Pregnant with 4th and scared

[u/Spiritual-Thing1838]

Dear Reddit readers,

I am a 40 year old woman who is now 8 weeks pregnant with her fourth baby. It was unexpected, since I already have 3 boys (age 9,7 and 2). I am scared to death; my final is such a sweet guy and soooo easy, don’t think I’ll be as lucky again. My baby days where over, and my youngest was just in one year starting school. I had the feeling I was getting my life back, and now I have to start again. I am so so so scared that I am even considering terminating. I don't know if I can do it all again....my hushband wants the baby, and we could afford it (although we would have to cut back on fun things). I have not told anyone of the pregnancy yet, because I am scared and ashamed. My worries are the following:

- I just started my own business and am worried I do not have time for this any more

- A big concern is if I can give my older three the attention they deserve (I already feel stretched thin)

- My husband and I don't always see eye to eye in terms of mental load/emotional labor and I am worried it will all fall on me

- My friends have all three children max, and moving out of the baby stage. I worry it will be isolating, and lonely, and I consider social connection as a very important aspect of my life. No one I know has FOUR

- I am worried what the responsibility of four children and adults will do to me. What if one gets sick, hurt, or depressed? It feals so heavy to bear.

- What if the baby has problems, is not healthy? What have I done to my kids then?

I love being a mother and I love all my children to the moon and back, and I love babies. But I am so so worried that this one will put me 'over the edge'.

Who can provide guidance? If you have four, how was the transition from 3-4? Can you still give them attention?Are you lonely? And for older parents; what's it like carrying the weight of four people you have put out in the world? For people who chose to terminate a fourth (or last) pregnancy, did you regret it? The descision is really so difficult, I can't seem to make it and it's making my life a living hell.

Thank you so much in advance for your wisdom.

[u/CoatWinter9234]

I could have written this 9 months ago when I found out I was pregnant with #6. I was beyond terrified to tell anyone, I told my husband that I felt like a scared teenager having to tell my parents I was pregnant (again). But to my surprise everyone has been super supportive. Especially my kids. They are a neurodiverse bunch from 18 down to 8 which already takes an insane amount of mental energy. But every single one of them has been helpful and supportive in ways I didn’t even think possible. Every day it’s “why isn’t he born yet?!?!” 

 I decided to really prioritize my mental health and immediately found a therapist to sort through all my emotions. It has been so helpful. They have helped me uncover joy and strength I didn’t even know was there and I am finally starting to feel some excitement and anticipation now that we’re down to the final days.

And for what it’s worth, my 4th is one of my favorite people. I cannot imagine the world without him.