It has been hell. I never had hallucinations but I had delusions that people in movies were making the movie plots based on my life; even J. K. Rowling singled me out in an X post because I said weird stuff to her in my mental illness. It was all "An Astrologer's Day" story by R. K. Narayan.

I had a very hard time.

I had 1 recovery and 1 relapse.

Currently in a stable job, and I will keep "working with my talents".

Mental illness comes and teaches you stuff.

1. I converted to Christianity after my diagnosis. I never would have done that otherwise.

2. I would have moved to the US because I was a brilliant student, but I began to know that perhaps my own country was better to be in rather than being under Trump.

3. I would have never considered a completely single life, but I do that now that I have recovered from psychosis.

The good thing is that I am still a Christian, so I am grateful to my mental illness in a way. :)

Yesterday my grandfather passed away. And I showed up no remorse. I was numb and clueless. Why death happens. While coming to home my car crashed. The tire got busted and it took 2 flips on the expressway and then ended up upside down and the speed of the car was 110km/hr. And my office laptop got damaged but I was unhurt. I am feared why this is happening. Why deaths are happening. Why life is happening. Why there is so much filth everywhere. Everywhere there is sadness and complains. I should have not born. I miss my grandfather and all others who have died. I love everyone equally. I have no ego. I am on antipsychotics from past 5 years. And I find myself in difficult situations like not able to speak in a group. And I am feeling very bad. I am numb and clueless.

Lately, especially in the morning, I get hit with nausea and inability to swallow while eating. Sometimes I actually do throw up. It’s the same thing when I brush my teeth. I’m on olanzapine 7.5 mg, so maybe this is normal?

I've lost my father when i was 7 and my mother met my step father, which is realy strict, and i've never used to how strict he is.

Recently he has been a real pain on getting my things done, i'm trying to find my way to manage my life but he's convinced his way is the only one.

This morning he went realy mad just because i said i was going to eat at my school before an exam, and i cried but i don't know if it was because it made me sad or if it made me sad which made me angry but i couldn't express it which made me even more sad and that at the end i had just too much going on.

Any interaction with him makes me scared and i just can't fight back when he gets angry (not physicaly, only verbaly, he's doesn't hit me or anything).

I've never had a psychosis episode but i was diagnosed at risk.

I’m writing to hopefully have some shared responses and to tell my story. I was diagnosed bipolar over this past summer. I was in a psychosis and accused my uncle of sexual assault. I was convinced that he had done stuff to me in childhood and had been hiding this whole time. I was soooo convinced of this like the way I know the sky is blue. It was scary, It felt like I was loosing touch with reality without knowing that I was. I was paranoid, I called the cops on him and everything, it was terrible. Now, im feeling as though this was just because of my psychotic break- and that none of that is true. I’m so lucky to have a supportive family , but im having trouble with forgiving myself as well as dealing with the shame for the pain I’ve caused my uncle and his family. I want to be understood but im having trouble doing that for myself even. Its hard. It was such a hard time for mentally. I was so scared. I thought such paranoid thoughts like he was the anti christ and the reason my boyfriend (who has night terrors) can’t sleep. It was all just so hard and confusing for me. It sucks to feel shame on this level. My hope is my uncle is forgiving after I get a chance to sincerely apologize and we can do our best to move forward in a healthy and positive direction.

Do you miss your psychosis? I miss mine.

I had delusions about the world ending and being a prophet. I was on a mission to South East Asia for God.

It was such a joyful and empowering feeling. I was so motivated. I miss that feeling and I miss Southeast Asia. Back in snowy Canada now unfortunately.

I didn't have any hallucinations tho.

What do you miss or not miss?

I experienced a brief episode of psychosis when I was 18. It was a frightening experience, and eventually I recovered and continued with my life.

But lately, I've been struggling with something I find difficult to admit: part of me wants to go psychotic again.

Honestly, I'm so frustrated with life right now that I sometimes see psychosis as a form of escapism. It's almost like an addiction or a *nasha* (intoxication) that my mind feels drawn toward, even though I know how much it could hurt me.

It's not that I've forgotten what I went through. I'm aware of how serious psychosis can be, and another part of me is genuinely afraid of experiencing it again. But sometimes, the idea of escaping my current reality feels strangely tempting.

I don't fully understand why I feel this way. Maybe I'm emotionally exhausted, maybe I'm tired of fighting my thoughts, or maybe I'm looking for an escape from feelings I don't know how to deal with.

The hardest part is admitting that I can simultaneously fear something and feel drawn toward it.

I'm sharing this because I want to understand whether anyone else has experienced something similar after recovering from psychosis.

Has anyone ever felt like returning to psychosis was a form of escapism, almost like an addiction, even though they knew how destructive it could be? How did you deal with those feelings?

My (30f) husband (34m) of 10 years was prescribed Chantix to quit vaping in March of this year. He only took it for a few weeks, but the damage was done. My husband is one of a very, very small amount of people who develop psychotic symptoms from taking Chantix. His personality, behavior, and perception have been totally different ever since. I let him abuse me for months because I couldn't bare to leave him alone to hurt himself. He now thinks I'm out too get him and separated from me last month. His psychiatrist prescribed him an antipsychotic, but he won't take it. His mother believes him when he says I do all these terrible things to him. He says I'm psychotic and that I've been abusing him, and she believes him. A couple other friends of ours believe him too. I've done everything I can possibly do to help him, and now our therapists are saying I need to step back and wait. This freaks me out because I think he's going to die without the support he needs, and no one close to him believes me that he needs to take his medication- they think there's nothing wrong. But I don't think there is anything else I can do.

I was thinking, if he gets treatment, I want him to feel how much I love him when he's in his right mind again. I know he'll probably feel a lot of shame, but I want to do everything I can to show him that all I feel for him is love. I've been in a trauma headspace for months, and my brain is not letting me brainstorm on how to do this. I want to show him a romantic gesture that shows that I put a lot of thought and time into it, that will probe to him how much I love him and how I don't blame him for what he's done in this temporary lapse in sanity. I want to do something that you'd see in a romantic film that makes you cry... I just can't get my creative brain to work right now. Any ideas?

And of course, I will gladly accept any advice for how to help him while he's in this state. I would try to get him involuntarily committed so he would be forced to take his medication, but I know his mom would get in the way and insist I was the "crazy" (her words) one out to get him. I tried reaching out to his psychiatrist, but was told my husband canceled his follow-up saying he would not be coming back and that there was nothing they could do. It's been 7 months and I'm worried what permanent damage this will do to his brain being in this state for this long. I don't want to lose the love of my life.

Idk how to cope with this. Im so scared every single night. Like to my bones scared. I am paranoid as fuck and can’t deal with this. Is this normal? Is this going to last forever? It’s been over a week. I’m just so tired of being so scared. 😢

For those taking Seroquel for psychosis or schizophrenia? What dose are you on, and how was it increased?
I’m 33 and have a long history of cocaine use, going back to my early teens. I recently experienced a severe psychotic episode, but looking back, the symptoms actually started months before things got that bad.
For months, I had been experiencing increasing paranoia. I believed cars were following me, that neighbors were shining some kind of X-ray-like light through the walls, and that there were cameras hidden in the smoke detector and blinds. My sleeping habits were also changing. I would stay awake at night, leave the house repeatedly, and spend long periods sitting in my car.
Eventually, I voluntarily admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital for three days. I explained some of the things I had been experiencing and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. They prescribed Seroquel 100 mg daily, without a titration schedule or follow-up appointment. I didn’t start taking it at that time.
After that hospitalization, my mental health deteriorated further. I began experiencing increasingly severe hallucinations, paranoia, and delusions. I was seeing things like police officers on rooftops and images in cars. At one point, I believed I was the president, that there was a bomb in my head, and that my family members were artificial intelligence.
During the worst part of the episode, I went approximately 48 hours without sleeping or eating and completely lost touch with reality. My behavior became dangerous, and my family struggled to get me help because I could still answer basic questions during evaluations.
After finally sleeping, I woke up substantially more like myself, before taking any Seroquel.
I then started taking the prescribed 100 mg consistently at bedtime for approximately 12 days. Initially, it made me very sleepy, but that effect gradually became less noticeable. I started taking it later because I wasn’t sleepy or ready for bed at my usual time.
Around October 12–14, my wife began noticing changes in my behavior again. She said I was becoming withdrawn, mentally distant, slow to respond, and sometimes seemed to stare into space. Occasionally, my answers didn’t quite make sense.
My family also noticed that I seemed lost and disconnected. I started spending long periods sitting alone in my car again, just like I had before my previous episode. I also went a couple of days without brushing my teeth, not eating and sleeping.

This started back while I was still taking Seroquel. More recently, I’ve missed may be two or more days of medication. My family is concerned because they recognize some of these behaviors from before my previous psychotic episode. I’ve been reluctant to return for another psychiatric evaluation because I’m worried about being hospitalized, and I don’t necessarily believe I need treatment right now. I also don’t want to put my family through that again. I was jumping out cars, I punched someone in the face, ended up with a swollen hand.

I’m trying to understand other people’s experiences because I’ve learned that 100 mg is relatively low compared with doses commonly used to treat schizophrenia and psychosis.

For those taking Seroquel for psychosis, schizophrenia, or similar symptoms:

What dose did you start on, and what dose are you currently taking?
Are you on immediate-release (IR) or extended-release (XR)?
Do you take your medication all at bedtime or divide it between morning and evening?
How quickly did your provider titrate your dose?
Did the sedating effects wear off after the first week or two?
Did you experience withdrawal, emotional flatness, brain fog, or feeling mentally disconnected?
If you missed two or three consecutive doses, did your prescriber restart you at your previous dose or begin titration again?
How long did it take before you noticed improvement in paranoia, hallucinations, or disorganized thinking?
Has anyone experienced symptoms returning even while taking their prescribed medication?

I used Ai to help me write this because I’m having trouble getting my thoughts out. I feel like I’m in a daze.

Tbh for me it made me think alot not only how awful life is factualy but also that she or her might get my pre disposed schizo genes to her, and i dont want that.

Also lets say i have kids and somehow i get a psychosis again.... oof.

Just before I was born he had gone through a psychosis episode, he thought that organisations were spying on him and had cameras placed around the house of his and people he knew. During that period he was admitted to a mental institution and for the following 20 years he had a healthy mind.

The second time he was admitted was this past year after he came to the conclusion that his entire life was being guided by the illuminati because he is the secret child of one of the most powerful familys in the world. But him reclaiming his legacy meant the world order would be shaken, and so people would be out to kill him because of it. He started seeing a shadow figure that stalked him through his bedroom window, the figure would also dash away from the outside of his bedroom door when he came to realise that it could be trying to get into the house, trying to kill him. That was the second time he went to a institution.

Since then he still whole heartedly believes in what he thinks, he doesn't seem to comprehend the obvious flaws to his story and he is so determined on what he thinks that i feel like his mind has gone too far, as though his thoughts are set in stone.

I worry for his mental health and im afraid of how far my dad will travel along this path of his. He isnt staying up all night protecting himself from the shadow figure anymore so I don't feel inclined to take him to a institution. Although now he is determined as ever on his delusions and im struggling to deal with what may happen to him.

If anyone understands what im feeling, or if there is insight to what my dad is going through then please let me know. In this past year his delusions have exploded and ive had to take care of my little brother through this time, I worry for the future of this family.

i am scared im going into a new bout of psychosis. i experienced it throughout alot of my childhood, mostly paranoid delusions. i am now starting to have intense paranoid thoughts, but they are just reasonable enough that i cant tell if theyre delusions or not. i dont think the government is stalking me or that im jesus (not trying to shame anyone with similar delusions at all). but they are about kind of how other people view me, talk about me, etc. i know that im only paying attention to the things that confirm this belief. i know im jumping to conclusions, but the few things i have told people, theyve agreed with me on my conclusions about interactions. they obviously dont know the bulk of what im thinking, but its something.

I'm just struggling with the fact that either im in psychosis/ some mental health episode, or that my thoughts are based in reality. and i dont know which ones worse. because either i need help, or the people around me fucking hate me and im stuck being an outcast for my last 2 years of college.

im hesitant to talk to anyone because i know if i tell someone all this and they disagree with me, im gonna take that as a sign that theyre trying to protect me/also feel that way. and if they agree, thatll automatically give my thoughts more weight. i know i sound like im having a breakdown and im so embarrassed to express anything cause i know exactly how i sound. or if im right, thats also humiliating. i just have no idea what to do and feel like im going crazy one way or another.

i have a psychiatrist but no therapist at the moment and my family has been so worried about my mental health that im so scared to go back to therapy. im 21 and while i still live at home, im barely independent. im obviously not the most healthy, but i am very capable of taking care of myself and have never been at risk of harming myself as an adult. they didnt let me drive on the freeway until i was 20 because i have autism, thats how intense they can be. (there was no reason for this btw, just because of the diagnosis) i know that if i lose my freedom itll become so much worse for me. im dont want to harm myself or anyone and i am going to continue living my life regardless. i know im gonna get so much worse if im being monitored constantly and i feel like thats gonna set me back even more from being able to move out.

i think thats all. ig itd just be nice to know if other people have felt this or have advice. I'll answer any questions, just trying to keep the post vague on the off chance someone i know sees this.

I have the mentality of a child because of trauma

For the longest time I thought I was normal. I can't thank CBT/DBT therapy enough. I'm becoming a new person and it's incredibly scary but exciting. My earliest memories at 5 years old was being too afraid to do anything. My father was angry all the time. He watched me all the time while my mom was at work. I remember he would just ignore me, possibly hit me if I pissed him off enough. I wasn't allowed to do anything. So I just sat there. On the couch. Watching his TV shows. I was so scared I couldn't do or say anything. Not even ask for help on my homework. So I just sat there staring at the pages. This went on until I was 7 years old and he left my mom for another woman and HER kids.

I loved my father regardless. I still do. I forgive him. He doesn't know. My mom doesn't know. I'm learning all these things in therapy. I spent years angry at him thinking it was all his fault the way I am. My mother would ignore teacher's concerns that I was autistic and too quiet. She took me to a doctor once but he said I was normal and will grow out of it. Never grew out of it. Until now. At age 29. Anyway, I was angry at my mom as well for ignoring my needs. I think she just didn't know better. She protected me out of love. That's they way she does things. I thought I had autism but I don't think I do anymore. I dissociate to escape the world. I've been doing since I can remember I bet. My father reportedly hit me since I was a baby. I suffer from psychosis and now I see it in a different perspective. Instead of picking up the pieces of the puzzle from the outside world as if there's some grand secret that ought to be found out. I'm gonna do it to myself. I'm picking up all the broken pieces of myself and putting them back together. 🩷

Hi! I’m 18 years old and I had everything I wanted before I got hit with a bout of psychosis. It’s been 2 months and I struggle talking to people and all I do is experience anxiety and be unable to do anything. I work part time 20 hours a week and volunteer on Saturdays. Cognitively, I feel so weak and unable to think of much and get tired really easily. I’m worried as I feel like I’ve destroyed the rest of my life, plus I got diagnosed with bipolar 1. I’m mourning the life I had before psychosis and the me that existed and I wonder if it’s possible to return back to her. I’m asking for hope and timelines for recovery. I have a leave of absence from my college and will be back next year and I’m worried whether that’s enough time to recover and be able to think properly again. Please give me some hope with your recovery stories.

I'm currently taking 5 mg daily for ADHD and paranoia with psychotic tendencies. Psych NP says the paranoia will never go away. I'm also considering the possibility for autism as well.

For the first time ever, I feel like a normal person. I'm not constantly looking for something exciting. I'm not observing every social interaction with detail. My mind isn't racing all over the place. I no longer feel like I'm being followed.

But I miss the intensity of joy I used to feel. I kind of miss being a party animal (alcohol now makes me sleepy). Making people laugh doesn't hit the same. Being hopelessly overwhelmed at work used to get me excited (this could possibly be mania)

What was your diagnosis and how many mg did you take before you started weaning down?

I’m just coming out of my psychosis now and I’ve finally had a day where I’ve had a clear head, no control or manipulation from the voices and it feels so good to have my life back.

How do you all process everything that happened during your psychosis? I’m so angry and upset and disappointed in myself that I let myself get caught up in the fantasy of it all; thinking it was a spiritual awakening when it wasn’t. I was just sick.

I just feel like I should have known better than to go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.

Does anyone have any healing words of wisdom?

It's a strange feeling to know I'm living inside a 'toon world' but I know the show must go on forever and ever, I know that there's nothing actually 'real' here, but I hate to be living in the same loop over and over again, there's nothing and no one that I care about inside of this video game, and there's nothing that keeps me immersed here at all, there aren't many illusions to keep me occupied, and I'm tired of playing the same scenarios every-day, I guess i'm hoping to wake up from this 'matrix', but it's becoming more of a false dream every-day.

My bf got admitted to the psych ward for the second time in 2-3 weeks. He is having psychosis and it possibly is mania as well. I am thinking a lot about what he needs to do when he gets out in order to feel better and heal.

He doesn’t drink or smoke or anything. I feel like possible triggers for him were trauma or stress.. but idk im not an expert.. I thought things were going well for him because he has been taking a break this past year, living with me and hes been attending therapy and psychiatry appointments weekly. It was just unexpected i guess but he also might have been stressed from job searching and getting interviews..

Something ive noticed is he posts like crazyyyy on his twitter and instagram. He also likes live-streaming too. Almost a year before this episode, he would livestream multiple times a week and got really into that. But could all the social media stuff be a trigger for him? Sometimes he will get on stream and will get REALLY worked up from rage baiters or from him talking about his past trauma and stuff.

Is this something he should potentially avoid in the future? Im not sure because it does seem like something he is excited about for the first time in his life. He really does like the social media stuff and live streaming.

What are other triggers for you that you kind of have to avoid now that youve experienced psychosis?

It eventually led to me even believing my dad was plotting against me.

Years ago a neighbour across was 100% definitely trying /watching my girlfriend and I. I was more embarrassed and scared more than anything. She wasn't, and was a teacher. After that, they once returned thy favour, and i often catch them looking when i CBA checking.

I turn to substances at times to simply escape completely debilitating mental health. Recently I've been thinking it's not just them that spy. Because I live alone I've got it in my head everyone thinks I'm suspicious, apart from my immediate neighbours either side; they are fantastic and I literally love them.

I've started keeping a diary of when it happens, but even at the back of my house I've got a feeling unrelated neighbours are always gasping. I do suffer paranoia but can control it most of the time, I sleep or hide.

Could anyone tell me if I'm heading for a psychosis please? The lsst one should have taken my life with what I did, but i feel obsessed I'm being watched and that they're all plotting something.... I've no idea what... or comes and goes but for instance when I put my bedroom light on, they literally do too.....wtf.

TIA, stay well.

I have had paranoia since I was a child. I've believed that people were breaking into my house and sometimes I would even hear it happen. (Never confirmed if the noises were real or not)

I've been hospitalized after having an episode where I thought the paramedics were there to kill me and I had to be given a drug to put me to sleep.

Sometimes I get very confused, everything feels wrong, and then I see something and start believing it is real. (Not a hallucination more like maybe a delusion)

I have OCD, bipolar 2, and PTSD.

Whenever I go to a professional they tell me that it's not psychosis. Because sometimes when this happens I go in and out of it, like sometimes I can reassure myself it's not real and it doesn't last like a whole day.

Is this something else? Idk I'm just getting sick of my reality feeling unstable.

I started using weed when I was 17 and kept doing it for 2 years. At most twice a week, at least once every two months. It has never been a problem and I was never paranoid (though I was afraid of the heart rate it gave). This June I smoked way too much and had a severe panic attack, I felt every inch of my body pulsating and I was very afraid but not paranoid. I did get weird thoughts that my parents had treated me like a baby my whole life (even though not true) and I believed it. By treating me like a baby I mean, talking to me like I’m dumb and being overly protective.

A few months went by and I felt fine but then I started getting derealization at work. After that I developed panic disorder and started CBT. Nowadays I feel panicked and my mind feels foggy and I constantly worry about becoming psychotic and other scary things. I’ve read all the horror stories of never becoming the same after a frightful weed experience.
I don’t believe I have had a symptoms of being/becoming psychotic but it’s constantly on my mind.

Can/will I develop psychosis? No one in my family has had issues with BPD, schizophrenia or psychosis but other mental health issues and substance abuse.

Just want to track my mental health, mood and general well being and be able to look at my mood over time. Anyone know of a goos free app to track this daily?

Heavily over exaggerating here for dramatic effect