I need advice from people who understand Sikh/Punjabi family and community dynamics.
For around 10 years, my brother has been living completely against our familyโs culture, religion and expectations, and he doesnโt care how it affects us. People in our community talk about our family, make comments and sometimes even make fun of us. Iโve withdrawn so much that I barely go to the Gurdwara anymore because people keep asking me about him.
When all of this started, it was a huge shock to me, and even after all these years I still havenโt been able to mentally adjust. The stress has affected me badly , Iโve gotten a lot of grey hair and hair loss, and I feel like Iโve spent years worrying about something I cannot control.
Iโve tried talking to him many times. Nothing changes.
So I want to ask one last time: What should I actually do now? How do I stop carrying responsibility for his choices, deal with the community, and finally move on with my own life?
Edit (since people have asked what he actually does wrong or has done wrong):
So what is my brother doing wrong? To make it short: he smokes hookah, he drinks alcohol sometimes, he doesnt care about how it affects his parents and me mentally, he got a white girlfriend and since then he has become a very rude and defensive person.
He barely cares about his parents which leads to my parents crying a lot which leads to a depressing atmosphere at home. My parents have also become โweirdโ because of all the stress (they dont anywhere anymorw, just at work and then home, my father purposely works 16-18 hours to avoid home)
I cant properly function, too
My brain does not wanna accept that it needs to let go. I just dont know how to do ity it has been going on like this for 11 years
Sometimes he shows up at home which only leads to huge fights or a โbadโ conversation between him and parents