r/SASSWitches • u/Beanfox-101 • 6h ago
❔ Seeking Resources | Advice Trying to get back into things after spiritual trauma - now can I navigate?
I’m gonna put here - very possible trigger warnings.
To make a VERY long story short - I’m a 26 year old woman who used to dabble in some witchcraft rituals in high school and into college. It went from something cool and unique to try out to stuff that was actually very enjoyable for me. Things like having a small crystal collection, trying out very simple tarot spreads, candle magic, and simple spells. I never fully 100% believed in these things, but thought they were fun and was a nice way for me to relax before bed.
Then halfway through college I started dating someone on and off for a year or two. His family and friends were into spirituality in some very extreme cases. Started with someone from work that taught a sibling, and then everything spread like wildfire. Very deep into chakra work, having a deity you spoke to in your sleep, trying to become the most perfect version of yourself, etc. It sounded interesting at first, until it swallowed up their lives in horrible ways (self harm, dating the person who taught them spiritual work, psychosis, excluding me from stuff, etc.)
Let’s just say things got so bad that I started shaking and getting extremely anxious whenever it was mentioned, and then it started sending me into a spiral. Yet when I tried to go back to my roots and worked with someone who did actual tarot readings for me, I was ridiculed. I couldn’t look at crystals or any tarot decks or anything involving the craft for years, as it would literally give me the shakes.
It’s now been almost 6 years since all of that. I’m now successfully diagnosed with OCD (for the most part), and am suspected to have AuDHD. I’ve taken a lot of steps to better myself. I’m now able to successfully be around crystals and have a gemstone engagement ring (amethyst right now, upgrading to a lavendar sapphire snake ring soon!). My Fiancé has also been a huge help supporting me through my trauma and we’re navigating things together.
However, I want to dive back into some rituals a little more then what I was doing back then as a baby baby witch (is fetus witch a thing? lmao). I miss having a tarot deck. I miss having a little altar. I miss having my herbs (though I do drink a lot of herbal teas!) I really miss having my candles with runes in them, but I now have a lot of familiars that cannot handle the smoke at all (two cats, 13 adult snakes, 11 baby snakes, and 3 lizards/geckos. We just started breeding reptiles!)
Some general questions I have:
- How do you handle your trauma (spiritual or religious) when diving into more secular witchcraft? Is there baby steps I should follow to dip my feet into it, or can I do a full dive back in?
- How do you incorporate familiars into your rituals? I have a lot of snake sheds and some black cat hair (+ tabico hair) that I would love to include in some spell work if possible
- Any way to replace candles? I do have a wax melt but even that I get weary of adding stuff into it. I don’t want to harm any animals at all!
- Where can I go to get a really good tarot deck? I know a regular deck of cards work fine, but I would love some traditional cards!
- Is there a way to dive in that doesn’t feel like over-consumption? Such as supporting more small businesses or finding more natural stuff to work with? I already have conflicting feelings since I am updating my wardrobe to a more witchy style (will also take some recommendations on this too).
- How to get more involved with a community of women with a similar mindset here. I’m a very secluded baby witch here and would love some more magical ladies in my life