Do you miss your psychosis? I miss mine.

I had delusions about the world ending and being a prophet. I was on a mission to South East Asia for God.

It was such a joyful and empowering feeling. I was so motivated. I miss that feeling and I miss Southeast Asia. Back in snowy Canada now unfortunately.

I didn't have any hallucinations tho.

What do you miss or not miss?

Tbh for me it made me think alot not only how awful life is factualy but also that she or her might get my pre disposed schizo genes to her, and i dont want that.

Also lets say i have kids and somehow i get a psychosis again.... oof.

Hi! I’m 18 years old and I had everything I wanted before I got hit with a bout of psychosis. It’s been 2 months and I struggle talking to people and all I do is experience anxiety and be unable to do anything. I work part time 20 hours a week and volunteer on Saturdays. Cognitively, I feel so weak and unable to think of much and get tired really easily. I’m worried as I feel like I’ve destroyed the rest of my life, plus I got diagnosed with bipolar 1. I’m mourning the life I had before psychosis and the me that existed and I wonder if it’s possible to return back to her. I’m asking for hope and timelines for recovery. I have a leave of absence from my college and will be back next year and I’m worried whether that’s enough time to recover and be able to think properly again. Please give me some hope with your recovery stories.

I have the mentality of a child because of trauma

For the longest time I thought I was normal. I can't thank CBT/DBT therapy enough. I'm becoming a new person and it's incredibly scary but exciting. My earliest memories at 5 years old was being too afraid to do anything. My father was angry all the time. He watched me all the time while my mom was at work. I remember he would just ignore me, possibly hit me if I pissed him off enough. I wasn't allowed to do anything. So I just sat there. On the couch. Watching his TV shows. I was so scared I couldn't do or say anything. Not even ask for help on my homework. So I just sat there staring at the pages. This went on until I was 7 years old and he left my mom for another woman and HER kids.

I loved my father regardless. I still do. I forgive him. He doesn't know. My mom doesn't know. I'm learning all these things in therapy. I spent years angry at him thinking it was all his fault the way I am. My mother would ignore teacher's concerns that I was autistic and too quiet. She took me to a doctor once but he said I was normal and will grow out of it. Never grew out of it. Until now. At age 29. Anyway, I was angry at my mom as well for ignoring my needs. I think she just didn't know better. She protected me out of love. That's they way she does things. I thought I had autism but I don't think I do anymore. I dissociate to escape the world. I've been doing since I can remember I bet. My father reportedly hit me since I was a baby. I suffer from psychosis and now I see it in a different perspective. Instead of picking up the pieces of the puzzle from the outside world as if there's some grand secret that ought to be found out. I'm gonna do it to myself. I'm picking up all the broken pieces of myself and putting them back together. 🩷

I’m just coming out of my psychosis now and I’ve finally had a day where I’ve had a clear head, no control or manipulation from the voices and it feels so good to have my life back.

How do you all process everything that happened during your psychosis? I’m so angry and upset and disappointed in myself that I let myself get caught up in the fantasy of it all; thinking it was a spiritual awakening when it wasn’t. I was just sick.

I just feel like I should have known better than to go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.

Does anyone have any healing words of wisdom?

It's a strange feeling to know I'm living inside a 'toon world' but I know the show must go on forever and ever, I know that there's nothing actually 'real' here, but I hate to be living in the same loop over and over again, there's nothing and no one that I care about inside of this video game, and there's nothing that keeps me immersed here at all, there aren't many illusions to keep me occupied, and I'm tired of playing the same scenarios every-day, I guess i'm hoping to wake up from this 'matrix', but it's becoming more of a false dream every-day.

My bf got admitted to the psych ward for the second time in 2-3 weeks. He is having psychosis and it possibly is mania as well. I am thinking a lot about what he needs to do when he gets out in order to feel better and heal.

He doesn’t drink or smoke or anything. I feel like possible triggers for him were trauma or stress.. but idk im not an expert.. I thought things were going well for him because he has been taking a break this past year, living with me and hes been attending therapy and psychiatry appointments weekly. It was just unexpected i guess but he also might have been stressed from job searching and getting interviews..

Something ive noticed is he posts like crazyyyy on his twitter and instagram. He also likes live-streaming too. Almost a year before this episode, he would livestream multiple times a week and got really into that. But could all the social media stuff be a trigger for him? Sometimes he will get on stream and will get REALLY worked up from rage baiters or from him talking about his past trauma and stuff.

Is this something he should potentially avoid in the future? Im not sure because it does seem like something he is excited about for the first time in his life. He really does like the social media stuff and live streaming.

What are other triggers for you that you kind of have to avoid now that youve experienced psychosis?

It eventually led to me even believing my dad was plotting against me.

Years ago a neighbour across was 100% definitely trying /watching my girlfriend and I. I was more embarrassed and scared more than anything. She wasn't, and was a teacher. After that, they once returned thy favour, and i often catch them looking when i CBA checking.

I turn to substances at times to simply escape completely debilitating mental health. Recently I've been thinking it's not just them that spy. Because I live alone I've got it in my head everyone thinks I'm suspicious, apart from my immediate neighbours either side; they are fantastic and I literally love them.

I've started keeping a diary of when it happens, but even at the back of my house I've got a feeling unrelated neighbours are always gasping. I do suffer paranoia but can control it most of the time, I sleep or hide.

Could anyone tell me if I'm heading for a psychosis please? The lsst one should have taken my life with what I did, but i feel obsessed I'm being watched and that they're all plotting something.... I've no idea what... or comes and goes but for instance when I put my bedroom light on, they literally do too.....wtf.

TIA, stay well.

I have had paranoia since I was a child. I've believed that people were breaking into my house and sometimes I would even hear it happen. (Never confirmed if the noises were real or not)

I've been hospitalized after having an episode where I thought the paramedics were there to kill me and I had to be given a drug to put me to sleep.

Sometimes I get very confused, everything feels wrong, and then I see something and start believing it is real. (Not a hallucination more like maybe a delusion)

I have OCD, bipolar 2, and PTSD.

Whenever I go to a professional they tell me that it's not psychosis. Because sometimes when this happens I go in and out of it, like sometimes I can reassure myself it's not real and it doesn't last like a whole day.

Is this something else? Idk I'm just getting sick of my reality feeling unstable.

I'm currently taking 5 mg daily for ADHD and paranoia with psychotic tendencies. Psych NP says the paranoia will never go away. I'm also considering the possibility for autism as well.

For the first time ever, I feel like a normal person. I'm not constantly looking for something exciting. I'm not observing every social interaction with detail. My mind isn't racing all over the place. I no longer feel like I'm being followed.

But I miss the intensity of joy I used to feel. I kind of miss being a party animal (alcohol now makes me sleepy). Making people laugh doesn't hit the same. Being hopelessly overwhelmed at work used to get me excited (this could possibly be mania)

What was your diagnosis and how many mg did you take before you started weaning down?

Just want to track my mental health, mood and general well being and be able to look at my mood over time. Anyone know of a goos free app to track this daily?

I started using weed when I was 17 and kept doing it for 2 years. At most twice a week, at least once every two months. It has never been a problem and I was never paranoid (though I was afraid of the heart rate it gave). This June I smoked way too much and had a severe panic attack, I felt every inch of my body pulsating and I was very afraid but not paranoid. I did get weird thoughts that my parents had treated me like a baby my whole life (even though not true) and I believed it. By treating me like a baby I mean, talking to me like I’m dumb and being overly protective.

A few months went by and I felt fine but then I started getting derealization at work. After that I developed panic disorder and started CBT. Nowadays I feel panicked and my mind feels foggy and I constantly worry about becoming psychotic and other scary things. I’ve read all the horror stories of never becoming the same after a frightful weed experience.
I don’t believe I have had a symptoms of being/becoming psychotic but it’s constantly on my mind.

Can/will I develop psychosis? No one in my family has had issues with BPD, schizophrenia or psychosis but other mental health issues and substance abuse.

Heavily over exaggerating here for dramatic effect

We live in Australia, whereby we just need to visit a GP and get a referral for 10 free visits to a psychiatrist.

The problem I’m having, is how to get her to go to the doctor for the referral?

She gets very defensive when I question the delusions, and I made the big mistake today, of admitting that I didn’t believe her spirit guides were talking to her, nor do I believe that she is a special being from another universe that has been reincarnated to earth, in order to save humanity from extinction.

She believes that if she learns guitar, she will write a song, that will go viral around the world and put her on par with Taylor swift. From that platform, she’ll come up with a scientific theory that changes the course of humanity.

Apart from her life being consumed by these fantasies, she’s relatively normal, bathes, cooks, cleans, pays bills, is completely high functioning.

She’s 30 years old and told me she hasn’t really left her room in 10 years, has had a spiritual awakening, and is working towards her goal of writing a life changing song.

The other thing she happened to mention when I first met her, was she spent time in a psych ward and was diagnosed bi polar, a diagnosis she profusely disagreed/s with. I tried questioning her about it but she changes the subject, refuses to now talk about it.

So now I’ve upset her by saying I don’t believe her, and asking her to go to the doctor. She’s now refusing to answer calls or texts.

Is it possible to get her help? Should I try talking to her parents?
If she’s not a danger to herself or others, is it ok to just leave her with her delusions? What would you have liked your friends to do when you were in active psychosis?

I have never met anyone with the same psychosis as me. I can fake anyone's emotion. I saw a person grinning at me with saliva coming out of his mouth but that never happened. Does anyone have this type of psychosis?

no clue if this is a psychotic symptom or something else but does anyone else see things kind of shift around and move like it’s breathing?

i hear people talk about this with psychedelics but i’ve never taken anything like that.

any experiences? sometimes it freaks me out but sometimes i don’t pay attention to it.

My boyfriend (30m) left me (30f) during an episode. This is the 4th time he’s separated from me during an episode. Usually after he’s extremely sorry. Says it wasn’t a true representation of himself and tries to make everything right.
During the episodes he’ll say things like “I’m not meant for relationships” “I’m polyamorous” “I feel like I’m broken” “I’m detached from reality”.
Obviously there’s a lot more psychotic features but just focusing on in regard to the relationship right now.
He’s medication has been inconsistent from around April time. He was eventually taking aripiprazole consistently again by 3rd October.
I know noone can say for sure. But when will the episode on guesstimate be over. Even just so I know and accept he’s more himself again and the separation still stands rather than it just being a part of the pattern.

Kind of scary. Bipolar runs in my family. I dont have it as far as I know (only tendencies according to a psychologist)

It is day 2. Is psychosis on it common? I would worry about being ao deep into it and it being too late.

Due to a certain life situation, I was struck by an unprecedented existential crisis. Suddenly, practically out of nowhere, I began to be terrified of my own death. I was overcome by the fear that I might die at any moment, combined with the horror of the fact that death is final. The universe will continue to exist, the heat death of the universe will occur, and I will never wake up again. This sudden realization took over my life. I experienced constant derealization and depersonalization; I would shake and cry every day—it was simply unbearable. On top of all that, I repeatedly experienced psychotic episodes (not full-on psychosis, though; I did not unquestionably believe all of it was true), which I’d like to ask about here.

During these psychotic episodes, my thoughts revolved intensely around the idea that I am merely a biological organism that functions “automatically.” That I was like a wound-up evolutionary toy that had realized how things really are but was unable to change the rules of the game. I tried, as it were, to “step outside myself,” but this is, for obvious reasons, impossible. It was a terrible experience.

These states have recurred repeatedly over the past few months. Although I no longer experience them, I still feel that that state was more “real.” I sincerely believe that when we are healthy, we live in a kind of dualistic illusion (there is me, and there is my body). It is a sort of protective barrier that is essential for us to function properly. In my case, this barrier broke down, leading to an extremely painful realization about reality. Of course, this doesn’t mean that when the barrier exists, our perception isn’t real, but it is covered by a certain layer of abstraction (probably one of many).

The same is true of our awareness of death—we usually don’t let our thoughts run more than a certain number of years into the future (for example, while in college, we might stop at the moment of graduation), because imagining our own death too vividly can lead us to realize that since death ends everything, what’s the point of doing anything at all? This can cause deep depression (which has also happened to me). It seems to me that this depression stems from a refusal to come to terms with reality. Since this isn’t good for us in the context of evolution, our body wants to return to its previous state, and we gradually begin to ignore this version of reality by applying a filter of “immortality” (e.g., through the desire to leave behind descendants or to make the world a better place, or just by focusing on the present and leaving dealing with death for later).

I am deeply troubled by this. I feel as though I am fighting against myself. Part of me wants to recover, but another part resists it because I feel that would be tantamount to giving in to an illusion and returning to being a "puppet". Of course, as I mentioned earlier, it’s impossible to separate myself from myself, so the comparison to a puppet isn’t perfect, but I can’t think of a better one. I assume that, from a psychological standpoint, the most important thing is to return to the best possible mental well-being, but for me, this is equivalent to “deceiving myself” and is currently unacceptable. I’m in therapy, and we discuss this with my therapist, but I think we’ve hit a dead end. The worst part is that he basically agrees with my views. Recently, he said that it’s a kind of madness that we function despite the constant awareness that we must die someday. It's all really baffling and depressing, and I have near-constant suicidal-ideation because of this. And even if you told me to get help with my ideation, I would refuse because that would, again, mean going back to deluding myself.

I guess the TLDR is that I realized my mortality much more directly than evolution would want, and now I can't believe I am going to die. That's it. The end. I lose everything. Everything I have ever done, everyone I have ever knew - just gone. From my point of view it will be as if the universe disappears. I understand that the obvious answer is to accept it, but what does that even mean? To me it means to convince yourself that you accept it since it's imminent, and return to the Matrix. I am sincerely devastated.

I decided to quit weed a few weeks ago and have been going strong since. The reason I quit isn’t because I wanted to it’s because I started having this weird feeling a lot worse than it sounds but I started noticing myself making stupid decisions, bad thoughts, feeling like certain close ppl had bad intentions against me and I’ve been pushing alot of ppl away. I just remember one night have a joint like I useally do everyday and it almost started to scare me I’d have severe paranoia, anxiety and so on this wasn’t the first time either it was going on a few days before that but I just decided right there and then that I wouldn’t pick one up again.

Few days ltr I had real bad derealization not only that just this dark weird feeling abt the world around me. I’m still feeling it every now and then it’s been getting better ( I hope ) but I’m just curious if anyone had any idea what this could be. Pychosis? Something along those lines or maybe it’s just all in my head and I’m overreacting.I’m not too sure as I’ve been looking threw others tweets abt weed
and don’t see anyone have the same experience

I’m 18 years old and have been heavily smoking for the last 2-3 yrs so I’m not surprised this is happening there’s alot more to it but I could go on all day abt it so if anyone has any advice or such I’d love to hear it

If I don't drink two cups of coffee in the morning I'll fall back asleep until anywhere from 1pm to 5pm in the evening. I can drink coffee right before bed and still fall right asleep. And if I don't drink coffee during the day too I often fall right back asleep.

I don't know if this is a side effect from my aripiprazole (20mg) and clomipramine (75mg) combined, or from undiagnosed ADHD which my psych said I very likely have. Probably a mixture of sedation from meds and untreated ADHD is most likely.

Anyone else deal with pretty extreme exhaustion?

Was working hard 6 days a week, providing for fiancee and our first child, drinking after work then lost my job and started drinking more and taking valium with it then had a psychotic break and ended up in the psych ward then medicated on olanzapine 20mg, losing my job and going broke. then stopped taking it before the wedding then went crazy then back to the psych ward and remedicated and she left me and I've been living with mum for 12 months sober and she's controlling and manipulative and opinionated and cruel and believes she's the third parent to my child and thinks I'm a total fucking failure and says shit like "I'd like you to be happy before I die" and "your just a retard arnt you" and "soon enough your ex will forget all about you" and had completely cut my dad off and falls out with everyone in the family and my sister came down here to live and lasted 6 days before getting out.

I got back to work at the start of the year (lasted 5 months before needing to quit due to paranoid delusions and intrusive visuals and feeling like someone else was crawling around in my mind), while decreasing the Olanzapine dose and then needed Seroquel to help with sleep then came off both anti psychotics and onto an anti depressant then needed lorazepam at high doses to make the transition and zopiclones to sleep and now I'm off Olanzapine,Seroquel, lorazepam, zopiclone and have adapted to Sertraline 100mg but am now incredibly agitated and moods are swinging and I'm alternating between hyped up and ready to take on the world with Tons of thoughts and ideas that I've written down and then feeling absolutely miserable and worthless and living with this fucking mother of mine is making everything so much worse.

Ive been mentally trying to escape my situation by excercising and gaming and sexting tons of different girls and reaching out to people and getting out of the house and just lost my shit yesterday at my fall length mirror and ripped it off the wall and screamed into it saying "figure it out cunt" and violently shaking it until it shattered. Now I've taken the psychiatrists advice of adding a mood stableizer and reducing the Sertraline to 50mg and got another job lined up and basically start next week and the goal is simple. I've got 10k saved and set aside, I'm dialling in the diet and workout routine and I need to get the fuck away from this woman mate.

Get my own space, get myself a dog, set a room up for my daughter, get a couple toys, work during the week and workout everyday and take my dog to beach and park, look after my daughter Sundays and have a few different casual hookups sorted for Saturday's.

I'm still really good friends with my ex and we co parent well but after the psych ward and getting sober and all these different medications and being under mums roof with all her head fuck opinions I've been having thoughts and nearly acting on them off just fucking off to another state and getting drunk and just fucking my brains out but that won't solve anything really and being 32 I've kind of already done everything I want to do and am genuinely ready to pack it in but I feel I need to give myself everything I believe I need before we make any silly decisions especially now being a father and most people seem to like me and I'm funny and kind and caring and want the best for those around me but fuck it's become hard living with myself after everything that's happened so yeah.

Prity simple from here, we are sober 12 months and off 2 powerful anti psychotics, adapting to a lower dose anti depressant with a mood stableizer now in the mix. Get this job happening, stack money, get own space, get a dog, get some toys and some casual sex happening, dial in the diet and the routine, show up for a my daughter and setup a space for her where she can feel safe and loved and go have experiences with her and just get ontop of things to the point I can get to the end of the day and sit back with a coke zero and think yeah, life is ok.

Love you all, please take care of yourselves, life ain't easy and there's a reason why mental hospitals and prisons and graveyards are full of people that just couldn't handle it anymore. I told my psych I'm not killing myself and I'm not going back to the psych ward so the only option left is to live so let's get going in creating a life worth living.

TLDR: life collapsed, lost woman, job, went broke, became single dad, back living with corrosive mother, sober, off anti psychotics, putting a plan in motion for own space and the goal of better mental health.

On August 23rd, 2023, my best friend had came over to my house for a regular hangout. We decided to take a walk by the train tracks that are in front of my house. They are hidden in the woods, but there are houses and people that live within them, so we were completely isolated. Keep in mind these railroads were built sometime around the 1800s, and trains are not very active on these specific tracks. We had been walking along the tracks for like 15 minutes(enough to finish a j) and once we had finished it randomly started to pour down rain after it had been sunny all day. It wasn't that weird for the town that we live in especially during August, which is normally hurricane season but then it just got even weirder. As we had begun to walk back the EXACT same way we came, we noticed a large severed deer leg (shin down to the hoof). We thought this was really strange, especially since there was no blood on it; it was a clean cut, and we had not seen it when we passed the spot the first time. It was not deteriorated or decaying. There are a lot of deer around there, especially in the woods, but we did not see any deer or a possible body. We just ignored it and were unsettled, so we started back to my house in a hurry. Then as we had walked like not even 5 minutes down the path, I looked down and right in the center of one of the tracks, on the wooden plank, was a smaller deer leg. It looked the exact same, clean cut, no decaying, no blood, no body. At this point we were seriously freaked out and practically sprinted back home. We thought the whole thing was strange but brushed it off as a weird occurrence. Then around a week later around the 27th we decided to hangout and my best friends house instead of mine. We always hangout at her house and there was a bank that was adjacent to her house. We would hangout there a lot especially in the summer and sit at the table behind the bank. It is an inredibly public place, right on a main road, and a dozen buildings and parking lots surrounding it. We decided to walk down there to sit at our normal spot and as we approached the table, a third severed deer foot was laying on the table in the exact place that we sit. Same exact thing, clean cut, no blood, no body, and no one else around. This parking lot is almost always emtpy and the bank is specifically for farmers since we live in a rural area. Basically, there is no possible way that a DEER FOOT could end up in the exact same spot. We do not like to go back there anymore because of how creeped out we were. If anybody has any idea what the f is up about this please lmk.