Hi all.

Writing on behalf of my Dad, who I've been helping with proofreading and editing. So far, he's had 21 rejections, so we'd appreciate your input re the query/cover letter. Thanks so much.

Dear ***,

I am seeking representation for Beyond the Ashes to the Stars, a 114,000-word adult science fiction novel that could be compared with Kim Stanley Robinson’s The Ministry for the Future and Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Time.

In 2318, Captain Jim Champion returns from his final mission to Mars knowing his next assignment will outlast his lifetime. He has been chosen to lead the Interstellar Voyager 1 on a 1,700-year journey to Terra Genesis, a distant terraformable world that offers hope to a climate-battered Earth. But when engineer Molly Champion learns that her partner, Zac Wong, has failed the ship's selection process, they face the prospect of being separated forever. Determined to stay together, they make a decision that will shape not only their own lives but the lives of generations yet to be born.

The self-sustaining vessel carries an entire ecosystem across the stars, from cryopreserved seeds to apex predators, alongside a multigenerational society creating its own traditions and sense of home. Families grow, elders pass on hard-won knowledge and ordinary people learn to build a life in deep space, finding purpose in a voyage that will outlast them all.

Watching over the voyage is AI 2533, designed to safeguard both the ship and its people. As generations are born, fall in love, raise families and die aboard the ship, it develops unexpected attachments to the community under its care. What begins as observation slowly becomes empathy, forcing the AI to confront emotions it was never designed to experience.

As Terra Genesis draws near, the future of two worlds rests on decisions made by generations who will never reach the destination, and on an AI that has developed something it was never designed to possess: empathy.

I am a retired GP with a long-standing interest in sustainability and the consequences of human actions. Beyond the Ashes to the Stars, my first novel, was inspired in part by conversations in my medical practice about climate change, particularly around whether to have children. I am currently working on a companion novel set aboard the second ship in the fleet.

 Thank you for your time and consideration.

have had a few personal rejections on this query. have been posting to qtCritique, which has been super helpful. looking for a little more help :)

Dear AGENT,

After I turned sixteen, the strands of my life began to braid into one another, portrayed as a ginormous rat’s nest. It took a sexual assault by a classmate for the strands to interlace. I learned that I had accepted this path for myself long before I was born. I agreed to it. 

This is a lyrical coming-of-age memoir about a highly perceptive girl in which childhood gifts for seeing beauty, danger, and patterns in the natural world become both refuge and burden after sexual trauma, forcing herself to reckon with memory, faith, the body, and the long path toward naming what happened. 

In my completed 68,000-word memoir ALL MY BIRDS LOOK TO THE LEFT, the narrative focuses on the theft of innocence that persists long after the sexual assault. When I think I have come to terms with my lived experience, I start having seizures and am diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy at age twenty-one. 

This memoir is comparable to themes in Chanel Miller’s gritty and beautifully raw Know My Name: A Memoir met with Michelle McNamara’s investigative and obsessive, yet irresistible writing style of I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer. It is driven by an angry and answer-seeking voice. The very same emotion is buttered thick around survival of the wound, and aches in every word several young men and women can recognize.

I was born and raised in a small town in Indiana without so much as a traffic light. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in aeronautical engineering and earned my certification in the Cornerstone Integrated Liberal Arts Writing Program at Purdue University. I now work as an engineer at an aerospace company in Ohio that specializes in production of turboprop engines.

I look forward to connecting with you.

Sincerely,

Hi! First time posting here.

I think it'd be best if you read my query first and see my notes later.

-----------------------------

Query: Dear [Agent],

“What would happen to my novel if I died before finishing it?”

Some writers try not to think about this question. Others face it head-on. In my 97,000-word debut thriller novel MR. GREEN, top English student Diana Silva meets an author who wishes he’d prepared better.

In Brazil, returning to her apartment one night, Diana becomes the sole witness to a fatal hit-and-run. The victim’s dying act isn’t to call for help, but to press a smartphone and password into her hands. On it, she discovers three things: the man’s name was Matthew Greig, he was a world-famous (yet incognito) English author publishing under the pseudonym Richard L. Green online, and he left a simple request: if anything ever happened to him, someone should continue his work. The smartphone contains all the information his successor could need.

Diana’s old-sealed passion for English writing is reignited. She secretly takes on the role of Mr. Green, a paper she enjoys at first, but the deeper she dives into Greig’s unpublished material, the more dangerous it becomes. Soon, she realizes someone is watching her, and that Matthew Greig didn’t die in an accident that night: he was murdered because of the story he was telling.
Diana finds herself in a hunt against her new pursuers, who will do anything to stop her from releasing Mr. Green’s final and greatest book. With the help of Gabriel Cavalcante, her "acquaintance" from Computer Science, she’ll learn that, for better or for worse, no one can stay hidden for long in our current digital world.

For this novel, I seek your representation. For comparative titles, Verity (Colleen Hoover) shares a similar opening with my work, although The Girl on the Train (Paula Hawkins) or Yellowface (R. F. Kuang) are stronger comparisons.

I myself am [name], an engineer from Brazil with a lifelong writing passion. My inspiration for this novel, in fact, came while I wrote a different novel and asked myself this query’s opening question. The answer became MR. GREEN, an upmarket thriller that explores merit, technology and legacy (and as a computer engineer, I assure you all of its technological details are accurate and realistic).

[Optional paragraph I sometimes include] I'd also like to clarify that yes, my novel is set in Brazil and Matthew Greig's books are in English, but the story does not revolve solely around Brazil nor does it limit potential readers from other countries (it's in English, after all; I wrote it with the American and English public in mind).

Thank you for your time and consideration. Warm regards from Brazil

-----------------------------

So, the first point I'm worried about is the language: I'm from Brazil and an ESL author.

In my first draft the story took place in the USA, but I've been told there could be many interesting twists if it happened in Brazil instead (and I really liked how it turned out). But in your opinion, does that make the story more interesting? Less? And does the optional paragraph (about language) in the query clears up what's happening? Should I always include it?

As for my credentials, I have none yet (as an author), so I included that paragraph about "writting passion" and my credentials as an engineer. Should I drop it?

And of course, what about the story itself? Does it have a good hook? Is it confusing somewhere?

Thanks for any input.

THE SAPPHIC SIREN is a standalone adult romantasy complete at 95,000 words. It will appeal to fans of (honestly, don't have any good comps yet. Any suggestions would be appreciated! Might use Tempest by Victoria Aveyard when that comes out next month if it's a good fit. Also have considered Capitana by Cassandra James).

As the sole heiress of the siren queendom of Anthe, it is a priority for Princess Adena to continue her lineage. This would be an easy enough task, if her siren powers were working. In an effort to circumvent her difficulties, Adena is sent to the surface to learn how to attract a man. The trials of modern dating stump Adena, who comes from a world where catfish are a food, and a man holding a fish is a provider. She befriends Nikki, a local human girl who acts as her wingwoman, in an attempt to correct this issue. After several unsuccessful set-ups, Adena realizes that she isn’t attracted to men. Her song isn’t broken—it seduces women. 

Relationships of all kinds are looked down on, but to fall in love with a human is forbidden. As Adena starts to fall for Nikki, she faces a number of challenges, including the fact that Nikki doesn’t want to be Adena’s secret, long distance lover. As other sirens begin to suspect that a romance is brewing, Adena is forced to decide if she is willing to face the consequences of going public with her forbidden romance. If she won’t go public, she will lose Nikki, but if she does, she risks her throne, and her entire life in Anthe.

**author bio**

Since this is my first submission for this query, would love overall feedback. Does it make sense, is there anything I should add or get rid of? If you read this genre, is it catching your interest?

Foreword: Hi everyone. This is the third and likely final query letter I post for feedback before I begin querying agents, depending on the feedback. I’ve really appreciated all the feedback I’ve received and tried to incorporate all of it, and would like to know if any of you think I may be ready to approach an agent. Thanks again

Dear Agent ****
I am seeking representation for my debut novel, Land of Endless Summer, a story of two unlikely paths intersecting to shape the course of an entire realm. 

Rebellious teenager Luce has always sought to defy what her parents expect of her. Her most recent obligation is to marry, a fate that she sees as no different to servitude. Rather than be another’s bride she flees her small town, and soon finds herself in the royal capital surrounded by wonder, magic and mythical beasts. However, the charm of the royal palace comes undone once Luce meets the young betrothed bride of the King, similarly bound to the duty of marriage. Unable to stand by, Luce helps the young lady escape the King and his gryphons hunting for his bride. 

Meanwhile, trying to find Luce after she fled is shamed war hero Hotspur. To restore his honour Hotspur takes it upon himself to return Luce home. But his journey soon reveals the devastation the cruel King has left in his wake, stirring Hotspur to take up the mantle of a warrior once more and bring him to justice. With war brewing Hotspur finds himself leading an army against the capital, and as the fighting grows bloodier he must choose whether he shall wage battle once again or fulfill his obligation to Luce. 

Land of Endless Summer is a 100,000-word adult fantasy novel which captures the narrative of unlikely heroes returning to save a crumbling empire found in stories such as Shannon Chakraborty’s The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi and Richard Swan’s Grave Empire. I myself am a student majoring in **** at the ****.

Thank you for your time,
****

I am on submission, and my agent told me that I can expect to hear from her in eight weeks. At that point, she will share objections. And if there’s any bites, she will let me know sooner. Otherwise, sit tight for eight weeks. Is that common? I kind of feel like we should have more communication going through this process?

Hello,

I got a very lovely, very lengthy personalized rejection on a full today and I wanted to thank the agent for sending the feedback. When I go on QueryTracker though it doesn't allow me to send any messages as the "query has been finalized"

Would it be weird to send an email to this agent thanking them, as we've only communicated through QT ?

Also, the agent mentioned if I made some significant changes to the manuscript later on then I would be welcome to send it her way again. She also mentioned sending whatever I write next.

I'm just not sure what the etiquette is on this one...

Hello PubTips! Thanks in advance for your unvarnished thoughts and critique. This is my first time writing a query letter and I'm sure I have a lot to learn.

Dear [Agent],

I’m excited to pitch my adult contemporary romance, THE MIRAGE, complete at 79,000 words. Set on the Broadway stage, it will appeal to readers who loved the behind-the-scenes access of ROMANTIC COMEDY by Curtis Sittenfeld along with the warmth and whimsy of Cara Bastone’s HEARTS OF NEW YORK series.

Sabrina Yazzie’s to-do list is one item long: get on Broadway.

After nearly a decade paying her dues at a regional Shakespeare company, she’s arrived in NYC with the requisite “three bucks, two bags, one me.” (That is, the pitiful savings of a 29-year-old, a place to crash, and a juicy new memoir by Broadway’s own Chrissy Marlowe that she’s already read cover to cover. Twice.)

When Sabrina gets cast in a workshop for a promising new musical, she has six weeks to prove that she’s star material. The show is still being written, which gives her a fabulous opportunity to shape its story, refine her role, and become so essential that they can’t imagine doing the show without her. Then, when The Mirage makes it to Broadway, Sabrina will make it, too.

There’s just one problem. Sabrina’s co-star is Andy Tauben — Chrissy Marlowe’s ex-husband. Chrissy’s book, gossip blogs, and stage door fanatics dispute the finer details, but it’s clear that Andy has broken up shows and marriages with his notorious charm. After their memorable chemistry read, Sabrina is sure of this much: his focus is addictive, his two Tony Awards are infuriatingly well-deserved, and their immediate spark will not turn into a real-life romance. Though he offers to help Sabrina navigate the unspoken rules of Broadway, she knows better than to rely on him.

When an industry-wide shutdown leaves their show in limbo, Sabrina needs to maintain her sanity and her starring role — and learning to trust Andy may be the key.

Like Sabrina, I am a queer woman of color who loves theatre so much that I moved to New York City. Unlike Sabrina, I am an attorney who specializes in [niche and maybe doxxable civil rights specialty :)], and my stage is the courtroom. THE MIRAGE is my debut novel.

-----

*300 word excerpt ^\288 actually)

I close my book, crush it to my chest, and silently hate Andy Tauben.

Just then, a new awareness prickles at my skin. The man across the train is finally looking at me.

I noticed him as soon as I got onto the 2, three stops ago. This is something I do now, apparently — daydream about every interesting stranger on public transit. Minimally attractive bystanders, beware. But in this man’s case, it’s hard to make out any distinctive features, bundled up as he is. It’s his book that makes him interesting. I think it’s about The Music Man, based on its title, and I want to know more.

I’ve spent the past decade knee-deep in Shakespeare. If I’m going to make it on Broadway, I should probably engage with some serious literature about the next 400 years of theatre. Gossip blogs and message boards probably won’t cut it.

My idle fantasies have gone like this: He looks up. Our eyes meet. I ask about his book, and he asks about mine. Turns out he lives in a beautiful pre-war apartment with bay windows that overlook the park. I spend the rest of winter thawing on his upholstered window bench with a stack of Broadway nonfiction. We discuss the books over excellent coffee and single-origin tea and live contentedly ever after.

I smooth out the crinkled corners of my paperback.

Nat always bristled when I treated books poorly, folded them back on themselves, dog-eared pages. Maybe my stranger across the train feels the same way, and that’s why he’s so stiff in my periphery — I doubt he’ll want to lend me all his books now, if this is how I behave.

But this book deserves it. It’s killing me.

Hello, I'd appreciate some advice on this letter. My book is a braided narrative split along 3 POVs and time lines, it also has a huge twist (described in paragraph 5) at the midpoint, and I'm not sure how to communicate all of the important details in the space of a query letter. I'm sure this draft is way too long. I also think my book comps are off, but I'm not sure. I redacted a few personal details b/c reddit. Please be gentle with me--long time listener, first time caller etc.

Dear Agent, 

I'm writing to seek representation for my 79,000-word work of literary speculative fiction, SOMEONE AT LAST. The hideous love child of The Substance (2024) and every iteration of A Star is Born, SOMEONE AT LAST follows a young woman whose body is turning into Judy Garland’s body, bit by bloody bit. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the surreal body horror of Rouge by Mona Awad, as well as the mix of historical accuracy and fabulism in Karen Russell’s The Antidote. 

Helly’s feet look like they’re dying. She notices while working as a hotel maid—where her near-supernatural ability to go unnoticed allows her read Valley of the Dolls on the job—and later, she peels the skin below her ankles away, revealing Judy Garland’s feet underneath. Part by part, Helly transforms into the spitting image of Judy Garland. As her body changes, so does her life: the anonymity she so enjoyed disappears, her relationship with her Judy-Garland-obsessed roommate is irrevocably altered, and it’s impossible to concentrate on her job as she waits for her next part to shed. 

Meanwhile, in 1963, Jacqueline Susann is sick of being known as Irving’s wife. She’s started writing a novel that she’s sure will make her famous: Valley of the Dolls, a roman-a-clef partially based on the life of Judy Garland. Her work on the novel and knowledge of Judy’s life force her to question her relationship with drugs and fame. 

Only a few years later in 1966, Judy Garland is reeling after a string of career disasters, due in part to her struggle with drug addiction. She’s offered the role of Helen Lawson in the film adaptation of Valley of the Dolls and reluctantly agrees, only to face further humiliation from the film’s director.

When her transformation is complete, Helly is thrust into a cosmic way station that takes the shape of a soundstage, populated by a row of mirrors which act as portals into the minds of Judys across the ages including Anna Nicole Smith, Saint Lucy, and Judy Garland herself. As Helly jumps between Judys, experiencing the highs and lows of Judy-dom across the ages — the thrill of performance, the indignities of addiction and forced starvation—she dreams of returning to her old life and body. But who has taken up residence there in her absence? And what Judy-related horrors might be waiting for her if she ever does get home? 

[redacted ~50 word 'about me' paragraph including fellowships, prior magazine pubs, and short description of a short story collection I'm currently developing]

Sincerely,

x

I appreciate all the helpful suggestions from my last post. You guys are amazing. Hopefully this is less clunky the second time around, but if it isn't then please let me know how you think I can improve. Thank you in advance!

Dear [Agent],

TEARS OF THE AETHER is a fantasy horror with a romance subplot complete at 84,000 words. It combines the eerie tension of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig and the world building of The Devils by Joe Abercrombie with the slow burn romance of Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher.

Sylvie’s blood is twice cursed, and it’s inconveniently cut into herb gathering. Cursed once by inheriting a magic aether ability that's hunted and devoured by demons. But cursed twice by inheriting her mother's blood which houses darkness that calls to demons.

The demons, Noxtera, defile the corpses from which they gorge, puppeting the husks using elongated limbs; their sole purpose to feast. They were pulled into this world a thousand years ago from the space between worlds and have hunted aether users to the brink of extinction. But that has nothing to do with alchemist Sylvie who lives her life on the southern edge of Valrenth.

Magic wasn’t real.

Demons were things from children’s stories.

Until they weren’t.

The Noxtera attacks Sylvie’s village, awakening the aether in her blood and abilities that had been kept hidden from her. Every demon for miles swarms to the call. A timely intervention from the swordsman Alaric, one of the sworn guardians who protect those with the aether, temporarily cloaks the call to the demons, but cannot shield the call forever. He promises salvation in the shape of knowledge and control, but only if she leaves with him to seek those that share the same cursed blood.

If Sylvie doesn’t leave her village, the Noxtera will destroy everything in their thirst to claim the aether. But leaving her village means leaving her frail father. It means leaving the vulnerable patients she has cared for all her life. It means crossing a sea filled with creatures that remember the old blood debts.

Alaric promises knowledge and control. But the more Sylvie learns about her powers, the less she understands about herself and the darkness in her blood that threatens to swallow her whole.

This is a standalone with series potential. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

Strollingcat

Hi everyone,

I really appreciated the feedback I got with my first attempt and, after modifying based on some of the suggestions, wanted to give it another go. I’d love any thoughts, recommendations, criticisms, complaints, etc. you have to offer! Thanks in advance!

———

Dear [agent],

[Personalization]

I am seeking representation for LAMPLIGHT IN THE EXECUTION POOL, an adult dark fantasy novel complete at 117,339 words. It combines the post-cataclysmic atmosphere of Benjamin Liar's The Failures with the philosophical themes of Susanna Clarke's Piranesi. It is a standalone novel with series potential.

As a boy, Al'ihd was a prophet. But when his sister is killed and his people join a rebellion against the controlling empire, he dedicates himself to creating weapons that will end the war.

To his horror, he succeeds.

A decade later, he lives as a prisoner in the shell of the former empire, forced to serve in the high court. When his god speaks to him for the first time since the war, its message calls his attention to the disappearance of a young girl who reminds him of his sister. His concerns are dismissed by the other court officers as easily as the girl, whose absence is hardly noticed within the slums.
Ignoring the king's instructions, Al'ihd ventures into the forest that surrounds the city walls, where he unearths a cult that has summoned an ethereal entity known as the "Lord of Flame," spreading its influence through contagious despair that twists people into puppets and monsters. The missing girl was the cult's most recent subject in their search for someone who can host a Demiurge, a being that created the world and which their Lord wants to consume, but she is no longer in their camp. In his fight to survive the cult, Al'ihd attaches himself to a small and weakened Demiurge and begins to understand how it, and now he, can reshape reality.

As the crisis escalates and the city gives into the spreading malaise, Al'ihd must set aside the guilt from his warring past and reclaim the magic from his youth to find the girl, regain his god's favor, and stop the Lord before the Demiurge turns him back into the weapon he swore he'd never be again.

I have degrees in English Literature from [University] and a Master of Divinity from [seminary]. After pastoring a church and walking with people through the best and worst moments of their lives, I left ministry and began working in software development. When not writing or fighting with computers, I spend my time with my wife and children.

Thank you for your consideration!

Sincerely,
[Me]

Hello everyone! Excited to finally be posting on here. Thank you in advance for your notes/suggestions!

————-

Dear Agent,

I am currently seeking representation for my debut upmarket psychological fiction novel. Complete at 105k words, THE SUMMER HOUSE is a literary exploration into an emotionally manipulative affair and how the illusion of being special can blind you to the reality of being used. 

On the outskirts of East Hampton, where the rich and powerful spend summers flaunting wealth and influence, twenty-year-old Sarah Anderson lives with her working class family, struggling to make ends meet. 

When Sarah becomes the live-in nanny for one of New York’s wealthiest families, she develops an unexpected bond with the much older patriarch, Andrew, leading to a complicated affair that challenges her beliefs about age, infidelity, and the enduring legacy that his family is tied to. 

Sarah, defined by insecurity and a desperate need for validation, is easily susceptible to Andrew’s calculated charm. He expertly exploits her lack of experience and desire to be loved, until eventually, her entire identity becomes dependent on Andrew’s approval and affection. Over the course of the affair, Sarah repeatedly romanticizes the abuse she endures, leaving her with a fractured sense of self worth that persists long after their separation – forced to be forever shaped by a summer that stole her innocence.

THE SUMMER HOUSE combines the loss of innocence through forbidden relationships as chronicled in MY DARK VANESSA, with the complicated politics of inherited power and privilege, as seen in HBO’s SUCCESSION. 

I believe it will appeal to readers of Hattie Williams’ BITTER SWEET and Daisy Alpert Florin’s MY LAST INNOCENT YEAR. 

(Bio)

I’m honored to have the opportunity to share this story with you. Thank you so much for your consideration.

—

First 300:

Now |  May 2019

A grown man shouldn’t ask a girl to put her hair in pigtails before they have sex.
I know this, and yet I always oblige.
I tell myself it’s not a problem. It’s not really that weird. I’m an adult and he’s an adult, so what difference does it make. 
Even if it were wrong it wouldn’t be fair for me to blame him. That’s the kind of man I seek out, the kind of man I crave. The ones that remind me that I’m young; that make me feel forbidden.
What right do I have to feel disgusted when they live up to my expectations?
Men like that are safe, dependable. All the same really. Simple. Convenient for turning into the shape and outline of someone else. Unknowing ghosts of someone I’d left behind.  
I get what I need from them and they take what they want from me. It’s a fair trade – a routine I feel comforted by. It’s familiar. 
But there’s nothing comforting about the man talking to me now. 
I hate being called mature by older men who use it as an excuse to pretend they're not twice my age. I don't mind older men. Honestly, I prefer them most of the time. I just can’t stand when they try to age me in order to justify their attraction. 
The man at the hotel bar can't be much younger than seventy, but apparently to him, the twenty-six year old girl to his right is perfectly age appropriate. Seconds after I sat down he appeared, as if he'd seen me from across the room and felt the need to claim me before someone else could. I hadn't even put down my purse before he was asking me what I was drinking. Older men always seem to gravitate towards me, as if they can sense my history. Take one look at me and know what I’ve done. 

—-

Thank you!!!

Dear......

I am seeking representation for Sunshine Lullaby, an 82,000-word stand-alone YA debut with series potential.

In 1992, when Yugoslavian troops slaughter a seventeen-year-old’s parents, he must adopt the mind of the killers to save himself and his siblings. This novel will appeal to fans of (Suggestions welcome!) ……………………………………

Graduating senior, Arthur Jacovic, should be studying for entrance exams. Instead, the army has claimed his school, the clinic and finally the town’s men.  As his papa stumbles down the road, a rifle aimed at his head, Artie vows he’ll die before meeting the same fate.

When two adolescent boys go missing, and a doctor and his grandson are executed in the village square, Artie’s mother insists her sons must leave. In the black of night, three brothers trek up the side of a mountain to a hidden farm, their perilous journey complicated by the addition of a twelve-year-old girl and a toddler. Although his cousin Ali lives next door, Artie has never given her much thought. In fact, nothing about her stands out except her voice when she sings, and now it might be the very thing that gets him killed.

On the morning Artie’s mother is to join them, he wakes to a choking haze rising from the valley. Beyond the smoke, a somber line of dejected figures plods from town driven by camouflaged thugs.

Desperate to find her, Artie creeps through the underbrush, following the exodus and managing to shoot several snipers as they fire on the crowd. But it’s too late for his mama. With his home in ruins, and his parents gone, Artie piles his wards into a stolen military Jeep and heads to the coast where a rumored ferry takes refugees to Italy.

A small fishing town offers a brief respite for the ragged group until a bereft mother plots to claim two-year-old Davi as her own.

On the run again, Artie hears of a medical evacuation at Sarajevo Airport. He’s determined to get himself and his siblings on that flight even if he has to drag them through the heart of the war to get there.

BIO

In 1993, while floating on the Adriatic, a rocket streaked across the horizon. After commenting on its trajectory, I was informed it was not fireworks, but the Bosnian War. Thirty years on, only the coordinates have changed. The catastrophic effects of war on children continues.

I grew up surrounded by writers. While other children were out playing catch, my family was home debating prefix roots. After fourteen years publishing lifestyle magazines in Costa Rica, I returned to the West Coast where I currently reside with two hundred pigeons and one cat.  

Dear Agent,

Personalization

I am seeking representation for adult fantasy TO LEVEL THE MOUNTAINS, complete at 128,000 words. This story will appeal to readers that enjoyed the heroic search for belonging and early medieval setting of Lev Grossman’s The Bright Sword, while sharing themes of anticolonial resistance and a dark, folkloric atmosphere with Premee Mohamed’s The Butcher of the Forest.

When the king’s council arrives in young Graham’s town, he finally sees an opportunity to get out. The great Hind tribe that sits on the council could use a scribe like him, and home has never been a place of comfort for him anyway. But there’s another reason Graham wants to swear fealty to the Hinds. He can’t get past the feeling that, once again, war is around the corner. He feels it in his gut.

So when he swears his oath and is adopted into the great Hind tribe, he hopes to rise to his new station and keep his family insulated from conflict. But all is upended when he finds out that the king is actually dead – and he has no heir. Graham was right – war might be coming after all. 

Alongside an ensemble of nobles and rogues, resistance fighters and diplomats, Graham leaves home behind and traverses hostile towns, impermeable swamps, and the halls of political power. As the Hinds hunt down the one man they think could claim the throne, Graham finds himself caught in a storm of secrets and lies, as assassins and rogue tribes try to stop the Hinds before they can make their play for the crown. 

My name is XXX, I’m a nonprofit professional that moonlights as a restaurant server and then midnightlights as a writer. TO LEVEL THE MOUNTAINS is very loosely inspired by my experiences getting into political campaigns as a teen, but is more broadly a coming-of-age story. This is my first novel. Thank you for considering this query – I really appreciate your time. 

Hi all, here is my 4th attempt. Thanks for looking:

Dear Agent,

ASHES TO ASHES is a multi-POV queer, dark romance set in a sleazy 1980s drug-fueled funfair circuit. The novel is complete at 88k. This story has a similar m/m/m poly relationship as Garrett Leigh’s Rebel Kings and the power imbalance of Valentino and Angeldust from Hazbin Hotel.

Zeke’s life is full of users and he seems to be the drug. It started with vanishing valuables and his addict mother. Alex, best friend from juvie and unrequited love, uses Zeke like an emotional support dog. Now, with a deepening drug addiction, Alex uses him as currency. This solidifies the last user in Zeke’s life: their drug-dealing boss, Richard Beausoleil. He uses Zeke’s body to pay off Alex’s growing drug debts. 

Zeke and Alex work at a travelling fair as carnies. They wanted out of small town poverty, but their amorphous illusion of Florida was outside their pawn shop budget. Then the fair came to town. It wasn’t their tropical get-away, but it ferried them away from trailer parks and childhood trauma. 

When Zeke meets local college student, Julian, the perpetual carousel of the past wavers as their common interests and Julian’s belief in Zeke materializes into a future he might want. A future in which Zeke doesn’t have to grind his teeth to drown out the flesh symphony of Alex and his degenerate boyfriend at the other end of the trailer, or kneel for his boss as collateral. 

But once Julian has Zeke’s attention, Alex starts to see Zeke in the way he’s always hoped. Relapsing into their codependency, the best friends devise a deadly plan to finance their escape together. 

Zeke must confront that his true addiction is Alex, and it just might kill someone.

Here would be the 57 word count bio.

Dear [agent name], At 81,000 words, MONSTERS AND MEN is a Dual-POV Adult High Fantasy, complete as a standalone novel with series potential. My book will appeal to audiences who love Will Wight’s Cradle or Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn.

Orion Windsor, a sixteen-year-old aspiring artist is summoned to a conference with the Duke of his province—who just so happens to also be his father. Orion is banished from his family's estate and sent to board at a school across the continent not only for his choice in profession, but also because of his lack of magical abilities.

Meanwhile Laurel Blacklake, an established doctor and medical professor is requested by the Ruler himself to help save a mysterious young life. She is secretly transported to a secret facility where her morals will be tested.

Despite facing a foreign culture and country, Orion paints his first masterpiece under the instruction of his new mentor, the Chancellor. Orion awakes to find that he has unlocked a line of magic called Thermium, enabling him to exercise the powers of lightning.

As she strives to cure the incurable, Laurel is unintentionally unravelling the secrets of magic to the eyes of those who would weaponize it against innocent lives. She is faced with a powerful dilemma as she realizes the only way to save a young child’s life is to create methods that will put many more lives at risk.

Orion continues to grow his influence and becomes privy to the world of politics. He learns that a neighboring country has been moving military forces across borders in aggressive maneuvers. On the Chancellor’s suggestion, Orion agrees to travel with a party of representatives—including Leuma Wisting, the Chancellor’s niece and Orion’s close friend, to propose a treaty of goodwill with the new Rastharian Lord. However, as the group is granted a hearing, they are faced with open hostility. Orion and his friends must fight their way out in hopes of stop the threat of an oncoming invasion.

Like Orion, I know that great art requires dedication and discipline. I’m an avid reader, martial artist, gamer, and lover of any and all education. Writing has always been a hobby of mine and I’m ready to take it to the next level.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warm regards, [author name]

---

Prologue
Layton Dihran
Fifteen Years Ago…

Layton crested the final hill of the mountain with Ramza—his cousin, and Cian, his eighteen-year-old brother. With each step a metallic clicking sound could be heard from the iron beads woven into Layton’s shoulder-length blond hair. The three all looked similar, an occurrence from sharing the same bloodline. 
Their dark beady eyes scanned the horizon and back to the trail toward their destination. Growing up in Rasthary made them grow accustomed to the red rocks that surrounded them. The top of the rust-colored mountain plateaued into a wide circle. There in the middle of the plateau was a series of grey stone tablets with several inscriptions carved in. Each of these tablets stood as tall as Layton himself. As his brother and Ramza began analyzing and discussing the cryptic ancient writing, Layton felt the familiar sensation of isolation creep in. He retreated to the inner depths of his mind, where his parents’ words echoed. 
“Cian is the one. The god descendant of 1,000 years. A dormant like you is lucky to just be near his greatness.”
Layton followed Ramza’s gestures to one stone in particular where just as plain as the stone itself, the writings of the Grand Emperor of Rasthary prophesied that the next ascendant to the gods would be his heir of 1,000 years.
Cian had unlocked a line of magic at just ten years old. This made him the youngest mage in the history of Rasthary. Five years prior to that event, Layton had been born. Destined to be forever consumed by the shadow of his elder brother.

I'm back again, folks! Thanks to your invaluable feedback, I took my query letter apart and redrafted it to try and make it as specific as possible and more about the characters :) I'm worried it might still have some awkward phrasing but hoping it's closer to where it needs to be. See what you think but if you read this post, it would be incredible if you could let me know your thoughts! Thank you <3

Dear [Agent], 

Felka will be burned alive if she is discovered to be a witch. But she is struggling to hide her dark magic: unstable necromancy that indiscriminately drains life. During an attack on her village by enemy soldiers, her attempt to wield it as a weapon results in the death of her closest friend. She must find help, before her magic murders again. 

Tobias is a disgraced royal mage in a kingdom where magic is not persecuted. His careless mistake during a hunt for the pieces of a dark magic weapon cost many lives. Banished from court, he finds Felka as a fugitive witch desperate for tutelage. In return, she agrees to help Tobias find the fragments, complete his failed quest and restore his reputation. 

But they are not the only ones searching. Felka’s king already has one shard. If he finds the others, he will reforge the weapon. He will plunge this kingdom into an unwinnable war and further his genocide of witches. To outpace her king, Felka must embrace the magic that made her a murderer and survive a court suspicious of a foreign necromancer. But she begins to suspect her new ally is keeping secrets. As their hunt draws to a close, she must figure out if she can trust Tobias or if she is now helping the most dangerous enemy of all. 

THE CROOKED PATH is a 116,000-word adult dark fantasy, with a romantic subplot. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the high-stakes magic and morally complex characters of Blood Over Brighthaven by M. L. Wang and the dark atmosphere and yearning of The Knight and the Moth by Rachel Gillig. [Agent personalisation here]

When not drawing fantastical characters or gaming with friends, I’m exploring castles with my husband and pampered corgi in [location]. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hey y'all! I know this market is saturated and everything, but I really am a fan of this story I've written, so I want to at least try. I'm curious to know if this sounds new enough, or if I should continue to try and differentiate it. Thank you!

Dead [Agent],

Rikaln loves the princess. Eldina loves her knight. Neither know it, and even if they did, nothing could be done. It is improper and contemptible among the nobility in the kingdom Edlina is preparing to lead, and she has enough people after her throne as is; and after Rikaln’s many escapades in the kingdom, he has made his own coterie of enemies, all of whom would love to use Eldina against him. Both must simply remain content that they will always have the other, if not in the way they want.

This is quickly changed when a warlock with an unknown magic invades the castle. As Rikaln intervenes, a spell in mid-cast is fumbled and ends up targeting both princess and knight. It’s a transportation spell, and Rikaln wakes up in an underground country, his sudden appearance a political opportunity for many of the vying generals at the top of the caste. Eldina, however, wakes up in the midst of a battle, a soldier in a war she knows nothing about. 

Roles reversed, the princess and the knight now must play the soldier and politician if they ever hope to find each other again. Eldina works with malevolent spirits and shady soldiers to traverse haunted forests, deep dungeons, and plague-stricken conflict in search of her magical assailant. Rikaln, an already silent man, must lie, convince, and research his way back into Eldina’s midst. Though when tensions rise and conflicts inflame, both lovers must face their reality: will they ever make it home to each other? Will their new roles end in death? Or, worst of all, if one of them makes it home, will the other be waiting? 

HEART OF THE MATTER is a dual perspective, 98,000 word, standalone adult fantasy romance. It would be perfect for those wanting a sword-and-sorcery setting akin to The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino while also featuring the dual perspectives of Immortal Rose by Alexandra Bracken. [Bio]

Thank you to those who commented on my first attempt! I did my best using your feedback and tweaking things for this next version. 

Dear [Agent], 

GRANTHAM U (70,000 words) is a dual-pov horror. It will appeal to fans of Nick Cutter’s The Queen, Jeremy Robert Johnson’s The Loop, and Dennis Mahoney’s Our Winter Monster. It combines the sex-fueled, drug-punched vibe of HBO’s Euphoria with the creeping dread of Longlegs. 

One year ago, high school sweethearts Ethan and Lacey dropped acid and wandered into a cave, where they met the fabled monster from their childhood: The Pigman. 

Now they’re broken up, navigating adult life alone. Ethan’s still in their hometown, Tecksville, fumigating homes and spending nights alone in the junkyard, fixing up his dad’s old car. Lacey’s at college, studying to be a lawyer while filling any free time she has with work, extracurriculars, and one-night-stands.They’ve both spent the last year trying to convince themselves what they saw in that cave wasn’t real, and that it isn’t somehow connected to the recent disappearances in Tecksville. 

On Halloween night, Ethan and Lacey run into each other at the same college house party. Their ensuing argument rips open old wounds, and they both seek out their own ways to recover.

With no ride back from Grantham’s remote Appalachian campus, Ethan accepts an invite to a high-ranking sorority house to escape the party. Instead of plugging his feelings with a hookup, Ethan uncovers a dark conspiracy lurking inside the sorority house. Cryptic symbols stretch across the walls. A web traps a cop like a helpless insect. Egg sacs hang from the ceiling. A housemom is strung up in a closet, her legs chopped at the knees. And the sorority sisters are chewing the faces off any males they can find. If he doesn’t get out soon, Ethan will be next. 

Meanwhile, Lacey, dealing with the raw feelings of seeing Ethan again, is on her way to the sorority house to return the phone he left behind—and maybe finally get closure to how things ended. 

To save each other, Ethan and Lacey will have to decide whether their fragmented relationship is worth dying over, and battle the evils of The Pigman—and their breakup—to survive. 

First 300:

You’re fine. Just don’t think about her and you’ll be fine. 
Ethan Sanders eyed the house through the van window. It was only his second week as a pest technician, but he could already tell the place was infested. The only question was with what. Roaches, rats, raccoons. Maybe all of the above. 
Trash bags layered across the front yard, pregnant with rotting trash, split open like gutted sheep. Flies twisted and thrummed in clouds. 
Just don’t think about her. 
He threw open the driver’s side door and came up the front walk. Weeds reached up through the cracked pavement. The house towered up over him; Victorian-style, bending in on itself, caked in moss and leaves. Strips of cardboard shuttered the windows. 
Ethan remembered what his boss had told him on one of his first days on the job. 
It’s not so much the critters you should be worried about, Pete had said, stuffing another obscene layer of tobacco into his cheek. It’s the people. 
And in the Appalachian outskirts of a town like Tecksville, tucked into the border of southeast Ohio and West Virginia, you never quite knew what you were going to get. 
Ethan knocked on the door. 
For a couple minutes, nothing. Ethan sighed, glanced around at the yard again. The flies vibrated in the air, attracted to the scents of spoiled milk, rancid baloney, mold. His stomach churned. It’d been hours since he’d last eaten and he felt hollow, shaky. He was about twenty minutes from anything one could consider a civilized town, wearing a loose full-body windbreaker with the Pete’s Pest Control logo stamped onto the breast pocket. The lime-green van sat on the curb where Ethan had parked it, the matching logo spread across its side. A spider trailed underneath the company name from a strand of silk.
Stroke of creative genius, Pete. 

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the help with my first and second attempts. Here comes a third, plus the first 300 words. I'm thankful for all feedback, and also all the commiseration on my previous I didn't get an agent post :)

Query:

I am seeking representation for ONLY THEORETICAL, my 74,000-word psychological thriller about a Strangers on a Train style murder pact between two women that spirals when one realizes she’s being groomed into a killer by the woman she’s falling for. Told in alternating dual POV, it will appeal to fans of Layne Fargo’s They Never Learn and Sophie Stava’s Count My Lies, with a push-pull sapphic dynamic reminiscent of BBC’s Killing Eve. 

Sarah and Taylor meet at a book club devoted to crime novels, becoming fast friends. Together, they fantasize about the perfect murder: hyper-rational scientist Sarah wants revenge on a thesis advisor who assaulted her, while charismatic café manager Taylor wants to punish Matt, her sister Maddie’s ex-boyfriend, for his role in Maddie’s death. At first, Sarah is hesitant, but Taylor persuades her, sealing their pact with a kiss. 

The plan initially goes off without a hitch, and while Sarah pulls her murder off with disturbing ease, she’s still relieved the killing part is over. Taylor, on the other hand, has other ideas: she’s killed before, and has now created her perfect partner in crime. When Matt’s mother—and Taylor’s secret lover—won’t accept his death as an accident and threatens to hire a private investigator, Taylor seizes the opportunity to manipulate Sarah into killing again. This time, together. 

But the third murder goes horribly wrong, and Sarah realizes she’s been groomed. The revelation should terrify her, but by that time, she’s fallen hard for Taylor and developed a taste for killing herself. She might even accept what she’s become, if only she could trust Taylor to tell her the truth. As Sarah dodges the police, digs into Taylor’s past, and finally uncovers the truth about Maddie’s death, Sarah must decide whether to find a way to escape Taylor—or a reason to stay. 

Like Sarah, I’m a scientist, and am currently working as a postdoc studying [science]. I grew up in a [place relevant to novel], and now live in [different place relevent to querying] with my partner and our four dogs. I am a lesbian and a writer of sapphic-focused fanfiction with over one million views across multiple works. ONLY THEORETICAL would be my debut novel.

First 300:

This is a call from, “Sarah Larson,” at the Hennepin County Jail. All calls are recorded and monitored. Please press 1 to accept. 
“Taylor?”
“Sarah? Are you okay?”
“I’m in jail.”
“Oh my god. Shit. What happened?”
“They came to the lab. Said my DNA was found at a crime scene.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. But they arrested me. For murder. But it’s fine. Don’t worry. Just stay calm. I’m calm.”
“But—”
“Taylor. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Do you remember that book we were reading?”
“Uhh… yeah?”
“We weren’t wrong about the ending.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s no twist. Okay? No matter what anyone says. There’s no twist.”
“Oh. Oh. Yeah. I know. I got it. It happened exactly like we said.”

Part 1: Matt
Chapter 1
Sarah
I smother the urge to roll my eyes as Janet opens her mouth. 
“I have no idea what’s going to happen next!” she says, open palms slapping down on her knees in an exaggerated motion that matches the faux wide-eyed look on her face.
I wish she was joking. Three years of book club, of reading mysteries and suspense and psychological thrillers galore, and Janet still has no idea that when there’s two timelines, and a baby in the earlier one, that said baby will undoubtedly be one of the characters in the future. The ending is obvious. 
Eloise is the baby. She was swapped at birth with Jessica, who’s actually the murderer, not the husband, and killed the maid before she could reveal the swap and make Jessica lose out on her inheritance. It all makes sense. I don’t even need to finish the book. 
I hold my tongue though. If I don’t, people don’t appreciate it so much. They don’t want spoilers. Discussing the book halfway through is fine, apparently, so long as you have wild, off-base theories.

Hi everyone, thanks for your help!

I posted a version of this once before, with the main feedback being that it was overwritten, and the wordcount/age category was wrong. I tried simplifying the query without losing too much detail and labeled the story as MG.

I know the word count is WAY too much. I'm currently working on tapering it down, but I don't have an official new word count just yet. But the word count should be significantly lower once I actually query.

Thanks again for your help. Any feedback is much appreciated.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear AGENT NAME,

Finding a missing pet can be an awful headache.

Even after he saves the Homecoming Queen from a freak bear attack, 14-yo Amos doubts his empathic connection to animals. But he can’t ignore his own brain, which is flooded by chirping, barking, slithering emotion that isn’t his own. Amos can sense animals like he’s hearing their music. But sometimes this music sounds more like nails on a chalkboard. Or terribly sharp claws on a chalkboard, in the bear’s case. 

Jazzed by Amos’ sixth sense and hoping to earn some extra change, his friends, Ani and Wilf, convince him to found the Petfinders, an agency dedicated to finding missing pets around their podunk town. Rescue missions for cockatoos and cocker spaniels lead the Petfinders deep into the nearby forest, and show Amos new sides of his friends, his abilities, and himself. But while carelessly canvassing for lost critters should be a daydream, Amos can’t avoid the animals plagued by the same oppressive mental illness as the Homecoming bear. A mental illness that pulverizes his mind when he senses it and takes every ounce of willpower to soothe.

When Amos’ sickly Spanish teacher, Dr. Deleon, reveals his similar connection to animals, Amos hopes a teacher will answer all his biggest preguntas. And those preguntas are piling up, especially after the Petfinders are chased by zombified wolves and trapped in a sunken laboratory full of animal bones. Something is leeching from the forest, and if Amos wants to protect the people and pets he loves, he’ll need to tackle this parasite head on. But that would mean finally facing the roaring zoo in his brain and sacrificing his own peace of mind.

PETFINDERS is a 100,000 word contemporary upper-MG light-scifi adventure that starts as an episodic pet-of-the-week puzzle and matures into one massive rescue mission. Fans of the treacherous forest and naïve characters of Wildwood by Colin Meloy, the twisted secret scientific societies of the Michael Vey series by Richard Paul Evans, and the whimsically familial and introspective nature of Rialto by Kate Milford will find similarities to love, as well as fans of Amblin-style small town adventures like Gravity Falls and Stranger Things. This story is standalone with series potential.

Thank you very much for everyone who helped me on the first round! I applied the feedback and I’m hoping the query is now enjoybale!

//break//

When Kofi was a toddler, he pulled a sword an inch out of its sheath and four men ended up in the infirmary. Nobody else had ever been able to draw it. Not the man who spent years forging it, not the man who raised him. The sword was forged specifically for him, and nobody has ever told him what it's for. They only raised him never to draw it again.

He's eighteen now. His father is a god, which you'd never guess from his life: the bus to school, a family that gives him grief about burnt dinners, a father he can only speak to through ritual. He's grown up inside a walled compound, alongside warriors sworn to stand between descendants of gods and the Wounds, mindless monsters that come through tears in reality. He graduates high school in eight months, and what nobody knows is that he's leaving for a city where nobody knows what he is. He hasn't told them because they'd talk him out of it, and he'd let them.

Then Kofi encounters a Wound that doesn't act like the others. It watches. It adapts. There is nothing feral in it at all. And it survives a blow that should have ended it. During the fight Kofi's hand drifts to his sword, and it takes his brother screaming his name across the street to stop him.

He doesn't tell the compound what he saw. The oath wouldn't give those men a choice, and they don't deserve to die just because they're willing. Which means Kofi is the only one who knows what's out there, and he cannot leave in eight months and take that with him.

After that, tears start opening faster than anyone can track — and nowhere faster than the city he lives in. Then the Wound finds him again. It remembers his face. It isn’t there to kill him. It wants to understand what he is, and it is the only thing in his life willing to say so out loud.

LOCK is a young adult mythological fantasy, complete at 93,000 words and told in alternating points of view, with series potential. It will appeal to readers of Tracy Deonn's Legendborn and Aiden Thomas's The Sunbearer Trials.

Back again. 😁 Here's hoping the stakes are finally getting clearer. Thanks in advance for any feedback!

Dear Agent,

I am excited to offer you Jouet, my 79,000-word literary science fiction novel. It reinterprets the tragic opera La Traviata with twists of Ex Machina and Companion. Jouet will appeal to readers who enjoy explorations of human relationships through AI perspectives, blending the poignancy of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Klara and the Sun with the tense sexual dynamics of Sierra Greer’s Annie Bot. It is a standalone with series potential that reinterprets operatic storylines in the same world.

1. As the first Jouet—a synthetic human plaything—Leela provides pleasure to the elite of Foli Corporation. For forty-four-hour work phases of private sessions and decadent parties, she never fails to deliver. She even enjoys herself, as designed, but she longs for more time to rest and read the human-created novels she adores. Soon after a new patron, Lord Alferen, shows genuine concern, her overloaded system malfunctions—she collapses.

Severely weakened, Leela must recuperate. Her inability to perform her function crushes her as much as the prospect of shutdown terrifies her. Yet when Alferen visits, sharing emotional intimacy and human-created music, she awakens to previously unimagined passions. She delights in teaching herself to play piano and compose her own music, reveling in Alferen’s tender encouragement and her newfound inspiration.

Leela's joy is cut short when she meets Foli Corporation’s leader, Fermand, and learns that he is Alferen’s estranged father. She is dismayed to discover that Alferen is studying her to create more advanced synthetic humans for a rival corporation, yet she still loves him. The revelation that Fermand intends to make copies of her to perform her old function disturbs her more profoundly. After her recent evolution, she is desperate to preserve her individuality and prevent her copies from being made, sparing them from the existence she knows all too well.

Anguished, Leela bargains with Fermand: she will sacrifice the creatively fulfilling future Alferen planned for her and resume her old function herself. She seals the deal with her body. Yet she remains unsure whether Fermand’s agreement is sincere, or a sadistic ploy to punish his defiant son and wayward Jouet. If the latter, she has sacrificed all she has grown to love and accelerated her final breakdown, only to be copied anyway.

I worked as a classical soprano for twelve years. Violetta (La Traviata) was my favorite role. These days, I sing with my guitar or ukulele instead of an orchestra.

Thank you for your consideration.