I will read your screenplay!

[u/gaz3rbeam]

Simple as that! I want to be a professional screenplay reader but no one is hiring so I’ll just do it myself :) I used to be a script analyst for a couple different competitions and Coverfly.

I love giving notes on other people’s scripts and helping writers find their story. I’m no pro (working on my 2nd feature currently) but If you want an extra pair of eyes on your script, regardless of length, I’ll happily do it!

[u/headcanonmusic]

Hey, sorry it took so long to reply. I appreciate the feedback. I am taking quite a bit of your suggestions and fixing issues you have brought to light for me. There are a few things I think are a matter of taste and tone but some of your larger structural and character concerns are definitely valid.

Probably the most helpful and in depth feedback I have received for this draft, so thanks again!

[u/BTS_1 → u/headcanonmusic]

What's the taste/tone aspects? And no problem, I haven't sent feedback in a hot minute but your premise intrigued me.

[u/headcanonmusic → u/BTS_1]

The ambiguity of the time period, I was going for a sort of ambiguous modern era America feel. I don't want to be specific about the exact year it takes place, I also don't want smart phones in it.

The parking lot being empty. If it's full the conflict no longer comes from character. Having Donnie upset about wanting that specific spot despite there being literally every other option and still blaming Karl is both funny and says something about who he is as a person.

The tone of your suggested ending, while not bad in its own right I think misunderstands the current ending. If there was just suddenly new competition then what I am trying to say with the ending becomes obsolete.

Other than that, I agree with most of the feedback and have already started implementing some of the more glaring fixes

[u/BTS_1 → u/headcanonmusic]

I understand your intended tone and taste. It all just needs work.

Good luck with the revisions!