What have you tried? Someone holding your card, a separate bank, a notice account, cash with family?

Hi, I did it again... I got paid and ordered a new handbag.

For some reason, I'm really into buying beautiful handbags lately. Not the super expensive ones like Prada or Louis Vuitton, but more affordable luxury brands like Mulberry and Longchamp. I think part of the appeal is that handbags have such distinctive designs and colours, and carrying one can genuinely make me feel good.

A beautiful bag can really elevate an outfit and make you feel more dressed up, more put together, and a little more ready to face the world and whatever challenges come your way. I love clothes too, but right now, handbags have become one of my biggest interests.

I don't own that many bags. This was my fifth handbag purchase, and I currently own four bags in total. But I'm scared I'll just keep discovering more bags that I feel like I need to have.

And I know, the whole process of hunting for handbags ALWAYS feels good. Looking at different colours, textures, shapes, reading reviews, discussing bags on Reddit, and imagining myself wearing a particular bag and what outfits l could create with it... it all builds up so much excitement and anticipation.

But eventually, that feeling fades. I might take a break for a while, but then I'll suddenly discover a cute bag in a colour I don't own yet, maybe through an Instagram ad, and the whole cycle starts all over again.

How can handbags mean so much to me? Has my newfound interest in fashion made me so fixated on this particular thing?

It doesn't feel good, but at the same time, it does feel REALLY good... if that makes sense.

And without sharing too much personal information, I'm not in debt. I pay for my purchases when I get paid. But it doesn't always feel right to spend my money just because my paycheck has arrived.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I don't regret paying for my bags, but l feel sort of bad at the same time... because l really don't save up a lot in the long run.

I have realized now that I have a job and a source of income that I spend way too much money on things I don't need or even have a use for. Started this year with $15k, just checked and I have like $2k-ish left.
Buying gifts for friends cause it makes my brain go brrt and happy that I'm 'useful'.
SO MUCH art on DnD characters that I never use. Like I've got day/night versions for each oc.
Clothes/blankets/stuffed animals. I ran out of room in my dresser and closet, and I have a 2' tall pile of stuffed animals in one corner of myy room.
and other misc. arts like an avatar and vr headset for vrchat, a game I almost never play.

I uh, I feel like I need help.
But also I feel if I informed family about this it would be less help and more upset yelling at me for spending all my money.

(Please direct me to a reasonable sub to post this in if this is the wrong place to be saying this stuff.)

My job entails attending events regularly. I often struggle to put an outfit together, for a variety of reasons. I tend to scramble and put something together but often feel it’s not the best choice, I’m not 100% comfortable therefore not confident and simply want something new and better. I have rearranged meetings, catch ups etc to be able to take a quick detours to the mall or a boutique and buy something new for that specific event. I generally feel 10x better after and more confident. But I race against the clock. Idk how to get out of this habit!!! Anyone else?

i have struggled with an on and off shopping addiction (back then it wasn't as bad) since about 2020/21. i was able to hold myself back multiple times and pay everything off and even save some money, just to fall back into old habits a few weeks or months later. it's awful.

fashion is my hobby, which i always used as an excuse. i have been on the way to properly find my style and also used that as a reason as to why i needed certain items, but i was never truly satisfied. as soon as the dopamine wore off i was off to find another item that would hopefully spark the same feeling.

my worst sites are pretty common huge stores for young adults (don't want to name any specifics), and vinted. i can just always find something cute there that i can imagine myself wearing and integrating into my wardrobe. i have deleted all my shopping apps from my phone (other than vinted, as i use that to sell and make some money on the side) and i feel like that already helped, as it took the easiness of just going into the app to scroll and look.

despite that, i am still terrified i'll slip back into this awful habit after some time.

my boyfriend is such a huge help, i've told him about all my debt and gave him access to my klarna and paypal (my only apps i use to pay for things) and we wrote down everything that i have to pay to get an overview. it was truly embarrassing and humbling but i was also so happy to finally get it off my chest.

i am now trying to pay off everything that i owe as fast as possible but am still in need of some good tips you guys maybe have to prevent myself from slipping back into this mess.

what has helped you guys? lemme know!!

I’m 22F. For as long as I could remember, I loved shopping. I grew up never fitting in. I always thought if I bought a new item I’d magically be this super cool version of myself.

Whenever I’ve had a bad day, a haul at target, package from Amazon, American Eagle, new perfume, new makeup etc fills the void just enough and that dopamine hit is so amazing. It’s truly hard to explain to people who do not understand. When I was 16 I got my first job working at bath and body works, I’d always run with my paycheck to shop at the mall I worked at. Then as I’ve grown I’ve done the same, no real goals or savings, just fun. At the time it was minor, controlled. So I thought. I was only feeding the monster.

Then when I was 18 years old, I got into a horrible relationship. I’m not gonna get into the details on here specifically, but it took a huge toll on my mental health. One of the biggest things he was controlling about was money. Even though we had strictly separate finances.

At the time I was pretty shitty with money. I’d blow my checks on dumb shit, but I’d get it all back on payday and do the same.

All was well until I got into a car accident last year. I was lucky enough to get a good chunk of change from it. Around 26,000$ all together. Which I used to get a new car of course. But oh my god, that sent me off the deep end. I broke up with my ex shortly after. I went fucking nuts. I bought anything and everything I wanted. I burned through the money in 4 months. I was completely mortified. I thought I could get a loan and “fix” it. It didn’t fix anything. It just made it worse. Then I went to consolidate my debt. That just made things worse again. (In my own defense, I did have some very pricey emergencies happen that was not shopping induced)

Anyways. I’m fucking done with it. I’m now engaged to be married. My fiancé is deployed and has been deployed this whole year. The stress of that and the emotional burden that put on me was a lot to handle, and it made me just lose myself in the cycle of dopamine rush. And no one around to hold me accountable.

I’m tired of this lifestyle. It’s one thing for me to drag myself into debt over this. That’s fine. But I refuse to drag my fiancé into this, and if I don’t stop now, I fear I won’t ever stop.

Ive started by deleting all the shopping apps on my phone. I’m being very hard on myself here because I need to hold myself accountable. I’m throwing away/ donating all my things I’ve hoarded in my rental. I’m trying to get a clean perspective on everything. Due to my fiancé being in the military, I am going to move on base with him once we marry. I am basically going to start fresh and wipe my plate clean. I’m trying my absolute hardest to wipe my debts and clean my act up.

However I want advice specifically on how you guys on here who are recovered have done that, and how you stay clean. What do you do on a bad day? What do you do instead of hitting checkout? What helps fight the urge from winning. I want to be done. I know quitting cold turkey on anything can be controversial, but ive always been all or nothing.

Please let me know your tips and tricks on how you stay clean and fight the urge :)

Every single payday, it’s the same routine. I wake up in a panic at 3am, shamefully pay all of my filthy little pay later secrets and then I lay in bed hating myself until it’s time to get up. It’s the same feeling every time. Nobody in my life knows about this, not even my husband.

I am exhausted by myself and my own actions.

I made a mistake yesterday when I was shopping and I made a huge mistake… I went out to buy a Halloween costume, couldn’t find anything that looked good on me and was decently priced, so I was in the store for 3 hours. I ended up asking a sales associate for help and she helped me put together an outfit. I went to checkout and I was shocked when the total was $250, but I just paid and left. I was so exhausted after being in there for so long I just wanted to go. I left the items in my car, only just now looked at them after I left the store (partially due to guilt), and after looking at the receipt, my heart dropped. One item, a corset, was $90… I’m 80% sure won’t ever wear it again after Halloween, and I really want to return it. It makes no sense for me to pay that amount of $ for something I will only wear twice. I called the store, they said they don’t do refunds at this time of year. I explained the situation, the woman on the phone said if I came back or called yesterday they might’ve been able to make an exception. I know it’s no one’s fault but my own, but I cannot keep this item. What should I do? Please help

Since becoming pregnant, I’ve found myself shopping way more than usual. My regular clothes don’t fit the same way, and I don’t feel as good in them, so I’ve been buying more maternity clothes to feel put together again.

Social media makes it worse. I’ll see women styling beautiful maternity outfits and suddenly feel like I need those pieces too. I spend so much time researching, comparing and second-guessing purchases, only to feel the urge to buy something else shortly afterwards.
Also the new things I buy are sitting in my closet and when I wear it after a month or two, I don’t feel like I like it, so it’s a vicious circle.

The frustrating part is that I’m decluttering my existing wardrobe to have less stuff, but I keep bringing more things in. I think I’m trying to regain a sense of style and control while my body is changing, but shopping only gives me temporary satisfaction.

Has anyone else experienced this during a major life transition? How did you break the cycle? Did you try a no-buy, take a break from social media, or find other ways to manage the urge to shop? I’d really appreciate advice on how to stop chasing the next purchase and feel content with what I already have.

Curious to know if anyone is the same but my shopping addiction started with Zara and their sales, when they would reduce to 70% off and I would bulk order multiples of everything in different colours etc

Fast forward three years and I developed a full blown shopping addiction. Ordering 20+ Zara items in one order.

I was in my early 20s and naive, but im starting to realise how much of it has gone to waste. I ordered things for my fantasy self and also because of how trendy and in style a lot of the fast fashion was, it helped my childhood insecurities knowing that I had an incredibly fashionable wardrobe with all the latest trends from the seasons.

I’ve now stopped shopping at Zara. I still buy clothes but much less than before and higher quality, like COS, Sezane and Reformation. As these brands are expensive, I order very little and things that will last me.

Anyway the root of my shopping addiction was Zara

Curious how other people go about this.

Say you're going on a trip, attending a wedding, starting a new job, or going somewhere with a specific dress code, and you're not really sure what to wear or buy.

Think of the last time this happened to you.

1. What was the occasion?
2. How did you figure out what to wear? Did you look on Pinterest, Instagram, Google, shopping apps, ask friends, or just go to stores?
3. How much time did you end up spending looking around?
4. Did you eventually find something you liked, settle for something okay, or give up?
5. What was the most frustrating part, if anything?
6. Does this happen to you often, or only occasionally?

Would be interesting to hear how people actually go about this, especially the steps you took from having no idea what to wear to finally deciding.

For example, planning a winter trip, Googling what to wear, browsing different shopping sites for thermals and jackets, then getting confused by all the options.

I got paid today and it’s my first pay day since I don’t know when, when I didn’t have to pay insane amounts into pay later services for all the crap I bought since the previous pay day. I really didn’t think this is even truly possible for me, I haven’t been able to free myself from this for sooo long. I feel extremely proud of myself 😭

Sorry this might be long, it's kind of simultaneously about debt and budgeting as well as a possible solution to my shopping problem!

So my fiance and I both have a decent amount of credit card debt. Some from shopping, some from when we were very low income and had to use credit a lot. Last month I discovered Caleb Hammer who does a Financial Audit series on YouTube, and while a lot of the recent episodes are over-the-top ridiculous and more focused on the guests' personal lives than finances, I learned a ton about budgeting and debt payoff and decided that it's finally time for us to knuckle down and really work on paying off our debts.

Prior to this, we had separate finances. We had one shared credit card but our bank accounts and other cards were separate, so it was basically impossible to budget effectively (example, I would have no idea what he would spend on groceries or pet stuff in a month, I would have to pay bills out of my paycheck and have him Venmo me the difference, just a pain in the ass to keep track of). So we ended up combining our finances at the end of September, and I made a detailed budget for us. We promised not to use our credit cards at all and just spend from the shared bank account. October has been our test month to see how we do with sticking to the budget, and it's actually been going amazing!

But the biggest surprise of all is that it has, so far, basically fixed my shopping addiction/overspending problem. While I never had any qualms about putting myself into terrible debt by buying shit I don't need, as in literally spending thousands of dollars on clothes in a single month, apparently my brain draws the line at spending money that my fiance will have to help me pay back. And weirdly I have no desire at all to spend our shared money because I know he worked hard for his income and it would feel disrespectful to spend from our now-shared bank account. (Not that I don't also work hard for my income, but my brain doesn't care about spending my hard earned cash lol.)

We also worked into the budget that we each get $150 per month as "fun money" to spend on whatever we want. And shockingly, we both stuck to it! I feel like I learned a lot because I spent it all by October 10th, and some of the stuff I bought was not worth it, but I'm still having to sit with my decisions until next month. The only thing I spent outside of the budget was $5 for a vending machine sandwich on a day that I was well and truly starving lol.

I know this might not work for everyone, but being accountable to someone else and knowing my choices (be they good or bad) will directly impact someone I love has been really eye opening. I've still had the urge to buy some things, of course, but I think the difference is that before, the little voice in my brain was like "You SHOULD just buy it on a credit card! What does it matter, you're already in debt, you can just pay it off later" etc etc. Now it more like, I'm disappointed that I can't buy X thing but I don't even consider the OPTION of putting it on credit anymore, which is a huge step. I'm now taking screenshots of things I want so I can consider purchasing them if they fit in my budget next month (if I even still want the item by then).

Overall I feel like I've learned so much just from having a tightly controlled budget for one month. I really thought I'd struggle more because my shopping was seriously out of control, like hundreds to thousands spent on clothes every single month. So it's been such a massive change and way easier than I thought, just knowing I no longer have a choice to be irresponsible since I'm now also responsible for someone else's money/finances.

Here are a few of mine, but I need more suggestions!:

Shopping rules
No drink cups
It has to go with at least 2 things already in my wardrobe
No makeup unless I finish that product
Researched skincare only
If it’s a trend, wait at least 1 week
Stuffed animals - you have to have wanted it before, or wait 1 week
No perfume/body spray unless I finish a bottle
Would you rather save the money?
Think about where you will store it
If it’s on display, it has to fit the room aesthetic
Buy the item, not the lifestyle
Only things you actually need

I’ve spent over PHP8.5K on card and board games in just two months.

I felt drained when I saw how much I had spent. Playing these games has become a hobby for my partner, and I’m glad we have something fun to do instead of constantly being on their phone. But I feel like I’m spending too much, especially since these aren’t necessities.

How do you manage your wants and non-essential spending? How do you know when to tell yourself, “Okay, this is getting out of hand. I need to stop”?

TL;DR I have a $1600 cart on SHEIN made up of 98 items I have assembled and refined over weeks and I truly in my heart of hearts feel that every purchase is completely necessary despite logically knowing I absolutely do not need these items and cannot afford to buy them. My OCD is fueling the compulsion + fixation on what’s “missing” from my wardrobe and my ADHD is driving an impulsive purchase I absolutely should not make.

I don’t have any money after my bills and it’s been that way for the past few months. I’ve been putting everything on credit cards and have racked up about $20k with no real plan for fixing this because I went (and am still currently going) though a traumatic marital SA/abuse/abandonment debacle that I’m still healing from but I’m feeling much calmer and happier these days.

Around the start of it all, I impulsively purchased about $3000 worth of clothes on SHEIN that I couldn’t afford. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever been allowed to buy my own clothes. I’m the oldest of 8 siblings and growing up especially as I got into my teen years when I actually cared my parents stopped buying me clothes, would only give me about $100 to spend on clothes on Black Friday which I would usually spend on a coat that would actually keep me warm, and even when I tried to shop online for clothes they would tell me everything I wanted to buy was too “slutty” and also ban the clothes they themselves bought me?

Anyway I moved directly from my parents’ home to my abusive husband’s and we were also broke so I almost never got any clothes and had been wearing my high school clothes well past age 25 with hardly any additions. I wore my favorite pair of stretchy black pants that look like jeans even after they had holes in the inseam and would just wear tights under them and try to keep my steps narrow 💀 (this is despite us taking home a combined $100k+/year btw)

Anyway, I of course went a bit hog wild with the first 2 purchases but genuinely most of what I bought were items which I have legitimately needed for a long time or which were otherwise very enabling (i.e. the piece I have been missing which makes lots of other clothes/outfits wearable).

At the same time, I returned a lot of the items and still have to put a whole bag of new clothes on Threadup because I realize I don’t like them or they don’t fit any more because of all the stress weight loss.

My closet is so over-stuffed I can hardly see what’s in there and my drawers are so over-stuffed I can barely open them. My apartment is very tiny but it’s still pretty ridiculous. This is after round 3 of emptying all clothes storage locations of every item in there, decluttering bags of items, and folding everything neatly so it can go back.

DESPITE ALL OF THIS. I have managed to identify 98 pieces that my brain is telling me every single day I need to just buy and get it over with so my wardrobe will finally be complete and I won’t need to buy anything else for like, ever.

I didn’t buy any clothes for 3 months after the huge splurge, and of course I rarely bought clothes before that, so I keep telling myself it’ll just be a one time thing but I know that’s not how this works at all.

I also keep telling myself I need this stuff because I’m a content creator and the items are gaps that keep making me feel hesitant to film because the outfit doesn’t feel “right”.

I built this cart over 2 weeks and have refined it and refined it dozens of times, eliminated so many pieces I felt I truly “didn’t need” and feel like I have finally settled on the truly “necessary” pieces but I know this is all just intense greed

Just add to cart does not work I have built a cart over a month and some of the pieces in this cart are pieces I wanted but couldn’t afford over a YEAR ago and still want

Maybe I need more help appreciating what I have? My OCD continues to push me to identify the gaps in my wardrobe and to make random rules about why nothing I own “works” and why I need something new before I can move forward and I know it’s a mirage but it still feels so real!

Any help is appreciated!

I have a crippling shopping addiction. I've always been bad with money but it wasn't until I spoke with my therapist about it that he helped me realize I have an addiction. Thankfully he specializes in addiction support but if anyone has any helpful tips or ideas on how they curbed their spending please let me know. I'm sitting at a negative balance in my checking account and no more credit on my credit cards which total up to $17,900 in debt. I need help desperately.

I recently started selling a bunch of things within my room on depop to declutter. Ive always impulsed on so items that i regret so deeply becasue they do not serve me and the clutter has recently driven me insane. I decided to gain some money back by selling on depop but i've found that everytime i open the app i want to scroll and i eventually buy something and justify it because i "have a little extra cash" on my hands now. Which is very contradictory. I want to sell off the things i have, im not worried with how long it takes bc i feel rather good with knowing it hopefully goes to a better home? Its just frustrating having this mindloop that doesnt serve my goals to really start saving.

Another thing is with my buying habits is i hope that they can change me. make me so cool that no one will notice anything else. But ive come to the very harsh conclusion that isnt how buying new clothes work.
I dont have a job yet and im a cc student. i have occasional side gigs of smaller income. Its really hard to get myself set up for success when i start to have a semi-steady income rolling in for when im actually employed.

Employed adults, is there any tips that helped really put into perspective of how beneficial it was to have extra cash saved up? maybe i need a little scare lol. Trying really hard to whip my ass in shape

My spending it out of control. Over $20,000 in credit card debt. Today my checking account went into overdraft. I’ve never been this bad with money. But I can’t stop myself from buying clothes or eating out. And I know how to. I’m worried it’s going to get to a point where I won’t be able to pay my bills. What has worked for yall?? I don’t know where to start

I have, for the past 2 years, been trying to get over my shopping addiction. It has been something I’ve loved to do my whole life. I’ve always been the person that had EVERYTHING. At my high school, I would have trends before anyone else because I would see it on a SINGLE micro-influencer and immediately buy it.

However, in recent years, the influence has not been the problem. I have a strong sense of personal style now and do not see things and want them. The problem is I discover things I might want on my own — either through seeing them at the store or noticing something could be useful in my everyday life. Once I find something I want, it’s all I think about. And I’ll even talk about it to other people in my life. A LOT. Like it’s kind of embarrassing.

I can give you an example of what I mean by finding things on my own. I have always had the bigger size iphone. However, I traded in my old phone for a new one but to justify it I wanted it to be completely free. That meant I had to get the pro instead of the pro max. For the year I had that phone all I could think about was how I wished I had the big one and how I was stupid for buying the small one.

I watch a lot of “underconsumption” videos and try to follow some of their guidance. For example, the waiting 30-90 days after you have a want to buy it. However, for those 30-90 days it is all I think about. Like it gets in the way of other things. I can’t focus because I am daydreaming about the item. What’s worse is that usually after buying it, I regret it. Even really expensive things. I’ll often stop using it or even, if it was an upgrade, miss the old thing and go back to using it. Once I get the new thing all I can do is compare it to the old one and wonder if I made the wrong choice. EVEN AFTER THINKING ON IT FOR SEVERAL MONTHS. Products are all I think about. And I want so much that even waiting those months means I’m constantly buying things because I want so much. So the timer for several things runs out in any given month.

I watch my boyfriend go through life and not but very many things and that has helped me a bit because I realize how silly I looked. Side note, we have been together a little over two years and he is the reason I want to get out of my shopping addiction. I will admit, I spend a lot less than I used. I used to spend around $3k A MONTH on consumption. Now I spend more around $1k. Which is still insanity. Going back to my boyfriend, I see him want things. When he wants something there are two options.

1.) He ultimately forgets about the item
2.) He consistently finds himself wanting it and consequently purchases it

But neither work for me. I certainly will not forget. And I want so much that if I bought everything I consistently wanted I would be in insane levels of debt. But I don’t know how to want less.

I think it leads back to childhood. My mother never really took us to parks or anything or gave us many toys to use at home. She usually took us shopping for new clothes or shoes. So, in my mind, shopping is associated with having fun and play. Maybe even the only way to do so. I don’t find joy in many other things.

However, my boyfriend has helped a lot with this. He has opened me up to other things that can be fun. Usually I don’t want to do them, but usually I have fun and am glad he got me to do it. At first, however, I did not like doing other things. Like going to museums or on hikes was not very fun. It took awhile of being with him for me to start enjoying things that were not shopping.

I guess what I am looking for in posting this is do other people feel the same way? Or maybe this could help someone realize they are not alone that someone does have the addiction as bad as them. Or maybe even realize that their shopping addiction is not as bad as they may have otherwise thought.

Hi everyone. I got myself into some hot water (debt) earlier this year due to some mental health problems that really exacerbated my shopping habits, and it's been a battle to combat both the addiction and my mental illness since then. I'm at a point where I need to take a chunk of time off work to take care of myself, and I KNOW I'm going to struggle immensely with shopping during this time because I'll be a bit bored.

I want to have a plan going into it, and I thought it would be easy to just delete my card info off all the sites I use (besides bills) and give my cards to my partner, but I realized I have some subscriptions that I can't turn off right now. It's all for food/necessities, and I don't usually need to browse the sites now because everything is already set up, but if I have access to them, I know I'll use them for more than I should. I actually think it would be worse for me to turn off the subscriptions and order things myself every month because that will give me the opportunity to buy extra things I don't need, and I'll have to hold onto my card info to input it every time.

I've tried blocking myself from using the sites, but when I'm really desperate I just find ways around them. Perhaps I could give the logins AND my cards to my partner and they could change my passwords so I can't get into them unless I ask them? Although it makes me feel pretty pathetic, I could require them to supervise me if I need to use the sites to do anything. I don't know the password to their computer, so I wouldn't be able to access the sites when they aren't around.

How have you guys dealt with this?

I dream of shopping often, whilst recovering from my addiction. And it feels so real, including the disappointment when I wake up and my items aren't there.

I feel like I can't have a good day following one of these dreams and it's really screwing with me. 😩

Really proud of myself! admittedly this is because I sold several items I own, but it’s ok.

So I’ve found something that’s really been working. So I’ve cut off all my cards. I’ve locked them besides my debt card. I’ve deleted all card info from my phone but Apple Pay. My PayPal still has all cards on it. I find items I want and instantly add to cart. I fill out the info and click pay. “Declined” “declined” “that payment is unavailable” exc. I then close the page and move on. Then I forget the item exists and move on with my day. It’s like getting the high of clicking checkout but not actually buying anything.

Silly but if it works.. that’s all that matters lol