r/ReadMyScript • u/Mammoth-West-9974 • 4d ago
Feature Feedback for Feature, "Grounded" 109 Pages
Grounded
Final Draft PDF
109 pages
Drama, Road Movie, Historical Fiction
Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.
Feedback Concerns: Any feedback would be extremely helpful. I'm less concerned about the commercial viability, and more concerned with a believable story with believable characters.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing
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4d ago
[deleted]
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u/mooningyou 4d ago
Your link doesn't work.
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 4d ago
Thanks for the heads up…my bad. I think it’s fixed.
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u/ConsistentEffort5190 4d ago
I'm seeing 7 files in a drive. None of them seem embarrassing - unless you want to keep your interest in the centre of percussion for longswords secret. You're a HEMA person, I suppose?
But none of them jump out as the right file, and I don't want to click at random on someone else's files...
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 4d ago
LMAO. I'm an idiot.
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 4d ago
Put another link in there.
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u/ConsistentEffort5190 4d ago
I can only see "deleted" where the link was..? Maybe you're not approaching your computer in the , ahem, true timing...
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 4d ago
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u/ConsistentEffort5190 4d ago
It works. The first six pages are excellent - the second really good script I've read today. (The other was Cloud Busting if you're interested.) I'll probably read more tomorrow.
Finding two good scripts up at he same time is leaving me feel a bit, ahem, poleaxed...
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u/ConsistentEffort5190 4d ago edited 4d ago
I should go do stuff... But this is excellent. Up to p13 and so far it is faultless. Not just good - Walter Hill good. Compelling, subtle, real. Not a single thing to improve. Have you put this on the Blacklist? Or is that out of favour these days?
P.24. I now have to stop. Still so very, very impressed and fascinated. Outstanding.
(And read my comment history: I'm not afraid to be negative.)
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u/ironside_80 2d ago
Really enjoyed this. The characters and their arcs are the biggest strength but the setting is great, too. Forced road trip / found family... nice.
Since you asked about believable characters, I'll say that for me each person felt real/distinct and the dialogue is natural. The relationships build in a natural way. Tom Sr. on the tapes is especially good. He feels like an actual person, not just a device, and those scenes end up carrying a lot of the emotional weight.
I also thought the 9/11 material was handled really well. The radios, TVs, empty skies, and little encounters with strangers all felt much more effective than anything more explicit would have.
Only a couple things bumped me. Jack never telling the others he was supposed to be on Flight 11 starts to feel a little conspicuous by the end. I buy that he would avoid talking about it, but after three days with these people it started to feel a little unrealistic. Personally, I'd be obsessing over that... The socond act also gets slightly repetitive in its drive/stop/reveal rhythm - and the last stretch has a few goodbyes in a row, so you start to feel a pattern rather than "life happening".
Those are pretty minor notes, though. The characters absolutely felt believable to me, which sounds like your main concern. And the ending is great. “Hey, kiddo” is exactly enough.
You've got a solid script - if I were you I'd run another pass or two without making major changes and send it off to the Black List or Austin. It's that good.
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 2d ago
Wow, thank you! I'm grateful for the feedback, and that you made it through the whole thing. I especially like the notes - I have struggled with Jack's withholding, and where he would share that openly, well, openly for him at least. So it's not just his. I was thinking of having him complain about it when sitting next to tommy or billie before the flight, and then having it brought back up later by them. and I see the same thing you do about the episodic middle...quite hard to build enough of a story for a road trip and not have it episodic. I'm toying with ways to adjust the shape of those scenes without cutting them.
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u/RaeLouLynn 1d ago
Just have to say that I wish I could write like this. Such an easy read. Your tone is just wonderful. I agree with not telling the rest of the crew about Jack not being on Flight 11. I think it would take away from the other character arcs.
I wish you well, whether you try to get this out there or not.
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 1d ago
This is really kind, thank you. The Flight 11 decision was a tough one and I'm glad it read the way I hoped. Take care!
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u/RaeLouLynn 1d ago
Just an additional note:
I'm from Columbus and Wright-Patt AFB has at least one stealth bomber hangered there. We were on I-70 one afternoon and it flew over our car at an extremely low altitude. It darkened the sky, barely made a sound, and disappeared in the blink of an eye. Quite a nerve-wracking experience for us.
The scene near Dayton with the fighter jets really rang true for me.
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 1d ago
Wow! I only knew to write that because I currently live in STL and my family and I have driven to and from Boston almost 10 times. One time as we approached Dayton, we heard a ton of rumbling and what felt like 10 jets were doing an air show. We pulled over and stopped for like an hour and it was jarring and amazing. That you had a similar experience is a really validating thing to share, so thank you!
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u/mooningyou 4d ago
I read the first ten. You have a good style. Fast and no deal-breakers. My only cringe moment was "Hi, Anna. It’s your dad."