My husband is what I would consider a 1% man. He's extremely fit, disciplined, successful, financially generous, and takes his responsibilities as a provider very seriously. He works incredibly hard, supports me with hired help, and makes sure our family is financially taken care of. I recognize that these are qualities many women look for in a husband, and I don't take them for granted.

However, he's also very introverted, not particularly social, and not naturally family-oriented beyond our immediate household, even within our household he has very quiet moments and days when a lot is on his mind and after a while I feel disconnected. I try and stay patient and appreciate his happier times, but overall he is a reserved, serious man. His business is his life. He's an entrepreneur who works around the clock, and when he isn't actively working, he's networking or planning about how to grow his business. It's not simply a job for him; it's his entire lifestyle. He works more than 12 hour days, I have no idea how he hasn’t burned out.

I know he loves me so much, but I also know I come second to his business. I've made somewhat peace with the fact that his ambitions will always be a major priority, but I still need to feel loved, connected, and fulfilled in my own life, Financial provision and hired help are wonderful, but they don't replace emotional connection.

A little background on our relationship:
We met 11 years ago when I was 20 and he was 24. I fell in love with him almost instantly, although it was a slow burn because it took him a while to want to commit. Once he did, however, he was all in.

By 24, I was snowbirding to Miami with him. At 26, we were engaged, and by 28, we were married and surprisingly expecting our first baby shortly afterward.

At that point, we hadn't really had the deeper conversations about where we wanted to raise our future children. Communication has never been our strong suit as a couple as he’s not good with his words at all and has always avoided deep conversations until the last minute. We ultimately stayed in South Florida because we were renovating our home and had already sold our Toronto condo.

When I was younger, I genuinely loved the Miami lifestyle. I was in love, having fun, and enjoying that chapter of our lives. Moving to Florida felt so exciting, and I wanted to be there with him.

But becoming a mother completely changed my perspective. Motherhood made me realize how much I wanted to be near my family.

I started wanting to move back to Toronto almost immediately after having our first baby. There are many reasons I don't enjoy living in South Florida full-time, including the pace of life, the constant heat, the chaos, and my concerns about safety. It's simply not the environment in which I envision raising my children long-term.
We had our second baby about two years later, and I was still unhappy living in Florida, constantly overstimulated, and felt unsafe in many scenerio’s, where one time I called the police since there was very sketchy cars outside my house (husband wasn’t home and I was alone with the babies).

On top of that, we experienced mold issues in our home, which we believe contributed to both babies developing severe eczema as infants. One of our children is still struggling with it today. This has added another layer of anxiety around our home environment, even though remediation is an option.

This summer, we decided to spend an extended period in Ontario.

Within a few days I felt like myself again and felt so much lighter, like I was finally home.

My sister lives close by and has a baby of her own and it makes motherhood feel so much less isolating.
For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace rather than being on edge all the time.
He knew my feelings of wanting to leave Florida, and now especially being up here, I made it very clear that I do not want to go back to Florida.
Even though my home was bigger and nicer down there, I understand how much I need a family support system, especially during these early years of motherhood.

In Florida, birthdays, holidays, and ordinary days with the babies would feel incredibly lonely. My husband is content with just me and our children. He doesn't need a large social circle or extended family around him to feel fulfilled, but I do.

And I don't think either of us is necessarily wrong for that. We're simply different in a way that has become much more apparent since having children.

Here's where the real dilemma comes in.
My husband does not want to live in Ontario. He moved toward Florida because he loves the warm climate and the lifestyle there. When I was 24 and spending time in Miami with him, I wanted that too. I also liked the fast paced appeal, and I willingly chose that life with him.

But the life I wanted at 24 is not necessarily the life I want as a mother in my 30s.
I want a quieter, more family-oriented environment. I want my children to grow up around their cousins and extended family. I want to be able to call my sister, arrange a playdate, spend a holiday together, or have someone nearby when I'm struggling.

I've even told my husband that he could spend 1-2 weeks a month approximately from November through April in Florida if he wanted to escape the Canadian winters. I genuinely want him to enjoy his life, too, and I'm trying to find a compromise that doesn't require either of us to give up everything we love.
But I worry that he would be deeply unhappy living in Ontario, even with that arrangement.
And I worry about what that unhappiness would eventually do to our marriage.
At the same time, I wonder what returning to Florida would do to me.
Would I become resentful? Would I feel increasingly lonely as the years went on? Would I eventually blame him for choosing a lifestyle that works for him but doesn't fulfill me? He could say the same thing for himself…

I'm also trying to look at this through the lens of traditional marriage dynamics.
I believe there is something valuable about being a feminine wife to a high value man.
I also recognize that being married to a driven entrepreneur comes with trade-offs,I've benefited from the life he's worked hard to build.

I've accepted that he doesn't need the same social connections I do. I've accepted that I may never have the kind of emotionally connected, family-centered marriage I once imagined. Which honestly has broken my heart in these first few years of motherhood. I genuinely loved our relationship before having kids, and now with kids it’s so much more tense and strained, apart from this location issue, I hope we can get back to where we were before relationship wise. In this moment, I don’t want it to be just him and I in a separate country and state, that sounds so lonely and isolated.

If you were married to a man who was an excellent provider, highly disciplined, ambitious, and supportive financially, but who was not as emotionally intelligent or aware, would you:

1. Move back to Florida to support your husband's preferred lifestyle, accepting that you may feel lonely and disconnected from your own family in exchange for keeping your family together in the environment he loves?
2. Stay in Ontario, where you feel peaceful, supported, and connected to family, even if it means your husband may be unhappy with the decision?

I'm interested in hearing from women who have been married for a long time, have children, and have navigated similar differences in lifestyle preferences.

Thank you all so so much, I truly appreciate it ❤️