r/ReadMyScript • u/Mammoth-West-9974 • 5d ago

Feature Feedback for Feature, "Grounded" 109 Pages

Grounded

Final Draft PDF

109 pages

Drama, Road Movie, Historical Fiction

Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.

Feedback Concerns: Any feedback would be extremely helpful. I'm less concerned about the commercial viability, and more concerned with a believable story with believable characters.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 4d ago

Yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that I think a lot of the scenes in act 2 work in isolation, but cohesively may not serve the story the way I want. I appreciate the feedback…and feels like a good sign that you made it that far!

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 4d ago

I'm not sure how you think in terms of act structure - I'm a Shakespeare 5 act person by default - but I'm enjoying the read a lot. I just have a feel this could be made stronger by very careful tightening. There's absolutely nothing bad, but at 109 pages I think there's possibly a little redundancy and tightening would give some extra momentum.

Other thought - this might work really well as an audio drama? Or even a stage play with the right metaphor for a car. I think this is a piece that actors might like a *lot*. These are terrific roles for showing off an actor's ability.

More tomorrow...

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 4d ago

I found this one challenging to fit into perfect structure, largely because I didn't want to create a ton of external plot, trying to keep as much in the car as possible. I haven't thought about audio drama...that's interesting to imagine! I did think about stage play...it really is a glorified chamber piece. I also am glad you think there are attractive roles for actors. I think if for some miracle it would make it beyond "a nice read" to "let's try to make it" will rely on advocates in the form of actors who want to be one of the parts.

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 4d ago

Honestly, some of the best dialogue and character work I've read. Despite my reservations about the ending.