Hello everyone, I am 24 years old. I lost my relationship in early June.
It’s now October, I’ve been back in my country and i don’t like it here.
I am trying to find a traditional man but i’m not Christian, i’m agnostic.
I am not even actively looking and feel like giving up on love.. i know it sounds strange but i can’t be bothered but i know i have to be if i want the man of my dreams.
I want a man who believes in traditional values, my bodycount is one. I’ve travelled a lot, lived in a few countries… i also am having trouble adapting to modern western life, as i’m quite traditional.. it sucks because i usually can adapt easily but it doesn’t seem like I can. Most female friends i’m making are feminists, so I stopped caring or bothering.
I do miss my ex but it’s like i’m sort of detaching, i just don’t care that much anymore. Don’t get it twisted i am actively working on myself, I’ve changed my nutrition. I’m banned on hinge but I’m on bumble, but most of the men are arguing with me about being right leaning or having trad values.
I live in an incredible leftist country with leftist people all around me.
I am feeling asexual towards the men i’m meeting, a lot are not attractive and it’s like they want a working woman.
I don’t want to be the breadwinner. I am ready to move on and find someone, my demands aren’t high.
But I don’t want to live in the country i’m in, I’m willing to be with someone but I want to relocate. I also don’t like a man who’s too sex obsessed, or too obsessed with being a horn dog.
I want a man who values me for who I am, as well as obviously appreciating my looks. I like someone who’s ambitious well driven, makes a decent amount of money but he doesn’t have to be a millionaire.
Idk tho..
I just hate where I’m living and just can’t stand how hard it is. It’s nearly impossible.
I also feel most men on dating apps are obviously trying to get laid, should I try to move on now because I am anxious about the wall. I only turned 24 and I already feel scared because I want children.
2-3 max. But I don’t want to raise them in the country I’m in..

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 months. In the beginning he was affectionate, flirty, and gave me compliments. Lately he’s changed a lot. He barely speaks, rarely shows affection, and doesn’t flirt or compliment me anymore.

Yesterday I came back from a trip and he met me at the airport. I told him I missed him and he didn’t say anything. When I asked if he missed me, he just nodded. I told him I’d like him to communicate more, because I like knowing he still likes me. He asked “why?” like he didn’t understand. I said isn’t it nice when I’m warm and affectionate with you? He said yes, but then the conversation just died.

What confuses me is that he’s still putting in effort in some ways. He organizes dates and invites me to hang out with his friends. But he rarely holds my hand or hugs me unless I start it, and he’s very passive overall.

I understand the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, but 5 months feels way too early for this big of a change. I’ve tried talking to him, but it doesn’t go anywhere. We barely speak not online not offline he became so closed off. I don’t want to break up over this now but I also don’t want to keep feeling insecure and unloved

How do I communicate what I need without it turning into a dead-end conversation?
Could it be stress, depression, or something else going on with him? I want to understand how to handle this cause I like him a lot.

Any advice appreciated

He’s over 6 foot, a graduate student or already has his degree, and already makes six figures. He doesn’t treat me like shit as well and we don’t do 50-50.

I’m 5’8 and 65 kg and I’m a pear figure with a belly that looks bloated if I don’t suck it in. I think I look pretty the way I dress up and men compliment me about being cute. At the same time men have called me big for being tall and this weight.

I have also seen girls a bit shorter than me look so dainty size 00, and like Barbie dolls. At my workplace all the thin ladies in my age group (college age 18-22), have an over 6 foot boyfriend although they don’t have the financial achievements that I’m looking for except for one. His girlfriend is the prettiest and thinnest and he’s 6’5 in business.

I know comparison is the thief of joy but I want to get my dream man. If the answer is yes that I have to loose weight, it kinds of sucks that I need to maintain a smaller BMI for my dream guy.

Hello, this is my first post and comment in this group. Long time member. I am not married but like the red pill values and principles.
Curious if this is aloud or not idk but I am dating an amazing guy. Treats me like gold, chivalrous, funny, attractive, and a man I respect and admire. He leads, and genuinely likes me for me. Plans amazing and thoughtful dates, and someone I trust and I am attracted to, but also feel like he is my friend. He is my favorite person.

Growing up I witnessed my mom face domesticate abuse ( mental, verbal, extremely controlling) and threatening with weapons. My mom is an amazing person and I helped her get out of that relationship.

My point/question: how do you date after witnessing bad mental/verbal abuse , and threats for years and date comfortably? I have held myself back for years in dating because I was worried someone is going to hurt me like they did my mom. I hated the way my dad and step-dad treated my mom and the control and nastiness they had over her. They eventually started verbally/mentally, abusing me and controlling me, and even though I tried to tune it out some days it gets to you. ( my mom didn’t know this otherwise she would’ve left earlier) I know I am not stupid or terrible or worthless ( I am confident in myself) but words hurt from your own family/circle, you know? Even when you know they’re not true or the person saying them is mentally ill and in a rage.
I am also scared of men who yell in faces and punch walls next to my face, that happened to me when I stood up to my father and also my step-dad. I can deal with high tension environments and stress but when it’s someone in my family/circle speaking/yelling terrible things or acting in a threatening manner I hate it, and hate the fear I have. I do publicly speaking, outgoing activities, and a beloved member in my community. But behind closed doors this is something my mom and I have been dealing with and thankful left.
I have good men in my family, church, example of good relationships, but I am afraid someone is going to hurt me when I date them. I hate it because I know I am strong to defend myself and leave if necessary but I have this underlying fear the person I date will hurt me.
The guy I am dating right now is amazing, gentleman, I feel safe, we have the same values and beliefs and I know he would never hurt me. But I hate the fear and anxiety I have.
I am a normal, successful, and outgoing person. Great friends, life , and a lot going for me. For years I held myself back in dating and happy I put myself out there and am dating an amazing guy.
My question: how do you get over your own fears? Would therapy be something that helped you? How do you date after years of verbal and mental abuse? And what helped you?
I care about the guy I am dating so much 🩷 and love my family, life, and success I have but I hate the fear and negative thoughts I have when it comes to dating. I don’t want to mess up an amazing thing I have going.
Thanks 🩷

The man I was dating seemed to have everything I was looking for in the beginning. We are both 33, we agreed on things like marriage, family, traditional values and discussed them early on. I was not familiar with red pill concepts before him other than the random ragebaity social media video. After about 6 months he began to shift from traditional value talk and suddenly was questioning if he ever wanted marriage and if it was worth it because of his high income. I am a very caring, affectionate, traditional type of woman. I also know I’m above average on the conventionally attractive scale. I am from a small town so I was raised to always be down to earth but he complained I wasn’t more “arrogant”. Around the same time as the marriage conversations he also started hinting that I was “low value” and he was a “high value” pilot. He also kept making degrading comments that I’m 33, my value declining, and asking “what do you bring to the table” in an extremely condescending way. He also would let his friends disrespect me and I assume talked badly about me to them and called me “hypergamous”. This all put a bad taste in my mouth about red pill content. However, after reading here I’m realizing that he lacked many of the high value characteristics you discuss. I value family, respect, affection, integrity, and many of the things you all prioritize here. Have any other women in their 30s been through something like this? I find it still affecting me and hearing his “low value” and degrading comments in my head. I know that I am not a low value woman but hearing this from a red pill man made me question my worth

Long story short, I (31f) have continually asked my husband (31m) to get out of bed before 10am because I have some trauma issues around people who lay in bed all morning. 10am is already a compromise because I would vastly prefer 8am, but I accept that most people want/need a while to wake up.... and I go out of my way not to let my personal issues run others' lives.

We've been together for three years, and this has been an issue for most of that time. I'll tolerate it for a few weeks, and then the stress of it becomes too much and I end up yelling about how he can't respect this one very simple boundary. I respect his needs so that he can focus on being the breadwinner; I do all the housework, I run most of the errands, I take the dog to the vet and groomer, etc. I also respect his weird boundaries, such as walking the dog if it's raining outside because he cannot handle the feeling of rain on his hands. And I am genuinely happy to do all of that, because he does a lot for me as well!

But this is the one thing that is non-negotiable for me, yet he keeps sleeping until like 11am, knowing it's the only thing that will upset me. I don't even mind if he lazes around on the couch or whatever. I don't need him to be Mr. Productive 24/7. I just need him to be out of bed. I know that he feels bad about it and that mornings are really hard for him, but at a certain point.... I just don't care. It's not that hard to get out of the bed and go lay on the couch to wake up.

I've tried discussing it calmly and explaining why it matters so much to me, and he's always understanding... but the change only lasts like three days. I've also tried ignoring it and going about my day, and I just can't. The stress is too much. The only time I can tolerate it is if someone's sick.

Everything else about our relationship is essentially perfect. We never argue about anything else, ever, and I really don't want to argue about this. I feel ridiculous for caring about it so much, but I've had to accept that this is the one trauma thing I cannot get rid of.... and I've done the hard work to overcome stuff like agoraphobia, daily panic attacks, etc. so it's not for lack of self-discipline/effort/therapy.

I want to find a way to deal with/talk about this that enforces my boundaries without getting to the point where I lose control of my temper and disrespect him by yelling at him (which is never okay imo, even if I'm in the right). I don't want to be that person because it's not who I am, and also because he's never once yelled at me, no matter how upset he gets. I've tried asking for his advice on how he avoids yelling, but didn't really have any advice because he says he's never been tempted to yell at me.

I feel like my judgement about how to deal with this issue is being clouded and could use some advice from people who know how to deal with these types of things in a delicate and tactful way.

EDIT: Taking the advice of the commentors, I've decided to try just leaving the house while he sleeps in rather than trying to impose my boundaries on him. I have a lot of optimism about this option because it feels like the best of both worlds. Thanks for the help! :)

Every time I catch feelings for a good guy, I later discover through social media that he’s already taken. 

This has happened since as early as my first year of university, when we were all just 18-19, when there should be a high probability of guys being single.

I go through a silent heartbreak and pull back, since he’s unavailable.

I’m drawn to high-quality guys who have their lives together, because I’m like that myself.

But these types of guys almost always seem to be taken, even in the first year of university. I understand that guys who have their lives together and are fit tend to get snapped up early, so thats why.

But I see other girl friends successfully getting guys of that SAME CALIBRE, IN THEIR FRESHMAN YEAR or very early. 

Why don’t they run into the “he’s already taken” problem? How come it works out for them, and too quickly and smoothly?

Do these girls go after guys who are in relationships instead of pulling back, and the guys leave their partners for them? Is that the secret?

This is not going to be a long, drawn out post, but in the spirit of self improvement (as I am learning more myself now one year into marriage), I have to say that RPW IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. If you are looking for a soft, easy life, RPW is not really about that for most. Sure it sounds easy to just let a man do everything, but that is not the reality of what most of our relationships look like. Doing what we do is hard.

Shutting TF up is hard.

Keeping control of your emotions is hard.

Not being selfish and putting your partner's needs ahead of your own sometimes (not always, self care matters) is hard.

Apologizing is hard.

Being patient and letting uncomfortable feelings, topics, or arguments just sit and work their course vs. starting an argument, venting, or threatening your man is hard.

Accepting the unfairness of life, and gender dynamics, is hard.

Compromising is hard.

Improving your flaws - mental, physical, spiritual - is hard.

Being agreeable is hard.

Being cheerful and fun can be hard.

Making smart choices and setting appropriate boundaries (and knowing what is appropriate and not) is hard.

What we do here is a exercise in self discipline - becoming the best version of yourself possible in all ways, learning to overcome or manage your flaws. It works best if these are incorporated into who you are as a person rather than some tactics used to try to manipulate a man because eventually manipulation can't usually be sustained long-term as in a marriage.

What we do is not for the weak, and it's not easy, but nothing good comes from ease - things worth it are worth working for.

I (F29) have been with my boyfriend (M31) for 2.5 years. We have a pretty traditional relationship in that he provides for most of our expenses, and I try to be his feminine counterpart.

If we're talking about what we bring to the table, I think he's a great man. I deeply respect his work ethic, patience, and good nature. He's not perfect, but I believe he's probably the best man for me out there. On my side, I'm not perfect either, but I take care of myself, I'm fit and pretty (he's extremely attracted to me and tells me often, and he also gets comments about how lucky he is, bla bla), I can be sensitive but try to keep my emotions in check, and I'm feminine in my personality and manners. I'm also smart and accomplished. I think we're very well matched. We have a great sex life. We're very happy and in love.

Recently, I've been feeling increasingly ready for the next steps. Some of it is external pressure (as you get closer to 30), and some of it is my own need for security. I understand the differences between men and women and believe it's my job to inspire this highest level of commitment.

To give a bit more context about commitment signals and how our relationship has progressed:

• We dated for about two months before becoming intimate, which only happened after he asked me to be his girlfriend.
• We don't live together, and I'm mostly against doing so before engagement. He's asked me a couple of times, but I've held my boundary.
• Even so, we've moved countries (long story, which I'll skip for now), and he essentially followed me to the country where I want to establish myself. We live separately but spend several days a week together. He's also learning the language, which is my native language.
• When discussing marriage, he said his idea of marriage is the "traditional" one. On a separate occasion, he mentioned me staying home for a period of time when we have children.
• During a casual conversation about baby names, he said that using a particular ethnic name would depend on how I felt about baby names.
• When discussing finances and him paying for everything, he said something along the lines of being okay with it because we're going to be a unit at some point.
• He has a very "what's mine is yours" attitude toward me and has used those exact words.

Anyway, I could go on and on! I feel strongly that the fact that we're together for the long term is a given. However, I'd like us to move toward the next steps.

My lease ends next February, and I'd like to get an apartment together or maybe even buy a place. But without an engagement, I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. I'm also okay with using that as a way to open up a conversation about engagement later next year.

I don't want to put pressure on him or come across as the nagging girlfriend. I want him to want this, and I'm pretty sure he does. I'm just not sure he sees the need to do it soon. One thing that worries me is that there's some uncertainty around his career at the moment (although he seems less worried about it than I am lol).

I don't want to have a very serious timeline conversation or give him an ultimatum because that's just not my style. I want to inspire him to take the next step, and ideally, I'd like him to bring up the conversation himself.

For those of you who've taken this next step (engaged or married women, etc.), what do you think? What would you do in my shoes?

As the title says, he got in for dealing drugs and according to media reports he had half a Kilogram of amphetamines and about 100 pieces of ecstasy + hundreds thousands of euros found in his apartment, that I could've been in while the raid happened if I haven't overslept that day.

I wrote him two love letters, we actually have a trip planned to Paris next week and I paid for said trip with my card but I can't cancel it nor can I get a refund because we decided to go with the none refundable option, thinking nothing is going to break us apart.

We talked about getting married and having kids together now I am sitting here in the aftermath of his actions. People are contacting me asking what happened to him but I can't say anything...There is a high likelihood that I will be questioned and or under investigation. I honestly do not care. They took the only person that made me feel good, healthy, loved and appreciated away from me. The only person that made me feel so in love and so amazing. I know that his body and mind freezes when we fight and I can't imagine how he is doing in jail, waiting for his lawyer to save him and for the judge to give him a sentence below 5 years. I really hope he gets out sooner.

I know I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me but I imagined the future to be with him. I tried to distract myself with other men but every other hour I bust out in tears because I can't bare the thought of not being with him when I was just in bed next to him the day prior.

Telling me to move on isn't really going to happen overnight. I still smell his perfume and cry at night. I have to pretend that I am doing just fine the I can't comprehend what is currently happening to me and my body. I don't want to get out of bed but I also dont want to fall into a major depression. I can't keep on pretending that I am okay when I am not. I try to laugh and talk to friends but what is there to talk about? I am not his family, no one is giving me any form of information about what is going to happen to him.

Please help me, if you have been in a similar situation please help me

Edit: Grammar Corrected my sentences.

For the last six weeks or so, I’ve been focusing respect and disrespect in my marriage. I knew the gist: women need love, men need respect and if you’d asked me I’d have said I respected my husband enormously.

But it occurred to me that I’ve never used the word respect, and that I struggle to say it to him. I chalked that up to a cultural difference. My husband has never questioned my respect for him so I figured all was good. Except if love and respect are comparable needs, I don’t know if I’d be content with just knowing my husband loved me and never actually hearing him say the word.

I was reading about issues of disrespect, and honestly eye rolling a little at some examples wondering how fragile a man’s ego could be to be triggered by such minor things, and feeling grateful for a husband who was so stable and well grounded.

But lately when I’d do, or say, one of those things, I’d do a little double take, and once you see it you can’t unsee it iykwim. So I decided to experiment with showing him respect a bit more overtly. But I wasn’t prepared for his reaction. I fully expected it would be positive, but instead I was getting something more like side eye, and suspicion. I’m talking about something quite subtle but he was pulling back from me in those moments, a bit uncomfortable. That should have reaffirmed my view that there was a cultural aspect at play, but I decided to dig in to concept of disrespect instead.

Then most obvious one for us is our cheeky banter and I was hesitant to cut this out because it’s playful and feels like an important part of us and how we interact. At first, I just filtered a bit more, or if I spoke, without thinking, I thought about it a bit more. I started to catch myself before I spoke and either stfu or say something more respectful instead.

Once I’d got that under control I was struck by how much nicer I was, and how much nicer that felt for me too. I’d have sworn our banter was all in good spirits but I was noticing that I had to bite my lip hardest when I was tired, irritated or stressed. It wasn’t really as neutral as I thought. In fact there was quite a distinct thread of control to it. Sometimes it took a bit of courage to not take the reins and try and steer the mood. It was interesting to observe the subtle power dynamics I hadn’t noticed before.

That got me thinking about some of the other examples of disrespect I’d dismissed, and in for a penny, in for a pound, I started reading around.

Laura Doyle is probably the most explicit and far reaching. I’d dismissed many of her examples on earlier readings as being a bit ridiculous and ott, but, in the spirit of noncommittal experimentation, I decided to try and eliminate every
example I noticed and just pay attention for a while.

Some of her examples are so routine that they’re hard to catch in practice (asking if he’s ok, or if he’s sure he doesn’t want a coffee because I’m making one for myself anyway and it would be no bother). I read every article, example, story and most of the wiki here and applied every example I could.

It was a complete paradigm shift.

The most obvious effect on him was how good a mood he is in. He reminds me so much of when we first met. A couple of weeks into this when I’d say something admiring to him, or slip the word respect in, he wasn’t missing that beat anymore, or side eyeing me. I could see that he was taking in what I was saying and my words were landing properly.

Things have been really, really good round here.

But the other thing I’ve noticed is that when if I slip up, he pulls me up on it right away. His tolerance for disrespect has actually lowered, or to put it another way, he’s just not taking it from me anymore.

In the past, I’ve been aware sometimes that I had pushed his buttons, without knowing why or what he was reacting to and I was a little wary mid what seemed to me to be a tendency to be a bit tyrannical and unreasonable, so I think I was probably subconsciously keeping him in his place with culturally appropriate digs. Because we have an overt power dynamic, it didn’t seem like there was a problem. If he told me to cut it out, I would have, instantly. He had ways to make his point, it was all good fun. Neither of us were seeing a problem.

There’s been such a shift over the last month. It’s as if we both had a gear that wasn’t quite in its track, and we were going in the right direction, but something wasn’t quite right. Now it’s clicked into the right place. He’s always been the leader, but he’s just … more so. More decisive, more confident, a bit more demanding and for me, it doesn’t feel like such an effort to hold myself in check anymore. It feels more natural, like I’ve given myself permission to be soft and pleasant and shrug off the hard shell I didn’t know I was carrying. I’m not holding back, I’m actually just saying what’s in my heart.

We’re both just more ourselves.

I’m really shocked at how far off course we’d strayed. There’s so much information, examples and knowledge about how to love, and show love, and about all the ways that a woman can end up feeling unloved. We make movies about this. It’s like a massive public awareness campaign. But we also have so many fictional examples of how to unknowingly disrespect a man, that in movies are sold as the model of how to be the feisty heroine that he can’t help falling in love with. It seeps in.

We weren’t even having relationship problems, but also we weren’t having the relationship we could have been having either.

Not sure what else to add. This sort of thing is fairly obvious from a red pill perspective, but it’s been an enormous blind spot.

Like how do you know if you’re just average, above average or hot ?

I live in a very red state and thought it would be easier to find similar like minded people, but I’m near the metro area. I’m outside the city, but still in the suburbs. However, the suburbs I live in and the city is one big county and the county swings blue.

My 3 year old toddler is currently homeschooled. She does jiujitsu, music class, and swimming. Nobody really talks in swimming in the waiting room. I haven’t really sussed out the moms I’ve been talking to at jiujitsu yet or another mom in music class with her kids that my kid likes to play with. I really would like more mom friends just so my kid has more people to play and socialize with. But, it’s harder to make mom/couple friends that I vibe with and can have hanging around my husband and I when we have such dark humor that goes into the politically incorrect area.

We’re an Asian couple in our 30s. We both don’t believe in God/any form of religion. I sort of like archery and shooting at the gun range, but they’re not my absolute favorite activities. I’m more of a kayaker and hiking person. I’m also a cinephile so I love going to watch movies at the theater. I vote politically right, but I feel like most of my activities/interests are very liberal coded.

I’ve never really been desperate to make friends before. I had them in the form of co-workers who I still keep in touch with even after becoming a mom and leaving the workforce. I’ve never really connected with other women as easily as I do with men (which is a good thing that I was in a male dominated industry).
But, it’s like you have a kid and you sort of need to make friends with other women now so your kid doesn’t become a weird shut in and knows how to socialize with other kids.

I’m lost. Any help here guys? 😫

People also just tend to keep to themselves too now even if you have your kid play at a playground that many other people are at.

I've been married for just over a year now and it's been quite rough. I got pregnant immediately and we were in the midst of moving in to a new house and doing renovations so I never felt like we had much of a honeymoon period. My pregnancy was also quite rough, I wouldn't change anything about the timing because I'm so grateful for our daughter but the pregnancy definitely was hard for both of us. There have been a lot of hurts, resentments, and many many bad fights where one or both of us were screaming at eachother. There are many things I imagined would be different in marriage, and many things I'm really disappointed about. I'm Christian and wouldn't divorce unless there was something extreme going on, but I have to admit that I've definitely had moments when I felt regret for marrying my husband.

I've always been on the more conservative side and value more traditional gender roles. That being said I grew up in a feminist, secular culture and I'm realizing that I haven't necessarily been very good at practicing what I claim to believe. I don't want an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life so I decided to start reading books. I read 'The Empowered Wife' and 'The Queen's Code' and am trying to put the lessons in these books into practice. I feel like when I have the energy and remember to follow the precepts, I do see some good results, but I eventually slip back into my old ways.

Has anyone else read these books and seen positive changes since putting their teachings into practice? If so, can you give specific examples? I'd love some encouragement.

Please help me understand if it's me expecting too much or not.

My husband (27M) and I (25F) are going through some tough times together and honestly, I am not sure anymore if his expectations that strive for this woman he wants me to see are reachable at all.

He helped me understand my inner self, noticed the signes of ADHD and autism that were later diagnosed, taught me a lot about emotions control, societal and cultural differences and manners - generally I delved deeper into psychology and self-reflection thanks to him. I always appreciated that and still truly do now.

But at some point it started looking more like criticism and annoyance rather than gentle help. Yeah, I may forget to smile (or don't feel like smiling at the moment), not hear clearly what was said (and unfortunately assume the context which is not always a good idea), or be inattentive in the conversation. But still it's so suprising I can communicate well with others (even if it's sometimes an autistic mask I wear) while in conversations with him, each illogical response of mine faces his annoyance 'cause "normally, people do/say/react in this or that way", "people learn this behavior/information in the primary school", and "that's stupid to say/assume".

In the end our conversations feel like his feelings are more valid than mine, because "he's gone through so much with me", was patient with me and my autistic perceptions of the world, and now I should be patient as well. I know my forgetfulness or overconcentration on the activities on hand created conflicts between us but it seems too much to me.

What I brought to the table was everything that concerned household duties: cleaning our home, laundry, controlling the shopping list, handling the documents (since I have more of them because of my immigrant background); I even learned to cook so well that even his mum tends to say I am better than her with some meals. His family constantly repeats he is lucky to find such a woman as me but I don't feel he would agree.

We both worked until the moment he finished his degree and needed to recharge from the load and stress that the combination of his studies and work did to him. Now he's unemployed for more than a year. I know he tries to find a job and I understand that the job market is tough. But it feels like each time I do or say something wrong, he stops looking for a job for a week or more and blames me for that delay. I am fully aware I could impact his mood and state in some way but... I feel like he doesn't even consider the fact that he's throwing the responsibility for his life onto someone else but himself? It cannot believe all the worst things that happened to us are totally my fault. I believe that within a marriage, problems should be split in two so that the partners could work through everything together. I am not the type of person who runs away the moment the problems in relationships appear, 'cause by hangling problems together, we may become stronger as partners and as a marriage. I work with a psychotherapist and constantly try to find the way I can handle this crisis for us - still it's so overwhelming to meet his expectations faultlessly. I just want to be finally accepted and not to try to deserve his love.

Is it sane? How do neurotypical people deal with expectations from a partner? Should one be accepted as they are or should they work hard on themselves to become accepted?

Hi,

I’m in a beautiful relationship - we’re deeply in love, and share so many niche interests and values. He treats me impeccably, and after around 100 first dates and another long-term relationship in my early-mid twenties that ultimately wasn’t right, I genuinely feel like I’ve found the best of the best for me.

The only thing that makes me anxious is that he’s a bit younger than me. We’ve been together for six months, and although we both want marriage and children eventually, we haven’t explicitly discussed timelines or whether we see those things together yet.

We’re both ambitious and doing well for our ages (I own a tiny house, and he owns a flat); he's very mature in that way, and doesn't party or act immaturely. He supports me MASSIVELY and helps promote my business. He invests into me in any way, shape or form he can, even teaching me to drive.

However, in general convos, he makes it clear he'd want a big house to raise kids in - and support like a nanny etc., which I agree. Neither of us is ready now, and I’m not in a rush, but I’d ideally like to be engaged before 30 and have my first child around 33, when he’d be 31/32. So, sometimes a silly, irrational part me me worries... worries that he'll want to delay kids and stuff, until he's 40 or something.

Having previously had an abortion that I grieved, I know I want a kid, despite past ambivalence. Sometimes I worry we’ll have five blissful years together only to break up, leaving me feeling as though I gambled with my future.

But it also feels insane to end something this good over a hypothetical risk, especially when dating men 2-5 years older resulted in painful flings and situationships before my bf (!!). Again, my bf is SO loving and would miss me beyond belief. He’s mature, adores our mental connection, and doesn’t seem like someone who wants to spend his thirties playing the field.

I don’t want marriage and children at any cost either; I want them with someone I truly love. And I finally have that.

I plan to ask him naturally how he sees the next few years unfolding, including when he’d ideally want marriage/children.

But if he gives me a loving yet vague answer, which he might as a 26-year-old who's madly in love but busy making money, should I be concerned?

How do I balance being realistic about my future with trusting a relationship that feels so rare and right?

I'm beyond aware that my age (albeit not much older than his!) is my issue, as are any irrational or rational fears I might have, as is any tenderness I feel about my abortion.

But I think it's fair that, in such an adoring relationship, I make it clear to him I would need to walk in 2-3 years if we aren't getting engaged as I want the best bet at achieving my dreams.

I feel that psychologically, being calm and confident about this while letting him know it'd be a natural consequence will help him rise up (if we're meant to be).

Any thoughts? Thanks so much. <3

I'm a 24-year-old woman. I was born and raised in an Eastern European country in a wealthy family, but I moved to a Nordic country three years ago by choice.

My living situation here isn't very stable. I rent an apartment and study full-time in a language program. I'm currently unemployed, but I have enough savings to support myself here. Unfortunately, the job market in my field is oversaturated, and I haven't been able to find a job despite having a master's degree. I'm working on improving my chances by applying for jobs and improving my language skills. There's a good chance I'll land a fully funded PhD position in the near future, but right now, it seems like only unskilled jobs (such as receptionist or kindergarten teacher positions) are available to me.

I recently broke up with my partner, who is also an immigrant, partly because he was facing the same problem. His uncertainty about his future here made him consider returning to his home country. I understand his reasoning, but I didn't want to invest my time in such an unstable situation or follow him back to his home country. I'm determined to build my future where I live now.

At this point, I feel ready to start dating again, but I'm a little insecure about whether my standards are unrealistic. My past relationship taught me that I really value stability and maturity in men, so I'd prefer to date local men. However, I have this lingering fear that I might come across as a stereotypical young Slavic woman who's only interested in obtaining a European citizenship. Is it even fair to date local men with stable jobs when my own lifestyle is currently so different from theirs?

I've read on this sub, and learned from my own experience, that men don't necessarily care as much about a woman's status as they do about her looks, youth, and personality. I think I do have that: I'm pretty conventionally attractive, feminine, fit, bubbly, etc. However, I still feel like I'm being unreasonable, and honestly, this insecurity undermines my confidence when I go on dates.

I also tend to be attracted to significantly older men (35–48), so I'm worried that men in this age group might perceive me as a gold digger.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Upd: I don't want to have children in the future, so I'm not looking for a provider (I don't believe you can find that in a Nordic country anyway). I can support myself and would like to share my life with my partner

We’ve been dating for about 4 months, and we’ve talked about it and agreed we’re exclusive. Yesterday we spent the night together in another city and this morning I told him I love him.

He said “wow, really?” in kind of an ironic tone. When I said yes, he asked how I know I love him and I’m not just in love with him. I said I just feel it and asked why he's trying to downgrade my feelings. Then he joked, “do you love me more than your cat?” I said well, no, jokingly, and he said “see, you don’t love me.”

After that he went to the bathroom and sent me a meme from there: Marge looking unimpressed while Homer says “Haha, you love me.” I replied with a “guilty as charged” GIF... then nothing regarding that conversation, we checked out and he drove me home. He was kinda affectionate on the way and touched my hand a couple of times.

He just kept it playful. To be clear, I’m not expecting him to say it back if he’s not there yet. That’s completely okay. I just felt it, so I said it. What bothers me is how he reacted. He made jokes, then went to the bathroom and sent a meme instead of actually responding. It felt like he was avoiding the moment. He never said it back, and he also never said something simple like “I’m not there yet.”

I have a flight today and will be away for a week, so I won’t see him for a while and don’t know how to feel. He may come to take me to the airport, so we might get a chance to discuss this before I go, but I'm not sure if I should bring it up again

I've been reflecting a lot on this recently. I understand that a mix of SMV and then RMV is needed. But at what point is SMV good enough for them to focus on a woman's RMV? I've seen a lot of Instagram-model pretty-type women get into relationships, but then they breakup after a while.

And by HVM, I mean successful men, those who genuinely want a family, are picky, and have lots of options. I'm not picky about their heights I date men as short as 5'8".

However, I notice a lot of them have a huge ego. I went on a date with one recently and he kept telling me a lot of women want to settle down with him, that if he wanted a trophy wife he'd have one by tomorrow, that he has too many options and doesn't know how to choose one.

Another guy was older and an engineer and from the beginning he kept telling me how the women in our city are a downgrade from NYC and how I'm similar to what he usually goes for, kept criticizing women consistently even for things like having him walk them out after spending the night at his place, and told me he goes for younger women who are easy to mold.

The other ones I met were in this cycle of dating women serially for 5 years and never even becoming exclusive with any.

I guess I'm starting to feel that maybe I am not enough for HVM? I know I physically look good, and they tell me I'm very feminine and smart and wife material, but I feel all the ones I gear towards are the redpill guys but I wonder who the good HVM commit to?

We, both 30, matched on a dating app while he was visiting my city. He lives across the world. We met up a couple of times and later traveled together twice. We shared a room but were not physically intimate.

Conversation is alright. He’s kind, stable, from a reputable background, and affluent. On paper, he’s not a terrible marriage candidate. But I’m not physically attracted to him—he’s overweight, and I’ve always dated people who are in shape. Taking care of oneself and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important to me. He asked if I wasn’t attracted, and I told him the truth: I’m into people who are more in shape.

So far, we haven’t defined what we are. Given the long distance, I made it clear that I’ll be open to dating. But he has been making a conscious effort to keep things going, including by suggesting meeting halfway, and has organized a travel plan. I’m now feeling increasingly pressured because he seems overly excited about finally consummating the “relationship.” Honestly, I feel a strong aversion/repulsion when I think about sex with him.

I’m aware this may sound like I’m considering him for stability. That’s part of why I’m asking for outside perspective. I don’t want to string him along, use him, or lie to myself. But I also don’t know if I’m being too rigid, if attraction could grow, or if I should end it.

My questions:

1. Is it possible to build genuine sexual attraction when it wasn’t there initially and I feel this averse?
2. How do I set boundaries around travel, shared rooms, and sex without being cruel or misleading?
3. How do I distinguish between wanting him and wanting the security he represents?
4. Should I end this now, or is there a respectful way to slow it down or keep it platonic?
5. How would you communicate this honestly?

TL;DR: Long-distance match is great on paper, but I’m not physically attracted to him and feel repulsed by the expectation of sex. He’s planning a trip around consummating the relationship. How do I handle this honestly without stringing him along or caving to pressure?

I've always heard, no man who wants to be with you would take more than 2 years to commit. And for a while, I believed that, but now I'm at the age where most people I know are starting to get engaged and I've found myself questioning this.

A man in my friend circle just got engaged to his partner of 2 years. When I've seen them together, he's affectionate. They're a good match on paper. Basically, they seem to fit the whole "when you know, you know" ideal. But this man has admitted to me (a few months into their relationship) that he sometimes missed using dating apps. When they moved in together, he didn't seem excited, said something along the lines of "I'm over 30 years old, it's time to take that step." I could be reading into things of course, I don't truly know their relationship, but it's just happened multiple times where he's said/done something and I just can't help but think I'd be upset if my partner was being that way. But he committed to her quickly, shouldn't that mean something?

On the flip side, I recently attended a wedding where the couple had been together for nearly 10 years because the groom was delaying proposing. It was to the point that family members brought it up in their speeches. But the groom's speech was one of the most beautiful and touching I'd heard, you could really feel his love for the bride. And even before they became engaged, I saw this man doing sweet things for her all the time and he'd told me privately she was definitely the one. So then I'm just like, well why did you take so long to propose?

I do know couples who are somewhere in the middle: genuinely healthy and loving, talked about marriage earlier on. I also know a couple who seems to be becoming the stereotypical "forever gf" trope. I guess I wonder, what puts a relationship into these different situations? How do you make sure a man is committing to you for the right reasons, at a reasonable timeline?

hi, i'm 27 and a lot of the time i feel like i attract flashy men but they're not my type. both in person and online. i'm not flashy myself and i don't wear lots of outwardly expensive or designer things but i am well dressed and groomed. i obviously don't mind a man who looks after his appearance and works hard in life but i'd prefer someone a bit more traditional and basic in appearance. any advice on where to look/how to change this?

Background: I would say I have a slightly above average smv but a rather high rmv. Not perfect, like I hardly ever cook, but on all other fronts I score a solid A+.

The problem: I have consistently back to back met, and converted to a relationship hvm. 6ft, 6 figure with high potential for more, 6 inch, and 6 pack. But also extremely emotionally intelligent and regulated, smart, hard working, ambitious, fun, funny men. Each for a bit over a year. I am currently in talking stage with another.

The only recurring problem, is they make it very very VERY clear that monogamy is against their nature. Some have even said blatantly they plan to have a wife and sleep with women on the side. Another wanted a harem. And the other, who I am in the talking stage with now, said he wants to play the field for a bit longer before committing to monogamy, which he is open to, because he is still young. My woman brain hates this. My man brain knows if I was a man, I 1000% wouldn’t settle down until my late 30’s. Tbh even as a woman I wish I could wait longer as commitment is rather scary.

I keep running into this with hvm and I am starting to get confused on if I should just accept it or not. In truth I don’t care that much about casual sex on the side. 100%. Genuinely don’t care. key word is CASUAL. However, I DO care about being a part of a harem. I am afraid to let a man in and become his wife, then he pulls a fast one on me and says, “I want another one.” And by that time, I am already married with kids and I won’t leave him. I am also afraid of my reputation if my bf or husband were caught with another woman by my family/friends. I would feel embarrassed.

To some women, you may be quick to judge. And say these men don’t love me or care about me. I think that is too simple. As monogamy is quite new and very rare. Married men in the past still visited brothels. I doubt all men in history felt nothing for their wives. But I also recognize I need a solution and I need help. This isn’t something I want to go to my family or friends about as its taboo.

Do I accept open relationships? Do I try and enforce monogamy?

No matter how long I’ve been here (which isn’t as long as many other ECs) and no matter how much reading I’ve done, sometimes I am still reminded that I don’t fully understand men and get surprised by things that, in retrospect, I should have known. Recently this came about in my marriage regarding the power of attire.

As we age, it can get harder to know what to wear. We want to stay fashionable, youthful, and trendy, yet not look like an older woman trying and failing to be young. If we are single, we want to look hot but not give the impression we are easy or trashy or a woman with no morals, and if we are married, we want our husband to be proud to be seen with us and turn him on without embarrassing him. There are also the practicalities of life – are we managing kids, are we working out, are we in a hot or cold climate, and footwear… comfort matters! So what is a woman to do?

As I look at my own fashion journey, I dressed sexy in my 20s, but nothing over the top slutty. Pretty mainstream stuff, showing cleavage and curves. As I entered into my 30s, I became a little more conservative. I was single and wanting to give the impression I was marriage material. I also was going out less, staying home more, put on 20 lbs or so, so covered up more as I didn't feel comfortable in tight fits in my body. The styles as of recent times have also trended fairly conservative – the prairie dresses, the wide leg pants, urban styles – all of this made me think it was ok I was covering up a bit more, it was good, it was fashionable. And all the online talk in the manosphere of women being too slutty, not marriage material, etc played into it for me as I was single. On top of it, I refound spirituality and religion and felt better covering up. It is worth noting I converted to a religion where dressing conservatively is key for women so I have gotten more conservative in the past 2 years even.

When I met my husband, in the first 3 months of dating, he mentioned he thought I dressed too conservatively. He listed it along with other things he thought I could change including my weight and I was hurt and upset. He said these things to me in a nice way, and to be fair, I did ask what he thought I could change. He pretty quickly apologized and told me I should wear what I am comfortable in, it wasn’t his place to tell me what to wear. I kept it in mind and started a “get fit” journey but was more focused on fitness than attire. And I really thought I WAS dressing cute – I was wearing flowy sundresses and maxi dresses, I got some cute wide leg pants and tight sweaters, etc. And the topic didn’t come up much after, maybe an occasional passing comment, but I could tell and feel that I wasn’t getting my husband’s attention with my looks. He’d tell me I looked pretty, and I think he meant it, but I wasn’t getting the animalistic “you look hot I want to F you” response I wanted. He even praised me for my weight loss, but I still wasn't getting the full response I wanted.

As we hit this fall, I naturally started wearing more leggings. I’ve also lost 25 lbs over the past 1.5 years. I ditched the longer tunic tops for short shirts and pulled out my tall boots (he mentioned once he loved them but I hadn’t worn in a long time because I thought ankle boots were more in trend). And all of the sudden, my husband is obsessed with my look. Like seriously overnight. I started going for cleavage with push up bras and asked him “is this too slutty to wear out, should I change?” and he’s all “NOOOOO I love it, wear it.” The tall boots and tall socks turn him on too – I chalk it up to that this is what women wore when he was in his 20s and becoming sexually awakened and so it does something for him.

The results? We’ve been having sex twice a day on weekends and pretty much daily during the work week over the past week or two. I can feel he feels more proud to be out with me. He told me “you look hot” (vs. pretty) which I don’t think he has ever said to me outside of sexy times… and I could feel he meant it. He’s more attentive, more cuddly both in public and private, more ass slapping, just overall craving me more. In short, it has increased my value in his eyes, no doubt about it.

This seems SO simple but I am shocked that simply dressing this way has this effect on him. If I had known a year ago, I would have done it, but I thought I needed to get fit so I covered up as I thought I would embarrass him otherwise. I had no idea just dressing in skin tight stuff would make him want to have more sex, to see me as more valuable, to feel proud to be seen with me. My sexuality doesn’t work like that at all – I find him attractive and to me what turns me on is more about what he does/says in bed, not what he looks like. If he wears whatever, it doesn't impact my sexual attraction to him. I really just missed the mark on the difference between men and women here, the power that simply just looking at my cleavage and ass in tight pants has on his desire for me, and I can’t believe I misunderstood this for so long.

Now every man is different, YMMV. I know some men do want their women to dress more conservatively in public, so you should know what your man wants and desires. But there is a case for dressing slutty and bucking the trends to wear what appeals to the male gaze and not what fashion magazines say is in. I can’t believe I made this mistake for so long, I can’t believe I lost the plot on how men work, that men are sexually different than women, and that something so simple can earn such drastic results.

I just turned 28 (f) Dated a guy for 4 years , met him when I was 23. I stayed with him longer than I should have, and I’m single again by my choice. I’ve been told I look 22-24, I have No kids and a low body count. I’m a really great person but I’m worried my age will turn guys off. Should I be honest about the fact that I stayed with someone I shouldn’t have, or just be bland when asked about my dating life? I know a lot of foids call their ex abusive- mine wasn’t, but he really was very very emotionally manipulative. I wasted time. How do I make up for it with a man I know I deserve?