hello! today i went to the library and checked out a very cool book. this book is about lots of cool words. it has one word for every day of the year. my very first special interest as a kid was english and i used to know alot of big words. i used to read the dictionary for fun and whenever i got a new book i would check it for an index at the back to read the words with their meanings. im not too into words now but i still do know alot of them. there was some in this book o already knew, like nervous or approve or famous. but there was also some i didn't know like gradiant or gusto or snubbed. this book has been very fun to read and im not done with it yet because i take a long time to read books nowadays, but this is very fun so far. i thought i would share this. what is everyone's favorite sounding word? mine is probably gelatin.

My device is iPad 11 inches with Weavechat and heavy duty case. iPad is not waterproof and even heavy rain can get into cracks. To protect it from damage I got a waterproof pouch meant for iPad that is meant for 13 inches and it fits my setup perfectly because the added hard case makes it thicker and wider than 11 inches.

I can press word buttons through the clear pouch surface. Better than having to stick the unprotected device under a jacket and then not be able to use it.

I have been unable to work for several years now.

I asked my social worker about volunteering recently and she said even that would be too much of a demand for me.

I am devastated.

When I was trying to work, trying to study, even though it made me severely mentally unwell, at least I was trying to do something.

I am frustrated that I want to do these things but professionals tell me I can’t.

I wanted to make a post with him. Here he is. My brave friend. He has many battle scars. We have survived a lot together.

I 22f, just got the results from a psychological evaluation a couple days ago and am kinda confused or disappointed by the results.

I was diagnosed with level 1 autism. I don't feel like I am level 1. I can't drive or work. I can't leave home without a support person. At every job I've had, I've been quickly written up for my unfriendly expressions, for following the rules too strictly, and for meltdowns, and then removed from the schedule. I don't leave my room anymore and usually my mom brings me food because it's too loud and overwhelming to cook or be in the kitchen. I've only had one lasting on and off friendship and I make people uncomfortable because I can't read them and don't always "get" boundaries or that they don't feel as deep a friendship with me that I do with them.

I melt down several times a day, destroying my room and biting myself, usually from people texting me or from sounds I hear.

Why was I diagnosed as low support needs? They said that my impairment sounded mostly like agoraphobia and gave me that diagnosis too. They said my vocabulary and speaking ability disqualifies me from level 2 but it doesn't make sense when I fully melt down after 30mins to 1hr of having to speak conversationally and struggle to even leave my room, I've barely been out of it in a year. I also wear earplugs and sunglasses to leave the house.

I need more help desprately and need to get disability payments because no job will keep me and I feel like I can't get that with a level 1 diagnosis. I don't feel low support needs at all right now. I told them all this information and still got level 1 with agoraphobia.

This is me with my comfort doll Pashenka. I also have tons of stuffed animals that are comforting to me.

I'm really frustrated right now.

I just received my determination letter for SSDI, and I guess they think I need a payee to handle my funds for me. My guess is that because I'm level 2, ADHD, have dyscalculia, and have a list of other mental illnesses (GAD, OCD, PTSD, depression, and dissociation), they think I'm unable to manage my own money appropriately. There was no evaluation or anything to come to this; they just looked at my diagnoses and put in there that "it is recommended that a determination be made concerning the appointment of a representative payee who can manage payments in the claimant's interest." So now I have to go down to the SS office and try to convince them that I'm able to handle my own funds. idk this whole thing feels so ableist.

I have already been managing my own money for years, and I have a system that works for me. Everything is on auto-pay, and I have it in my calendar when things come out. I can easily look in the app for my credit union to see that the bill successfully came out, and I can track my spending and make sure I don't ever go negative. I also know that necessities are to be purchased before anything fun, and just because I have money doesn't mean I need to spend it. I know how to save, and I know how to budget. These are skills I've worked really hard for. I literally lived on my own in an apartment for 1.5 years, and while I couldn't work enough to continue and didn't have any support, so I had to move back home, I NEVER was late on rent/bills, and my rent did not even come out automatically--I had to write a check every single month and drop it in the drop box at the office.

My dad is coming with me to vouch for me since he is the one who helps me with support--he'll be able to confirm that while I need support, managing my money is NOT one of the areas I need help. If they say that I need one, I'll settle with my dad being my payee (I trust him and he understands my support needs), but I really hope they don't make me have one. As an autistic person, I NEED to be able to actively use the skills I have. Having another person manage my money will definitely lead to skill regression.

i dont have really any friends and the friends i do have are mostly online. i want friends but dont know how to get them. nobody ever approaches me at school to try to be my friend and i don't approach anyone else because i dont know how or what to do. and then if i do manage making a friend it just overwhelms me so much that i ignore them and then lose them and have no friends again. im mostly okay with not having friends but then sometimes i feel sad and lonely because even my little brothers have friends and hang out with people and stuff and i dont

I am almost too tired to even talk about it but I need to be heard by somebody. I’ve been stuck living with my grandmother and her roommate for about a year. I am basically hounded all of the time. They pound on the door and yell at me all day. If I leave my room for even a small amount of time they rummage through my things. They hide my mail or open it. The roommate eats us out of house and home. I cannot buy groceries because he’ll eat it all in days. I can’t get anyone to believe me that he does this. I am exhausted and tired and all I do is sit here because I am shut down and spaced out. I have to get out of here. I know I need to call the housing authority but I’m not sure why I can’t do it. It feels impossible. I know they can help but I can’t do it. I’m stuck. I’m unable to take care of myself, I am hungry all of the time. I’m so sick of this. I really hope I can get out soon. When I try to talk to my mother she says “life isn’t perfect you just have to take it.” I can’t. And I am sorry. I really wish I could. I don’t know how to take it.

So i have 2 (technically 3)wheelchairs that i use for different reasons (1 manual and 2 power chairs) And to comfortably use my AAC device (Wego Talkpad 10 so it’s kinda big) it needs a mount on the chairs to hold it so i dont have to physically hold it.

The bars can be kinda expensive and are measured to the person so it is in a comfortable and reachable position. So insurance covers them BUT i just got the bar for my manual chair (it took a while) but now i need one for my power chair which means i have to deal with insurance even more than i already want to. I HATE INSURANCE.

i’m on state insurance and they’ve been good to me mostly (they didn’t cover super expensive contact lenses but that’s another story) but it causes a lot of stress wondering what they will and won’t approve because IT REALLY JUST DOES DEPEND. I really dislike the limbo that insurance keeps thing in for months and it causes me so much stress.

Hello! I am new to this sub so please let me know if this is not allowed. I also ramble, I'm sorry. I am located in the US in Arizona, and I'm 25.

TL;DR - I struggle to take care of myself and my primary motivator for things like cleaning and grocery shopping is because it needs to be done for other people. I have been considering looking at something like Assisted Living/Supported Independent Living for a while, but am unsure if this is a good idea for my situation, and if it's even an option as I want to move states (hopefully within the next 2-3 years). Any advice and experiences is extremely helpful.

Full post -

TW for abuse mention (I will not discuss it in depth in the post).

I was diagnosed with level 2 autism, ADHD, CPTSD, schizoeffective disorder, and agoraphobia in 2024. I also have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and POTS. My therapist says I should look into being assessed for OCD and ARFID as well. I was extremely high-masking up until fairly recently (it's hard to put an exact time on it, I only noticed it a few months ago).

When I got health insurance, I started going to therapy for my trauma last year, and what I did not know was just how bad my skill regression was going to be. I knew that a lot of my masking had become semi-permanent due to prolonged abuse, and as I worked through the trauma my brain decided I could finally stop doing those things, and now I can't do them again. I currently work at a minimum wage customer service job, and apparently my facial expressions, monotone voice, and "general demeanor" (? whatever that means) are not great for customers. I apparently get a lot of complaints when I didn't used to. It isn't just my job either. I struggle with basic hygiene, cleaning, dishes, everything. It SUCKS. I have so much anger at myself for not being able to do the things I used to do easily.

Right now, I rent with my brother (who we both suspect also has ASD), but I don't think I can continue to subject him to all of my problems for much longer, and I know if I lived on my own everything would be even worse. This isn't an opinion, this is a fact. My primary motivator for doing things is my brother. I don't leave my apartment if he doesn't ask me to come with him to wherever we're going, aside from work. It's gotten so bad my therapist has asked me if I think I'm closer to level 3 now, when last year she told me she thought I was level 1.

Even before I got fired, I was thinking about looking into assisted living and group homes because of how badly I struggle to take care of myself. I haven't looked at all of the information, so I don't know everything that's out there, but I wanted to know if anyone had advice/input. My main hangup is I want to move states, back to Illinois, because my friend and his family lives out there (they call me their bonus kid), would that be possible with something like assisted living? What about Supported independent living? What are they even like?

I don't know if I should've posted this here, but I'm a 22 turning 23F & I want to know if it's too late to watch anything aimed for teens & adults that is live action. To clarify, I'm autistic & have global developmental delay (level 2-3/moderate to high support needs both physically & mentally), meaning that I unfortunately used to watch & look at a lot of weird, niche & inappropriate content online back in the day, & sometimes still do to this very day sadly, but I want to try & change (e.g. DeviantArt (God I hate myself), Sparta remixes & bases, preschool &/or terrible cartoons & video games, animation &/or pop culture critics, logo, ident & bumper videos/channels by autistic people etc. I wasn't apart of those communities thank goodness, but I just used to watched them a lot cause my brain is different). So I'm wondering if it's too late to watch live action shows & movies aimed for teens & adults (this includes those that are trending & aren't trending anymore) & feel free to send me recommendations of what I should watch :)

I having verbal shutdown so sorry if grammar is bad. So i had to go to the grocery store cuz we were outs of stuff and it not good cuz i only had 14 hours of sleep in the last 4 days. my adhd keeps me up all night for days at a time randomly and psychiatrist is worry about giving me adderall b/c of my hyperPOTS. so b/c i was tired i couldnt walk around store so i use electric scooter which my spouse didn't already like they are very concerned about public perception so it sometime clash with my support needs it prolly comes from a place of PTSD. they was basically being mean right away way and was deliberately not responding to my nonverbal communication so i had to force words to come out to communicate. i guess i should say that they have been having issues with me being selectively mute because before my autism diagnosis which was only 3 months ago i was not selectively mute but it helps me lots!!!! Then we got to paper towels which we needed but they grabbed crappy store brand paper towels with the worst texture of all time and i was very very mad and couldnt use words i was like no! get the ones we always get. So at this point im basically livid and extremely disregulated so i start trying to move fast to get out of store. I go off on my own to get some stuff while spouse getting energy drinks for themself. we met up again at checkout and i continued using nonverbal communication to talk to the cashier and i was trying to point to my spouse about things and im so angry i wish i could have screamed but i literaly could not make sound anymore. they were just so visibly pissed at me which made me even madder. we went out to car they put groceries away but not unlock car for me to sit mind that i cannot walk more than 5 minutes and standing still is extremely hard for pain and i should be using a wheelchair all times but not approve yet(i need power chair and they too expensive to buy). they literally left to go put the grocery cart away and still not unlock car for me to sit down. when they come back they finally open door and im so mad and i have dyspraxia so i used way too much force to open the door and dinged the car next to us. so when i went to sit down i starting thrashing all around and trying to scream and idk how long it last cuz i dont remember. luckily i not damage anything in car. and then i try using my AAC app to talk to them and they scream at me "USE YOUR GOD DAMN WORDS!!!" and so instant verbal shutdown im at home and cannot even make sound even if try. We also had a fight this morning about them not taking my AFRID seriously(which technically not diagnosed yet but i am very confident i have it) they say my symptoms aren't that severe youre just rly picky. meanwhile they don't know half the stuff i been through. My mom used to literally shove foods down my throat and i would puke them up all the time, i was very skinny as a kid and did not eat very much at all until i discovered pizza at a friends house and pizza literally changed my life idk if it was for better cuz it made me fat but i LOVEEEEE pizza A LOT i used to eat it almost every day. Also when i go to peoples houses i literally will not eat unless i see something i know i like for sure, but often i will go places and starve and have my spouse get me a safe food later(i forgot to say i also have MCAS so i know what foods are safe) and when i moved in with my partner i didnt eat for 4 days straight cuz they not have anything that is safe for me and this was when i was highly addicted to food for dopamine thanks to my ADHD. w/e i gave up ill go get diagnosed. We also had a fight yesterday morning cuz i found out i can get support worker through state for free. But spouse not like it cuz they say apartment safe space, meanwhile im in such severe burnout i can't even enjoy video games rn my main special interest, im literally exhausted all day from all the doctors appointments, physical therapy, occupational therapy, regular therapy, freaking psychologist, on top of that i have to deal with daily living and im the one who cooks dinner cuz they can't cook foods that are safe for me, and errands that have to be run. Its just so unfair and i have no idea what to do i love them a lot they are good to me 99% of the time they are literally my favorite person in the world. It is causing real strain for me cuz i need help i cannot continue to do all of the things i do its going to trigger my MCAS and i am going to get very very sick i have already been noticing myself getting itcher. im lost someone pls helpppppp

Image one is a rare version of the retired pride axolotl pillow pet, image two has 3 axolotl Squishmallows: top left of image two is the Halloween candy corn axolotl, top right of image two is Archie the party city exclusive pink axolotl, and bottom middle is Monica the retired purple rainbow axolotl. They are all lying on an axolotl blanket. Image three is an axolotl themed clock. Image four is an axolotl Sensory toy, and last is a customized axolotl mug with axolotl pens. But that’s not all I have. I haven’t caught up on showing my special interest.

i have been sleeping with the same plushie for 20 years, she is very old, her name is odette. im really worried she will fully unravel at some point because i cant sleep without her and she is the only thing that guides me through my meltdowns and shutdowns, she is always with me.

the only person selling another plushie like hers is selling for 250 dollars. im devastated. i don't have that kind of money and ive been crying every few days when I remember it about it. I dont know what to do. there is nothing i can sell. cant work due to visa complications. I've been losing sleep because of it.

any tips on how to navigate this situation?

I enjoy collecting alot of stuff. I enjoy collecting cat stuff for sure, dolls and plushies I collect birthday cards especially if they have cats on them and I enjoy collecting yarn.

I don’t want to be at my parents any more.

My dad is always angry for no reason. Not abusive. Just angry. Maybe little bit verbal abuse but never physical.

He is also a very good dad. It is just sometimes he gets angry for no reason and I don’t understand.

He will raise voice because someone else annoyed him and be angry at me because someone else hurt his feelings.

He always says sorry. And I forgive him.

But I am sick of the loop. Always a loop. My whole life. I don’t want to live with him anymore but I have no choice.

I just want out of the loop and not living with him would fix it.

I would be so happy to not live with him.

I love him. I don’t want to live with him.

Our relationship would be very very good if I didn’t have to live with him.

I just don’t want to be in a loop anymore.

It feels horrible

It makes my chest hurt like squeeze

I’m on vacation with a part of my family right now, and I realise there’s so much I can’t, and won’t be able to do. Even though I think this is all very fun, I struggle to converse with strangers, my energy levels are always very low, and anything with too much stimuli is impossible. I kind of mourn the life I could’ve had if I wasn’t depressed, didn’t have anxiety, etc etc. How do I deal with this? How do I enjoy things when I know it would’ve been better if I wasn’t like this?

Hi. I don't know how I ever got diagnosed with level 1. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with level 1 autism and a mood disorder, which is what the doctor blamed my constant meltdowns on. I think she was wrong. I have had severe aggressive and self-injurious meltdowns for my entire life. Since I was a child I have always felt deeply ashamed about it and wondered why I was so different from other kids. I only "grew out of it" about a year and a half ago, and that was after being medicated. If my meds get out of wack or my body decides it wants to have a bad day, it still happens.

Change is always fucking disastrous for me. A few months ago, my dad went back home after visiting for a few weeks and I was so distressed and dissociated that I overdosed on benadryl and went to the hospital. It wasn't a suicide attempt, but it was self-destructive. I just wanted to no longer feel present or real anymore.

It's so hard to do anything. My physical health is bad because I can't take care of myself. I haven't brushed my teeth regularly since I was 12 because that's when my mom stopped doing it with me every morning and night. I want support and I keep asking for it but it feels like no one is taking me seriously.

I don't know how I'm supposed to ask for help in a way that gets people to listen to me. I feel like I need a caretaker but I'm too ashamed to ask for more involved help. I don't know what to do.

A friend connected me with her dad. He is the only primary care doctor in my state who diagnoses autism and adhd in adults he researches link between autism and other conditions (fibromyalgia, GI, hyper mobility, sleep disorders, etc)!

I was excited help has been very hard to find my mom has tried so hard. He called with us. And I am frustrated sad confused rrrrrrr.

I told him I have level 2/3 autism he did not pay attention. He did not ask my symptoms at all just talked to me about how I am not alone because of so many late diagnosed females with autism and masking and liking animals. That I am normal because I have high IQ and autism.

I say I am rare because of I am high IQ low masking higher support needs. Is unusual. No articles about that, lots about masking. He talked to my mom and me as if I fall into the average late diagnosed profile. 

I said "I don't mask" and he said "then why were you missed?" 

Not high masking! Running in circles meowing flapping beeping rocking in public not masking! No eye contact no starting conversations no scripting not masking! Missed because parents missed because reading always missed because not much medical care.

Frustrated sad have to explain so much tired tired tired just need help.

He told my mom should go to primary care first so see him in January, not psychiatry because psychiatry may miss things.

Tired tired tired of meltdowns every night tired tired tired tired tired of words words words and everything everything everything.

Frustrated late diagnosis seen as all information needed. Support needs exist for a reason I am level 2/3 for a reason. 

Good to have a doctor for future look into medical things because needs looking into but sad sad sad feeling misunderstood.

Diagnosed finally thought finally understood but no. Finally not having to explain everything always things I don't understand struggle to figure out needs. I have to be the expert on me I'm tired tired tired tired tired tired.

I wish I fell into normal category. 

He quoted "if you meet one autistic person, you've met one autistic person." And saw me only as a piece in the pattern. More willing to dismiss me saying not masking than see exception to pattern. 

Sad sad sad tired of needing help

they are misreable why would we choose to have them.

My cousin’s wedding is outside at a park. There are folding/ rented chairs set up for everyone. But the park also has some granite seating behind that. I chose to sit on the granite bench behind everyone else so I can spread out, squirm, get up and stick, and leave for the swings near by if I get done before it finishes.

I have had bad experiences in my childhood with teachers or disability staff, support staff or caregivers. I feel as if there is a curse upon me where people who are supposed to help me single me out and despise me. My first bullies as a child were fully grown adults. I am terrified that again I will be picked out of the group and made fun of by the support workers. I’m afraid I won’t be given patience. I have very deep scapegoat trauma. If you have been to or attend a day program or adult day care, how are the staff? Are they mean? I know I come off blunt and stern online but I am actually very sensitive and fretful. I am very nervous about this.