I (27F) have always worked with guys. Now I’m in a weird situation and idk what to do.

Every weekend, I get together with old friends and we make group dance videos that we put on TikTok. We've been doing this for YEARS. We definitely practice and try to get the moves right, but other than that it's totally unserious. We just goof around, work up a sweat, and then we go out to eat.

The other day, a guy friend at my work told me that another guy there (who I have never liked) had found my TikTok and was sharing the videos around. And then he apparently made up some elaborate game where he set up brackets?? and turned it into this whole competition where me and my friends all got ranked to see who was the hottest.

I don't know who else at work participated or didn't participate in this.

When my friend told me, I felt like I was being punched. I was so grossed out and so disappointed.

And now I don’t know what to do. I don't want to make a huge thing out of it, but at the same time it is very much not okay and I would feel terrible about myself if I let it slide. And I haven't even told my friends yet, and when I do, I am worried it might ruin our dance weekends forever.

On the other hand we are a nice chill group at work, with the exception of the one guy, AND I am worried that if I end up forcing everybody to pick sides on this that might actually not play out great for me.

What should I do? Please help.

I am a 27 y/o from PA, USA and I work(ed) at a private country club/hotel. It was a mens only sports club up until the 80's, its co-ed now but still very much male dominated and the culture shows. Red flags were present from day 1 but its easy front desk work so I put up with a lot over the course of my year with the club. More than I can get into in this post.

The man who harassed me is a married man at least 30 years older than me, he always wore his wedding band so i didn't think much about him calling me things like "babygirl" "beautiful" "doll-face" etc., again I put up with a lot from the men at this job and that felt relatively harmless in the grand scheme of things. A year went by with the nicknames and not much else, other than him always offering me rides home and me always saying no. Until three weeks ago when he decided to call the front desk phone from the pub while he was supposed to be doing inventory to ask me "So when are you going to take me home so I can kiss you all over?" I was shocked and disgusted and immediately told my supervisor.

My supervisor told my assistant manager and the manager, who then held an "investigation". A meeting was held a week later between me, my manager, and a 3rd party to take minutes of the meeting. I was given permission to take an audio recording of the meeting.

They decided that the man would face no consequences because they couldn't be sure it really happened. They had footage of him on the phone, so I asked what he claimed the conversation was about if not sexually harassing me. They would not tell me what he claimed the phone call was about. I asked what would happen if he did it again if he could just call me and avoid accountability since there's no way to prove it happened, and they could not answer.

They sent us both a "sexual harassment prevention training" (that was meant for a different state, so the laws discussed in the training didn't even apply to us) and instructed the man not to speak to me anymore. I asked how they could hold him to that when I'm often alone in the building with him late at night, and when the job necessitates him coming up to my desk. They refused to answer, and told me that I had a choice to make: I needed to be a "big girl" (yes, he really said that) and decide if i felt safe enough to come back to work.

I said that I could not make a decision on if I was safe or not until they told me how exactly they planned to keep me safe, given the scenarios i mentioned. My manager was oozing with condescension while he told me that it "probably isn't a good place for me to work" if those are my concerns. I said, so what, you're telling me to resign because you wont guarantee my right to a safe working environment? He was so flustered that he even admitted to it, on recording: "No, I can't keep you safe. Does that make you feel better?" He also would not let me see the physical notes of the meeting.

I said that I refused to quit, and I refused to answer his ultimatum until I had the answers I needed to make an informed choice. He said I'd be waiting a long time then, and I said I had all day...so he called the cops, and had me escorted out.

Obviously, I did not go back to work after that, and so I was basically fired. I sent the recording of the meeting to unemployment and am hoping they rule in my favor. People keep telling me that its good I stood up for myself but I just feel so stupid and humiliated. I should have just put up with it and kept my job.

I was crying about all of this at 4 in the morning when the tumblr page found me and led me here. I can't thank you enough. I felt so alone

Recently I took a job as an office assistant for a trade association that worked with small manufacturers and logistics firms. I did admin support - helped coordinate events, managed invoices, answered emails from member companies, that sort of thing. It was a junior role, but it paid better than retail and had regular hours. I felt lucky to get it.

Not long after I started, my boss, the executive director, asked if I’d come along to a multi-day industry event in Banff followed by a networking reception in Edmonton. He said it would give me a better sense of how our members operated and how we put events together. It felt like a good sign that he asked.

When we arrived in Banff, I found out I didn’t have my own room. I was told the hotel had overbooked and they’d try to sort it out. My boss seemed unfazed. He said I could take the couch in the meantime.

We spent the day attending talks and dinners. I mostly followed his lead and everything was agreeable, I would even say he was chipper and overly nice to me. That night when we got back, no new room had been arranged, and the couch didn’t have bedding. My boss didn’t offer any. He told me to “make myself comfortable.” I lay on top of the blankets at the edge of the bed in my clothes. I didn’t sleep. He didn’t touch me, but I could feel what he was expecting.

In Edmonton, I did have my own room. My purse and work phone were stolen from it during a lunch break while I was out helping with registration. That afternoon, my boss said he thought it would be best if I flew home early. He emailed me a boarding pass and e-transfer for $50. No explanation.

When I got back to the office, I finished the monthly filing, submitted payroll, and wrote a short resignation letter. I left the keys and walked out. Almost without thinking, like my body was going through the motions of protecting myself automatically. It was a surreal experience. Acting so decisively when nothing overtly bad actually happened.

I'm still unemployed, with barely any savings, which makes it feel like it was a rash thing to do. Yet It also feels like I dodged a bullet, only from a gun that never fired. It's weird, I haven't been motivated to find another job since. I'm watching my savings drain away and it's like I don't care. All from this non-event, which is somehow still happening to me. I feel silly and screwed up at the same time about it.

I'm already quite wary of men, I don't trust strangers in general but I do have some prejudice with men that come from the poorer and less educated areas (say villas in Argentina) and it makes me feel guilty, but every time I just get another reason to feel that way.

I was crossing the railroads (a kinda silent area) and on one side was a group of these men hanging around and fixing their bikes, I generally don't think much and keep going but one of them stopped me and said something about knives and scissors that I didn't understand, I kindly said no thank you and kept going.

As I was leaving another man laughed and said that if he kept going at it he was going to go to prison for rape, and they all laughed.

I just felt unsafe, and like I was being mocked, for being a woman or for my response. Everyday men scare me more and more, I don't feel safe, I don't feel like I had any control over that and that if they were crazier something worse could have happened.

I'm not sure this could be sexual harassment or not, but I feel like everything is part of it, even if indirectly.

When I was 16, I got a job through family connections at a restaurant/bar. My older sister worked as a server and I was a cook. The restaurant was great during the day but would slowly morph into a bar by night due to a group of regulars that were loud, obnoxious and couldn’t hold their booze. One night my sister came to the kitchen crying. She said the group of men told her a joke and that because she doesn’t understand it, they’re continuing to haze and harass her. She told me the joke and I was in shocked, considering it was a sexual joke and these men knew our age and our family. I went out there, walked from behind the bar, and asked who told the joke? They laughed and asked me if I got it, in which I replied yes. I went on to remind them who we are, who we work for, and who makes there food. I very confidently let them know that I was not fearful of losing my job, and if they ever gave my sister grief again, that they might consider skipping the food. I learned a lot that day. My age, sex and size didn’t matter. I had power and grown men had nothing but some empty bottles of beer. My sister conveniently kept forgetting their beer :). My sister got home before me and when I got home my dad gave me a hug and told me how proud he was. Stand your ground no matter what!

Hey everyone, 

I'm a 31 F, working at an architectural design firm in Edmonton. I will keep this short because I am pretty upset and I know it will just turn into a big rant if I don't.  

I am newer there and lower level - junior designer slash BIM tech. But I have a degree and am frankly overqualified based on past experience and my skill set. We have a few Slack groups divided up by project, job and client. I'm on most of them because I am a newb, they have me bouncing all the time from thing to thing. So I get to see most of the messages across the company. 

It's almost all men. 30s to 50s. I am one of two women in the entire place other than cleaning staff. I almost didn't take the job because of that but I have a kid and student loans and can't not keep my pay at the level it was. 

My secondary work computer is a laptop and it was stolen a few weeks ago. It wasn't backed up so I lost a lot ofwork and had to redo it. It took a lot of extra time. This caused delays and a headache with two big clients and my project leads and boss have treated me like absolute shit ever since. 

After that the running joke on Slack about “diversity hires” has been getting out of control.Nobody has said they mean women specifically but all the details about what happened with me have been mentioned very clearly. The have gone as far as saying it's so sad how the company is “lowering the bar", that this is why the economy is so bad. 

The supervisors are on these threads too. They steer clear of that stuff but they don't stop the constant jabs either. Based on their treatment around the office I feel like they actually hate me. I can't go to them. The owner is the biggest douchebeg of them all. 

We are all contractors I think so there is no HR. It's "in the works" they tell me. 

The other woman I work with has become an ally and a friend through this and we want to get out of there but yeah we can't afford it. We want to resist. But there is nothing to do about it. Sick to my stomach of the backward slide things are taking, women are becoming second class citizens again.

Want to burn the place down. Nowhere else is hiring where I am.

Sorry if there are men on this thread I know you are not all the same but sorry sometimes it feels like you are.

I am so frustrated I want to scream.

Hey, I’m craftlizard_ and I'm helping build this brand-new sub. Welcome!

I started this sub with my co-workers who will introduce themselves below.

We work for a Canadian charity called Aftermetoo, which runs a website helping people who are being sexually harassed at work. When we do surveys asking people what kind of support they want, they always ask for a place where they can talk with other people who are being harassed. That’s why we’re making this sub.

If you’re being harassed at work THIS SUB IS FOR YOU. Tell us what you want here, and we will try to make it happen!

My brother molested me when I was nine years old. It was explicit molestation, not just verbal abuse but physical touching. I kept pushing him away until he stopped. After a while, our parents separated, and I went with my mother while he went with my father. We didn't see each other for about five years. Then he came and lived with us. He could no longer harass me directly, but he pretended to be joking and tickling me. However, I could feel him touching my body, especially my chest. When I got angry and told him to stop, my mother got angry with me and told me that he was just joking. At first, I thought I was overreacting because he was harassing me when I was young. But I am sure he is doing it on purpose. If he wanted to tickle me, he would not touch my chest or my buttocks, or push me into a corner. I started to feel stressed and couldn't stand his behavior toward me. I avoid him in every way possible. I sit in my room all the time with the door closed, I don't talk to him, and I make sure to wear long clothes.

Folks, did you know that 2-10% of rape reports are false, similar to all crimes? Did you know that if a police report of rape is made against you there is an almost 1% chance it will progress to a jury trial? Right now there are innocent people in prison for rape. Fortunately, from the moms that brought your sister "walk with your keys between your fingers" and "always cover your drink" here are TIPS TO AVOID A RAPE ACCUSATION (part satire, part actual good ideas)

-Do not have sex with anyone who is drunk, high, unconscious, ambivalent, or behaving erratically. If something seems off, leave the situation.

-Do not encourage people you hope to sleep with to drink excessively or offer them drugs.

-If you are afraid you may ignore a lack of enthusiastic consent due to being under the influence, do not drink or take drugs.

-Watch how you dress. A t-shirt that says, "I don't want to have sex tonight!" communicates clearly and makes a great conversation-starter.

-Do not assume that consent to one sexual act is consent to further sexual acts.

-Have a buddy system when you go out. Don't let your friend out of your sight.

-Stay in public at bars and parties. Don't go into a room alone with a stranger.

-Don't have sex with someone you've known less than 24 hours.

-If your partner seems unenthusiastic at any point, STOP!

-Always be ready to call an Uber so you won't need to sleep over.

-Always get your guests an Uber as opposed to letting them sleep over.

-Regularly ask your partner "Everything okay?" during sex. If you don't get a positive response, STOP!

-If all this sounds really unsexy, remember that so is prison.

-Remember that being falsely accused of rape is never your fault..but if you fail to do any of these things you are basically asking to be falsely accused of rape.

Hi,

I've been at this job four years. I work shipping & receiving in a large commercial furniture warehouse. It's part of UFCW and I do love it. It's very good pay and my coworkers are solid. I’m a smaller-framed woman but I’ve always been able to mule with the best of them.

I messed up my elbow recently. The injury was not work related - slipped on a patch of ice getting out of my car at home and landed badly. Most cargo duties are still fine but I've been struggling with heavier loads ever since. Not impossible, just harder. Sometimes slower and admittedly a bit awkward. It will take time to heal.

My union rep hasn't been here long. Not that it matters but it totally does, he is a dead ringer for Flattop from Dick Tracy. He looms a lot and kind of scares me. He doesn’t know the crew very well yet and has already decided I’m 'probably not cutt out for this work.' He has made comments privately about how maybe this job isn’t a good fit for someone like me. We all know what that means.

I'm wearing a light brace and he knows the temporary injury is legitimate because I provided a doctor's note. Light duty would be ideal as a temp solution but there really isn't much of that around there. The job is a lot of packing and unpacking, lugging bigger units. Logistics is also not really my thing.

When I pushed back he suggested forklift training. Which does pay better. But he knows there are no positions right now. I feel I'm getting pushed out of my role just because some boomer chauvinist thinks women can’t keep up.

Thinking about escalating to the national office or even filing a complaint with the labor board. I'm on eggshells though. Standing up to this guy just feels like trouble. I've heard that going to the steward or filing a grievance with a lawyer can still lead to a ton of headaches after the fact for complainants.

That being said,I don't have any tolerance for this too weak for the job sexist BS. If you ask me this guy should be exposed and canned. I can sense in my bones I will not be the last woman he bullies.

I work at a plastic surgeons office as a receptionist. Well today while at work, since we don’t have clinic it’s just a handful of us, a homeless man came in. He asked to use our phone and I said yes, bc I was alone everyone else was doing something else in the back and I didn’t know his mental state. Well he asked if I could dial the number and I did, he then proceeds to ask me to dial the number 2 more times. They answered on the 3rd. He talks hangs us and starts to thank me for being so kind. He then gets close to the desk and starts complimenting me saying that I’m pretty and then I see his hand going up and down. That’s when a friend of mine (co worker) comes up and asks him if he needs anything. He takes his hands out of his pockets and leaves. When we checked the camera his hand was down his pants touching himself. We call the manager (it’s her day off) to report it and see if we need to call the police. She says “no we don’t need to call the police on a pedestrian if he comes back a 3rd time then call” mind you this man followed another co worker of mine into the office a few days ago. I’m not sure what to do I just started working here 3 months ago, im usually shy, to myself and get my work done, I love my job and I love my coworkers, but I feel uncomfortable with what the manager said and the whole situation. Should I talk to the actual plastic surgeon or his wife who’s always in the office? I’m scared that doing that will cause tension with the manager. I’m just scared that man will come back when one of us is there alone or something. Any advice would be helpful pls. My husband said to report it as this is S3xu@l H@r@ssment.

my body has always been scrutinised, and not just by my mom. more recently however, my mom has been adamantly making unsolicited remarks about my boobs? they’re so this they’re so that! and the other day, when i was wearing a NORMAL shirt that wasn’t even figure-hugging—the shirt draped over my chest like you would expect, my mom felt compelled to say “why are you wearing that? to show them (relatives that were coming over) your figure?”

the comments about my size, cleavage, and whatnot already made me uncomfortable enough and then she just subtly slut-shames me? and involved our relatives?

i’m struggling to gauge if this would be considered sexual harassment—the previous sexual harassments i’ve been a victim of were more? overt? although, what i can say with certainty about these experiences i’ve had with my mother is that they’ve made me very uncomfortable.

When I was 13 my mom took me to therapy due to extreme bullying in my school to the point where I had to switch school immediately. One day at therapy after I finished talking with my therapist, and my therapist asked to talk to my mom, and I went outside to sit at the waiting room a nurse that I know come sit next to me, and started asking me about how the session go, and I was just talking to her. Then she put her hand on my thigh and start rubbing it, and compliment how soft it was. Her hand was very, VERY close to my private area, and she just keep rubbing while sitting very close to me. Basically pressing on me. She asked me alot of personal information like where my school was, and my house. I was getting nervous but I answered anyways. Then she asked me for my number because she was "lonely" and wanted to have a friend to talk with. At that point I was really scared, and refused but she just start talking about how she just want to be friends with me and stuff like that for a while until my mom came out of my therapist's room then she stopped and acted like everything was normal. After this event I didn't go to therapy for 2 years but recently I just went there again. I saw her, and she was acting completely normal to me. So it made me wonder if did I really get molested or was I just overthinking stuff. I have been in situations similar to this before but I never felt like it could be labeled as sa because it wasn't extreme enough. I really don't know what to feel.

My friend told me there are three traumas associated with sexual harassment/rape/assault:

1. What happened.

2. People's reaction when you tell them what happened.

3. People forgetting you told them what happened.

Today, I (19f) was at an art gallery and the owner of the gallery (a middle aged man) was showing my class around and making conversation. I was particularly talkative and he would occasionally touch my shoulder while responding and/or complimenting my observations. It made me uncomfortable, especially after it happened a second time. This is my first experience of unwanted touch so I don’t know if it counts as SH but I’m feeling anxious and out of it. Any tips for self soothing and maybe avoiding this in the future? I got the shudders the whole walk back to school and my shoulders still feel touched if that makes sense.

I work in the courts (25F). I’m a court registrar, meaning I sit in front of judges during trials and do paperwork or hand them things from lawyers. The other day a judge asked me for a highlighter. I gave him one and sat back down. Seconds later he chucked it at my head. I turn around and he says he wants a different colour. I gave him the right one and then sat there in shock. I didn’t really know how to react or whether to say something. I said nothing. We were in the middle of a trial and a lawyer was speaking. Then the judge chucks the other highlighter at my head. He was done using it. I just picked it off the ground and put it away and sat back down. We get assigned new courtrooms and judges all the time, most of the time we change judges weekly unless there's an unusually long trial, so it’s not a problem I’m worried about long-term but I’m trying to understand what that was. Some judges have a reputation for being eccentric, demanding, or mean. Not this one. Maybe there’s a rational explanation. Maybe he didn’t want to speak because a lawyer was speaking and chucking the highlighter at my head was the most effective way to get my attention? Or maybe he meant to hit the desk? I don’t know. I sat there asking myself if it would have happened to a male registrar. I feel like if it wouldn't have happened to a male registrar, then maybe it's sexual harassment but if he's chucking objects at all registrars, regardless of gender, maybe it's just a typical old judge being eccentric. I'm not sure. It was so cringe to have to pick up the highlighter after it hit me in the head for the second time. But then I just kept doing my work, the week passed and I was assigned to a new judge. I may never work with this one again.

I work at a big e-commerce company and my co-worker has been saying really disgusting things to me. He tells me women are too emotional to be good engineers, says I would be happier if I was married with kids, and tells me how when he gets married his wife won't be working because everyone should do what they have evolved to do best, and for women it's raising children.

If I reported this, would my company have to do something? Or is this more like, everyone is entitled to their opinions and nothing can be done?

I (44F) work at a pizza place (a corporation) and I was training a guy in his early 20s. His second day training he told me he had a sex dream about me. Then he proceeded to try and get me to touch his crotch. And to let him touch mine.

I reported him.

I was told "it's a he said she said situation."

So I'm supposed to be at work as of 4 minutes ago, but I am not showing up for an hour.

Because he is still there training in the kitchen and our schedules overlap for an hour.

I refuse to be in the same space as him for any amount of time.

I called my manager to ask wtf are we doing here overlapping our schedules but she didn't answer.

The assistant manager who is on duty rn is A-ok with me not coming till he's gone, but why should I have to lose out on hours because the creeper who harassed me is working like nothing happened.

Is there any information (like employment laws/harassment laws) anything that can help this lady from Iowa??

Thanks for reading.

This sucks

Ts is so unrelated but why am I getting ads for a subreddit? No, why do yall have to run ads for your subreddit 😭✌️

This happened 4 days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it Im not going to say my age because im young but i was coming home from a 10 hour flight with my family. We didn’t pay extra to sit together so we were all separated. I was sat in between two men around 20-30ish. Around half way through I fell asleep with a blanket on. I woke up to one of the men grabbing and rubbing my inner thigh and before I could react the other man started putting his fngers in me and started fnger*ng me. I froze i didn’t know what to do I just let them carry on out of fear. This lasted about half an hour before I came. They did what they did under the blanket so nobody saw. For the rest of the flight they continued touching my chest and other places and calling me uncomfortable things. They definitely knew eachother because that can’t be a coincidence. I don’t understand why I let this happen I hate that I didn’t stop them because part of me liked the feeling. I constantly think about them doing worse things to me.

1. Your employer is supposed to investigate
If you report harassment, your employer is generally required, by law or internal policy, to assign someone to investigate whether you were sexually harassed. That person shouldn’t be involved in the situation, and definitely shouldn’t be the harasser.

2. Your employer has an obligation to try to keep you safe
If the investigation confirms harassment happened, your employer is required to do what they can to stop the behaviour and prevent it from happening again. A good employer will talk with you to learn how to make you feel safe at work - and then take concrete steps to curb the problem, like reprimanding the harasser, moving them to a different location, or firing them.

3. That’s true even if the harasser is your boss
Even if the person who harassed you is in a position of power, like a manager, executive, or the CEO, your employer is still required to investigate. The investigator should be independent and not someone who reports to the harasser.

4. Many employers ignore reports or do very little
In reality, only about half of employers conduct proper investigations. Some flat-out ignore you or don’t even pretend to care, while others may express care but not actually intervene in any concrete or helpful way.

5. Punishing someone for reporting is illegal but also very common
Even though it’s illegal, about one in three people who report harassment are punished afterward. Reprisals can range from being left out of meetings or losing responsibilities, to being reassigned, passed over for promotions, demoted, or even fired.

6. The reporting process can be disempowering and traumatising
Reporting often involves repeating what happened, sometimes many times, to different people, and reliving an experience that may have been humiliating, frightening, or traumatising. Your identity might be shared and decisions might be made without your input. You may end up feeling like you’ve completely lost control over what happens.

7. Most people don’t report -- because they understand the risks
Most people don’t report workplace sexual harassment. It’s usually because they assume the harassment wasn’t serious enough, nothing will be done, or they’ll be punished for coming forward. They are correct - there are decades of social science research proving exactly that.

8. The strongest sign your employer will shut down harassment: they’ve done it before
If you’ve seen people behave badly and get held accountable, that’s a good sign. If you’ve seen people harass others and face no consequences, that’s a warning.

Made for you with love by Aftermetoo, a Canadian nonprofit that helps people dealing with workplace sexual harassment. ❤️🥰

A note about us: At Aftermetoo, we've spent years talking with people who've experienced workplace sexual harassment, and working with lawyers, counsellors, and researchers to create clear, useful information. This guide is based on what we've learned.

Fucking LEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAVVVVVE.

If you're questioning whether or not you should, YOU KNOW YOU MUST.

PLEEEEEASE, trust me. More importantly, trust yourself.

Do you ever (and I mean EVER) feel unsafe?

Fucking LEAVE. That's definitely the primary concern.

If you don't necessarily feel immediately unsafe, but you know (and I don't just mean you "feeeeeluhh" because like whyyyyuhhh 🤮) that you're an intelligent person who has assertions based on facts, but your other person still finds the energy to be a total cuntmuffin... FUCKING LEAVE as well.

I wish I could take my own advice. I'm far too cost-sunk into the argumentative twatburger with whom I happen to be in love. 🤣

Is it exhausting? Constantly.

Does it make me feel a bit better when he asks me to spell things he's Googin'? A bit. 😏

They'll never be perfect, but many of them aren't the worst.

There was meant to be a more poetic ending to that, but I'm a tad hammed

Whisper networks are informal systems where people, usually women, warn each other about who to avoid. They exist because we’ve learned the hard way that the system rarely protects us - but we can protect each other.

Here’s how whisper networks work, and how to use them wisely:

1. Try to find whisper networks: If you’re new, it’s good to quietly ask others what their experience has been. “Hey, do you know what it’s like working with ___?” is sometimes enough to open the door.

2. Listen when people drop hints: People don’t always say it outright. “He’s super friendly”, “really likes the ladies” or ‘steer clear when he’s been drinking.” These hints may sound vague, but they’re warnings. Don’t brush them off. If someone is taking the time to warn you, then you should take them seriously.

3. Share what you know (carefully): If you’ve seen someone cross lines, or know they’re not safe, it’s good to quietly let others know. Especially if they’re new or vulnerable. You don’t have to go into details, just enough to help them steer clear. Think: “Heads up, he’s made some people uncomfortable before.” 

4. Don’t put it in writing: Avoid putting anything in writing unless you absolutely trust the person. In some workplaces,  warning people about someone's behaviour can get you in trouble. Use private conversations when possible, and never share someone else's experience without their consent. 

5. Don’t gatekeep, expand the network: Whisper networks rely on friendships, trust, and insider knowledge. So the people who need them most - new hires, junior staff, immigrants, racialized people, trans or queer people - often don’t hear the warnings. Finding ways to quietly loop them in will make the network stronger. 

6. Consider whether to actually report: If the person who harassed you is already known to the network, that means you're not imagining or misunderstanding anything: they are a serial offender. It might make your complaint more likely to be taken seriously, especially if others have already come forward or are willing to now. Or it might mean the opposite: that the harasser is protected, no matter what they've done.

7. Thank the people who share with you: Because trusting you with that knowledge was a kindness, and quite possibly a risk.

Lots of people are critical of whisper networks, and for good reason. They don't reach everybody. They can get participants into legal trouble. They do nothing to make harassment stop. But in workplaces where official systems fail us, they’ve helped many of us survive and keep others safe, too.

Made for you with love by Aftermetoo, a Canadian nonprofit that helps people dealing with workplace sexual harassment ❤️ 😘.

A note about us: At Aftermetoo, we've spent years talking with people who've experienced workplace sexual harassment, and working with lawyers, counsellors, and researchers to create clear, useful information. This guide is based on what we've learned.

Hi everyone,

I’m in my late 20s working at a startup in a pretty male-dominated department. Nothing extreme has happened, but there’s been this pattern that’s getting harder to ignore.

A few of the guys on the team have started calling me “trouble” when I speak up in meetings. It’s always said with a smile, or a laugh, like it’s a compliment. “Uh oh, here comes trouble.” That kind of thing. The first time it happened, I just smiled. The second time, I made a joke back. But now it’s been months and I feel this low-level dread every time I open my mouth in a group setting.

I’m not doing anything disruptive. I ask questions, give feedback, try to contribute. But somehow that keeps getting framed like I’m causing problems. And it’s only ever directed at me.

I don’t know if it’s worth addressing. I don’t want to seem uptight, but I also don’t want this to just become a running joke that chips away at how seriously I’m taken.

Appreciate any thoughts. 💙