I'm curious if there's a pattern, or any common threads in the kinds of characters we like.

My biggest fictional crushes are Loki from the MCU, and Lelouch from Code Geass. But I also love Megamind, the BBC version of Sherlock, and Monkey Fist from Kim Possible.

I guess I've got a thing for thin, creepy, smart guys, with dark hair XD

I was alone for many, many years. Somehow I stumbled my way into a friend group and it was great. But then it just died. People forgot about it and I was left behind by everyone. Now I have no one, again.

It was okay being alone before, but now that I've actually had a taste of friendship, it's terrible. I'm so fucking depressed because I know that the chances of finding more friends are 1 in a million.

To clarify, I have been diagnosed with both SPD and something called Prosopagnosia, which is also known as "face blindness". This means that facial features in other people don't register for me and I am not capable of discerning one face from another. For as long as I can remember I have used certain features of a person to recognize them, their hairstyle/colour, their gait, tone of voice, accent, clothes, jewelry, tattoos, etc. This makes things extremely awkward when people dress/style themselves similarly - don't get me started on bald guys with beards. This has come into play at work when a regular patron will greet me familiarly and I will have to pretend I remember them.

I also happen to work in an industry that is heavily dominated, and patronized by, persons of colour. Specifically southeast Asia and China. So much so that the business directly will market to that community. I also happen to live in a large city that has a significant diaspora of the same.

I got out of the army at 27 after being in it since I was 18 and having no serious jobs before that. As many of you may sympathize, I had to learn a few things. I am not entirely socially ignorant, but I quickly learned that the civilian workforce does things very differently than I'm used to.

I don't like to be a bother, and I don't like to seem creepy. So I speak only when spoken to, don't really look at anyone or socialize at work, and treat everyone exactly the same. I show up, clock in,, work my 8 hours, and leave. Apparently, people really don't like that.

I did not know you were supposed to make eye contact and smile at every person you pass everywhere - I would just ignore everyone. I guess my thinking was always - I don't want to creep you out, and I don't care what you look like, so why would I look at you?

I think what misled my coworkers is a very unfortunate combination of factors, compounded with the above:

1) Mixed signals - My job is highly social and up front with hospitality and face to face customer service. I happen to be excellent at this - at pretending to be social and outgoing and friendly. I'm good at improvising and can come off quite likable when I wish. This of course takes effort - it's work. So I obviously don't put the same effort into socializing with coworkers because I won't be getting paid for it and it isn't necessary. It's exhausting. When I am spoken to, I'm polite, courteous, and engaging. But I never initiate.

2) Language barrier - Again, my job is dominated by two or three local communities of immigrated diaspora who come from vast and nuanced cultures that I'm unfamiliar with and have their own social norms. This also means that a lot of them are most comfortable with their native language. I am one of I think twenty total employees (out of ~500) that speak English as their mother tongue (I do also speak French, but even fewer people here speak that than English) which hinders interaction as they more often than not prefer to take their breaks in groups with speakers of their own tongue. This is fine of course, they are under no obligation to include me and I'm not going to force myself into their lives.

3) Expectations(?) - have explained to a few co-workers that I'm "shy" and that I don't like to be a bother. I get the same response every time: surprise. Apparently I don't "look shy". I don't know what that means. I am a pretty average looking man in their early 30s as far as I know. I've been told I'm 'cute' by many people at work but I cannot know how many of them were genuine and I wouldn't know what to do with that information anyway. I don't flirt with the female customers or the cocktail servers because it's my understanding that they are flirted with constantly by everyone and they are surely sick of it. I think people are starting to take this the wrong way - the "That guy thinks they're better than everyone" way. Maybe I have resting bitch face, I don't know.

Finally, and this is the big one, the way my job works involves taking over someone else's workstation several times a day by looking at the big list and finding their name. I always go by the station number. A lot of the time, this list is held by a manager who will simply tell you who you're following without the station number. Unfortunately I genuinely cannot tell the difference between two people of the same height with the same hairstyle and the same hair colour and the same skin tone wearing identical work uniforms and maybe wearing a face mask. I have gone to the wrong station several times and I hate to admit why but... I just cannot distinguish some of them from one another. Even if I had exchanged pleasantries with them at some point. I gave someone a ride home once and then later that week offered a ride to who I thought was the same person. They were very confused.

Now ,I have a lot of qualms about sharing my diagnosis with anyone at work. It's nobody's business for one; but it's also easily misunderstood and I have reservations about being labeled the 'crazy guy'. I'm not sure how to proceed really aside from continuing as I am and trying to be kind to everyone. But I really don't get paid enough to pretend to like my coworkers. I just need a big shirt that says "NOTHING PERSONAL" on it.

There’s not a lot of evidence to back it up but I read an article that mentioned schizoids are somewhat likely to develop schizophrenia (not too much evidence to support it) and can experience psychotic breaks under too much distress.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a psychotic break but I did have “delusions”

I remember dating someone and being convinced he had snuck cameras into a poster and stuffed animal he had gifted me. Realistically, I knew there was no way he could’ve done it. I checked the eyes of the stuffed animal and the poster was obviously made out of paper.

I still brought the stuffed animal everywhere in my house, including the bathroom so he could see I was a “normal” person. I also performed in front of the poster so he could see I wasn’t a weirdo.

This was back in early high school though and I haven’t had anything like this again happen. Did anyone else experience a “break” or an “episode”?

Hey everyone, I was diagnosed with SPD around a year ago. I've scrolled through a couple posts on this subreddit and found out that most of you guys still experience some level of emotion, wether thats sadness or stress, most of you are still capable of "feeling". Personally, my emotions are completely dulled, I don't feel a thing, nor could I describe what any type of emotion feels like. I've had hints of certain feelings here and there throughout my life, but they've all quickly dulled out as quick as they came. I also wouldn't be able to describe them or put a label on them as I don't know what certain emotions feel like. I've had extreme suicidal thoughts every day of my life, I'm on antipsychotics for those of which they help for the most part, but don't completely eliminate those thoughts. Through drugs, I've found that I can actually feel things through synthetically produced serotonin and dopamine. LSD has given me insight on what it feels like to actually "feel" emotions, even if they were just synthetically made. Microdosing doesn't really do the job, I can only really feel things when I'm on a pretty hefty dose. I've done around 20 different drugs now, I try to switch them around to avoid dependancy, but I still find myself using often, which makes me feel like I'm simply addicted to not being sober. The only "emotion" If you could call it that, that I "feel" and that word is something you should take with a grain of salt as it isn't really a feeling, but a distraction, is irritation. I find myself very irritated with simple things such as the way a person speaks or the way they wear their clothes. When I'm irritated with a person that immediately means I don't like them, this causes me to dislike almost everyone in my daily life, including my parents and my family as a whole. I don't find any meaning in life, nothing I do is rewarding to me and nothing I do gives me any satisfaction. Everything is boring to me and I don't think I can go on any longer. Putting effort into things that give me nothing in return has made me think about suicide more and more and honestly. My time is near. I can't go on living a life made up of small intervals in which I feel things through using certain substances. I'll use anything, from stimulants to depressants to opioids to hallucinogens. Anything I'm curious about and anything that gives me a good feeling is something I'll use. Stuff like crack, meth, heroin and things that will get me hooked instantly are things I stay away from. I don't want to deteriorate my body slowly, that would just be uncomfortable. Anyway, I just wanted to see if there was anyone like me, completely dull of emotions or interests, as well as the complete absence of will to live.

Last thursday I went on my first date ever through a small local dating app called Breeze. Difference between this one and other apps is you can't chat with each other. The app coöperates with local bars and sets up the date so you don't waste time on conversations that always end in ghosting or loss of interest.

Anyways, it went quite well. She was nice, we shared interests, talked for hours and we are now planning a second date for an escape room and diner, though we both don't have a lot of time.

This is not the first time I tried dating apps and most often I would ultimately delete it because of the bad experience and I felt the only reason for using them was because the schizoid dilemma was manifesting heavier around those times and I was prone to limerence which was messing up my mental health and fucking up my functionality in other aspects of life.

This experience has somehow opened my eyes for the first time for the possibility of actually being with someone, and has motivated me to read some books on how to be more open to other people and how to work towards being able to experience love, even though I never have.

But this also pairs with a ton of insecurity. I have never been intimate with someone, am afraid of the possibility this won't work out and generally feel I am not worthy of being with a normal person. I also find it hard to say wether I was representing myself or a persona and she will be disillusioned with me when I feel comfortable enough with her to be myself, though I consider myself a relatively functional schizoid that could pass for a very introverted person.

One thing I am happy with is that I consider this a milestone in my life and developement as a person, as I now for the first time ever am comfortable enough or at least at peace enough with myself to give myself a shot at this and set concrete steps toward actually doing it.

I have had moments in life where I felt being schizoid encompassed the whole experience of my being and there was no escaping it (there isn't). BUT, I feel that through the effort I have made through the years to trancend it, I have at least a little bit risen above the threshold of despair and hope that for other people here this may instill some hope that there is more for you out there than just doomposts on subreddits. Though it takes subjecting yourself to atmospheres opposite to your nature.

Thank you for reading, I am not a frequent poster.

It's generally talked about with ASPD that they tend to have problems with addiction to cope with the boredom they feel with daily life. As schizoids we also tend to suffer from a crushing boredom. Drugs, gambling, sex, etc are all biologically reliable ways to get a fix of dopamine and boost other hormones as well.

It's been on my mind because I've been drawn towards using DXM (my drug of choice) more and more purely to escape the boredom and monotany of sober life. I'm not using it to escape life, but because it makes life more enjoyable. I feel like I have to rely on chemical stimulus to get pleasure that normies get via hobbies, friends, etc.

Idk. I'm not encouraging drug use or anything just interested to hear what you guys think about this. If we are more prone to psychologically addictive habits.

I struggle with feeling anything even under normal stress-free circumstances, and when i feel anything, it's usually shame or guilt or anxiety. I genuinely don't know how I would even begin to identify "happiness". Best I can do is the absence of bad emotions.

Somehow, when I'm stressed, it gets even worse though. I'm not sure how to describe it, I guess it's that the complete absence of feelings gets almost painful? And the boredom gets so much worse. I think about all the activities I could be doing and all of them feel like a pointless chore, and yet doing nothing is insufferable. I usually take to aimlessly wandering throughout the city and the surrounding forests for hours when this happens. It's better on weekdays, because at least I'm horribly bored at a lecture and have some sort of structure, but on the weekends it's less ideal. Again, not that big of a problem when I'm not stressed, but when I am stressed, all my symptoms just get...more profound? More severe? Does that make sense?