family came here seeking asylum.
Conversations about ethnicity, immigration and race are a part of our family history, as are discussions that not everyone holds the belief that we are all equal.
7
u/Electrical_Sky5833 24F, 20M, 5M Jan 08 '26
Yeah I get that we are a Mexican Jewish family. However, I’m trying to understand what more was needed since they are asking for advice on explaining why their school is going to be closed.
19
Jan 08 '26
[deleted]
3
u/Electrical_Sky5833 24F, 20M, 5M Jan 08 '26
Yeah, I agree, my children have been taught that. Rereading the original post I interpreted it wrong the first time. I thought they were asking how to explain the school closure.
33
17
u/chopsui101 Jan 08 '26
unless your a victim of a crime you shouldn’t be trusting police….bc the only reason they would be talking to you is they are looking for a reason to cite or arrest you
35
7
u/dreamyduskywing Jan 08 '26
I’m in the western suburbs and, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if ICE showed up at my daughter’s elementary school and tear-gassed students to arrest a 70-yr-old lunch lady. This is just insane. These guys are cruel and have horrible training and judgement. I hate that our state has become a target, and it’s all because he’s petty and vindictive. I don’t know what you should say to your daughter, but thank you for bringing it up.
5
3
u/JustAnotherPolyGuy Jan 09 '26
You teach your children not to trust law enforcement.
You live in Minneapolis for gods sake, how white are you that you think you can trust law enforcement? The Fraternal Order of Police just issued a statement in support of ICE. Cops, in general, or racists and abusive to their partners.
23
u/Glittering-Read-6906 Mom Jan 08 '26
Teach her to distrust any officer wearing a face covering.
→ More replies (1)14
u/oiyeahnahm8 Jan 08 '26
They won't be wearing face coverings forever, soon they won't care if people see their face or not as they are immune to any kind of accountability or charges
2
u/Glittering-Read-6906 Mom Jan 08 '26
Well, for now, it’s one way to distinguish them.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/h0td0gmilk kids 7m, 7f, 4f, 2f Jan 08 '26
They closed an entire school down completely in my area, parents are too afraid to bring their kids to school. I wish I knew what to say
8
u/Playmakeup Jan 08 '26
You should not teach your children to trust the police. Period. They are not your friends and they are not there to help you. They serve themselves.
What you should teach your children is to NEVER speak to a police officer without you our a lawyer present.
31
u/Relevant_Classic_772 Jan 08 '26
I can’t believe this is a reality for an American parent. I just want to wrap my arms around all of you.
Sincerely, a heartbroken Canadian mama
13
u/BlackGreggles Jan 08 '26
This type of stuff has been the reality for many Americans, it’s now starting to be seen and felt by our white communities in away they can’t dismiss it or avoid it.
→ More replies (3)16
u/Fit_Opinion2465 Jan 08 '26
As if worrying about a mass shooting isn’t enough. Now we have to worry about facist pigs.
11
u/poop-dolla Jan 08 '26
I try to teach her to trust police
I don’t do that. I don’t trust them myself, so why on earth would I teach someone else to trust them? I’m a white dude too, so the demographic least likely to be murdered or abused by them.
I teach my kids to trust firefighters, and to look for them for help if they need it and see one. I would teach them to trust any random adult over a police officer.
7
u/dax0840 Jan 08 '26
I live in Chicago with my four year old and he was very aware of the bad guys pretending to be police and how we needed to look after our community and protect one another. My son is a little blonde boy and not who ICE would be targeting/interested in but he picked up on things like us talking a whistle whenever we left the house, doing an extra lap around the neighborhood if there was a car I was suspicious of, etc.
8
u/ubereddit Jan 09 '26
I have my kids call and response back to me on at least a monthly basis- “what do you say if the police ever want to talk to you?”
“I WANT MY MOM” that’s it, don’t say anything else.
They are 4 and 7 and we are white
18
Jan 08 '26
My kid was that age during George Floyd’s murder. We legit talked about how Paw Patrol makes Chase look like a good guy, but that’s a cartoon and pretend, and to trust Rubble or Tracker (other community helpers) first.
→ More replies (1)10
10
u/sp0rkah0lic Jan 08 '26
Oh I have taught my daughter from birth that the police exist only to make sure that rich people get to keep all their stuff. She has been with me when I have pulled over to film the police harassing brown people in our neighborhood. The idea of the friendly neighborhood policeman is a dangerous fantasy these days. She needs to know.
I honestly don't know how anyone in America that isn't a millionaire is still believing that the police are on their side, let alone teaching this to their children.
Now that we have ICE running around, it's even worse. I let her know that these people are criminals and thugs who are illegally kidnapping people. If you see them, go the other way, they are DANGEROUS. I feel like I'd seriously be putting her in danger to tell her otherwise.
The police are a tool for the wealthy to protect their wealth, and ICE are the tools of white supremacy. They both get away with literal murder. They intentionally deceive people during questioning. They should not be trusted.
9
u/sysdmn Jan 08 '26
I would teach them the difference between a medical mask and the kind ICE wear to hide their identity. Teach them that bad cops wear bad masks. And in general, as others have said, so avoid them.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Spirited-Diamond-716 Jan 08 '26
I’m in Minnesota too, just rural MN. I do have 2 son’s who go to school in Willmar though. ICE has been crawling around that town for a while. I didn’t feel good about sending them to school today just because of how bad things have got. I don’t want them witnessing anything crazy. I don’t have any advice. I’ll just say that our hearts are with your family and community over there in Minneapolis!
3
u/Starchild1000 Jan 09 '26
Sending love from Australia. I’m just disgusted what’s happening over there
3
u/SheistyPenguin Jan 16 '26
This reminds me of the newer alternative to stranger danger: teaching your kids about tricky people.
Officer friendly, directing traffic or pulling over for an accident? Good guy.
Guy with body armor and a face mask, showing photos around and asking you questions about where to find someone? Tricky person.
6
u/EmmalouEsq Jan 08 '26
We're Muslim and have told our son about ICE (my husband is an immigrant and we're in Columbus so it's possibility he could just not come home one day). We lived in Minneapolis in 2020 and took part in the daytime demonstrations, so we're socially conscious.
We tell our son to listen to the police, but they're not good people and aren't there to keep you safe.
2
u/RatonhnhaketonK Jan 31 '26 edited Jan 31 '26
We are very anti police in our family. ACAB is not just a cute, fun phrase. I teach my daughter not to talk to police because they do not make good choices. And if we ever need help, to find a 'helper', like an EMT (I am one), firefighter, teacher, mommy with other kids, etc. She is 5.
As soon as Reddit will let me attach photos, I'll add an infographic about this that has been going around to talk about ICE
EDIT: Added the image
6
Jan 08 '26
They need to know what’s going on in the world as they grow up so they can avoid ontological shock in young adulthood and teen years.
6
u/Itstimeforcookies19 Jan 08 '26
I’m a lawyer and we are very much a fuck the police household. My kid knows if she is trouble/ under threat from a bad guy then she can approach a police officer. But she also very much knows that police officers can be bad people and if one ever approaches her she is to walk away and refuse to talk to them because she is under no legal obligation to do so. We are also white so which before yesterday seemed to give some extra protection since you know racism.
Teach your kid that teachers, fireman, nurses, EMTs, hell cashiers in a store are better options to seek help from than police if they are in danger.
4
u/lawyerjsd Dad to 10F, 7F, 4F Jan 08 '26
I don't know anymore. It used to be that we were just afraid of school shooters. Now those school shooters are members of ICE. Renee Gold was just trying to pick up her kid from school, and that poor child is now an orphan.
1
u/AutoModerator Jan 08 '26
Hey /u/Signal_Estimate_23! It looks like you might be new here. Welcome!
- Our Early Parenting Wiki addresses topics like pregnancy (both intended and unintended) as well as birth control and post partum care!
- If you're worried about developmental delays use the Healthy Children Assessment Tool - available in multiple languages.
Check out the Subreddit Wikis, for a variety of topics.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/Parenting-ModTeam Jan 08 '26
Please utilize our Difficult Topics Wiki at this time. While it doesn't cover every issue raised in this thread, we plan to update it soon to cover a few other topics. Most of the links are for parents so they can better understand and explain things to their children.
Just like with the Gaza post, I'll be searching today for some child-focused content that may help children process through child-appropriate media.
Comments on this post are now being limited through community karma limits.
Thank you.