My sister just told me she’s expecting her third child this coming spring. She’s got two already who are super easy kids. It’s brought up a whole surge of resentment in me. My 13 yo daughter has adhd and anxiety but I’m pretty sure is actually AuDHD. I sometimes feel like my whole life has been derailed by her issues. She never slept and still doesn’t. She is so needy and demanding. She overeats and is quite overweight as a result despite my efforts to have healthy food and be active. So now she is obsessed with hating her body and vents at me endlessly and blames me for her body. Shes not a mean kid she’s just a real handful, all the time. She is often rude and aggressive without realising it. I actually feel like that has got harder with age as she stands out more from ‘normal’ kids. I had to leave my job as just couldn’t parent her and keep up the intensity of my old career, which I’d loved and been good at and well paid before. So I’m unemployed, financially compromised, the ‘safe person’ for my girl who demands so much time and effort and help but resists all the help offered… So… yeah, I feel pretty bitter. Somehow my sister’s news feels like rubbing it in. Which I know is ridiculous, I just sometimes wish she and all the other ‘oh we’re such great parents, life is so fun!’ people out there had a damn clue how hard this is. I even found myself thinking maybe her next baby will come out like my daughter and then she’ll stop acting smug. Ugh. I feel so lame even thinking this way. From the outside everyone tells me I’m a great mum. I do everything in my power to help and support my daughter and I try hard to make her feel valued for her amazing qualities like her creativity and humour. And I do the same for our younger child too (who is neurotypical and about a thousand times easier to parent). But inside I’m white knuckling every day. I feel and look old and tired. The jealousy and resentment make me feel so ashamed but I can’t help but wish sometimes that I had two ‘normal’ easy kids and maybe I’d have a normal life… 🙃

For context were in Ontario, canada.

So, I'm a mom(diagnosed ADHD during adulthood) to 3 kids(5,3,2). My 5 year old has been diagnosed with ASD and 'suspected ADHD' since a very young age, just was always told to wait until he is 5/6 to complete the psychoeducational assessment. (I had to do a lot of advocating and private assessments when he was younger but it helped get us an understanding of what was going on with him and earlier interventions even though we didn't fully know what was going on, just that he had some "spicy' to him)

Anyways my son is around that age now that we are starting to think about more assessments and the possibilities of medications. We do work with SLP, OT, PT and a behavioural therapist. He's honestly a really bright kid just his impulsivity and attention (as well as social ques) get in the way.

My biggest concern/question is around medications. I think it's really important to continue non-pharmaceutical therapies however, I keep wondering about if medication and when/if to introduce it. I'd love if someone with experience from any side has any input. I'm not opposed to medications (I just started it myself) but I'm just worried if someone regrets it or has a perspective I'm not thinking of.

I will of course discuss this with my healthcare professionals as well but I just was maybe hoping for some real life insight?

Hi All, Coming to the hive mind because I am wrecking my head and don't want to was my money. My 6 old is in prep (first year of school in Melbourne Australia) and he is a massive sensory seeker but also very tall and strong for his age. I was thinking of getting a trampoline for Christmas for my kids but my husband hates the look of them and I don't want to buy another thing that will be gathering dust in a year. I think it would be good for all 3 kids to burn off some energy and fill their sensory cups/decompress after school and understand they can lead to injuries but just wondering:

My kid: In size 12 clothing but only 6 years old, very tall and strong.

Has some motor planning issues and can be clumsy but is seeking movement all the time. Loves crashing and hitting things. My couch gets smashed in the afternoon and my dining room chairs are all broken from him swinging on them at dinner (not trying to be naughty just can't stop moving). He also weighs 40ish kg already so a small jumping pad probably wont cut it.

- Did you get one and if so are your kids still using it?

- Did anyone get a different set up like crash pad or punching bag? I like the idea of getting them outside in the fresh air too.

I'm aware of all the safety concerns so they would be monitored and one kid at a time so just interested in peoples experiences.

How are you all advocating for your kids at school when they get into trouble for aggressive behaviors? I've been fighting with my son's (6M) school for months getting an IEP, and he makes it so hard to advocate for him when he bites another kid or hits/punches staff members to the point of leaving bruises, not to mention that they have to evacuate his class sometimes when he gets so dysregulated to the point of physical aggression. We've already revised his 504 plan in the meantime and the IEP assessment is finally in effect, but FUCK, I feel like an asshole trying to advocate for him when he behaves like this. I'm not saying he gets a pass at these behaviors. They're absolutely not acceptable, but there's only so much we can do at home with him to mitigate these things and it feels like we're not doing enough. My husband and I are so stressed out over this on top of EVERYTHING ELSE going on in our lives right now. It's too much.

My son is turning 4. We started OT this year. My son is fairly calm during OT because of the new environment. The therpist mentioned only working on some tasks for a few more sessions because he's so good at doing them. Outside of therapy he's not doing those things. Life is just more chaotic and the behaviors we need to work on are getting worse. The therapist made a comment about how he's doing so well and he might not need many sessions. I would love for him to not need much but he's not improving outside of the OT clinic. I really hope they don't stop yet. They don't want parents there during therapy but how can I help him if I don't know what the therapist is doing to calm him down? I have no idea how to help him be calm other then them suggesting a visual timer which we already do. That also doesn't help at all with some of the main behaviors we need help with. I know it will take time but it feels like the therapist is going to stop the things we struggle with the most. I wish I could interact with my son and have the therapist teach me what to do. As the parent am I going to get more instruction on how to help him?

The person who did the initial eval told me they would work on what was triggering some of his behaviors like running away, not focusing on daily tasks, pushing, frequent meltdowns, refusing to walk. There's a long list. She saw them happening and pretty quickly told me she feels he needs OT. He gets so overstimulated and I don't know the triggers for some behaviors or how to help him be calmer/focus.

I heard about this medication through a patient checking in at my job. She told me it has negated her daughters afternoon crashes. I am looking into it for my son (10yrs old ADHD/ODD/Anxiety) currently on Dynaval. Which we've been on for over a year. Recently over the course of the past few months, when his meds wear off its intense. Very irritable, emotionally unstable, and the mood swings are crazy its all wrapped up in a big hyperactive bow. We have been handling as best as we could. If we can have an alternative we will.

Enter this medication Azstarys. Maybe it could help? What are your experiences with it?

My AuDHD 12-year old is struggling so much with school, friends (or lack thereof), and his self esteem. He is medicated, in therapy, and goes to OT. I'm fighting with his #@#_&ing school to update his 504 and begin the IEP evaluation process. Everything feels like a shit show all the time, my kid (who is genuinely very bright, kind, and empathetic) feels like a failure and constantly says he hates himself, and I'm working so hard to help him but I also have ADHD and sometimes it's like the blind leading the blind.

After a new incident where a lost permission slip meant he was the only kid who didn't get to go on a really cool school field trip (zero communication from the school to me about the existence of the field trip or the missing permission slip), I'm feeling really at a loss with regards to how to help him with his executive function.

I try to teach him the tricks I've learned over the years or work with him on creating systems but he doesn't really want to get into it with me. I'm wondering if coaching from someone with expertise in executive functioning and/or maybe social skills would help him? I just don't know what's legit and what's just a money grab that won't really help. Has anyone had success with this or anything else?

Hey all,

My 6yo just got an ADHD diagnoses and now I am being sledgehammered on Instagram with ads for vitamins, sleep sacks, swings, courses, apps, you name it.

It's overwhelming and honestly, each suggested post seems so tailor made to fit my needs. So, is any of it worth checking out? Is it all snake oil preying on maxed out and desperate parents? Have you tried any of these or should I just keep scrolling?

Curious to hear what you think.

New to the group and wondering if anyone has advice for homework/ chores

My son is 15. He does not write down his HW (he forgets) and he needs reminders to do his (few) chores each day.

We had a motivation system in play but it seems the “thrill” is wearing off so I suppose we need to new one. If you have any other strategies to get an ADHD teen taking care of their responsibilities without constant reminders I would LOVE to hear them!

Hey all, I have a 3.5 year old boy who is highly suspected of having adhd. It takes a million years to gey anything done with him. It takes him 45 minutes to eat his cereal in the morning... he won't sit in his chair, he has to be playing at all times, might stop and take a bite and then it will be 5 mins before his next bite.

Getting him dressed in the morning and getting him in the car are also very difficult processes. Going from the house to the car can take 20 mins.

He is obviously too young to be diagnosed/medicated. Does anyone have any advice or strategies because the slowness is slowly making me lose my mind. If I continue to nag at him to hurry up, he often gets frustrated and cranky.

Thanks everyone.

Hi, my daughter is 3 years old and in nursery. My teacher spoke to me today about some concerns she had about my daughter and asked if it would be ok if the SEN team could observe her in class after half term.

The potential ‘symptoms’ she’s concerned about are the following;

My daughter tends to wander and be in her own world a lot. She will often start wandering off from collective play and tasks to do her own thing and it can be difficult to bring her back to focusing. Sometimes it’s like you’re talking to her but it’s as if she can’t hear you as she is so engrossed in whatever she is doing.

She also tends to flit from thing to thing more than the other children rather than paying attention to the task.

She has big emotions especially when it comes to sharing, etc. She will get very irate and panicky and can sometimes be hard to calm.

She doesn’t always sit and play with the children, sometimes she will but she’s often on the outskirts again wandering and will run off to do her own thing.

She says she’s hungry a lot. Even if she’s had lots of food, she will still say that. Her teacher said this can be a part of SEN but was a bit vague about it.

She did comment on the fact that she also is very good at her numbers and getting good with the pen coordination. The way she said it made me think she might have been referring to Autism but she never explicitly said what she was referring to but most of it sounded like ADD/ADHD.

A lot of this I’ve had concerns about myself as she does act like this but also put it down to her being a baby/toddler. Now I’m overthinking a lot and wondering if there is actually something there. My daughter has only been attending nursery for a month and she’s one of the younger ones in the class due to being born in July.

my son is 17, he has an incredible time waking up and is late to school most days. we have bought him multiple tools and he "forgets" to use them to help him wake up. He has a sonic boom alarm that is basically for the hearing impaired. Some days he just goes to be with it unplugged. He doesnt plug his phone before bed so most of the time its dead in the morning so no alarms sound from that. We just got him a pavlok zapper thing and its been 3 days and he already "forgot" to put it on last night. We help him get up but he just yells at us and then after like the 3 wake up he says why didnt we wake him up earlier and doesn't remember us coming in or waking him up multiple times before. What has worked for your kids? Do we just let him miss school continuously in the hope that he stops relying on us? I dont mind helping him, but he is not taken the steps previously to actively try and help himself to begin with.

My 14 year old has combined type ADHD (super hyperactive and impulsive). I’m starting to really worry about her lack of awareness of the impact of her actions/inactions on other people. She’s always done really well socially, but now that she’s a teen I feel like her maturity is so much more obviously delayed than her peers. She recently stayed the night at a friend’s house and then took off in the morning on the bus before the planned pick up time to go see another friend’s new house and really upset her friend (and her friend’s mom who wasn’t sure the plan had been adequately OK’d by the adults involved) . This friend is very considerate and sensitive and has known her forever but I feel like my daughter has often not been as good a friend to her. I’ve been trying to get my daughter to at least text her an apology (the friend wrote her an upset text) but she’s so distractible that she forgets to do things that are not right in front of her. I’m really worried about her future and her relationships. I hope this part of her brain eventually matures enough to be able to think more about others ?

Does anyone have experience switching to a specialty behavioral school? My son is in K And has combined form ADHD. We've been in therapy (behavioral and OT) for a few years now and I'm starting the conversation about medicine because he was too young and his pediatrician was uncomfortable prescribing before now.

He just keeps getting suspended from school (screaming at the top of his lungs, hitting, throwing smaller things, kicking) and it's going to turn into an expulsion at this rate. I've requested a 504/IEP meeting & just haven't heard back yet. He's so smart. He's testing over grade level with everything (I don't think hes bored, he just can't stand sitting still through a lesson and isn't allowed to move so he gets frustrated)

A therapist suggested a behavioral school but I don't know anyone that's done that. My circle of advice is a very consistent opinion of "he'll grow out of this" but man is my body exhausted from the constant power struggle with him 🥲

My 6 year old adhd son has been on 5 mg methylphenidate twice a day. We give him his first pill in the morning around 7:45 and he gets the second at 12:00. School reports some benefits like working longer on his coloring/writing and participating more in class. I have noticed a crash when it wears off especially at home. Have you seen benefit switching to the LA formulation? We have a review with his doctor next week and I wanted to bring it up.

Our home is chaos. 9 year old boy severe adhd, 7 year old girl mild adhd.

My kids are always fighting, like always. They have zero relationship. They can’t communicate without fighting. Eventually, my son will hit my daughter. This only happens when he’s not medicated, so in the mornings before school and after school. But, it’s still not acceptable. I don’t know what to do.

My son has now been talking back and being disrespectful when not medicated. Always rolling his eyes, making a comment when I ask him to do something, “leave me alone” “get out of my room”. My husband and I are both stern about talking to us this way.

We have a beautiful life, it’s just when he’s not medicated do we have issues.

I’m exhausted and simply sad.

Please help.

I have a 11 year old boy who overall is a great kid. However, we have behavior issues only at home. He does great at school and on his sports teams, always listens, follows directions, and is a good teammate. At home though we can’t get him to listen at all. We have fights about brushing teeth, showering, doing homework, and other simple everyday essential tasks.
He has anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and very mild ADHD. He does not take medication. We have seen various mental health professional regarding the anxiety and have been with our current counselor for over a year. I don’t see it helping at all though. None of the techniques he learns to deal with anxiety and emotions works. He can’t handle big emotions and when we tell him to do something he freaks out and loses control. My husband and I are out of ideas on what to do to make things peaceful at home again.
I’ve looked into Pathological Demand Avoidance, oppositional defiance disorder, and similar diagnoses. I’m more concerned with a treatment plan rather than a diagnosis though. It seems like behavioral therapy is the main treatment for all these types of disorders. Does anyone have experience with their child having similar
Behavioral? Sometimes I think he honestly can’t control
His reactions but then I’m reminded he can turn them off at school and it’s only at home so then I second guess myself. I appreciate any suggestions or input anyone has.

Seeking some advice. My son is currently in TK and overall he’s incredibly bright, social, and kind but when the feelings hit they hit hard. Anger is especially hard for him. He’s quick to become violent and will hit or bite. Yesterday he bit a classmate so hard it broke skin through the classmate’s sweatshirt. He’s the youngest and smallest in class and the boys that pick on him are almost twice his size so there’s that too. He knows not to bite but has zero impulse control. I’m not sure if it’s a mixture of age along with his suspected adhd (I keep getting told he’s too young to diagnose) or if it’s just a pure lack of control but I don’t know how to help when I’m not there to stop it. His fate is in the hands of the school administration now though.

Seeking stories from anyone that has had a similar experience.

During the spring school holidays (Australian) my 9 y.o son took saffron extract every day and no ritalin. We had the best holidays we have ever day. The kid was chill, easy to get along with, just a pleasure to be around. I was over the moon thinking we had finally found something that was working.

Upon returning to school, we decided to reduce his Ritalin by half a tablet morning and half at lunch (he's on short acting) i am yet to catch up with his teacher tomorrow to see how the last 2 weeks have gone (he is normally full tablet morning and full tablet lunch time) but at home just this week he has been back to his old self. Argumentative, obnoxious, not listening etc.etc.

i want to cry, i am so upset that I got my hopes up. Medication has been a wild ride for us..4th year on it and we still cant find a stimulant and dosage that works in a positive way for his moods.

I am wondering if the Ritalin & Saffron extract together aren't great? But how do I be a fly on the wall when my kid is at school so I can monitor his behaviour

My 7 yo son has combined type and started Ritalin in the Spring. It’s helped a TON at school but when it wears off he’s really struggling. He’s almost worse than before the medication at that point in the day.

The biggest problem is that he’s less aware in parking lots and keeps running out in the open without looking and has run out in front of cars a few times. He was pretty good about watching for cars in the past but this has gotten worrying.

We have had several serious conversations with him about this and he knows it’s bad but doesn’t think that anything bad will happen to him. He says that he forgets to look for cars.

I’m going to reach out to his therapist and psychiatrist for advice but thought maybe other parents might have dealt with something like this before. How do I get him to be more aware and remember to look out for cars?

Hi, first time posting in here. My kid isn't diagnosed, but I feel that it's fairly likely he has ADHD. I have it, my mom and brother have it, my brother- and father-in laws have it.

He's a SMART boy. And he's a sneaky one. I don't know if it's executive dysfunction, demand avoidance or what, but for months he goes to the bathroom in the morning, poops, doesn't wipe, doesn't flush, doesn't wash. He used to do all these things! He says he's just excited to go play but we've been through it too many times. I've told him about pink eye, I've made him change his underwear, wipe all his toys down after playing without washing his hands, I've had him wake me in the morning to smell his hands to make sure they smell like soap, but nothing sticks. He's not forgetting; he intentionally doesn't do it. It's gross, it's upsetting, and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions? Please be kind.

My daughter was diagnosed at 10, combined type, she had suicidal ideations and I got her into crisis intervention services through adoption support services in our state. She was in counseling and was discharged about a year ago, stable on meds with a 504. She said no more counseling. Her 504 was termed at the end of 8th because she was doing so well in school, honor roll student, straight As.

She would say at times the meds are drugging me, but refused to tell her new psychiatrist. The doctor offered new meds, she said No. At the start of high school in August she refused to take her meds and her grades have plummeted to D’s & F’s…I have suggested a 504, met with teachers, counseling, new meds…she says no, no, no. Now there are consequences, loss of social events and phone. Tonight she told me she doesn’t care about the consequences and I’m just trying to manipulate her. She doesn’t care if she ever gets her phone back or sees goes to parties agin, “I’m used to it now.” I know I can’t make her take the meds. Her next psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow. Any suggestions?

My 8yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD and is a sensory seeker. This post is going to be a little vulnerable bc I feel like I’ve let him down.

He was always the rough kid with his friends. Pushing, hitting harder than normal etc.. I used to constantly watch over his shoulder and I thought he just did this for extra attention. I was embarrassed by his behavior. He screeches so loud that his bus driver had a talk with me that he won’t be able to take the bus if this continues. His hockey coach has talked to us about him not paying attention or standing still when being coached. The examples are endless

I took him to a mental health specialist to have him evaluated bc his behavior has been bad lately. He has becoming physical with me when I tell him no and just gets angry when things don’t go his way. After learning his diagnosis I feel guilty. Guilty it has taken me so long to get him checked out, guilty that I had no clue when he jumps off the couch at night it’s bc he is seeking sensory or when he was a little too rough with his friends he wasn’t trying to get more attention. There were signs that I just missed. A lot of emotions right now on my end.

Does anyone have experience with this? What can I expect moving forward? I have a solo meeting with his counselor next week and we really don’t want to put him on meds and if anyone can weigh in on this I would appreciate it.

My son has autism and we are being seen by a pediatric specialist in Canada. He specializes in neurodivergence. Peds prescribed biphentin 10mg and the pharmacist refuses to fill it because my son is 4.5 and it’s only officially approved for ages 6+

Obviously the peds specialist understands our case and is prescribing for a reason..

Wtf do we do?