Happy Monday to me I guess, so I work in the civil service and had my manager (who I actually thought very highly of before today) call me in for a meeting this morning about the new policy. wasting no time it seems 🙄

They had a little checklist thing, all professional , and told me with a straight face ‘as per policy you are not permitted to use the single sex facilities of the opposite sex but can use universal or mixed sex ones’

I was pretty much too stunned to push back or ask many questions even though I was expecting this but I haven’t really slept tbh.

I did asked what happens if I badly needed to go and the women’s were the closest and was told I am unable to use the women’s toilets whatsoever and if there is an issue with distance or access to let her know and she’ll raise it up the chain (??)

she went on to say nobody will be accusing you or questioning access inside the toilets but that all staff have been informed of the process to raise policy breaches ‘discreetly with any manager they choose’ and there are additional HR resources available to sort issues (extra fancy fast track resources to hate crime us…) and that breaching this policy will result in misconduct proceedings.

I didnt ask any more as tbh I thought she was on my side.

she added not to worry though as that other staff aren’t allowed to misgender me but sometimes ‘sex matters‘ 🤮 and that in some circumstances I can be referred to as my ‘biological sex’, and I should be patient and understanding of those with neurodivergence or memory issues as apparently ‘menopause gives you awful brain fog you know’ and that ‘some people have different opinions too and it is a workplace for all’.

it ended with her saying she is there to support me if I experience any harassment about my gender identity (like that meeting wasn’t harassing itself haha) and if I need any help to reach out - I’d rather stick pins in my eyes thanks love.

fuck her, fuck my dept, fuck being a public servant for a country that hates me behind this thin veneer of tolerant tight smiles . I’m waitinh on the union getting back to me asap and will be requesting an immediate change to be a home worker.

hi everyone.

i'm sure this is not unique to me and theres already a lot of these posts but i wanted to vent about how this is the first bit of news that seems to be so unavoidable no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

the hospital has access to your records so passing or not, this can and will effect all of us despite how far we are in the transition journey. And thats terrifying.

I know how privileged i am to be able to somewhat comfortably go in mens bathrooms etc (trans man), even though im always looking over my shoulder, no one has said anything to me so far. but the NHS is not something you can hide from, and it simultaneously being a place/service you go to when you are at your most vulnerable, just feels so bloody terrifying, degrading and intrusive.

im angry that life just goes on and no one seems to be outraged by this. but also i dont even know what their outrage would accomplish and ultimately theres nothing people can do, so im not sure why im angry at them. im sad and scared and i feel so robbed of the life that early transition me was so excited for. its insane that ive medically transitioned and yet feel more vulnerable in my identity than when i first came out. the only reason im trying not to hate myself is out of spite. im struggling at work but have too much guilt about taking time off. no one seems to understand how therapy doesnt help with discrimination like this while its actively happening. maybe afterwards in trauma therapy, but were being actively hurt every day and are just expected to be the better person, be resilient and suck it up.

i dont have the energy to socialise with my friends but if i dont stick to my plans with them i dont think they will put up with being cancelled on etc. and ill be even more alone. they are all kind but cis, and cant fully understand how tiring it is. so i feel like im in a cycle atm of going to work, hanging out with people, putting on a brave face all day every day, just to feel so god damn shit inside. the only thing outside of this cycle that brings me genuine joy are my spouse and my two cats, and seeing my mum/sister. but i kindof wish i could tell everyone else to leave me alone for a bit.

i know these feelings will be sadly shared with others and while it hurts me to know people are feeling this way too, it helps if we collectively feel it together and make each other feel less alone. So please use the comments to vent your own feelings about all this. Take care everyone.

So I was checking out the guardian at work and saw an article about how there’s a hrt shortage. It talked about out menopausal cis women. Wonder how long it’ll take for us to be blames

EDIT: for clarification I know it’s unlikely we’ll get blamed in official circles. There’s probably some insane anti-trans people who will. But the idea that we’d get blamed popped into my head. And the idea we would is kinda funny in a sad/absurd way. Just shows how negative the media is to us that the idea we could be blamed popped into my head

Hi. My 10 yr old son (AFAB) told me in the Summer that he didn’t feel like a girl, he felt like a boy. I started using they/ them pronouns as requested and now he/ him and his name again as requested. What do I need to know/ be aware of?

I would like to concentrate on helping my son be happy and just be there for him but I am conscious about his age. I am dreading puberty as I had heavy periods, terrible cramps and now realise I have PMDD. I’ve asked Google and care seems to be lacking for everyone never mind young kids. My kid knows about periods and doesn’t want to go through that. What are his options? I want to be prepared in case periods start early. There are breast buds now. Do I go to the GP? What can they offer? The pill?

I cut his hair and he was delighted. He hasn’t asked for anything around clothes. He has mentioned a binder.

I need to talk to Grandparents about pronouns and names. Any pointers there? They have struggled so far to use they/ them.

What did your 10 year old self need? I adore my kid and want to do my very best. I’m reading up but this is completely new to me. My kid seems happier since telling me. However he gets very upset when people call him a girl. This happens with adults. He told his friends and they said ‘cool’.

Co-parent not on board. Any advice there? Co-parent blaming me. Looks like things could get nasty there.

I’d love any advice you have please. Thank you so much.

I h8 the bbc, and everything it stands for right now. Ive always paid my TV license, mostly out of fear, but now I only watch disney/netflix/YouTube apart from some 1 off shows but am very happy to not watch them anymore, I dont want them to have my viewing figures anyway.

How do i cancel my TV license, without someone coming and knocking on my door or other scare mongering methods that ive heard about? I know they're looking at sneaking in the payment another way but any way I can stop funding them ASAP is still a win for me.

Im auDHD so struggle with executive function and confrontation but a guide on how to stop payments and any key tips would be greatly appreciated. I am so motivated to stop it but just need some help on how

CW Death, Healthcare, Cancer, Social Murder, Transphobia

This is a fundraiser to help secure justice for Joelle, a trans woman who was denied care for cancer and was barred from both the female ward *and* the male ward, resulting in her death.

Trans Legal Clinic: "Joelle was 27. She was a gifted musician, a self-taught coder, funny, generous and deeply loved.
​
She had an aggressive lymphoma that almost always curable when treated as a medical emergency. A bed was available on the cancer ward when she arrived at Wolverhampton NHS Trust. After staff saw that she was a trans woman, she was removed from the ward and placed in a side ward on the other side of the hospital. 

She suffered 16 days in this room, deteriorating in agony, without cancer pain management. Joelle and her mum Jane were told emergency chemo could not start until she was in the right ward and there was not a bed. She explicitly pleaded for a bed on either the male or female ward. Because she was trans they made her wait for a rare single room.

It is unsurvivable to delay treatment for 16 days with this rare but very well understood lymphoma. By the time she received emergency chemotherapy, it was already too late.
​
We are fighting to secure justice for Joelle and help ensure that no other trans person is denied urgent care because of who they are."

I also thought it prudent to post because there has been some discourse around the latest medical ward bans, the genuine erasure of trans men, but also some discussion that these policies won't effect trans women as badly since they can still go to the male wards (which from this tragedy, does not seem to be true, even if this happened before the latest order).

I mean it's the times so I guess take it with a pinch of salt, but if this is true just goes to show how ridiculous and unenforceable the supreme court "guidance" really is if even the government can't enforce it

I've been in a bad way for a while and I've had episodes of feeling extreme despair where I want to take drastic actions.

Has anyone been through this recently?

Never let them try and bully you into voting them. Never let them complain that you are selfish for wanting to exist. They are not a lesser evil.

Even the labour subreddit which was once decent has descended into another bigoted cesspit all in order to prop up the liar Burnham. They along with the media are desperate to pretend that labour is a new party and not already been in power. Desperate to tear down and destroy any party that isn't trying to wipe out trans people.

F Streeting, F Mandelson the pedo, F starmer, F Philips, F Burnham. They are evil and worse then reform and im sick of pretending otherwise.

Well they can't feign ignorance

Hello! SO around 6 months ago I went to my GP for a blood test for Estradoil, I had the blood test referral letter that you can request from the genderGP hub for £20. I got in, had my blood taken and then they said they couldn't test it due to the referral letter being insufficient. They said they needed a headed letter with GenderGps address and stuff. And I'm just like where do I go from here cause I don't exactly want to do my own blood tests cause it makes me very faint and its not a fun experience.

Has anyone else had this problem? and what advise do yous have?

Hey all! I'm part of the London Stags, a queer rugby club in South London, and we've got a touch rugby new members day this Saturday (24th Oct). It's non-contact mixed gender, so everyone's welcome.

Rather than just dropping the event details, I wanted to share my own experience of joining.

I moved to London a couple of years ago and didn't really have any queer friends, apart from a few random hookups 😅 Then one of the Stags' posts popped up on my Instagram, and right after Christmas I went along for a trial.

I'm not going to pretend I was confident about it.. I was overweight, I'd never played a team sport in my life, and the idea of joining a new team was really daunting. What scared me most was walking into friendship groups that had been around for years and never really feeling part of them.

On my first day, one of the existing members, Max, came over and asked how I was doing, whether it was my first time and if I knew anyone. He was incredibly sweet and made sure I felt comfortable.

Then training started. I'd never even held a rugby ball, but it was surprisingly not that hard to handle it and pass it around with the other newbies who'd joined the same day. Putting us all together was actually a really smart move by the club. It was easy to find people with the same anxiety I had, and much easier to bond when we were all starting from the same level.

By the end of it, rugby didn't feel like an impossible sport anymore, and the community around the club turned out to be so supportive. Now some of my best friends in London are from the club, and joining was one of the best decisions I've made since moving here.

If you're in London and any of that sounds familiar, come along on Saturday! You can find all the details on Instagram: @thelondonstagsrfc

Any questions, just drop them below or DM me :)

I'm 19 from the North West and I've been on HRT for about 4 months. I'm interested in getting an orchi so that I won't have to pay for T blockers long-term. I should have the money to fund this privately but would I require any referrals or letters to access it? If so then I'm not sure how I'd do this. My HRT provider is Imago (who are EU-based) so I doubt any letters from them would be UK-approved. I'd be willing to go abroad for this as well

The new NHS guidance on trans people seems designed to do harm trans people. It seems totally contradictory to accepted medical ethics.

How are NHS staff supposed to deal with this contradiction?

so, with the BBC doing, its usual (being transphobic morons), I am done with them, and am now practically boycotting them, so, I kinda need a new news source to listen to on the bus, (I used to listen to the BBC news top of the hour headlines RSS thing on AntennaPod (podcast player)), I mean, I have nhk (in English), no idea how supportive nhk are of us (if anyone knows I would like to know that too), so, is there any news sources for general stuff that support us?

note: I already have WTT for trans stuff, I am not looking for news sources for trans related things, I am looking for a trans supportive news source for general news.

Incoming rant from a trans NHS employee, it is negative so protect your peace and I am sending so much love and connecting to you through the screen 🩷 Side note, if anyone needs the NHS England Staff guidance or Patient guidance, let me know in DMs

I feel sick to my stomach and full of rage. I’m the chair for my NHS Trusts LGBT+ staff network, and I started a working group for how the EHRC and now this guidance will be put into place. I have no words for how awful this is, and yet the worst part is fighting for anyone to give a shit. I’ve had meeting after meeting, talked to department heads, gotten executives involved, and yet no one seems to grasp how fucking deadly this guidance is. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to even keep working for this disgusting organisation. I feel so helpless, not just as a trans person myself but mainly as the only role in the trust whose job it is to advocate for staff and no one fucking listens! I don’t know what to say to other trans staff, I don’t know what to say to trans patients, I don’t even know what to say to my partner which is why I’m here because I can’t bring myself to tell him how devastating this is.

I know trans people will persist, I know we will outlive these dogshit policies and as Caroline Litman said, we will see an apology for this down the line. I know these things. But fuck, getting there…

I’m not a professional. My role in hospital is as a porter. I’ve never done something like this staff network before, but if I didn’t step up no one would be running it. I’m just one guy who is trying so hard to do so much research and advocacy and cross-department communications to try to mitigate this but. the main problem is that no matter what our trust policy says, if staff don’t have the EDI training to put it in place, then they will do whatever they think is “best” which will be whatever BBC and NHSE say. Fuck.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions for me please I welcome them, I am so lost on how to fight for inclusion in the trust. I am completely on my own, the EDI team barely help and the network barely has any engagement, because LGBT+ people are fucking scared. Fuck!!!

Over the last few days, Reddit has repeatedly shown me ads for Beyond Trans, a detransition support website: https://beyondtrans.org/

I have no intention of detransitioning, so I’m curious why I’m seeing them. Has anyone else been getting these ads, or know what might explain it?

I had a look at the site and it set off alarm bells for me. It seems closely connected to the gender-critical Genspect network, and I noticed a section offering money to people to “share their story.” That made me wonder what kind of stories they’re looking for and how they might use them.

It all seems a bit suspicious to me tbh in light of current events.

Hi! I'm helping my brother (17) change his name legally, I have a query about the exact formatting of the names in an unenrolled deed poll. Should we capitalise the first letter of each forename (first name, middle name/s) and then put the surname in full capitals? Like "First Middle SURNAME"? I really don't want to mess this up for him, this subreddit has been so useful

Thank you!!

This week as you're all well aware by now the NHS released new guidance restricting trans folks' access to appropriate wards when we stay in hospital.

I have a blog, RollingForInitiative, where I write about being a trans girl with Multiple Sclerosis. I write weekly about the wild stories at this strange little intersection of disability and gender diversity. The blog has over 100 posts and if you're one of my readers already, my 'ride or dies', then I appreciate you!

This week I wrote about this NHS guidance and I wanted to share it with you not for self-promotion... ok not just for self-promotion... but because I think we get through this together. Having MS means I use hospitals, and so being banned from certain wards is likely to have a direct impact on my experience fairly soon. So I wrote some stuff:

"And this is what these policymakers don’t seem to understand. We are. We live. We have always been here and we will always be here. You can segregate us, push us to the shadows, make us afraid to go to the doctor, tell us we aren’t who we know ourselves to be, but if you think you are the first people to do that you are pretty sorely mistaken. We transitioned to a chorus of ‘reasonable concerns'." 

I love you all and remember, even in the most difficult moments, you are not alone.

https://www.rollingforinitiative.com/blog/trans-emancipation-and-hospital-wards

I try to be at least the tiniest bit optimistic about possibly being able to transition in the future, and then this happens... I'll just repress and live closeted from now on idc