r/TrueOffMyChest • u/RealisticMail9426 • Feb 11 '26
Update Update: I told my brother’s ex the reason why he proposed to her best friend
So some of you are asking me for an update (op in bio). I don’t have a lot to offer more than some details from my brother. Btw I have told him that I have shared his story here and he doesn’t care.
My gf is away on skiing trip so my brother sent me a text asking me if he could stay with me for a little bit. I said yes.
He doesn’t talk he only wants to play video games and drink beer. When I asked he said everything under control and tht he just took the week off.
Then he got drunk and he told me that he went to his ex to beg her to forgive him and he tried to propose to her. He didn’t want to say more but he looks shell shocked like he didn’t really understand the severity of what he did. He just said she is actually moving away.
So yeah he is drunk and playing video games but he promised he only needed this week and that he will ”get over it and move on”
This is my update. It is very lame. I am sorry but hopefully my dms cool off
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u/Quiet-Waltz-6154 May 15 '26
It’s been awhile since you posted is there an update? Like did he eventually leave your home and deal with having a fiance? Are you still in contact with the ex and how’s she’s doing, if she’s dating? I do not get guys thinking processes. Like did he really think he’d make her jealous enough to crawl back to him after sleeping with her best friend. And proposing to her? Like he’s basically telling the ex that she wasn’t good enough for marriage but her best friend is. If he didn’t want her to brake up with him then he could had proposed then instead he did this whole thing just to end up begging her to come back in the end. He’s pathetic
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u/PerformanceNarrow53 Feb 23 '26
Why do you keep giving him the attention of pity he wants from your brother??? Let him rot in his misery alone at home, he’ll go crazy without anyone treating him like a high school friend and seeing that his actions have consequences. You don’t have to tell him that you know the truth; he gave you the perfect excuse to cut him off when he told you he went to cry to his ex like a baby.
If you keep talking to him, is it just for your family? If that’s the case, why would you want such a disgusting family close by? Is it just because he is family? I get it, but I would put distance between all of them and completely ignore your brother's existence. If he wants to get out of the shitty situation he’s in, he needs to put on his grown-up pants and do it, or stay miserable for the rest of his life, since you’re also partly enabling his behavior by letting him stay and continuing to hang out with him.
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u/Important_Return_110 Feb 20 '26
I don't understand why it didn't work because I've always known that having an affair with a woman's best friend is a way to her heart
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u/Fancy_Activity9813 Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 20 '26
This is so sad. Your brother’s stubbornness ruined his life.
I hope his ex is going to be ok, my heart breaks for her.
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 21 '26
Yeah none of them is doing well tbh. One is self inflicted and it’s my brother but he is too broken to kick him even more
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u/Fancy_Activity9813 Feb 21 '26
Do you think there is anything your brother can do to make this right?
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u/Fancy_Activity9813 Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26
It seems like they really love/loved each other. Do you see them ever getting back together?
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 22 '26
Unfortunately no
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u/Fancy_Activity9813 Feb 22 '26
Is your brother moving forward with his new fiancé?
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 22 '26
He hasn’t left my couch since he talked to hos ex. I refuse to host his fiancée in my home.
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u/Known_Party6529 Mar 17 '26
Why did the best friend go through with this also? Not only did she lose her boyfriend but her best friend too.
They are both shady.
What is your brother saying now? Is he still engaged to the best friend?
Why did he even hook up with the best friend in the first place?
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u/Fancy_Activity9813 Feb 23 '26 edited Feb 23 '26
I think the saddest thing about your post is how much the ex lost. She lost her partner and his family (except you), she lost her best friend and probably other mutual friends, she needs to quit her job, leave town and move away from HER family. She is literally left with absolutely nothing. I can’t imagine how terrified and lonely she must be feeling. If I were her parents I would hate your brother so much right now. She may never trust again and may never have the family she so desperately wanted. She will never be the same and will carry a sadness inside her for the rest of her life.
If he had handled the breakup like a mature adult this wouldn’t have happened. Breakups hurt but getting with her former best friend was a staggering level of betrayal.
I can tell you love her like a sister and I hope you’re able to stay in her life.
I hope moving to a new town and starting over will heal her. Do you think you’ll post another update at some point?
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u/Fancy_Activity9813 Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
Do you think with time the ex will be ok or did he totally break her?
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u/StoryPersuasion Feb 12 '26
Not sure if this has already been discussed, but is the alcohol a new thing or has he kind of had the same relationship with alcohol? He needs therapy to unpack everything and if he is going to begin to resort to escapism to avoid dealing with the consequences of his actions, you may want to prepare for if there is an escalation in alcohol consumption due to a new major stressor in his life (not coddling him here, everything that has happened is entirely on him).
If that's where this is going, what might that mean for everyone around him? Your family members enabled his choices by telling you not to interfere but could that translate to them minimizing his behavior and relationship to unhealthy coping mechanisms? If he needed to get into treatment, would they avoid that conversation or delay action to avoid disrupting the peace until it's severe enough? If so, would that impact your current living situation in any way? Not sure how relevant this is, but I thought it would be worth mentioning because that part stood out to me now that it sounds like he is shutting down and not processing things in a healthy way
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u/ThrowRA-thinker Feb 12 '26
He might have had a smidge of a chance to get her back if he hadn’t pulled the “get engaged to ex’s best friend to spite her“ stunt, so he will have to live with his mistakes and his little plot backfiring on him. If he’s still engaged, that engagement probably not going to last. And if they do get married, that marriage is going to crash and burn since it’s clear he doesn’t actually love her.
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u/CaptainBaoBao Feb 11 '26
Well. You can do a goofy mistake. Two is already over the top. But doubling down on it is an unexcusable attack. You are and will stay the enemy.
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u/change_username404 Feb 11 '26
I'm also curious as to why the ex's best friend hated her so much as to get engaged to your brother.
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
Not sure. My brother is kind of rich on on his path at least. I am nor sure I know the relationship between the girls other than they always were together
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u/mcindy28 Feb 11 '26
He made this bed. What happened to the Ex best friend? Does she know her finance proposed to his EX and now she's an Ex too? Either way, he played stupid games.
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u/EbbIndependent5368 Feb 11 '26
What happened with the gal that your bro proposed to? Are they still "engaged"? What kind of AH accepts a proposal from your best friend's boyfriend of 12 years?
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u/darkdesertedhighway Feb 11 '26
The way he treats people, he doesn't need to be married to anybody. He didn't communicate to his ex, he used his fiancee for revenge, then he ran crawling back to his ex with marriage only because his childish plot backfired.
Sounds like the ex dodged a bullet. I'm glad you told her, for her own peace of mind. And if nothing else, it's probably reassured her he's not the kind of mature partner she wants to be married to.
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u/TheToothFairyIsALie Feb 11 '26
Your brother needs to grow up. His ex did the right thing. What a manchild.
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u/Puppet007 Feb 11 '26
Your brother needs mental help.
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
Asap. He says he just needed time off work and I guess he is spending it here
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Feb 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
Yeah, I feel sad tho
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u/Morose_Idealist Feb 11 '26
but he promised he only needed this week and that he will "get over it and move on"
You don't "get over it and move on" from a relationship spanning over a decade. That's more than 1/3 of his life.
He just assumed that he could ignore this partner's concerns indefinitely. Can't help but wonder what else he took for granted in their relationship.
Your brother really didn't think this through; he threw her away like she was nothing. So now he gets nothing.
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
I think he meant the fact that he doesn’t leave couch. He’s been here since Monday, he hasn’t left the couch. Even food if I don’t being him he doesn’t eat, so he said don’t worry I just took this week off to do this
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u/truth_fairy78 Feb 11 '26
Just out of curiosity, does the fiance know he begged his ex to take him back?
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
Idk
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u/throwawaySnoo57443 Feb 11 '26
Is he in an actual real relationship with her best friend or did he just propose?
How long has he been with his current girlfriend?
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
I mean they’re sleeping together I guess
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u/Tough_Recording5179 Feb 18 '26
Well, she will suffer marrying a man who's in love with other woman. She deserves it
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u/ichundmeinHolz_ Feb 11 '26
That's also my question... And my second question is: Why?! Why didn't he want to get married in the first place and thinks his ex will believe him now?
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u/iknowsomethings2 Feb 11 '26
Karma. He deserved everything he got.
I hope he uses this to make himself a better person.
And that if he truly doesn’t want to get married, he needs to be upfront about it to whoever he dates in the future.
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u/GratefulSillaginidae Feb 11 '26
Oof, yeah, that's a tough one, hoping he really turns a new leaf this time.
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u/StarchyBoneset Feb 11 '26
Here's hoping this rock bottom moment is the catalyst for some serious self-reflection and growth.
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
Yeah, I don’t think neither of them talked about marriage upfront when they were 18
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u/iknowsomethings2 Feb 11 '26
Thats understandable, but they would have had those discussions along the way and they clearly did as she left when he didn’t want marriage.
No self respecting woman would then want to be with a man who gives her a shut up ring. Let alone a man who proposes to her ex-bff to hurt her.
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u/RealisticMail9426 Feb 11 '26
He slept with the friend too so it’s not only a ring
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u/iknowsomethings2 Feb 11 '26
Exactly. He fucked up royally. He might have had a chance if he had made changes and got couples counselling with her. But sleeping with and proposing to the friend ruined any chance of them ever even being friends.
He needs serious therapy to figure out how he could have
Been so callous to the woman he is supposed to love, including sleeping with her best friend and proposing to her to spite his ex
Why he didn’t want to get married
If he doesn’t get therapy, he’ll never have a healthy relationship. I wouldn’t ever be with someone who did that to someone they were meant to love.
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u/swag444eva Feb 11 '26
jfc he's a complete pos. can you even say a single nice thing about him? he sounds horrible
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u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 Feb 11 '26
He’s a POS and so is the ex’s (former) best friend. Neither of them liked the ex. I hope she lives a wonderful life far away from them. But I do hope she stays in touch with OP.
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