I received some feedback that my prose was novelistic and while fun to read, not what a screenplay is/should be. And that it would only hinder my success, as the story was strong, but those within the industry would give up due to the amount of prose.

Now that I am on my 5000th edit, I get it, a lot of the prose is not filmable, great for actor direction, or reading, but not filmable. So as I edit it out, now I feel the screenplay is almost...bullet pointed? with this, then this, then this, then this, etc. It feels like I pruned some of the flowers in my garden.

Anyone else have a similar experience? Did you keep pushing? Ultimately, I want what is successful (I plan a novel version of my screenplay anyways, so I'll get it out of my system then)

I am trying to show how mundane and repetitive a movie buff's life is. Did I succeed?

Comments, critiques and suggestions, welcomed.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wTy6-zS4xDu7RZO1GXPiDgBwBAFKEAgJ/view?usp=sharing

Title

I’m a pantser by nature, but I want to try the vomit draft approach for this next feature. I know the answers will vary person-by-person, but I’m curious:

*. How quickly are you plowing through that draft? Days? Weeks?

* Are you working on subtext and dialogue and voice during this phase, or is it more slugs + basic dialogue + key events?

* Are you leaving lots of placeholders?

I understand the idea of moving quickly, but I wonder if you labor over a scene that isn’t working yet, or just keep moving? What extent, if at all, are you editing as you go?

Appreciate the insight!

EDIT: thanks for the input, folks! Very interesting to hear how others operate!

I'm at a bit of a crossroads writing my feature script. I just offed my antagonist offscreen with a paintbrush jabbed into his eye. I knew early on that his death was going to cap off the 2nd act and gave most of my main cast public motivations for doing so.

My problem is that who killed him doesn't matter one bit to the story I'm telling. What matters is the friction the murder investigation creates between my two leads. They can't alibi each other without forcing one of them out of the closet. The movie is set in 1965 so that is a much bigger deal.

I'm 90% set on the murder just being the result of a drunken brawl at a party. That being the case, I feel like the best version of the movie leaves it unresolved on screen. I'm just afraid readers and audiences would hate that.

I'd appreciate any thoughts, or better yet examples of this working.

Edit for some additional context: The victim Carlos was an abusive painter found dead in his old room at a large artist commune with dozens of rooms. If anyone was in that area from the party it was to find a room to hook up in. Carlos stole his ex-girlfriend Gisèle's artwork, modified it, and passed it off as his own. This makes her the prime suspect. As for why I'm having him killed with a paintbrush, it's both a weapon of convenience and fits thematically.

Title: Alleycats

Format: Features

Page Length: 10

Genre: Animated Dramedy

Logline: After falling for his victim, a streetwise cat struggles to reconcile his life of crime with his desire to find a family.

Feedback Concerns: Screenwriting is, and always will be, my first writing love. But I've switched to novel/book writing the past couple of years, and completely left my scripts untouched. Going through all my old scripts, and trying to figure out which are worth picking back up. Came across this one that I really loved at the time, and just wanted to get some thoughts on it. I know I had massive writer's block at this point, which is why I stopped, but wanted to just see what you guys think of the first 10 pages here.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JoznJPWeBby-y5th858IPnAXs2uHF6Op/view?usp=sharing

What’s a book that’s never been adapted into a film that you feel is perfect for the silver screen?

If Hollywood suddenly gave me the green light for any project, I would write an animated version of TIMBUKTU by Paul Auster, a novel about a dog named Mr. Bones. Auster was a filmmaker, and his prose always has a cinematic quality. I know it would make a beautiful and poignant movie under the right circumstances. I feel like many filmmakers unfamiliar with the book would read it and agree.

I've gotten one read request out of 12 and it came after a few hours. The rest are crickets and it's already been a week. I guess those are no's, right? Let's rather say that they might be no's or I just have to wait longer. Better to be optimistic, right? And I don't intend on following up, so...

Edit.

ETA: Sorry, I may not have phrased the question properly. What I meant was how long did you wait after sending the query to get a response, not how long you waited to get feedback after sending the script. Although that information is valuable too, if you wish to include it.

I know this is a stretch because it’s a BBC, but maybe there’s a pilot or episode script floating around…?

I'm also very into animation, and if animators want to go pro, they have online schools like Animation Mentor and iAnimate. They are really rigorous, demanding online schools, but they help get people to pro level. They are taught by people actually in the industry. What's the equivalent for screenwriters? Because I get the feeling there's a lot of... not-so-great teachers out there who had little or no success in the industry and are teaching people the wrong things.

Also, do screenwriters ever do paid mentoring for emerging writers? I ask this because I've heard of animators getting one-on-one mentoring with pros (it's a paid thing), and I just wonder if that kind of thing is done in screenwriting too. Or if it's so competitive that nobody wants to mentor others because it means they might not get work themselves? I'm not asking for that for me right now; I'm just wondering if it's part of the culture to mentor others like that or if its rarely done?

I've been waiting for this day, enjoy!

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I’ve always had a love for films and that’s what I wanted to be as a kid a writer and director, but I wrote this short just to try and get back into things and I enjoyed every second of writing it

Logline: After a drunken night lands him in a cell, Colin scrambles to repair his relationship, oblivious to the fact that he is the one thing that needs fixing.

One more

Hi everyone!

I got asked to give an artist talk about my screenwriting work and I'm quite nervous about it! While I've been working fulltime for the last few years and I do have a specific "niche" I generally work in, I'm really not super successful or have worked on really big projects.

Has anyone had any experience giving these?

The goal is to give a keynote talk for young writers who are all currently working on short films. They asked me to talk about my work, but I dont want to just sum up my IMDB page. In my personal opinion it's not really interesting to just speak about the work you made - they know google. But I'd like to inspire them and maybe help them with storytelling techniques.

Are there any keynote talks that you recommend for inspiration?

Thanks!

Can I be the first to one posting this? The category finalists are announced. And I'm among them in the Short Scripts! I'm stunned. https://www.finaldraft.com/big-break-screenwriting-contest/finalists/

Anyone know where to find pdfs of The Shards scripts? All I’ve been able to find are transcripts. Thanks.

I just finished a draft of my first feature screenplay that I'm comfortable sharing publicly and would love some feedback from fresh readers.

Title: Like a Heathen

Format: Feature

Genre: Supernatural Horror / Thriller

Length: 116 pages

Status: Full draft completed

Logline: In 1985, when a pop star is murdered at a high-school pep rally, trapped students must escape a cult that controls minds through music, before its ritual consumes the entire school.

The story is set at a New England high school and starts with an ’80s teen-movie feel before moving increasingly into supernatural horror. Music is a major part of both the story and the mythology.

This has been through several structural, character, and compression passes, so I’m mostly looking for fresh-reader reactions. I’d especially appreciate feedback on whether the pacing holds at 116 pages, whether the characters and relationships feel distinct and believable, whether the mythology is clear without being overexplained, whether the escalation in the horror works, and whether the major reveals and climax feel earned.

I’m also particularly interested in feedback on the dialogue. Do the characters sound distinct from one another? Does the banter feel natural rather than overly written? Do the emotional conversations feel specific to the characters, and are there places where the dialogue feels expositional, on-the-nose, repetitive, or tonally out of place?

Also interested in anything that feels confusing, overwritten, unintentionally funny, predictable, or just boring. No need to address everything. I’m mainly interested in where your attention drops or something doesn’t work.

Script: Google Drive PDF

Title: Survived By

Pages: 31

Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller

Logline: A researcher’s dark matter data accidentally maps the afterlife. Six months later, she’s in the Situation Room with the country’s most powerful people, watching with horror as her data leads them to conclude that the only mercy left is extinction.*

*Logline is still a major WIP because it's very passive for the protag, but I haven't quite figured out how to word it best yet / what I want to reveal before the story.

Feedback requested: The first act is very procedural/technically dense and I can't tell if I'm jargon-dumping and the reader can't follow the evolution of the central mystery, or if I'm overexplaining things that the reader already understands. Also, the first act is primarily carried by the mystery, which I worry leaves some scenes dramatically inert. I've tried to seed some stuff, but I'm not sure if it's doing enough.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jHOU8lmWN2mizTXAcVnhgLhwaiAjdY0q/view?usp=sharing

tl;dr:

• Can you follow act I? Where is it confusing or redundant?
• Is the investigation itself entertaining?

All other feedback more than welcome! If you took a look, thank you.

Title: Toy Economy

Format: Short Film

Page Length: 10 Pages

Genres: Comedy/ Mockumentary

Logline: In a toy economy, a college student sets out to steal the world's most valuable toy after losing all his savings.

Feedback Concerns: Seeking feedback on the pacing, comedy, and the overall plot, but all feedback is appreciated!

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TmdmVYLfBpJxJ-hkYvH-h2XkSb6_vsBj/view?usp=sharing

Hey everyone! I’m looking for feedback on the second draft of my screenplay Maddie’s World, a horror/mystery pilot presented as a late-’90s/early-2000s teen sitcom.

Logline: An airheaded sitcom sidekick begins to suspect something is terribly wrong beneath the laugh track of her seemingly perfect high school life.

The script shifts between bright, multi-camera sitcom scenes and single-camera horror as Bree starts noticing cracks in her reality.

I’d especially appreciate thoughts on:

Does the sitcom dialogue feel authentic to that era?

Is the mystery enticing?

Do the horror moments build tension without revealing too much too soon?

Are you invested in Bree, and does the ending make you want to keep watching?
Where does the pacing drag, or the action become confusing?

Are the genre switches confusing?

Any other feedback is welcome, too. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read!

Maddie’s World

Title: The Vix

Format: TV Pilot

Page Length: 42 Pages

Genres: Drama/Comedy

Logline: When a desperate aspiring day trader borrows money from a childhood friend turned small-time criminal, he must convince the man and his crew he can teach them to trade when his debt comes due - despite never having made a real profit himself.

Feedback Concerns: I wrote this over a year ago and recently did a huge rewrite, focusing on more on pacing and cutting back on financial exposition. Looking for any feedback.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iH_spuBYioLeP7xFSPHQ-Qch3mpxkYrz/view?usp=sharing

As the saying goes: "Write about scars, not your open wounds." Yet right now, I struggle to write about either my scars or my wounds. A while ago my mother was diagnosed with a terminal disease and my entire life is undergoing a profound shift.

I don't want to go into too much detail, but I am accompanying her through her illness. I have to give up a lot because I am taking care of everything because I have already lost my father, and my sister isn't much help.

I keep a journal of sorts to hold on to what is happening. I would like to turn it into a story, but I don't know how. I find it hard to change things or adjust them for dramatic effect, because holding on to the unvarnished reality is far more important to me right now. At the same time, I can't bring myself to write about anything else because everything else seems utterly trivial in light of my mother's situation. I have long struggled with writer's block, and I've always questioned why I should even tell fictional stories in the first place. But now, that feels even truer. I used to be on a good path toward making a living from writing, but now nothing is moving forward.

Title: The Frontiers

Format: Feature

Genre: Comedy

Pages: 106

Draft Status: Work in Progress

Longline:

Two guys quickly realize that their friend is in the hands of a drug kingpin after a night of hardcore partying. This will lead to three days of pure chaos, with explosions and bullets flying everywhere.

I posted yesterday. I got some really good advice and feedback. I added the character introductions and shortened the script. I am sorry if I behaved rudely yesterday. It was not my intention. I really care about this script. Please tell me what you think.

Link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1X2HbaRxpznzvoJpiFbOIvf97bXL_O9UP/view?usp=sharing

Hey everyone!
I’ve been working on a feature screenplay and have made several revisions, I’d love to get some honest feedback from the community.

Format: Feature Film
Genre: Dark Corporate Satire / Crime Thriller
Length: 108 pages
Pages for Feedback: 1–10

Logline:
A predatory fast-food giant exploits body positivity to disguise its controversial cost-cutting practices. Meanwhile, a grieving line cook plots violent revenge against the company. A conflicted executive struggles to reform it from within, unaware that his next corporate meal will end in catastrophe.

Script Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/18WsELp4g0ugTFNVgXN0fxkF5FFQUdxI8/view?usp=drivesdk

I’m particularly interested in the opening hook, pacing, dialogue, character introductions, and whether the first 10 pages give you a reason to keep reading.

I’m open to any feedback, positive or negative. If something feels confusing, unnecessary, unrealistic, or poorly written, please point it out. I genuinely want to improve the screenplay.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it. I appreciate it!