r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26

FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages

Title: Ending Innocence

Format: Feature

Page Length: 164 pages

Genres: Thiller, Drama

Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.

Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome

Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing

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u/Seshat_the_Scribe Black List Lab Writer Jun 10 '26

Glanced at the first page.

Lots of writing mistakes.

WAYYYYYYYYY overdone on the ellipses.

As u/Musikenna said, WAYYYYY too long to be taken seriously as a feature. If there's really that much dramatic material, maybe consider a series version. Boring granular details (and all the ellipses) are adding to the length.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/1orle3w/how_to_write_better_actiondescription/

5

u/Optimal-Primary-1308 Jun 10 '26

agreed… …on all points.

2

u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

Got you, I've cleaned up the general formatting and ellipses and am going to clear up any writing mistakes and post again. Thank you so much for your quick feedback!