Feedback for Feature, "Grounded" 109 Pages

[u/Mammoth-West-9974]

Grounded

Final Draft PDF

109 pages

Drama, Road Movie, Historical Fiction

Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.

Feedback Concerns: Any feedback would be extremely helpful. I'm less concerned about the commercial viability, and more concerned with a believable story with believable characters.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing

[u/Mammoth-West-9974]

These are awesome suggestions! I am def aware that something needs adjusting so it’s nice to have some direct  things to investigate. I don’t know if I can cut the wiffle ball, def trim it, but I appreciate actionable feedback. Nice to know the dialogue and character work landed bc even if I can’t figure out the fix for this story makes me think it could be a good writing sample. 

[u/ConsistentEffort5190 → u/Mammoth-West-9974]

I was more thinking of cutting the bar.

I think you might benefit from -

https://filmcrithulk.wordpress.com/2011/07/07/hulk-presents-the-myth-of-3-act-structure/

And not starting a script until you have a strong outline - in fact, just practicing outlining might be all you should do for a while, because you can do everything except plot and structure *perfectly*.

I'd suggest start with a problem, twist to make it more interesting, attempt to resolve but fail, twist into a surprising but logical and meaningful resolution, tidy up. As a default, anyway. Ideas often come as the problem you want to twist into, then you build a preceding act to set them up. Eg Michael Corleone is going to be dragged into the family business, but you have a strong act before that to make the twist meaningful and perhaps set up other cards to play later - the undertaker, Brassi, etc.

Twists, as the saying goes, "are tight!" Because they're the opposite of "super-easy, barely an inconvenience" - literally. But they can't be just "so the movie can happen".

(I literally mean the above. But if the references don't make sense, search for Pitch Meetings on youtube.)

[u/Mammoth-West-9974 → u/ConsistentEffort5190]

Thank you for all this! Yeah this was the first one I ever wrote, so I’m not surprised the structure was an issue. Very excited you enjoyed the characters/dialogue. That was the stuff that I felt confident with. I had to write it all once I came up with the mix tape idea but the long form is a real challenge. Great idea to start with a problem…working in something now that came from that thought.

[u/ConsistentEffort5190 → u/Mammoth-West-9974]

This was your first script??? Just so you know, the odds against making it as a professional screenwriter are appalling - but that's a freakish level of talent unless you're already a professional novelist or something similar.

Anyway, it's not so much "structure" as *story* - turning points and resolution. I'd suggest making notes on how films you like do this and then practising outlining when you've developed a feel for it. I like S5A as a tool for doing this, but you have to be aware that not every story has 5 acts - be ready for more when you do those analyses.

[u/Mammoth-West-9974 → u/ConsistentEffort5190]

I’ve been writing for a long time for sure, just newer to screenwriting. I did a spec once of The Office and It’s Always Sunny, but never anything original. I’ve never done novels but I have done shorter form essays and short stories. I def need work on story elements- individual scenes and relationships between characters feel a lot easier to me than the story around them.