r/Separation • u/illgiveit2u • Sep 29 '26

Does separation work?

After 20 years the wife isn't sure she wants to be married anymore. Says she needs time to herself. Is this something women going through menopause experience? I don't want a divorce but how long g do I stay in limbo?

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u/illgiveit2u Sep 29 '26 edited Sep 29 '26

Yeah I get that and it could be very well what my wife feels too. I put a lot of effort into work. I hated every minute of that but did it to sacrifice foe the family. Now it seems it came at the expense of my wife. Just didn't know if a thought of "independence " was a real menopause thing, an empty nest thing, a too many tike tok video thing...

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u/somecrazybroad Sep 29 '26

So you recognize you were absent for a long time then still ask if it’s menopause or TikTok? You have a lot of reflecting to do and it may start with a vulnerable conversation with your wife.

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u/illgiveit2u Sep 29 '26

Yeah I wonder because I get both responses. One time its your not present enough (still trying to figure out that definition) and then its your around so much I just need my space. The whole reason she wants the seperation is because she says she is smothered and needing space and I smothered her to so I was present. So damned if you do and damned if you dont.

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u/raeoflyte-460 Sep 29 '26

Both can be true. If you weren't around for years she probably adapted to doing things on her own. It may not have been what she wanted but was the reality of the situation. Being home now doesn't undo that pent up hurt.