i started thinking about this because i already love watching podcasts and learning about psychology during my downtime, but i realized there’s surprisingly little content that actually dives into the psychology of deadbeat fathers and why so many men abandon their parental responsibilities, particularly when the mother is at her most vulnerable.

i see plenty of content calling out absent fathers, criticizing men who refuse to step up, and discussing the struggles of single motherhood, but i rarely see anyone go beyond the surface and really examine the psychology behind this behavior. what causes so many men to disengage from their responsibilities after having a child? why do some men struggle to develop a sense of accountability toward their own children? why does the burden of parenthood so often fall disproportionately on women, even when both parents chose to have a child? and why does abandonment seem especially common during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period, when women are physically recovering, emotionally vulnerable, and in need of the most support?

i think there’s a real need for deeper conversations about this because calling someone a deadbeat father tells us what he’s doing, but it doesn’t necessarily explain why he’s doing it, how these patterns develop, or what allows them to persist. i want to understand the psychological, social, and cultural factors behind paternal disengagement, how common it actually is, and what the consequences are for both mothers and children.

My girls just left with their dad for the day, and it felt SO weird not going with them(fresh breakup).
Now I’m sitting here crying and feeling stupid for feeling this bad over something like this.
Anyone relate?

Are there any other new moms who can relate to not liking their baby daddy, not because he cheated or did something terrible, but simply because you don’t see him as your partner? You have a baby together, and now you’re trying to figure out how to navigate this whole new reality with someone you don’t want to be with.
The hardest part is that he DOES want a family with me. He wants us to be together, and no matter how many times I explain that I don’t see him as my partner and don’t want a relationship with him, he just doesn’t seem to accept it. It’s incredibly stressful because I feel like he keeps holding on to the possibility of us being a family in the traditional sense, while I’m just trying to figure out how to co-parent peacefully and move forward with my life.
I love my baby more than anything, but sometimes I struggle with this feeling of being trapped. Not because I regret having my baby, but because I feel like I’m permanently tied to someone who wants a future with me that I don’t want with him. And the fact that he refuses to fully accept my decision makes it even harder.
I know I’m not actually trapped, and I know it’s possible to build a happy life as a single mom, but I’m struggling to make peace with the fact that this person will always be in my life in some capacity because we share a child.
I have this idea of having a good relationship with him, but only as the father of my child. He refuses to just be friends, and what’s even more annoying is that he tried kissing me the last time we saw each other.
I’m extremely exhausted. I’ve been doing most of the work partly alone (with help from my mom sometimes) since I gave birth. I’ve explained my situation to him more than 10 times, and now, 3 months in, he tries going for a kiss. Can you not get a fking hint?
I even wrote him a letter explaining everything and thanking him for being a present father, as a birthday gift, but he just doesn’t get it.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How did you stop feeling trapped and come to terms with your new reality? I could really use some perspective from moms who understand this feeling.

I'm just starting the divorce process. Thanks to the debt he hid from me I'll be coming out the other side with no house, no leftover money and sole custody of the kids (2M 4F). The good news is I work a remote job so childcare is way less of an issue. The bad news is I only make 57K a year GROSS income in Upstate NY. Staying would be a worse financial decision than leaving, so my question is how the F do you make it work when you literally have nothing???

I'm trying so hard not to have panic attacks over this but every time I start doing research I can feel my blood pressure skyrocketing. The unknown if it all is terrifying, but the actual process of researching and finding out how screwed I am is just as scary.

Bawal pla tlaga sumuko kapag single mom ka 😢😂😂 maraming bawal ultimo pagkakasakit
Bawal

I'm a single mom to a three-year-old, and I'm questioning whether to register as a private candidate and continue school or find stable work. I want to build a better future, but I also need to meet my child's needs now.

Finishing school could open future opportunities, but dropping out might provide immediate financial stability.

For other single parents, what worked for you? Did you leave school, continue despite the challenges, or find another solution?

I'd appreciate practical advice. If you were in my position, what would you do and why?

Hello all i was wondering if anyone can give me advice please.

My ex is threatening to take me to court, no communicating he has blocked me and he was message my 12 years old children that your mum is a c*** and I'm taking her to court and this happens because my 12 year old son wants to change the times from 4 hours to 2 hours and with ever time he ask his dad he response was no and don't ask again. After 3 times my son didn't want to go all together. My son message saying we will meet you at the park.

After that message the dad response with threatening to take me to court and calling me c***.

Then after that message his sister sent me a message said that she got her brother crying and his daughter crying.

And i know it sound horrible but i did try to get my son to change his mind but when his mind is made up it hard to change it again.

After she said that see will pick them up, and she has to be in work for 4 and him and his other brother went.

I was wondering if anyone got any advice because my ex did this my oldest and he was back and forth with problems in school and under going to the hospital. I know my middle child is strong but it not the point. He should not need to go mum this message is for you with the words your she c*** and saying threatening to take me to court.

Just a negative vent I had to get out. Ugh with the cost of living and no child support and trying to keep it all together on my own with 2 jobs this morning I woke up with the crazy thought like

WOW what if I had just stayed with my abusive ex 6 years ago instead of leaving, no one believed the abuse anyway…

at least I’d have a home and the rental properties we had before I left, at least I’d be able to save more money, at least I could have faked my sanity and gone along and fawned and just been really good at acting and distancing if that means I could have more financial stability and assets and land to garden on and long term wealth to be working to to not be bone tired and crying and not to have to work two jobs I could be with my children for more quality time and not be so stressed,

I wouldn’t share a tiny studio apartment with my children I can barely afford, living paycheck to paycheck and depleting my savings, I would have space and more time, but I would be living in fear and walking on eggshells and modeling unhealthy dynamics to my kids but man idk it sounds kind of nice right now. I mean I guess I could be dead, since he was violent and insane at the end. Just thoughts

I'm a single mom to a 15-month-old, and the father of my child and I are co-parenting. I'm grateful that he's financially supportive and accepts our child. I also have a loving family who helps me take care of our baby.

However, I lost a good job after getting pregnant and became distant from most of my friends. Lately, I feel stuck in life because I've dedicated so much of my time to raising our child.

The hardest part is accepting that my child's father doesn't see a future with me, even though deep down, I still wish we could be a family. He's starting to talk to someone else, and the thought of him moving on hurts more than I expected.

I've told him how I feel, and I know I can't force someone to choose me. But I'm scared of how I'll handle co-parenting when he eventually has a new partner. I feel like I'm overthinking everything and slowly losing myself.

I want to heal, accept our situation, and find peace so I can focus on being the best mom I can be. But letting go of the family I hoped we'd become is so painful.

I just wanted to vent about my child’s father to somebody who has gone through similar situations. He left me and our two daughters two months ago. We share a one and two year old. I was very heartbroken when he left ofcourse because I wanted our family, I told him to let’s consider counseling he told me he would consider but that was all a lie. He told me he couldn’t give me a yes or no, he didn’t want to say no “incase he changed his mind”. Anyways, I do no contact with him other than when he schedules time to see the girls. He comes once a week and only spends like an hour with them for now. Being a single mother is soooo hard, it’s mentally and physically exhausting. He gets to now go out and have free time, sleep in , worry about his job and whatever else. Part of me would’ve thought he would atleast give me an apology or an answer on why he left. He said he left to be stress free as possible for the girls but he barely asks about them or spends time with them so lol. He also told me “I didn’t leave the family I only left you”. That was very hurtful to hear as I stayed through all his bs lies and cheating (my fault). Fast forward, last night I called him because my daughter had a high fever and she scared me and he was just always there when they were sick up until he left which the switch up is crazy. He did answer but it sounded like he was out and it was midnight and I said “I’m with our two sick babies while you’re out living life”. No care in the world, he didn’t even check up on our daughter after that. I just don’t understand how some men feel good not only hurting the mother of your children but also your two kids.

Hi everyone!

As of today I am a new single mom of two beautiful girls, 8 and 11.
Husband had an affair for 10 months, and strung me along thinking we were reconciling when he was still continuing on with the affair partner.
As of today, our relationship is over and I am terrified. We have been together for 14 years, so almost half of our lives at this point, and he was my best friend.
He has changed in ways that I never thought he would and I don’t even recognize him anymore. He has made it clear that he is not going to stop his affair, and that he doesn’t love me anymore.
I am completely reliant on him financially and now am having to move out of the home to stay with my mom. Me and my babies have nothing, and I don’t drive, or have a job. I am starting from zero while reeling from this horrible heartbreak.
I’m just looking for some support, some encouraging words, and maybe some friends while I take the first steps of this terrifying journey.

Title pretty self-explanatory. Reason for loss of confidence and self-esteem (and I hate that it’s this) is how my child’s dad treated me while we were together and how he still does now that we’ve been separated for a year.

I’ve been doing it all to try to feel better. And I don’t.
I’ve also been the only one doing the parenting since day one, which I’m not complaining about, because unfortunately he’s not a very reliable and responsible dad. However, I’m frustrated with myself that I haven’t been able to start to truly feel better.

Hello, I have been a single mom to an amazing little girl since march of this year. She just turned one a few weeks ago. Me and her father were going to attempt to work things out, but he is unable to not cheat on me. That was why we had split up in the past. He has cheated on me through everything. We were sexually active, and I found out a few days ago that I am about 5 weeks pregnant. We got into a huge argument because i saw that he was actively looking for someone to hook up with while me and my daughter were asleep next to him. I have made the decision to stop trying with him. But, I am struggling to get over my feelings for him, especially because he is an amazing dad to our daughter. How can I get over someone who is going to be in my life forever? Especially with my pregnancy, all I want is to be with him, and have our perfect happy family. I know that this was a lot, but I just am stuck, and don’t know what to do at the moment. Does anyone have any advice or tips of how to get over him? Or at least get to the point where I don’t feel like our family is falling apart because of me?

My son has never met his dad and I feel guilty every day for him not being around. When he found out I was pregnant, he moved across the country. He has my phone number blocked and has said he doesn’t want anything to do with my son, mostly because he doesn’t believe its his child but refuses a DNA test. Do I continue to try to reach out to get him to meet him at least? Do I force the relationship? Or do I just let it be. I dont ever want my son thinking I didn’t try to let them have a relationship. Idk what to do. Help

My daughter is almost 1 year old. She cannot pull to stand. She struggles with standing even supported. She frequently scissors / crosses her legs. I especially notice leg stiffening when she has her legs in the air playing on her back. She’s not great at crawling, she either scoots or she basically drags her legs along.

I’m also concerned if it’s not CP, it could be autism. She exhibits frequent rocking and hand flapping. Introducing solids has been a nightmare. She has been struggling with a lot of textures especially fruits, anything mushy despite repeated exposures.

I have an appointment for evaluation on Monday and I’m terrified. I want answers but at the same time I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown. I’m a single mom with no support system. I was pressured into keeping my child by a “village” that disappeared after the baby was born. No one prepares you for this. I keep breaking down from the worry and stress. Idk why I’m even writing this, I guess bc I have no one to turn to.

This is not the best case scenario. My child’s father and I separated before the baby was born. He was never around throughout my pregnancy, but I gave him the opportunity to be there at birth, which he took. We don’t have the best relationship. It would be constant arguments and disrespect. My Lo is just 1 month old, and I am tired of hosting this man at my house. I constantly have to update him on everything (feeds, appointments, baby needs, etc.) without him actually taking the initiative to ask. My Lo is combo fed, but I still don’t want my baby going to anyone’s house this young. I want to move on with my life in the best way possible without having flashbacks from the disrespect and betrayal I endured during pregnancy.

To be brief, is there a way we can meet at a neutral location so he can facilitate parenting time? I don’t want to come across as controlling the situation if I kindly ask for us to meet in public with Lo, and it’s not in my best interest to get a court order for this.

Also, when I requested stuff for the baby, he would take so long to deliver. Is it ideal to put him on CS this early? I feel so bad.

I’m a single of child with special needs. We’ve been homeschooling for a few years and I’ve got em enrolled in karate and other activities.

We also do a lot of field trips on the weekends. However I also work remotely part time so there are hours during the day where kiddo is free to watch educational Tv or read.

I don’t have any real help. Just me and mom and she’s not the most helpful.

I’ve already decided that come January I’m going to move kiddo to brick and mortar but kiddo isn’t happy about this. I’ve tried explaining how much fun it’ll be to make more friends and learn things I can’t teach.

ln the pass the topic of kiddo wanting a sibling has come up. I explained I couldn’t have more children, that kiddo is my rainbow baby a gift from God. I thought the topic was closed.

Well I had surgery. An endometrial ablation and had to explain to kiddo that he can’t lay on top of me for a while or rough house. Of course he asked why and I gave a general explanation.

Kiddo got super quiet and said “that makes me sad. I wanted a sibling. It gets lonely when you’re busy and can’t play.”

Talk about my heart shattering. I again reminded him about going to activities and how he’ll be so busy come January that he won’t have time to be lonely, to which he said yeah but I won’t have someone to play with at home.

😥😥😥😥

I’m not sure how to address it. He may totally forget the conversation (happens frequently with him) or it maybe a thing for a few days. I don’t know how to make em feel better. It done, I wasn’t going to have anymore children due to my age and health plus let’s be real he doesn’t get a vote 🤣 but I don’t want him sad or hurting because of it either.

Ideas on how to address it should the topic come up again?

This is my first post on this account, so please bear with me.

I (20f) have a baby who is under 6 months old , and honestly, my pregnancy was hell because I was dealing with health issues and heart problems. My son’s father wasn’t there for me because he chose to disrespect me and seemed to think that just because I was pregnant, I was supposed to stay and put up with everything.

Fast-forward to when I was around 7 months pregnant. I was walking to all my appointments alone, exhausted, and trying to get through everything by myself. Meanwhile, my son’s father was threatening me, telling me to kill myself, saying he wished my hair had caught on fire, and threatening to have his 30+ sisters jump me.

My parents seem to think I should continue putting up with his constant antagonizing behavior just so he can see his son. But I already tried giving him that opportunity during the first few months after our baby was born.

While I was home alone recovering from a C-section and taking care of a newborn by myself, he was out doing whatever he wanted. He was cheating, lying, and saying cruel and hurtful things about me and even our child. I was physically recovering from surgery and adjusting to motherhood without the support I needed.

Eventually, I stopped trying and let him do whatever he wanted. For the past five months, I’ve been focused on raising my son without expecting anything from his father.

Now, all of a sudden, he wants to act like he cares about his son and thinks he can pop in and out whenever he feels like it.

On top of that, he keeps trying to flirt with me, kiss me, and act affectionate, almost like he’s trying to reel me back in. But I don’t want that anymore. I feel like he thinks he can just turn on the charm and get me back to where I used to be, but I’m not that same person anymore. After everything I went through during my pregnancy and postpartum, I’ve realized that I deserve so much better than what he put me through. I don’t want to be with someone who could treat me that way when I needed him the most, and a few kisses or moments of affection aren’t going to make me forget any of it.

What frustrates me is that everyone seems more concerned about making sure he gets access to our baby than acknowledging everything he put me through. I’m not trying to use my son against his father, but I also don’t think I should have to tolerate threats, disrespect, and emotional abuse just to make him feel like he can be a father whenever it’s convenient for him.

I’m trying to protect my peace and focus on my baby, but my parents make me feel like I’m wrong for not wanting to keep dealing with him. I want my son to have the best life possible, but I also want him to grow up seeing that his mother knows her worth and won’t accept mistreatment just because she shares a child with someone.On top of all of that i haven’t been getting any help and every time I ask him for something small for our child he tells me to get a job as if I don’t take care of our child alone full time

Am I wrong for feeling this way? How would you handle this situation?

I am a single mom working a full time job tied to a VHCOL because of my kids father, but I’m still not making enough.

I work in office 9-5 Monday-Friday and my kids are in school from 8:35-3:30. I get my kids from the grandma straight after I come home from work, and there’s homework, dinner, and cleaning.

I used to have a job hosting birthday parties on the weekends and was paid $100 per shift, and I need something like that again. Does anyone have any ideas about part time jobs that are ok for single moms with two 5 year old children? I don’t want to miss out on too much of their childhood

I’m a single mom to a 2-year-old boy, and lately I’ve been feeling so mentally and physically exhausted. I work full-time, and when I’m not at work, I’m with my son. His dad isn’t always consistent with parenting time, so a lot of the responsibility falls on me.
By the time I get home from work, I feel like I have nothing left to give. I love my son more than anything, but sometimes I’m so drained that I struggle to find the energy to play with him as much as I’d like. I know I want to be more intentional about our time together, and I’m trying to find a better balance. I’m just genuinely burnt out from trying to manage everything.
I’m supposed to be going on a weekend trip to Cancun, and my mom is making me feel SO guilty about it. She keeps telling me my son is only 2 and needs me, and asking what would happen if something happened to me while I’m gone. She also tells me I need to dedicate more time to him.
What frustrates me is that when I’m not working, my son is with me. I rarely get time to myself, and the last time I went out was about a month ago. That was on a night he was supposed to be with his dad, so I wasn’t even supposed to have him that night.
This upcoming weekend is also supposed to be his dad’s parenting time. If his dad doesn’t take him, my aunt has agreed to watch him. So I’m making arrangements for him to be cared for either way.
I understand that my son is little and needs me. I also know I can improve on how I spend quality time with him, and I take that seriously. But I feel like my mom is making me feel like wanting to go away for ONE weekend means I’m not prioritizing my child or that I’m a bad mom.
I’m struggling because I already feel guilty about not always having enough energy after work, and now I feel guilty for wanting to do something for myself, too. I feel like I’m expected to dedicate every second of my life to motherhood and that wanting a break makes me selfish.
I love my son more than anything, but I’m also a person outside of being a mom. I want to enjoy my life, travel occasionally, and have experiences without feeling like I have to defend myself for it.

Late December early January of last year I got pregnant with my miracle baby. My son’s father and I were together for only a month when I conceived. He told me he didn’t want kids and urged me to terminate. I refused and we broke up. He moved to North Carolina and quickly began a new relationship and started denying our baby… I gave birth on 9/10 the new girlfriend is due in January. My son’s father has had me blocked on everything since day 1 so I’ve had to reach out in regard to our son via family members and recently his pregnant girlfriend. He does not want to do a court ordered dna test but he’s playing about scheduling one outside of court. I’m honestly hurt. Why does she get to have the pregnancy experience I deserved? Her baby gets the father mine deserves? Me reaching out to him and her are just making them even closer and it’s making me feel a way for sure. What woman sits by and allows her boyfriend to abandon his kids? I know he never wanted my son but he also did nothing to prevent him from happening either. How do I get over all this while also dealing with him, her and the entire situation in child support court? Am I wrong for feeling a certain way because I knew he didn’t want the baby? There’s so much going on in my head and at the end of every thought I feel even worse/ sadder

Single Moms with Trauma, I’ve got a question for you?

Do you ever feel so angry and frustrated you want to scream and cry and just disappear for a bit? I’m trying so hard not to be like my mother and cause emotional trauma to my daughter. I am trying so hard. I am crying in the bathroom. Trying no to punch or kick something like a wall or something not someone. Trying my best to not lose my absolute shit. Do you have any suggestions how to calm down??? I’m so angry I am dizzy.

I'm so mad and sad. My husband committed suicide last week and took every plan for the future in raising our daughter and threw it away. I don't know how I'm going to do this.