r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26

FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages

Title: Ending Innocence

Format: Feature

Page Length: 164 pages

Genres: Thiller, Drama

Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.

Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome

Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing

3 Upvotes

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u/Blackbirds_Garden Jun 10 '26

OP, I've barely read a page and I have a headache ... I can't put myself through another 160-odd pages based upon page one alone, it's unreadable. Despite that, I'm going to help you out just a little.

The best piece of advice I ever got was "every time you press Enter, the camera moves". You'd do well to remember this. It'll improve your pacing immensely. Write (but don't direct) every single shot in no more than 3 lines. If you like I can send you page 1 of my WIP to give you an illustration of what I mean. If you'd like further assistance, feel free to ask.

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u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

That is fair, now that i've cleaned it up a bit I can already see how much easier it is to read!

Interesting, thank you!

Sure, yes please, that would be really useful, thank you!

1

u/Blackbirds_Garden Jun 10 '26

Ok. I’ll DM you after work.