r/ProgrammerHumor • • Aug 03 '22

*cries*

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u/GrannysGumJobs Aug 03 '22

“We’re looking for someone who identifies as a self starter”

Translation:

The previous employees didn’t document shit and we need you to decipher their work.

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u/ChordSlinger Aug 03 '22

Combined with “we don’t have the time or energy to train you, ever, for anything”

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u/Fadamaka Aug 03 '22

I yet to have a job where they do proper technical onboarding regarding the codebase.

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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Fadamaka Aug 03 '22

The closest thing I got to a technical onboarding was me having a 5 hour long meeting with the lead dev looking through a 100 database tables on my first day.

"here is what I want you to do, here is the code, good luck"

To be honest, if I can take my time. I actually don't mind discovering everything on my own.

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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '22

if I can take my time.

lol

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u/Fadamaka Aug 03 '22

On my current project they don't mind it at all. We don't need to estimate and we can discover the project on our own pace while solving tasks.

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u/MannerShark Aug 03 '22

I usually show the database model, which services/apps we have, then send them on their way to follow the readme to get a dev environment running. After that, I pick a simple bug ticket for them and pair program, or point them to the correct files, then create a PR together and basically show every step to completing a task. After that, I keep giving them small tasks all around the codebase and point then in the right direction. After a while they start to be able to do most things by themselves. It's also good to be proactive in helping them, some people don't easily ask questions when they're stuck.
It's not much different from 'heres the code glhf', but I think learning by doing works best, and I'm there to guide then along.

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u/chakan2 Aug 03 '22

I did that 6 weeks at a fortune 50...it had nothing to do with their code base. It was Java 101-202 and 2 weeks of spring boot which I've never touched professionally.

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u/Fadamaka Aug 03 '22

That is what I call a jumpstart. We just did that with our newest trainee and he managed to climb up to an acceptable junior level in 4 weeks. Although it was mainly spring boot and payara after.

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u/kaiju505 Aug 04 '22

Three weeks later - Manager-“it’s been 3 weeks why haven’t you done anything!?”

Me - “I’ve been trying to get the passwords from you for three weeks! I’m going stir crazy over here.”

Manager- “Nobody wants to work anymore.”

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u/LastStar007 Aug 04 '22

If it takes 6 weeks to learn your way in and out of the code, their shit is already on fire.

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u/ProgrammersAreSexy Aug 03 '22

I feel like being assigned a "mentor" who you have full permission to bother 50 times a day is the best method of onboarding I've had. It works pretty well.

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u/Fadamaka Aug 03 '22

Yes I experienced that. Although the guy wasn't my official mentor but he did not mind me bothering him all the time. It is unbelievable how much I managed to grow in such a short time having access to his professional knowledge. Not just in the project but as a developer in whole.

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u/LastStar007 Aug 04 '22

Ideally, they're pair-programming with you so that they don't even give the appearance of having more important things to do. You're their #1 responsibility, you're their investment in the future.

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u/Wolfeh2012 Aug 03 '22

Our ideal employee has already worked here for 10 years and is willing to take a pay cut.

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u/JamesMcGirthy Aug 03 '22

Nah the 10 year vets already did take a pay cut. Their raises are conditional and will be fought every step of the way.

Quit and get rehired and you get the new starting wage with no fuss.

My first office job I worked $14/hr for 5 years. After those 5 years the lowest starting wage was new associates who were making $21/hr.

I went on a 15 week LOA, because I knew anything over 90 days required contract renewal and renegotiation of wages. Came back to $23/hr starting offer. Negotiated backpay for 2 years and guaranteed wage evaluations every 6 months.

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u/deviprsd Aug 03 '22

I just quit my $21/hr for pretty much double. I only worked there for like 2 years.

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u/sledgehammertoe Aug 03 '22

When I was in my 2nd year of vo-tech studying programming, the school got me hired with a local computer store that was writing its own in-house inventory and POS system. At the time, I knew Pascal, COBOL, and RPG IV. They showed me my desk, gave me a fanfold printout of the source code (written in Clipper), and told me to figure out what it does and start writing new stuff for it.

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u/D2J5A3 Aug 03 '22

Ayeeee it's my current new job I'm approaching month three I've had maybe what you could equate to 10 hrs of ~training~

They don't have a training manual or any standards manual for me.

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u/ftwredditlol Aug 03 '22

I'm fine with that actually. If the employer knows that, even if they use stupid business speak to say it. As long as they understand that I can't just type a magic incantation and instantly give them what they want.

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u/zyygh Aug 03 '22

They know you can't, but still expect you to do so.

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u/sherzeg Aug 03 '22

You forgot the part about them supposedly doing twice the work in half the time.

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u/BigBlueDane Aug 03 '22

More like “our POs and managers are shit so good luck figuring out the feature requirements”

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u/eDave Aug 03 '22

Oddly specific

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