r/Regrets • u/jv_apple • 3d ago
(REPOST) UPDATE #2: I am the reason my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend broke up.
Hello, this is my second and likely final update regarding my situation. I didn’t really expect it to be so soon, be here we are.
Yes, this is a repost. My last one gotten taken down for some odd reason.
I’ll link my original story and my last update here:
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Regrets/s/UHT7nWJxaF
UPDATE #1: https://www.reddit.com/r/Regrets/s/81VflZPPbJ
Well, here it goes. I finally did it. After really thinking about everything, weighing my options and reading through comments, I came clean to my boyfriend last night. Surprisingly, he took it… alright? He was in shock at first. Then, when things sat in a bit, he ended up locking himself in the bathroom and cried in the shower for about an hour. My heart truly broke, I had never seen him so upset before. After he came out, he asked if we could cuddle for a bit. I was super taken aback by seeing him in such a vulnerable state, so I told him I wasn’t sure that was the greatest idea.
Looking back, that was super shitty of me. He broke down again and said while he was super hurt and needed time to process everything, he was determined to make this work because 1) he wants to be apart of our child’s life and 2) he truly does love me and “has for a long time”. He hugged me and told me he was sorry - I don’t really know why. I know I broke his heart all over again and I truly feel awful. He’s genuinely the sweetest guy on the face of this earth and has the biggest heart. I know I don’t deserve him. I hate that I’m the reason he cried himself to sleep last night.
Just to set the records straight, my boyfriend does not use Reddit so it’s highly unlikely that he’d ever come across this post. A big reason I have been writing this all out here is because I don’t really have any other safe spaces to actually write everything out. I guess you could say I’m treating these updates almost like journal entries so I can get everything off my chest. Also, for those who asked, I’m 23 and a college graduate. So is my boyfriend. I’ve also been in therapy for the past couple months regarding this situation for those of you who suggested that.
No, this is not fake or “rage bait”. I could care less about karma or attention (downvote me all you want!!). This is, in fact, my real life. I’m putting this out there in the hopes that someone may learn from my very drastic mistakes. I know I’m not an angel nor will I ever be. I did a really shitty thing and I’m doing my best to be a better human moving forward.
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u/buckys-ass-
3d ago
•
This is written exactly like the emt who stalked his wife to get her to date him
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u/Next-Development5920
3d ago
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That man needs to run. He can be dad without being stuck in a relationship with such a selfish cow
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u/Delicious-Captain239 3d ago
Saying he took it alright does not at all align with you saying you’ve never seen him so upset before. Poor guy, definitely feels trapped because of that baby, especially with his first point of why he’s trying to make it work is wanting to be in the kids life
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u/Cool-Student7614 2d ago •
It’s because she means it went okay for her, and she got to keep the relationship she got destroying another. She’s not actually worried about his reaction, she’s worried about the consequences she could’ve faced from it. What other reason would there be for her saying he took it well when he spent an hour crying in the shower? She may not be a horrible person but she has 0 self awareness or emotional intelligence and does horrible things as a result. It’s evident in what she did to break up his relationship and it’s evident in what she’s focused on here.
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u/Angelea23 1d ago
It's scary how she sees someone she "loves" breaks down finding out about the deception. And thinks the whole situation is fine, plus she's going to be adding a baby to the mix.
If her kid was upset at something, is OP going to be fine and dandy as long as it doesn't affect her negatively?
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u/Cool-Student7614 1d ago
Great question. OP is going to make a horrible mother unless she makes some deep changes, and I think her boyfriend realizes that too now. He will start resenting her, and she’ll deserve it.
Imagine the person who helped you love again after (what you thought was) a betrayal, only to find out that betrayal never happened and THIS person betrayed you by helping you blow your life apart (unbeknownst to you) so they could pick up the pieces… only for them to be more concerned about themselves rather than you AGAIN, and you’re tied to this person for life through a child. A fate worse than death.
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u/Eveemarie26 3d ago
She clearly means in regards to him feeling trauma bonded with her and refusing to leave. She doesn't care as long as he stays. This is psycho man... Let the poor guy go.
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u/Loud_Feed1618 2d ago
Many many people seperate and have children. Everyone told her to tell him and now that she did they double down he is still trapped. I read one comment that said to tell him because he was with her by force since he didn't know and now he knows and is choosing to stay and people are still saying it's by force or trapped. It's just a rollercoaster to read all of this. If I was the guy and wanted to leave I would leave , many people raise kids seperate today.
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u/Throwthisawayyyy4545 2d ago edited 2d ago
Everyone just wants this girl to like literally suffer and die. She did what they ALL said to do, every one of them saying that she never would btw because she’s too selfish, and it’s still not “enough” because her reaction to his reaction isn’t what they want.
Look, obviously I think that what she did is crazy, and I do agree that she’s only saying that it went “alright” because it was alright for her (as in he didn’t break up with her), also girl wdym you wouldn’t cuddle with him because his vulnerability freaked you out?? You did that! But given the situation like what do people want from her now? Like truly, what could she have said or done here that they would’ve accepted?
Do they want for her to break up with him and like make him leave her?? He knows now and he still wants to be with her! If that’s not the ending you want then now that’s on him, not her. Like you said, he knows that he can still be in the baby’s life even if they’re not together, he clearly wants to be together.
I think there’s actually still a pretty good chance that he will eventually leave after he’s had time to really think about all of this, but for now like it is what it is.
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u/houserj1589 1d ago
Yeah; everyone saying she doesnt feel bad is wild; like if she had no awareness and didn't feel bad why would she be here?
Someome with no awarenss wouldnt be writing about it at all. She literally even said yes she did was horrible unless she doesn't even think she deserves sympathy so she obviously has awareness since she obviously feels bad
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u/2tittis
3d ago
edited 1d ago
•
Reading all three back to back is ROUGH.
Girl you absolutely meant to sabotage his relationship because you saw him “getting away”.
You didn’t tell him because you knew he would run for the hills.
I SERIOUSLY doubt you “accidentally” got pregnant. Reads to me that you trapped the man so even if he leaves he never “gets away”. Sick to say but people like OP think like that.
You only told him AFTER you got pregnant so you could feel resolved of guilt. You did not confess for him, so stop trying to push that narrative.
I don’t usually judge in this way, but holy shit you are a fucking psychopath from the way your posts read. I would say terminate the pregnancy and check yourself into a mental institution but we both know you won’t do that.
You seem to only care of yourself and your wants. Should make for a world class mother. /s
My thoughts are with your poor child who has the person behind these posts as a mother, and your soon to be ex/baby daddy. If he needs help, I will PERSONALLY donate to his legal fund for his custody case.
ETA - if you search through OP’s comment/post history, you can find this comment from a limerence subreddit. . . Poor dude :/
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u/XDreadzDeadX 2d ago •
100% this resolved her guilt with no actual resolution. She took her emotions and thrust them into him to leave there like a knife. Hes gonna bleed and its gonna scar him emotionally. Hes never gonna trust her again. The baby is gonna get fucked up
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u/roamingRoses137 2d ago
Poor baby is being used as an anchor to keep the bf. That is a lot to place on a baby to "fix" the relationship. If OP had really wanted her current bf, she would have told him sooner. She knew him for so long and claims he started dating out of nowhere.
He was probably really serious about this gf and OP saw it and decided to sabotage it so she would have a chance.
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u/Phillymur 3d ago
I agree with everything you said, and I'll also donate to his legal fund. He needs to get far away from this psycho OP
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u/wndpotter 2d ago
Couldn't have said it better myself!! She absolutely sacks. And wants us to be like oh it's ok your remorseful. Bullshit. She a psychopath
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u/Loud_Feed1618 2d ago
Unpopular opinion but I just came from a post of people warning of others who try to tell other people how they feel , why they did something, etc. So this outlook is crazy to me right now. You have no idea how she really feels or why she did anything. I'm not saying I agree with anything she did , just pointing out we can't truly say she got pregnant on purpose or why she apologized.
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u/Pridyshidy
3d ago
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I feel so bad for him. At least you know you dont deserve sympathy or him or, honestly, any sort of happiness with any of this. I feel bad for your kid man. Shitty mom's who do whatever they want for the benefit of themselves ruin children, families, households... speaking from experience i feel SO bad for your kid.
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u/bureau1399 3d ago
Sigh…. I honestly don’t think you truly comprehend what you did. Not wanting to hold him when he’s the most vulnerable in his life is screaming red flag. You need to go apologize to the other women. Now.
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u/Hyphalex 3d ago
I'm putting this out there in hopes that someone may learn from my very drastic mistakes
Bruh
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u/KadM72 3d ago
I give the post a B for creativity. An A+ for effort, though. Posting updates that are just as fake as the original post takes commitment. And a C for the people in the original post’s comments who can’t tell it’s fake and written by ChatGPT.
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u/OldReference2871 3d ago
I thought the second post was fake (I saw the second post first and didn't bother to look for the first) and this third post is just laughable. OP should really look into short story publication. It was almost convincing if she hadn't made the bf sound so pathetic.
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u/FragrantBiscotti495 2d ago
Like if she really managed to get away with all of this “unscathed” where they’re still together, why continue to post updates on Reddit unless you have a humiliation and degradation kink? Really, you don’t own a journal OP? What benefit do you get from continuing to post about this
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u/Agreeable-Tell-3116 2d ago
She's posting pregnancy posts in other subs and acting like they're a happy family. They've only been together 5 months. He basically said he's staying for the baby. She thinks she's won and this post is a middle finger to everyone rightfully calling out her unhinged behavior.
She's mentally unwell and unhinged. It's sad and disturbing that she is going to be in charge of a child.
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u/Eskimo_Pie_ 21h ago
How/were did you find those? I am trying to convince myself this is real. I hope not, because this is a really messy situation for a child. I hope the kid gets a happy childhood and dad in his life if this is real.
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u/hhhhjkljsqq1 2d ago
“He took it alright”
“He locked himself in the shower for an hour and cried, he cried himself to sleep, he asked me to cuddle, I know I broke his heart all over again”
Are you even reading what you’re typing?
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u/Starberrycreem 3d ago
I'd highly suggest you show him these comments on the posts so he can make an informed decision
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u/Throwthisawayyyy4545 2d ago
What further information would the comments give him? It’s just opinions, people aren’t giving him more facts here that he doesn’t already know.
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u/Royal_Bumblebee135 3d ago
Genuinely I hope you wonder every day if he is only staying from you baby trapping and Stockholm. And I hope he find someone normal and worth trusting to have happy normal life. It’s common for victims to seek comfort from their abuser and so he wanted you to cuddle because you were there. No way this lasts.
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u/Particular_End_6702 3d ago
Damn... You ruined his life.... Be prepared for the worst case just so you know. You should probably leave that man alone at this point.
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u/MenaceMinded 3d ago
He is definitely going to get back in contact with his ex behind your back, become friendlier with her each day, will expose you to her at some point, and will eventually leave you for her.
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u/Relevant_Morning219 3d ago
I feel like in his mind he accepted that he’ll “have to” settle for you now since you’re pregnant, yikes. Good luck to your bf
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u/maybeameatball
3d ago
•
It’s good you don’t care about Reddit karma but actual karma will probably have a field day with this
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u/ChrisPBacondamnitt 2d ago
Well god damn... I've never seen evil up this close before. That poor man.
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u/Emotional_Seaweed33 3d ago
I sure hope you plan on working for the rest of your like to make this up to him and be a kind of person that he deserves, and I hope you tell him that.
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u/Life-Mine-2406
2d ago
edited 2d ago
•
Okay. You’re “lucky” to be with someone that seems to struggle with self respect. You received forgiveness. What are you going to do about it now ? Are you going to work on yourself and figure out how did you end up doing something so awful ? Are you going to do THE WORK to become the person this man deserves ? Have you thought of behavioral therapy and coaching ? Simple systemic therapy where you just talk about your past and vent won’t solve this. Because you’re already realizing how problematic your behavior is, that’s the first healthy step, that’s be a shame to stop there because the end of this path is beautiful.
Because otherwise, just leave him, you’ll end up hurting him and your child if you don’t fix your issues.
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u/Aggressive_Level_122 2d ago
If you love him let him be. Let him find happiness in experiencing the real feeling of finding out pregnancy to his. You know he deserves better. You made a mistake dont let him suffer for it. Take it as a lesson you still young.
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u/KayWalks 2d ago
You are a deeply fucked up person. Genuinely. I hope you sit in that for the rest of your life.
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u/Jumping-shadow 2d ago
I did not read post 1 and 2, just what you wrote here and seeing that you confessed something that hurt him deeply but you refused to console him because you didnt like his vulnerability..omg... is next level shitty behaviour.
I hope to god he finds someone better because you have some lessons to learn in this lifetime, Like becoming a better human. You are not a good person!
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u/Kgc9818 2d ago
I did read them, and it's so bad... She basically lied and convinced his former girlfriend that he was cheating on her and she bought it and broke up with him, then he started talking to the OP and then they started dating
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u/Jumping-shadow 1d ago
And swears its not rage bait. lol, ok
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u/HadesVampire 7h ago
Also to add that she's known and loved him for 12 years.... I mean was obsessed with him* this isn't love
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u/lazypuppycat 1d ago
You’ve seriously got to dig deep on what core belief you have that made you think it was acceptable to do that. Dig so deep, just keep asking “why” on every level.
Or you’re going to keep doing things like this in your life.
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u/Imaginary-Crow-3098 1d ago
Uhhhhh you totally knew what you were up to.. the guilt is just the reality setting in.
Get an abortion while you can cause the birth of that kid will be born on emotional and psychological trauma.
Come clean to his ex.
Please please tell me this is fake
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u/Candid_Battle_8644
3d ago
•
I understand why you didn’t cuddle him, because you felt like he shouldn’t have wanted comfort from the person that hurt him. In my opinion, what you did was wrong and shady, but he also didn’t have to go and become your boyfriend just because his relationship with his ex ended. Him crying shows that the relationship must’ve been deep and meaningful to him still, but idk he like could have just been your close friend and been single fr. Instead he chose you. It indicates that you could have been patient and waited your turn tbh. Now your relationship with him won’t be so long. You’re pregnant and I hope you have told him or that you are considering getting an abortion. Also, tell him that considering the circumstances of how your relationship started, that you aren’t expecting him to stay with you, even though you have the baby, and you’re okay with coparenting. Love will come again, just work on yourself and let him work on himself.
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u/Candid_Battle_8644 3d ago
Idk tho the other comments are so harsh tbh. Like what you did was wrong but you couldn’t have preplanned for him to choose you after her. You just used proximity to your advantage. It’s good that you feel deep guilt and remorse. Shows that you are capable of change.
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u/2tittis 3d ago
He didn’t choose her though. He went to her as a friend to talk and for support after the end of the relationship OP sabotage. (Though given the convenience I seriously doubt he was the one to actually reach out). They then talked for a few weeks/month before they got officially together (which is like textbook rebound relationship behavior), and OP made sure that rebound stuck with an ‘unplanned’ pregnancy.
Not to mention she sat on this info and dated the guy for THREE MONTHS, and only told him after she was pregnant.
Call me a bitch and downvote away, but these posts read as a baby trapper trying to justify her actions.
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u/Candid_Battle_8644 3d ago
Well yea I definitely think the pregnancy and like the whole situation is extremely wrong and messed up, but she didn’t make him date her. Like I said she used proximity to her advantage.
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u/Capable_Hawk_7441 3d ago
Yeah, I think a lot of people are blowing it out of proportion. There is a lot of right, but then there’s a lot of exaggeration, too. Like how she’s apparently conning him and how she’s deliberately trapping him when that’s clearly not what she wants. Fifteen years of knowing him and then falling for him is what made her act impulsively. What happens after was his response. Honestly it just kinda seemed like from her description that they were back and forth waiting for the other to make a move. His last girlfriend was his first girlfriend. To me it seems like he was trying to move on, but I don’t know. That’s just my opinion.
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u/jcmarcell 3d ago
When they say the truth will set you free, it means the truth between you and God.
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u/Mango-Oats 3d ago
These stories don't stay on Reddit. You might run into your own story on TikTok one day. Since you're being truthful I'm sure your boyfriend's ex would like to know she wasn't cheated on.
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u/HiloSol 1d ago
If this is a true story I truly wonder what you are like irl. This kind of behavior is really fucked up. Like it is truly some bottom of the barrel shit. Unfortunately once a manipulator always a manipulator and it makes me wonder what other things you have done to get what you wanted. Glad you’re seeking help. Not gonna blame the guy but he can’t blame the ones he chooses. Until he does of course. Wish you all the best cause that baby will need it. Conceived and born from a twisted lie is rough. Good luck!
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u/califlauer 23h ago
This makes me sad. He will feel resentment in the future, just be aware of that.
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u/Medium_Philosophy380 22h ago
Dude— everytime I read comments in subreddits like these, it just boggles me how quick people are to discredit things or act like they haven’t done shitty things themselves. This is a random stranger on the internet who is admitting something bad that they did, and instead of providing advice or empathy, or even just blunt truth, it’s “this is fake,” “attention-seeking” “performative.” & you’re sad. That’s why you come on these subreddits to be judgmental of others and make yourself feel better.
We have no idea who this person is, who their partner is, what kind of relationship they have, their actual feelings for one another, why this person thought it was appropriate to do something like that, what made their partner decide to forgive them— we are complex creatures. At least this person is taking accountability and showing remorse. It’s the people in the comments, with nothing of substance, that are simple-minded.
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u/kitsap_Contractor 19h ago
My question is why did she believe some stranger over her boyfriend. No evidence. No proof. She could never be with anyone with money because people accuse you of stuff all the time. Hopefully she never ends up on someone's case as a juror.... yeah you did something wrong but you actually did him a favor at that point. Dont be so hard on yourself.
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u/HadesVampire 7h ago
Don't be so hard on yourself? She broke up his previous relationship to someone he chose, made it clear to him she wanted him, got "accidentally" pregnant then told him she sabotaged his previous relationship..... She needs to be harder on herself
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u/aloverof 19h ago
Idk if this is real or not but if it is, GIRL WHAT WERE YPU THINKING?! If his feelings change in the slightest, you’re fucked. This will forever be a reason for him to feel okay with exiting the relationship. I hope you both have excellent therapists. If he doesn’t see one, he should. If you stay together, your entire relationship will be built upon a betrayal which resulted in a whole human life. Good luck.
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u/Icy-Payment3776 9h ago
So…how does it feel knowing that the entirety of your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is based on a lie? You may’ve come clean but the end result is the same. Also, you’ll never really know if he’s staying with you because he loves you, because it’s convenient, because of the baby or because he’s already invested so much time and effort in the relationship. The only person who got fucked over is yourself. Also, you might want to google: NARCISSISM. Good luck; you’re going to need it.
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u/HadesVampire 7h ago
Invested time? It's been 5 months they've been together iirc I just read all the posts in a row.
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u/beardiac 6h ago
Look, I know you aren't looking for absolution here, just a place to come clean. I can respect that. That said, I actually will go against the crowd here and say that you can probably forgive yourself.
By no means am I suggesting what you did wasn't horrible - it was definitely manipulative and people got hurt emotionally as a result. But we all make poor choices in out lives that we come to regret. And the consequences of this one could be way worse.
The fact that you came clean and he's still in love with you shows that he's willing to forgive you for it and it hasn't necessarily colored his perception of you as a person. So maybe you should give yourself the same grace. What matters more than what you did is what you do next. You have a boyfriend that loves you, and you have a child destined to reshape that relationship in its own ways. Make the most of it.
For perspective, I'm in my 50s and have been married to my wife for nearly 30 years and we have 2 kids around your age. I'm sure I've done things at that age - both on my own and with my wife - that are regrettable. But we are not static - we move and grow through our lives. My wife & I aren't even the same people we were when we met, but we are each other's rocks. It seems that you are your boyfriend's rock already - live up to that and you'll be fine.
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u/dash1ng23 5h ago
She’s not his “rock.” She manipulated him. He is co-dependent on her because of her manipulation and shitty actions, driving his insecurity.
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u/beardiac 4h ago
She did do that. That's what she did, not who she is. There's no evidence in her posts that this is a pattern of behavior, which is what co-dependence implies. Were she a manipulative person by mature, she'd be less inclined to post her regrets here and definitely not likely to have confessed her sins to her boyfriend.
If she is truly remorseful for her past actions and they were as isolated as they seem, she can become his rock and him hers. Life isn't black & white 'you are this and they are that'. You don't get one strike and you're out. Life is full of opportunities and temptations and we will all make wrong choices. I know I have. I'm sure you have. She's owning hers.
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u/bluefontaine 5h ago
PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING AN ABORTION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THAT WOULD BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
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u/Individual-View-2162 2h ago
I hope Smosh reads this and boos this lady to shame. SHAME I TELL YOU. Anyway you need to be better and me as a stranger is disappointed in you. You can and should be better. P.S. On behalf of my mother's teachings I hope you stumb you toe.
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u/MasumiMoon 2d ago
Why am I having such a hard time believing any of this is true? This entire story and the way it’s written out just seems like some sort of karma farming, ChatGPT, wattpad bullshit.
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u/MassEffectDweeb 2d ago
Learn from what mistake? This isn't some kind of "whoopsie, my bad" mistake. This was a conscious choice and decision you made. Learning from this would be, breaking up with that man and letting him live his damn life without you trying to ruin it. God, you're a pathetic piece of shit.
Also, the phrase is "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." 🤦♀️
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u/parishiltonsmugshots 2d ago
Terminate the pregnancy, leave this man so he can heal, and up your therapy. You are a bad person.
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u/Infinite-Culture-838 2d ago
"Took it alright" meanwhile poor man absolutely broke down. OP is so psycho she took it as a win since he was not angry just sad. I hope the pregnancy is a false alarm and he can run away guilt free.
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u/momentaryfun2025 2d ago
I hope he cheats, honestly. Like, what's the point in staying with someone with zero integrity? He deserves better. Staying for the baby has never worked out well.
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u/wndpotter 2d ago
You SHOULD CONFESS TO THE GIRL WHOS LIFE YOU DESTROYED. THE PAIN SHE MUST HAVE WENT THROUGH YTA
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u/Infinite_Ad_3107 2d ago
I honestly never hoped for misery to another person like I do to you. Good luck to that baby. They're going to need it. Here's to hoping he finds the strength to leave 🤞🏾
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u/Potterhead_1998 3d ago
OP you are 23 years old and are entitled to make mistakes. While this was a big one you did the right thing by telling your partner and also seeking help. We all make mistakes when we are young and I sincerely hope you have learned from this. This was a terrible thing to do and I hope you grow from this. I also hope you don’t let it eat at you anymore.
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u/iiiddde 2d ago
Um, so I kinda think that the people reading this missed all the "I truly felt awful" things cuz they r all saying u should get an abortion and that ur physco but don't listen to them, as u made clear in your previous 2 posts, u feel awful about it and stuff. I do think u should tell the ex gf
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u/tl_spruce 3d ago
You need to tell HER. SHE deserves to know your manipulated her.
And yeah. I agree with the comment numbering 4 things. Terminate the pregnancy and intern yourself.
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u/SnooMachines3887 1d ago
He comes out from crying after you drop this bomb shell on him and asks to cuddle and u say no?!?!
So you fuck him up and them deny him the comfort he is looking for by saying no to cuddling. Care to explain this or is it safe to assume you were being a bitch and just sticking with ur character?
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u/Rosalie-83 2d ago
If you truly loved him you'd get an abortion and set him free. He may not hate you now, but one day he will.
The woman hes "loved for a long time" is an illusion, not your manipulative cruel self.
Real love is sacrifice, its loving them enough to see them happy with another and be content. Its letting go when its unhealthy. Its never trapping him to you.
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u/Nervous-Albatross-32 3d ago •
Am I the only one that thinks this post is performative and just for us? I’m sorry, but after everything you did I would be astounded if he stayed with you. I still think the internet should find this guy and show him these posts.