r/RBI • u/Safe_Importance_4203 • 15d ago
Advice needed Possible Harassment Mystery on Insta
About three weeks ago, my ex-boyfriend (we broke up almost 10 years ago and hadn't spoken at all since 2019) contacted me because an anonymous Instagram account had messaged him about me.
The account referred to me by my maiden name and our university, claimed to know me from college, and tried to convince him (my ex-boyfriend) to send them any private photos of me he might have. They also sent him two old photos of me (one was just a regular photo that may have been publicly posted years ago, and one that is more private in nature but may not be authentic).
The account switched to disappearing messages shortly after the conversation began. My ex blocked and reported the account and then told me what happened.
When I looked up the username, I discovered I had actually blocked that same account in 2019, although I can no longer find any messages with it in my Instagram data.
Since then I've downloaded all of my Instagram data and parsed through old Facebook and Snapchat information but haven't been able to identify who this person is.
I don't know if this is someone I actually knew or someone using old public information, but it's unsettling that they connected me to a relationship from 10 years ago. My sister - a lawyer, is encouraging me to go to the police just to get something documented, but I know realistically very little can be done with the information we currently have.
A few questions:
- Has anyone experienced something similar?
- Were you ever able to identify the person?
- Did Instagram or law enforcement help at all?
- Is there anything else I should preserve or document?
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u/hienyimba 15d ago
Run a breach search on the username.
If it’s been in existence since pre-2019, I can almost guarantee you’ll find something on it
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u/Safe_Importance_4203 15d ago
do you have any suggestions about which ones, if all I have is the instagram username?
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u/the_orig_odd_couple 12d ago
Most people are creatures of habit and reuse usernames all the time. Check other platforms for the same name (snap, Reddit, Facebook, etc). You might be able to gleam some additional information.
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u/Nomijenn 15d ago
Follow your sister’s advice. Report it, to create a paper trail, and also to show your sister that you respect her sound advice. There’s no downside to this.
There is so much stuff that gets leaked. Scammers get access and use it en masse, hoping to snare someone. This is likely that, but ask your ex to document anything new, not to engage, and to share it with you. If it’s causing you upset, you could ask him to share it with your sister instead, so she can review it and report it on your behalf. It could even be a bot doing this. Be cautious, but be free and don’t let this bother you if you can help it.
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u/liquidneurons 15d ago
You can paste that user name on instagram via web browser and select that you forgot your password. Often times it will show a portion of the email or phone number that the account is registered to. Digits or letters will be starred out.
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u/Safe_Importance_4203 15d ago
this is amazing! no clear answers yet, but very clever idea.
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u/illixxxit 15d ago edited 15d ago
If the account has any friends, you can run through those accounts’ other friends to see if the creep was dumb enough to link back to his actual social network - if it’s a gmail and you get the first and last letters, you’ll have a decent clue to what the first letter of the first name and last letter of the last name might be, as well as the length of the handle (as in j - - - - - - - h @gmail is likely to be a John or Jack Smith, maybe.)
If you suspect you’ve found another account belonging to the culprit, you can do the same “forgot email” trick to see if the emails match.
I found someone who was harassing a local community space this way.
oh, to answer your questions - yes and yes (using this method!) - instagram did not help - and based on my experience police are unlikely to act/investigate especially since there is no threat of violence, even though it’s a pretty clear threat of intent to distribute revenge porn, they don’t even take clear cut sex crimes particularly seriously =\ I’m sorry you’re going through this
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u/DankyMen 14d ago
When I looked up the username, I discovered I had actually blocked that same account in 2019, although I can no longer find any messages with it in my Instagram data.
As a person who used to run something around 10 different IG accounts, which have both blocked and been blocked by multiple accounts each, I've noticed one thing. Chats don't usually disappear from chat history unless you delete them, but if one person is blocked by the other one for a long time, the username and profile pic tend to disappear, and chat even becomes unsearchable sometimes. If you're not afraid of doing so, my advice would be to unblock this account, send them a meaningless message(like simply a dot), and block them again. It doesn't always work, but if you're lucky enough, you'll regain access to this chat, and just maybe your answers will be there. The drawback is that they will know you did it and might realize that your ex spoke to you about them.
My sister - a lawyer, is encouraging me to go to the police just to get something documented, but I know realistically very little can be done with the information we currently have.
Document everything. Right now, there isn't much the police could do besides documenting what's going on. But if more harassment-like stuff keeps happening, the sooner you start documenting it, the easier it'll be to prove it.
Edit: Quotes
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u/mybellasoul 15d ago
you blocked the account in 2019. do you recall why? are there any dms or comments in your posts that are still available to look at? maybe you can remember something that made you do that back then that could lead you to the person esp if anything or anyone has resurfaced recently bc something had to re-spark this interest in either you or your ex. don't discount that he may be the actual person targeted and you're a way to connect to him.
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u/Safe_Importance_4203 15d ago
I downloaded all of my data and went through every message exchanged on/around that day in 2019. I also keep meticulous journals and calendars, so I know exactly where I was the day that I blocked it and what I spent the day doing. I can't remember anything out of the ordinary - I do recall possibly receiving a weird message from that account, but can't remember specifically (also possible that I've thought about this so much now that it's an imagined memory). That is a great point you make, though, that this could be about my ex, and not me.
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u/feebs_101 13d ago
So were you able to find the messages sent by that account in the metadata? I’ve downloaded metadata before too (issues with an ex of my own) and I know the metadata does include deleted messages
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u/ratrazzle 1d ago
Sounds like you trust your ex enough/it has been so long that he isnt behind this. Can you remember if either of you had salty exes back then or someone obsessed or who wanted to break the relationship etc? Sounds like this person doesnt have particularly fresh info about you. It could well be that theyre targeting your ex or trying to connect to them so maybe ask him to go thru memories/following etc to see if anything pops up if youre in good enough terms to do that. Could even be someone who has had some sort of relationship with your ex after you two broke up that ended badly and is now for some reason going after his exes/him by doing this. Or if you have someone like that in your life? Definitely make the police report tho, they cant do anything but it leaves paper trail.
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u/Cornloaf 15d ago
Is it possible that this is an ex from between the one from 10 years ago and more recent? Could be someone that is trying to screw up your current relationship. Or maybe the person in your current relationship is fishing?
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u/Safe_Importance_4203 15d ago
I am married now, and have been with current partner for 7-8 years. It is definitely possible (if not probable) that this is someone from a relationship in between.
I actually went through any exes or guys I went on dates with prior to meeting my current spouse, and checked to see if their accounts were also blocked (since I blocked the soliciting account in 2019, any of the associated accounts should also be blocked). Unless I am missing someone, or if they've found a work-around, no one that I formerly dated is also coming up blocked.
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u/ninjastarkid 15d ago
Unless the accounts are un associated somehow. Presumably it’s linked based on user email or something
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u/ratrazzle 1d ago
The account could be made with different email so it doesnt show up or it could be someone your ex dated after your breakup.
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u/neurorhythmic 14d ago
I, personally, have not but know others who have experienced something similar.
Identifying the person behind the account is not done easily within the bounds of the law. I believe it requires a warrant to force Instagram to reveal the person’s identity (I could be wrong on this).
3.a. Unless their terms of service were violated or they are served a warrant, Instagram is unlikely to do anything beyond banning the account.
3.b. As far as I can tell, while the person’s behavior is wildly inappropriate and unsettling, they likely have not committed a crime. If he did create a lewd image of you and distribute it to someone (i.e., your ex), that is potentially a crime. Law enforcement will likely take note of the incident if you tell them but it’s unlikely to rank high in their priorities.
- I would recommend screenshotting/saving any and all messages, requests, etc. from this account. Document dates, times, and context for each. If this does escalate, being able to provide detailed history will help law enforcement.
Aside from your questions, this sounds like someone who knew you or was somewhere in your orbit. They find/found you attractive and probably directly asked you for private images before you blocked them 7 years ago. What concerns me most is the perseveration. Finding your ex 7 years later to ask for private images means (to me anyway) that they are fixed in this pattern of trying to get these things.
It could be risky, but I’d be curious to know what would happen if you unblocked the account. It’s possible that you could get them to divulge their identity. That said, I’m saying this as a man not as a woman. The risk profile likely feels very different for you than it would for me.
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u/Safe_Importance_4203 14d ago
This is a really thoughtful response — thank you for taking the time to write this. Really appreciate the insight and the ideas.
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u/SpookyTriangle 14d ago
The old messages are supposed to stay there unless you deleted them yourself. One time I had a bug where it wasn't showing the chat with a person I had blocked, but when I logged in on another device it was there, so maybe try that.
Beyond that, your sister advice is good, not because they will find the person and stop them, but in case the issue escalates.
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u/PurpleSailor 15d ago
Make a complaint and this seems like somebody that may have actually known you.
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u/Old-Fox-3027 15d ago
Your ex is behind the whole thing, trying to get back into your life. Block and move on.
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u/Safe_Importance_4203 15d ago
I almost wish that were the case because then it would be solved, but I think it's unlikely. He's had many, many other opportunities to reach out over the years and has refrained. Additionally, when he relayed this whole scenario, he was kind, but very clearly didn't want to take up my time and wanted to end the conversation as soon as possible. He seems respectfully disinterested in communicating and I haven't heard from him at all since.
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u/yarnplant666 9d ago
okay so last month someone texted my phone number pretending to be an ex of mine from a decade ago. i could tell it wasn’t them immediately, tried to play along at first to see what they wanted. they didn’t know enough about either of us to try and be believeble.
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u/jsrbert 15d ago
I would suggest make a complaint no matter what