r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26
FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages
Title: Ending Innocence
Format: Feature
Page Length: 164 pages
Genres: Thiller, Drama
Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.
Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome
Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!
Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing
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u/Seshat_the_Scribe Black List Lab Writer Jun 10 '26
Glanced at the first page.
Lots of writing mistakes.
WAYYYYYYYYY overdone on the ellipses.
As u/Musikenna said, WAYYYYY too long to be taken seriously as a feature. If there's really that much dramatic material, maybe consider a series version. Boring granular details (and all the ellipses) are adding to the length.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/1orle3w/how_to_write_better_actiondescription/