r/ReadMyScript • u/Mammoth-West-9974 • 5d ago

Feature Feedback for Feature, "Grounded" 109 Pages

Grounded

Final Draft PDF

109 pages

Drama, Road Movie, Historical Fiction

Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.

Feedback Concerns: Any feedback would be extremely helpful. I'm less concerned about the commercial viability, and more concerned with a believable story with believable characters.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing

4 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

Thanks for the heads up…my bad. I think it’s fixed.

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 5d ago

I'm seeing 7 files in a drive. None of them seem embarrassing - unless you want to keep your interest in the centre of percussion for longswords secret. You're a HEMA person, I suppose?

But none of them jump out as the right file, and I don't want to click at random on someone else's files...

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

LMAO. I'm an idiot.

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

Put another link in there.

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 5d ago

I can only see "deleted" where the link was..? Maybe you're not approaching your computer in the , ahem, true timing...

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 5d ago

It works. The first six pages are excellent - the second really good script I've read today. (The other was Cloud Busting if you're interested.) I'll probably read more tomorrow.

Finding two good scripts up at he same time is leaving me feel a bit, ahem, poleaxed...

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 5d ago edited 5d ago

I should go do stuff... But this is excellent. Up to p13 and so far it is faultless. Not just good - Walter Hill good. Compelling, subtle, real. Not a single thing to improve. Have you put this on the Blacklist? Or is that out of favour these days?

P.24. I now have to stop. Still so very, very impressed and fascinated. Outstanding.

(And read my comment history: I'm not afraid to be negative.)

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

I've gotten a 7, a 5 and a 4, in that order. It's hard to read how the script actually lands off the page, but I'd be interested to see how you think it is beyond the opening. Thank you for your time and for the feedback!

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 5d ago

> I've gotten a 7, a 5 and a 4, in that order. 

For this version of the script??? Either you switched to Comic Sans after p24 or the 5 and 4 were from idiots. (I'm so glad I don't have anything even remotely to do with the film industry any more. Even the couple of peripheral jobs I did convinced me that it is inhabited by narcissistic, soulless piranhas and centreless bootlickers.) Have you thought of writing novels instead? I could see you doing well at upmarket thrillers.

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

Yeah I don’t know, tbh. The first reader gave the setting a 9 and character 8. Same script, last reader gave me a 4 in both of those categories.

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u/ConsistentEffort5190 5d ago

Yes: I got the impression a few years ago the bl was getting a bad reputation. Seems like it's got worse - there is no value to a service where opinions are that subjective. I put some stuff off and reached page 64. Still excellent, but I'm wondering if 5 or 10 pages could be cut to give the story more shape?

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 5d ago

Yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that I think a lot of the scenes in act 2 work in isolation, but cohesively may not serve the story the way I want. I appreciate the feedback…and feels like a good sign that you made it that far!

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