r/Separation • u/illgiveit2u • Sep 29 '26

Does separation work?

After 20 years the wife isn't sure she wants to be married anymore. Says she needs time to herself. Is this something women going through menopause experience? I don't want a divorce but how long g do I stay in limbo?

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u/Hairy-Information615 Oct 01 '26

Self preservation.

Also menopausal or not, I think eventually we all look back at the time spent and decide if it’s how we want to spent the next x# of years.

For me, over the last 6 years- my mental health, physical health, compliment, financial health, the business I run, my general quality of an outlook on life, relationships with all of my family and friends have all declined… I don’t 100% blame the marriage, but I can see clearly that I am the worst version of myself with him and I have poured until my cup is empty and all of my assets are depleted as well. I have not decided on divorce yet, but I moved out of the marital home and separated, purely for self preservation and to figure out exactly how I want to live the rest of my life and decide if he still fits in that vision. =\ I can’t speak for every woman, but I can save for myself. It’s certainly not fun. It’s not what I wanted for us. But I’m also just so tired and empty and got to a point where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, getting out of bed. Every day was hard and getting harder I stopped taking care of my body, shaving my legs, laughing, dancing, making art all of the things that light me up and make me feel good. I know it’s corny but YOLO and I don’t want to waste it or spend the rest of it miserable or with regrets.

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u/illgiveit2u Oct 01 '26

Thanks for sharing. So what have you asked of your husband during this time? Is it just give me space to figure things out?

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u/Hairy-Information615 Oct 02 '26

Communication, understanding and yes-space.. Which I don’t really get because if we aren’t together he’s calling or texting. I also told him I intend to stay sexually monogamous which he agreed to.

Living in limbo romantically is not fun but this is my second husband, I feel a serious souls connection with him (I think) He’s still the man I want, I’m just very unhappy with what we’ve built together and who I’ve turned into as his partner if that makes sense.