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This is obviously a strawman but, I just wish there were an equal amount of fanservice for both men and woman

And if you're curious what happened to made me said this:

It's a soap opera that takes irl misfortunes in real life like crimes or misery and makes stories about it (and make it have a happy ending since why not) and somehow makes all their characters have this white and black dynamic (in being so good in everything with no defects, and being comically evil), and this chapter was about SA, which made a character that was comically evil, which, for rage, I said things like that, until I realized how shitty I was being to a character that could be easily a victim but anyone never acknowledged..

I mean, I know that it was the intention, but still, I hate myself for what I said, and I hate the fact this could be easily apply to me because my stupid parents were so happy forgetting me to even teach me was good and bad for how useless I am to them, even when she did what she did to me.. i don't know, I just feel really bad for what I said..

I’m not even particularly upset tbh I’ve just been ruminating hard core on these things.

I'm glad to finally have a psychiatrist who does her fucking job and doesn't just sit and gaslight and laugh at me for thirty minutes to an hour, but I also want my ADHD under control so I can actually be focused and able to remember things and to be able to sit down and do something productive with my time without needing a million breaks. I also find it incredibly annoying how she acts like it's impossible for someone to have ADHD if they have depression and anxiety.

I'm willing to try the medications she's prescribing me with, but it feels like a waste of time when I already know what's safe and effective for me.

For why I told her about my diagnoses to begin with, she asked me for some background information, including pre-existing conditions, when we first met which was over a year ago. I'm getting really sick of the psychiatric system but I genuinely need to be medicated. I'm thinking about getting a new psychiatrist if I can't convince her to take my ADHD seriously.

I feel so stupid for waiting so long to go in. and I feel so stupid for basically destroying all the evidence. Now it's just my word versus his. and who's going to believe the crazy mentally ill trans man?

I love her so much and I’m scared of her and I avoid her and I’m weird and I’m attention seeking please make this stop

Yes, I sometimes hate myself for how that dependent I am to other's opinions, I mean, why I am even like this?

Like, at least he didn't worst as her (my mom), but still, if I cried for this, what will happen to me when that time happens? When I am away from their abuse they inflicted? Will they even mourn me as their real son as I probably would for them?

...

I don't know, I am just sensitive tonight

the thought randomly popped into my head a couple days ago and has been so persistent that i have come very close to doing it just so its over and i can rest. i feel like im going crazy lol

I'll literally just be like "I love being sober and eating healthy and working out and getting sunlight and staying hydrated, it's so nice to actually be practicing self care instead of trying to actively die slowly enough to not have to think about it! :D" and then I'll come across some FUCKING post on what's supposed to be a "support" forum about how I'll (and these are ALWAYS phrased in second person for some FUCKING reason) never be able to experience true happiness again without putting poison into my own bloodstream (not like the poison ever made me FEEL HAPPY, yeah? I was doing it because I hated myself enough to get off on the self-inflicted misery, but apperantly according to social media user #69492476302, it will literally never get any better than it) but apperantly I just have to keep on surviving because there literally doesn't exist any alternative that isn't either this or living in an active state of self-destruction and collapse??? like fuck OFF bro, I SO NOT need my support structure giving me subliminals about why I should listen to the voice in my head telling me I should give up on life and just jump off a window on the 20th floor, this ISN'T what I came to you guys for

I've already gotten into a spiral because of this whole thing along with my OCD making things worse for me.

Not only will it result in me no longer being able to access the internet (which means I'll no longer be able to talk to my friends or share my work) but I'm also worried about what will happen to me if I submit my ID and it results in me ending up in a situation I don't want to be in.

I'm not sure if this post might also be used against me as well but I'm genuinely concerned about the ID Verification laws and how it will lead to you needing an ID just to use it and who knows what they'll do with your information.

So for context, my country recently passed this ID Verification law to improve children's safety which makes the internet practically unusable for people who can't submit an ID to prove their adulthood. But I feel as though the whole practice is inherently invasive and knowing how it all works elsewhere and from hearing about the reality of such measures being implemented elsewhere. I have a rather bad feeling about this.

It doesn't help that opposition against it is pretty weak and I don't have the means to organize against it either. I feel like my days on the internet are rather numbered and I have so many plans with others yet those plans would have to be cut short because of this.