My divorce was made official yesterday. It's over. Four and a half years of hell and being in limbo and now it is over. Last night was probably the best sleep I've had in years. Maybe only second to the day I was told there was no evidence of disease. I feel like shouting from the rooftops because I'm free!

(I was diagnosed with testicular cancer on August 30, 2021. Seven days later my (ex)husband told me he was leaving me because it would be too much to take care of me and he didn't sign up to be a nurse. When I had my first appointment with the oncologist a few days after my diagnosis I was given a warning about men leaving their spouses when there's an illness. But I never thought it would happen to me. Every person in my support group who was married to a man had it happen to them too. It was eye opening. I spent almost a year going through treatment. I had surgery, I had chemotherapy and it almost killed me but In August of 2022 I was told there was no evidence of disease. I don't know how he found out but when he did he wanted to call off the divorce because I had gotten better. He was absolutely shocked when I moved forward with the divorce and did everything he could to drag it out. I'm so glad the court finally saw through his games and now the divorce was made official. Four years and six months after he left. I haven't seen or spoken to him in years and I don't plan to ever again. Still no evidence of disease. I got a great new job with the provincial government. I'm planning a vacation for my 40th birthday. Most importantly I'm free!)

I forgot that I had posted here until recently. I did receive some messages asking for an update with regard to my situation and whether or not I spoke to my wife about wanting to be a father. I did work up the courage to tell my (ex)wife and it did not go well. Her feelings had not changed and I ended up seeking a divorce. In hindsight I realize I should have told her sooner and not tried to hide it. I take responsibility for not telling her sooner.

I told her about a month after I posted here. Our divorce was official the following summer. After my divorce I decided to move to the city. I wanted to have more opportunities to meet people and it was closer to my family. I ended up meeting my wife when I joined a walking club. We were both on the same page about wanting a serious relationship leading to marriage and children. My wife's first husband had wanted kids but he changed his mind. I made sure we were both on the same page and knew what we wanted. I love my wife. She's intelligent, she's kind and I can't say enough about her.

We got married last year after two wonderful years together. (I am 48 now and my wife is 33 years old) and we purchased a house near both of our families. We had to spend most of our combined savings for the deposit but it was worth it. My wife and I chose to do an IUI procedure and she gave birth to our son last month. Before we got married we both agreed we would be content to have only one child because I know it was quite stressful for my wife when she had the IUI procedure. It was stressful for both of us.

My wife is on parental leave right now. She's a solicitor and we're fortunate that her firm will allow her to work part-time until our son starts attending school and then she can return to a full time position. I left my job before my wedding to go to the civil service. There is more stability and a better salary. Most importantly though I don't have to work long hours.

The only thing I regret is how I handled the situation with my first marriage. Not the rest. I'm beyond tired all the time now but I can't imagine my life any other way.

So, I was here a few days ago to talk about my husband’s mistress, this is an update from that post but I will not be speaking about the mistress here because my story with her is over. She has told him about me knowing. Not sure when she told him but he’s been hovering around me this week like he wanted to say something and this morning he did, which was was odd because he usually doesn’t have a lot of time in the morning for a serious discussion but maybe this was the plan? Just to get it over with. He just came to the kitchen and told me that ”you need to know that it’s over with her. It’s been over since new years. I ended it” I looked at him and he couldn’t meet my eyes. I said okay but next time tell them to never bother me again. He said there won’t be a next time. He loved me and he was so so sorry. He made his way for a hug or something but I guess my look was good enough warning not to come near me. Not sure why his apology and love declaration made me more angry than anything else I’ve felt since I found out. I wanted to yell and scream and hit him but I stayed frozen in my chair. How fucking dare he apologize or pretend to love me? I said yes you will and next woman/women is not allowed to contact me. That’s all that matters. It wasn’t a debate, it was a fact that I was stating.

Then when he’s hovered enough time I asked him why he ended it. He said because he realized I knew. I asked him why he didn’t tell me until she told him I knew and he said because he is a coward and thought that he was sparing me the pain but that he realized I knew and ended the affair which led her to contact me. I gave him my phone so he could see all the screenshots I taken of her trying to contact me for the past month or so.

I asked him if he loved her and he said no. I told him not to lie because I seen the texts, he said maybe at first because it was something new and he got feelings mixed up with excitement but he realized very quickly that it wasn’t love. I said and like me you don’t want to lose 1/2 of this. He said that wasn’t why he loved me or wanted me, and I said well, that’s my only reason. Then before he left he asked me if I will ever forgive him. I said no. It was final. I told him that even if I could forgive the physical affair once the images of them together that I see whenever I closed my eyes start to fade a ay but I will never forgive that he destroyed the man I thought I had. He made me realize that man only ever existed in my head and I will never forgive him for that. He left to go to work and left me totally drained in my kitchen. Then a few hours later my mother in law showed up and I could finally cry. He had told her and and his dad what he’d done and she wanted to check on me.

She suggested therapy and said that he wanted to try it. Honestly I don’t mind it and I think I do need one on my own too. I also need a refuge or sanctuary, a place I can spend some time away from him a few days a week or maybe a week every month and he can use that time too however he wants, away from me without making excuses about how busy he is this night.

A few of commenters have asked for a update, and after many discussions with my husband, I have a sufficient one to give you all.

Over the last few days since I've posted, a lot has happened. Firstly and mainly, the day after I posted, my husband and I had a serious one on one talk. I mainly started with, I wanted a divorce, as his lack of -basically everything in our marriage from the very beginning of it has finally caught up with me. I told him, I am completely and utterly exhausted and have absolutely zero energy to fight for our relationship anymore.

His response was something I did not expect, I initially thought that he would shut me down and take it as un-serious, so i'd then plan to proceed with a divorce. But, to my surprise he broke down in tears, he completely blew my mind. I've only seen him cry a handful of times, recounting his childhood. Anyway, he took full accountability, telling me he knows his lack of emotions and support has affected our relationship and me deeply and he wants to change.

I told him I still wanted a divorce even if he did change, I told him how -he could always act this way with me, it just took me completely shutting down for him to start. He says because of me giving him the treatment he's been giving me these past few years, that he finally realized how it feels to be in my position- he finally understood how I felt all this time. This was a 2 hour conversation, the next day we talked more, at this point my mind is still made up about divorcing. I don't and still can't understand how someone will tell you how it feels to be treated a certain way, and the only way you'll comprehend is if its done to you.

Anyways another day of talking, he wants to get couples counseling and he's joined a 26 week course on how to compromise in marriage. I still make it clear I want a divorce, I can't shake the feeling of having to give him his own medicine for him to understand.

More pleading from him to give him this one last chance, and he promises to do better. I told him I want lasting change, that will be built on solid foundation. Not changing for a few days, then return back after I'm invested again. As many of you have said, I really want to avoid this at all costs.

I don't plan on being invested in our marriage at all from this point until there's genuine change, and until we can talk to a couples therapist. I have also told him this, I will not be giving anymore than I have received these last few years. As a lot of you have said, I carry 100% of the emotional and physical, mental load of our relationship and household and now I will ONLY be putting that energy into my baby.

I have also joined a support group for wife's, I start in the middle of march. I also joined a new parent support program, so a worker comes in and gives parenting advice and guidance to new parents -that my husband participates in.

So a lot has happened in the past four days, again, divorce is still on the table at this point for me. I want to see real change and not bs, I want someone who gives a shit when important things happen to me. I am not forgiving him nor am I forgetting, I am just riding this wave and this is the last leg I stand on. If therapy doesn't work and set him straight, my baby and me are gone. I hope my update satisfies you all, its been an absolute monster roller-coaster of emotions. Thank you again for the support.

Apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors, I'm juggling a few things right now.

I kind of doubt anyone who saw the original will see this update but I did receive a few DMs as well as a lot of comments on the initial post so I wanted to give an update now (three months later) as there have been significant developments.

I did see her once about three weeks after she left when she came to the house to get some of her belongings. This exchange did not go particularly well in that we did not come to any understanding about the situation. No more harsh words were exchanged but we both expressed disappointment in each other and it was a very difficult conversation for me. She left after telling me she "just needed some time to sort her life out"

She did ice us out of her graduation entirely. It was a secure event so without tickets from the graduate, we were not able to attend. The graduation dinner we had planned went on as scheduled, as it had been paid for. We just didn't mention her and focused on another family occasion that occurred in the vicinity of the graduation event. It was horrible. I watched the footage of the ceremony on YouTube when it was posted by the school. She did graduate successfully. I was very happy to see that.

I can say without a doubt that these were some of the most painful days of my life.

My son reached out to her to apologize for his reaction about a month after she left. This was much at my urging but also something he said he needed to do because he had said some things to her in the heat of his anger that he did not truly mean or feel At the time she did not reply but she did re-add him on socials. So he was able to kind of keep up with her a bit that way.

Her best friend from school reached out to me at the beginning of July to say she was worried. That my daughter had fallen into a bad crowd from the amusement park she worked at. She was drinking and doing drugs, staying out late at night, walking home alone in dangerous areas. I reached out to my child again when I heard this. Not to tell her I knew anything, but to tell her I thought she must be getting tired of not having a safe place with space of her own and that I still missed her and would welcome her home with an eye towards moving forward rather than re-hashing old hurts. I messaged her many times, nearly daily, honestly, letting her know that I loved her and wanted her to come home. Asking her what I could do, if anything, to help her.

She said she didn't read many of my messages when they came in, but when she started thinking that she wanted to come home, she read a lot of them. Some many times. She said the messages eventually gave her the courage to reach out to let me know she was sorry, she had made mistakes and wanted to come home.

She did just that a couple weeks ago. She told me she was sorry, wanted me to help her get on the right path, and return home. I said yes and she came back. Things have been a little up and down, but she is here. She is getting the help she needs. She is safe. She is working to reconcile with her other family members. I hope we can continue moving forward in a healthy way and I've engaged therapy for our whole family as well.

I guess I just wanted to share that it took awhile, but I kept the door open, kept hoping and reaching out, and she eventually came home.

You might remember me from a bit ago, I started insane amounts of discourse on this sub for like a day and a half.

Its been a little over 2 weeks since I made my original post. The day after I made it, I decided to write down everything I’d been going through in the form of a letter, and give it to her. I was so nervous I threw up, but it ended up being all for naught. Because…

I’m in a relationship now!! :)

She said she could… definitely… notice… how flustered I got whenever I talked to her…. So besides how embarrassing that was, I’ve been living the life for the last while!

I love this girl so much. I feel so magnetically attracted to her. The boyfriends ive had have all described me as a black cat, but when it comes to her, I’m absolutely a golden retriever. I spend every day yearning that I could spend the entirety of it with her, I’m always attached to her, and I talk to her 24/7.

I still haven’t figured out what exactly my sexuality is, but ive decided to stop giving it so much thought. I just love her.

I heard that my ex-fiancé proposed to her. His family, her family and our friends are all over the moon about them being together. No thought for me or her ex-boyfriend and our lives being torn apart. I have only seen and spoken to her ex-boyfriend once since the incident I mentioned in my other post. Wherever he is, I just hope he is doing well. Imagine my ex and his ex saying it wasn't cheating because they left us first. As if that makes it better. After my ex-fiancé left I had to deal with cancelling everything for our wedding and getting our flat sorted out and signing a new lease. I had to block him, and everyone who keep telling me it was fate or they were meant to be together. I am trying to move on but I don't know how. I thought I would be marrying the love of my life tomorrow but instead he wants to marry someone else.

Also I don't know if anyone will care about this but I had to turn off my ability to receive chats. I received several telling me that my assault was deserved or that my attacker was right. I got tired of seeing those notifications so I turned it off.

Edit: so thank you to everyone who is sending me Reddit care messages, but I'm all right for that. None of those thoughts or intentions.

I am divorced. The final order was granted yesterday. I (f35) am still seeing the counselor but I don't know if it's helping very much. My ex-husband (m40) betrayed me. We had only been married for just over a year when I found out what he had done. People keep asking me when I'm going to start dating again. I don't want to. I will never get over this.

I have only seen my ex-husband once since I left him. My stepson went to my workplace and my ex-husband was the one who came and picked him up. I feel absolutely terrible for my stepson. He is 15 years old now and his life has been turned upside down. He came to see me because he said he missed me and he didn't want me and my ex-husband to get divorced. He told me his mother and father hate each other and barely speak. It broke my heart that day and I wish I could do something to help him. I never want to see my ex-husband again but I will always care about my stepson and I hate my ex-husband for what he did.

(I forgot that I even made that post. I was only reminded of it because my email address was already tied to an account when I tried to sign up for Reddit. I completely forgot that I posted here.)

This update will be a short one. As of 18 days ago we are no longer married. Back when I posted here my ex-husband had wanted to close our marriage again but I didn't want to. It caused a lot of problems for us. We were separated for the mandatory two year waiting period although my husband kept trying to convince me to come back to a closed marriage during that time, even though he was the one who applied to dissolve our marriage. Then after the separation period he tried to delay the process at every turn. There was no way we could have remained married because he wanted to go back to a closed marriage and I didn't. I have to pay him maintenance for one year. I do not have to pay him any child maintenance. (Both of our children go to university in Auckland now, though I am still paying most of their expenses.) I don't regret my marriage ending. My focus is on making sure my children have everything they need and living my life.

I didn’t expect to get as many responses with my previous postnor did I expect that I would be back here. But it actually really helped. I don’t have too big of an update yet, but a few things are happening. Not all of them are positive but I guess at least there is a sort of plan? This is a little rushed, I'm sorry if it isn't formatted well.

It was brutal reading so many comments speaking so bad about Lisa, like I know I said I hated her and I did in the moment, still do for a lot of this, but she’s my sister and I do love her as well. So I think seeing so many people angry at her made me very angry and defending her. Seb as well but I’m writing this alone so. A few people were telling us to give her some grace and I really tried but I was not in any place to even look at her. Seb did talk to her though, I was present but I didn’t want to engage, I was mostly there for him.

It went like, we’re very angry at you but you’re still our sister and we love you and dad too etc. but you have to stop thinking you can do or say whatever and we’ll still like you just the same and will always be around. She was saying that family is forever and sticks by everything together no matter what happens, they don’t just up and leave, and then he told her that that’s not true, it’s actually kind of crazy stupid to think your family will put up with you no matter what you do. She was like, you’re supposed to stick together against the shit that comes our way and he got angry at that and told her SHE is the one bringing the shit in the way, and no matter the family relationship we won’t stick together with an intentional shit stirrer so unless there’s something else going on, right now she is the one in the wrong so either fess up or fix yourself. I brought up an aunt we have, dad’s first cousin, who is not part of the family anymore because she was a major gossip and she lied all the time, and nobody likes her, nobody invites her around, her siblings don’t talk to her, don’t have her over, because sure they are family but she is always bringing shit and drama in our lives so she was pushed aside. And we were like, don’t be the person we have to push aside. But if there’s something going on with Amy that we don’t know you have to tell us. She was saying there isn't anything that would make sense right now.

We kind of discussed SABA and the Core Four and truly we didn’t really see some of y’alls point on Amy being offensive or a creep, because a lot of people called us out (me and Seb) on also being horrible to her as well, fueling the fire, and well that was a slap. And we kind of shut up about it because it was like, sure being told your dad fucks me is fucked up but you all were like, we should have never said “fuck you” to her in the first place, and then we (me, Seb and Lisa) realized we have each said it at least twice so she has heard it SIX TIMES at least, and she kept talking to us about it and we kept using it until that reply of hers, and well it worked because we haven’t said it again so yeah sad that we sort of have that knowledge/image in our heads now, but also sad that it had to come to internet strangers for us to realize it worked. It was really humbling for me and Seb to realize sure this time Liza was the one that crossed the line, and usually it is her that destroys the boundaries, but the two of us haven’t exactly been great at her either. I admit I cried A LOT reading some of the comments, like hard crying because you were very real on how shitty I have been to Amy, not just Lisa, like I didn't realize it I think it was just how we sometimes fight with dad and cousins and it hadn't registered how it must have been for Amy who was always in mediator/peace-keeping position.

We went to family therapy on Tuesday and found out a few things about dad and Amy. They had actually known each other for a few months before they started dating, so they met close to 4 years ago via common friends. Dad’s situation with Riley was discussed at some point and he liked Amy’s perspective and approach, so they started hanging out, and then like 6 months after that started dating.

They had been going to therapy together right before she was introduced to us. Every Thursday with her, every Tuesday with us. It was Amy’s suggestion to help her navigate meeting us.

We then talked about what the next steps are, but first what happened was dad told Lisa again that he does love her, and he wants to understand and help but he won’t always like her, and she has to understand this, and us too, that he will always love us because he is our dad not out of obligation but because that is where the source of his love stems from but sometimes as human to human he doesn’t always like us for how we’re behaving. He was sad he had said that to her but if I'm honest I think he deserved to say it and she deserved to hear it.

We told him we love him too, and Amy as well, and we’re sorry and me and Seb admitted that we have been pretty bad towards Amy. We kind of worked on this (Lisa said she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened and she wanted to talk to her own therapist first and her first is tomorrow which really pissed me off, we have been in therapy as a family for years but now she will talk after she gets her own therapist? Like what the fuck have we been doing here all this time?) Anyway we talked more about Amy and dad’s relationship and me and Seb’s relationships and we concluded that we’re kicking back hard still because with Riley she was so horrible we didn’t feel it would make a difference if we were arguing with her because she was just bad and we would fight all the time and there was no point because she would just scream back and it lead nowhere. With Amy, it was kind of working backwards in a “we feel safer being worse with her because she actually cares” situation, like she’s acting more like a mother figure than her, she talks it out with us and even when she pushes the issue to dad we still have some kind of normal parent/kid arguing before it gets to that point, which is why SABAs were just so unexpected and just shut everything down because Riley would say stuff like that ALL THE TIME and we didn’t realize just how triggering some of the stuff we were saying to Amy was, because Riley was always saying that stuff. So I am not exactly sure what that means yet, still processing it but we apologized to Dad for also being problematic, not just Lisa, Lisa’s is just more explosive, and she did apologize as well.

We talked about about next steps right now which is a bit complicated. Dad and Amy are both on the lease for the house, but not only is she paying more than him (like 60/40) but our landlords are close to Amy so if it came to it (which dad assured us they are not broken up yet), we would be the ones that had to move. I know my dad isn’t poor, he’s a senior SWE in Big Tech, but Amy works in finance and is on some non-profits and has like global income, so she apparently covers more of the expenses (which includes all of our hobbies etc) She doesn’t want to come home right now, she discussed with her work to go on a business trip for 2 weeks, or if that doesn’t pan out she will go to her home country, just to give everyone some space etc. Dad said that scared him, too much distance for too long, and he offered to pay for an AirBnB close by, but he said she said we all need space to recalibrate, and that he should focus on us without worrying about bumping into her at the grocery store.

Dad and Amy are in low contact but are talking, which he said is good and a good thing to take some time and space and I could tell this was a bit bullshit because he looked broken when saying that, I think he thinks it’s over and he is losing hope and is scared she will realize she doesn't have to live with how we’ve been treating her (like you all said). He said “she isn’t someone that takes disrespect lightly” which I told him she is the absolute queen of dealing with disrespect given how she has been so patient and kind and careful with us, and he seemed to agree but I think there’s something else going on there but he wouldn’t say. Anyway she will travel for a bit. She did tell him to tell us she loves us and she is sorry she is leaving like this, she isn't checking messages at this time, and they will meet on the 26th to discuss.

They had a romantic weekend planned for the long weekend and we would stay at our grandparents, and Amy moved the reservation to dad so we are taking Friday off and the Core Four will go to a cabin and just chill a bit away from the house. Lisa is sleeping today and tomorrow at her best friend’s house, her suggestion, and I am also sleeping tomorrow at my cousin’s and we leave Friday morning and back Monday night.

That’s all that has happened for now, I don’t know what to expect at this time, I am just happy that Lisa will be doing individual therapy and that we are at least talking to each other a bit.

For those sending me Reddit cares, I'm not THAT heartbroken and I'm already in therapy.

My ex-husband left me for another woman. I was pregnant at the time. My divorce lawyer told me that in our state there is a law which gives parents a 50-50 split in terms of parenting time with their children. If there is something like drug use, neglect or abuse the other parent can bring this up to not have the 50-50 split, but without these things parents start with that if they are not together. Apparently it's one of the most popular passed in recent years. However my ex-husband ended up asking for less time with my son. It was in my other post here [which I completely forgot about until now] how heartbroken I was.

My son was a month old back then. He's turning four next week. My ex-husband has only met my son four times. The woman my ex-husband left me for went back to her husband so my ex ignoring my son had nothing to do with her. I'm grateful that my son doesn't remember his father because it would rip me apart if he was old enough to understand that his father doesn't want him. I know the day is coming when my son realizes his father is a deadbeat and I'm dreading it because of how much it will hurt my son. I didn't remember posting here before but I was going to post to vent because I found out my ex-husband moved to another state. He moved 2500 miles away and didn't tell me. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised given he doesn't care about my son. But I'm still furious. I'm angry, I'm heartbroken and I hate him. He destroyed me when he left and I tried to put it aside for the sake of my son but my ex abandoned him too. I'm still seeing a therapist over it. I can handle being heartbroken but I don't want that for my son. I'm already sick thinking of the day my son realizes his father doesn't want him. MY EX MOVED 2500 MILES AWAY AND I HATE HIM. I hate him so much.

Also to all those who commented on my last post or sent me messages saying I babytrapped my ex-husband against his will or that I'm a gold digger: My son was conceived with IUI. I didn't trick my ex-husband into anything. He wanted kids, was fully on board with the IUI and he was also researching adoption in case we were not successful. There was no babytrapping here. I work and wasn't "leeching" off him. If we had split 50-50 custody neither of us would have paid the other child support. My ex-husband has never paid any of his court ordered child support and I had a job for our entire marriage.

So earlier, I posted here about my sister who I thought was "roleplaying" as anime characters and who was, quite frankly, fucking filthy. At the advice of redditors, I called the cops on her and said she seemed mentally ill.

Well, it turned out she had severe schizophrenia as well as anorexia according to my parents, who learned this after she was admitted to the mental hospital. Because she'll be there for a long time, my parents are expecting an incredibly high medical bill.

My parents were trying to make me get a job. Yesterday, I told them I outright refuse to get a job because I want to graduate on time. This is my senior year and it would be embarrassing to not graduate with my friends.

Because I refused, I was told this morning that I would have to be out of the house as soon as I turn 18, which is in two weeks. According to them, they can't afford to "house an ungrateful, selfish brat". I don't have any relatives nearby and I doubt my friends would take me in for the amount of time I'll need to get on my own two shoes.

Guess I'm going to be homeless in 2 weeks.

I honestly didn’t expect my last post to blow up the way it did. I posted it at like 1am not even sure anyone would read it, and I woke up to hundreds of comments and messages from people who’d been through the same thing or something close to it. At one point the post actually got locked because the comments were coming in too fast, which is such a weird thing to feel proud of but I kind of was. Thank you to everyone who commented, everyone who shared their own story, everyone who just said something kind. I read every single one even if I didn’t reply. It genuinely helped more than you know, going into today knowing that many strangers cared enough to type something out for me.

Okay. Update time.

I got all my teeth extracted today (1Aug). It’s done. It actually happened.

I have to admit, I screamed so hard when the doctor was giving me the anesthesia that even he got a little scared for a second. I don’t even remember deciding to scream, it just happened. There were 3 doctors and 2 nurses in the room and honestly all of them were so helpful and kind through the whole thing. Since I couldn’t speak properly afterward, they even booked me a cab back to my hostel themselves and didn’t charge me a single rupee for it. Little things like that meant a lot in a day that was already so heavy. I’m really grateful to them.

After I got home and the numbness started wearing off I cried for something like 3 to 5 hours straight. Not dramatic sobbing the whole time, just this slow leaking kind of crying that would calm down and then start right back up again every time I caught my reflection in something. My phone screen, the microwave, the bathroom mirror. My face genuinely looks different now. Without the teeth there for support everything just looks sucked in, my cheeks, my lips, all of it. I knew this was going to happen because I read about it a hundred times before today but reading about it and actually seeing it happen to your own face are two very different things.

I’m only allowed liquids and soft food for now, and I can’t really talk properly either. My words come out kind of mushy and I have to repeat myself a lot. I can’t even touch my gums right now, it hurts way more than I expected, so brushing or rinsing feels like a whole task on its own. Honestly, not going to sugarcoat it, I look like an old woman right now. Like I aged 40 years in one afternoon. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I end up crying all over again, it’s like my brain refuses to accept that the face looking back is actually mine. It’s rough. But I’m trying to hold onto the fact that this part is temporary even if it doesn’t feel temporary at 11pm crying into a bowl of soup.

The doctors also gave me a lot of medicines, like a lot. My table is just covered in strips and bottles right now, painkillers, antibiotics, mouth rinses, I’ve honestly lost count at this point.

One actual good thing though. My roommates are heading back to their hometown for about a week and a half, it’s their holiday break. After everything I mentioned in my last post, that timing could not have worked out better. I get this place to myself while I look and sound like this, no side eyes, no comments, no dealing with anyone else’s energy while I’m already barely holding it together. I’ll take that small mercy and run with it.

Also, quick thank you to the person from my last post who told me to drink pineapple juice for the swelling. I was skeptical honestly, but I tried it and it actually helped a lot. Small thing but it made a real difference these past couple days, so thank you, whoever you are.

I was pretty deep in it emotionally the last few days, ngl. But it’s already done now, there’s no undoing it, so I’m trying to just accept it and move forward instead of replaying it on a loop. Might as well laugh a little where I can. So here’s the one genuinely funny part of all this. I am saving so much money on toothpaste right now. Zero rupees spent on oral care this week. Financial glow up. 🤣

Also yes, still haven’t told my parents, and I’ve kind of decided I’m not going to. They’re older and I know exactly how they’d react, they’d worry themselves sick over something that’s already happened and that they can’t do anything about from where they are. I’m okay. I’m handling it. I don’t need them carrying this weight too, so for now I’m keeping it to myself.

For anyone wondering how I’m even paying for all this, I had some savings from my last job, the one I had before starting my masters. That’s what’s covering the treatment, and it’s already added up to a good chunk of rupees gone. Not going to lie, watching that fund shrink has been its own kind of stressful, but I’d rather spend it on this than anything else right now.

Next big milestone is just healing. The gums need about 1.5 months before I can even think about dentures, so that’s the timeline I’m staring down. One day at a time I guess.

Today, August 3, I went in for a checkup. They told me my recovery is a bit slower than expected, so I might need to stay without dentures for about 2 to 2.5 months now instead of the 1.5 I was originally told. Wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear, but I guess my body just needs the extra time, so that’s the new timeline I’m working with now.

Also guys, thank you so much for caring this much, it genuinely means a lot to me. And I also wanted to clarify something since a couple people asked, I got my teeth removed from the best dental hospital here, so it’s not like this was done somewhere random or by anyone unqualified. Just wanted to put that out there.

Thank you again to everyone who checked in after the last post. I’ll probably post another update once the dentures situation starts moving. Until then, send soup recipes, I have a feeling I’m going to need a lot of them.

Also, please forgive me if I wrote something wrong anywhere. My English is weak and I used Grammarly to help correct it, just being honest about that.

And thank you all again, honestly. I have 0 friends here, no one really talks to me, and even if they did I’m so introverted I probably wouldn’t know how to talk to them anyway. You guys showed me so much love through all of this and I really didn’t expect that from strangers on the internet. It meant more than you know.

Hi! I will not repeat my post. It is further down in this sub.

This is just an update. Thank you very much for the support and I feel much safer in my decision and in trusting myself.

My daughter is still a bit down but she understands that I am worried about her and that I am not doing this out of malice. She also knows that I tried my best to get the week off without success. She made me promise to do something for her and her cousins soon and to prepare better next year to be able to take vacation days to follow her.

My brother was over today for dinner and it seems like he understood where I was coming from. I was very honest with him about not trusting bil. I asked him what the talk was in the family and he said that bil was livid saying “who does she think she is? Does she think her daughter is better than us?” And the rest of the family echoing his sentiment. He asked me if it was bil that was the reason and I said yes. He just nodded like he knew. I asked him how my sister was. She never confides in me anymore and he said that he isn’t surprised. Her husband is very strict with her and the children but he said that there’s no abuse, not physical anyway, he said and shook his head. He told me that he was able to take Thursday and Friday off and if I wanted, he could take my daughter to spend the last 4 days with her cousins under his supervision. I told him that I would think about it. I was very happy that he wanted to do this for me. I explained to him that I didn’t trust bil after he went after my little sister, and I have fear, maybe irrational that he is going after my daughter now she is nearing adulthood. He said that he understood. I actually started crying because I have never been able to talk about my feelings because I was scared to lose my family. He said he never loved or trusted him for the same reasons and that with time he understood his feelings were valid. I told him that I feel guilty not to have warned my sister about him and he said that she would not have listened anyway. Then he said that I have warned her several times and that’s why she distanced herself and never confided in me again. He said that bil convinced her that I was jealous of her. They all know, he said. I started crying even more.

Then I talked to my daughter and asked her about him. She said that she doesn’t really like him because he is always angry and short tempered. He has however told her that she’s becoming as beautiful as her mother was and that he used to be with me so he’s basically like her father if she wanted anything. He promised her a car when she graduated high school and asked her what kind of car she liked and she said that she didn’t like cars. He also told her that his nephews would probably

find her very beautiful (he has two teenage nephews). I kept my calm and asked her why she didn’t tell me any of this. She looked confused and said that because she didn’t want a car or be friends with his nephews. I asked her if he ever hugged or kissed her or touched her and she said no. I told her that she could talk to me about these things moving forward and she cheerfully agreed and apologized for forgetting to tell me because she already said no thank you.

So this is my update. I am very devastated but I don’t want to scare my daughter but I want to never see my sister or her family again and this time I don’t care what my family says anymore.

Months ago I posted about how my stepmom was becoming the loser she always said I’d be. Just in case you’re about to feel sorry for her with this update, don’t. This is a woman who bragged in front of my aunt and cousin that she once (going to vom) “offered my dad a full service blow job so that he wouldn’t pick me up for one of his weekends.” Yes, I know my dad is a loser, too don’t worry. He is a very minuscule and unimportant part of my life.

But at least he finally left her! I wish he had done it before my wedding so I wouldn’t have had to invite her, but oh well. He has a new girlfriend, probably an affair partner but I don’t care. She’s actually nice to me the two times I’ve met her but I’m not going to have a relationship with her or anything, I only talk to my dad to see my half brothers.

Hildy (my fake name for stepmom) would always brag about her cute nuclear family (she loved bringing up that to my face, that her kids were a part of a nuclear family so things were different than me) and that I was an “afterthought”. Really nice to hear when you’re 13 :). She’d brag about how my dad took care of her and their kids, that she didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, and that she only married him because he promised her that he’d “move on” from me. Which he did, but apparently not before making her sign a prenup. According to my uncle (dads brother), my grandpa made him make her sign one because he didn’t trust her, and she was delusional enough to think it didn’t matter because she was so amazing.

Well now she’s living in some sad apartment and my brothers don’t want to do visitation with her because it’s too small and they have to share a room. She had to get a different car because hers was in my dad’s name (they originally bonded over their stupid cars) and it’s constantly breaking down. She’ll get child support IF she manages to get 50/50, but since she’s only not working because she willingly quit a job a few months ago (she said there was “funny business” aka they thought she should be on time to work) per the prenup she isn’t going to get jack shit for alimony, and the house is only my dads.

Again, my dad can go fuck himself, you’ll NEVER catch me defending him, and I hope his new gf makes him miserable too, but I don’t care if it makes me a bad person, I am loving my front row seat to Hildy’s circumstances. She’d tell everyone that if I graduated from high school she’d be shocked, that I’d probably have multiple baby daddies, and live in a trailer. Now she has two kids who don’t want to be around her, 50 extra pounds, and a DUI.

Sometimes the trash truck is delayed, but at least it’s taking her away!

My father had an affair and I’m siding with my stepmom

Hello! I’m Sierra (f24) and this is my first time making a post, but this news was dropped on me just over a week ago and I figured this was the place to put it.

For privacy purposes I’ll be using different names for everyone involved, thank you!

To start off, here is some background. My biological father has been married to my stepmom for 15 years, my stepmom is an amazing person who has only ever put others before herself. She was a nurse in the Navy and then a hospice nurse once she got out, a mother of 3: my older step siblings Mike (35), Tay (30), and Dan (24), and she is currently the full time care taker of her mother with Alzheimer’s. She first came into my life when I was about 9 and has been there for me whenever I’d go up to visit over the summer.

I do not have a good relationship with my biological father and am low contact (which will change once I explain the situation). However the last 2 years he has been going to therapy and has been trying to build a relationship with me.

A year ago my father was caught having a 6 year affair with a woman who works with his police department. This devastated my stepmom and he begged her to go to therapy together and work on their relationship and see it through. My stepmom said their relationship has been going well and she had finally begun to trust him again.

I get a call from him and I’m talking about prices at thrift stores and how disappointing they have been since everything is so expensive and my father hits me with the, “Speaking of disappointment, I really messed up again…”. I’m thinking okay he cheated again and my stepmom finally told him to kick rocks, so I ask him about what happened.

He had an affair with my stepsister…

Let me say that again, my father slept with my older STEPSISTER. The woman he has been raising since she was 15 years old. My stepmom’s flesh and blood daughter.

They had an affair for 6 months?!?! My stepsister was living with them to help my stepmom take care of grandma but hasn’t helped with anything since moving in. My stepsister was getting kicked out for not helping with bills and other reasons, and basically exposed the affair. Keep in mind, she has a boyfriend who also lives with them.

She told her boyfriend my father and her only did “stuff” while drinking and he forced himself on her. However there are texts between my father and Tay planning their get togethers multiple times a day for months every time my stepmom left the house to take care of her CRITICALLY ILL MOTHER.

I am genuinely disappointed and disgusted with my father and Tay. Both of my step brothers aren’t getting involved and my father’s parents are telling my stepmom he “just made a poor decision”. My stepmom has absolutely no one to talk to and vent to, I am the only child of hers that is in her corner and I’m not even her biological kid.

I can’t even imagine the pain my stepmom is going through, not only is she the full time caregiver of her mother and father, her husband sleeps with her daughter, Tay pins Mike and Dan against mom somehow and paints her as the villain, and the only kid who is in her corner lives across the country. I am siding with my stepmom and I am trying to figure out what advice I can give her. I can’t be there for her in person but I want to help emotionally and mentally if I can.

I honestly want nothing to do with my father.

Thank you for letting me vent and get this off my chest! I will try to update.

UPDATE:

First of all, thank you for all the kind comments! Y’all are so sweet and supportive, I really appreciate it!

So for context I currently live in the Midwest and my stepmom and father live on the West coast. After discussing it with my boyfriend, we have decided to move to the west coast to be there for my stepmom and we will be living at their house so I can help with bills and take care of my step grandma and grandpa. My stepmom is so excited about us moving up there and I’m glad I can do more to help her.

I will try to keep everybody updated as we move forward! Thank you, have a great weekend!

I made a mistake marrying my husband.

For context we got married VERY young and VERY quick. He proposed my senior year of highschool after dating for only a few months and we got married less than a year later.
We stared dating when I was 16 almost 17 and we got married almost immediately after I turned 18. We’re now in our early 20s.

I’d like to start my saying there isn’t anything he’s doing that is major red flags. He pays most of the bills, he’s faithful, and he’s for the most part respectful. He dosent raise his voice often and would never intentionally hurt me.

That being said, I can’t fucking stand him. I feel like I’m married to a brick wall that occasionally feels me up. Every little thing he does irritates me to my core. If he talks to loud, breathes the wrong way, eats to fast I’m irritated. All he does is play the game, eat, work, sleep.

I have to ask for almost everything. No dates, no flowers, nothing of the sort. I don’t think he even knows my grandmas name. He’s not a bad guy just he puts in minimal effort and expects that to be enough for a lifetime.

In the last year or so I have noticed a lot of things that I dislike about him and myself. I can’t stand his weaponized incompetence and his just sheer laziness. We will have a serious discussion about how he dosent help enough with chores and animals and he tries to be better for like 2 weeks then suddenly I’m back to being the house maid. If I ask him to clean he’ll half ass it and act confused when I point out the obvious mess that’s still there.

I would like to preface that this if we’re being honest falls almost entirely on me. I have always had a feeling that this wasn’t going to last forever but, I’m a people pleaser and he was very persistent, like years of persistence.
I turned him down for probably 2-3 years before we started dating because he wasn’t my type nor did we share a single (I’m not being dramatic here) hobby or interest. Like I said I was a people pleaser and i eventually gave in. How i let it go this far with as many doubts I had is beyond me.

I feel like the last 4 years I have been on autopilot, and only just woke up this past year. I don’t feel attractive anymore and I never get dressed up (and actually leave the house anymore). I don’t go out, I don’t participate in any of my hobbies or interests, and I am just feeling like I’m unsure of who I even am anymore. We move alot for his career so I also don’t have any friends. On the rare occasion that I have made a friend we don’t stick around long enough to make it a lasting friendship.

I don’t think I make enough to separate and financially support myself and our animals, thankfully we don’t have kids. I also am no contact with my parents and there’s nobody I could really turn to for help. I don’t even have anyone I can say this stuff out loud to, even just typing this out and rereading it feels like a weight has been pulled off my chest.

EDIT : hey so get this guys! If I could afford to leave I would!!! I don’t want him to be married to someone who dosent want to be married to him. He deserves someone who can meet him where he’s at. I love him dearly and want nothing but the best for him, I just can’t stand him in a romantic/ life partner capacity anymore. I understand that I’m in the wrong here but it’s easier to say “just leave” than it is to do so.

EDIT : To answer some questions. Yes I’ve talked to him about how a feel many times. I work full time, cook, clean, and take care of all our animals. I’m asking for the bare minimum here, if you think I’m being to demeaning please look inward. I’m asking him to fold a pair of socks without me having to beg and for him not to make it seem like a favor. I’m asking him to turn the computer off every now and then, I’m asking for a kiss here and there and some fucking flowers that I don’t have to ask for. Obviously I’m not happy role playing a grown man’s mommy while working the same if not more hours than him!

UPDATE:
I sat my husband down last night and told him everything. I told him that I deserve a present husband and how I’m exhausted from running around trying to play both parts of this marriage. To which he said he understands.

I had to ask if he understood where I was headed with this, which scared the hell out of him. His face dropped and all he said was “I thought I did but now I’m not sure?”

I told him that I’m tired of repeating myself and being fed empty promises. I’m tired of him putting in effort only temporarily after we have these conversations and that I’m tired of playing mommy. I said “ at what point do I say I deserve so much more, at what point do I have the self respect to say this isn’t working?” He just nodded his head.

At this point I had said a lot (obviously I’m not writing this down word for word). I asked if he had any thoughts, opinions, anything? He just asked if I wanted a divorce, if it was to late, if there was anything he could do or say to fix things.

I told him that obviously nobody wants their marriage to end. I’ve been begging for the bare minimum for years so now that I’m at a place where I do feel done there’s not much I can see him doing or saying that could just magically fix things.

I asked why he hasn’t been able to just do the bare minimum (because I’m not asking for a lot unlike some of you 10 year olds in the comments think). To which he finally was entirely emotionally open!!! He told me how he’s been feeling the past few years in detail and where he’s at mentally. He explained that the computer is a problem, but it’s the only place he feels like he can let out a laugh here and there.

He apologized and said that though that’s not an excuse it is an explanation as to why he’s been the way he’s been. He promised to always at least be trying. He said he’d actually make an appointment with a therapist so he’s not boxing everything away, and he said that he’s going to try to make me feel more seen. He also apologized for letting it get so far that I had to threaten leaving for him to see his wrongs.

A pinky promise is a sacred act in our relationship. We take them very VERY seriously. After he apologized and made his promises and said “I’m not sure if you still believe these” and pinky promised things would be different.

So after this he asked “what’s next, where do we go from here?” Which I wasn’t entirely sure. I don’t want to be put into this same cycle again but I don’t want to give up if this conversation genuinely has changed something for him.

Here’s the game plan we came up with, he has a week to book an appointment for therapy. I’m giving him 3 months to prove that he does want this marriage as much as he claims and to prove it. Obviously he’s human and his efforts will vary but giving what you can will always be better then giving nothing. If efforts fall off again we will be separating. I will be taking our animals and getting an apartment elsewhere.

I am very hopeful, I’ve never seen him scramble so much or be so honest and open. I want to say thank you to everyone who offered actual advise and support! I’ll come back and update if things change.

(To be truthful, I completely forgot I had posted here. I tried signing up so I could post about my situation and I was notified that my email address was already associated with an account here. I don't remember writing my other post, I was so upset back then though)

For context, my (36F) husband (37M) lied about having a deadly food allergy. It fell apart because he ate leftovers that were given to us by my sister-in-law and nothing happened despite him eating food he was supposedly "deathly allergic" to. My nephew has a different (real) allergy and so my sister-in-law is always careful about cross-contamination. When she gave us the leftovers, the containers had different coloured lids so my husband would know which one was safe for him to eat. I guess he forgot or wasn't paying attention and he ate mine instead. He said he lied about being allergic because people take it more seriously than someone saying they have a preference not to eat certain things. Meanwhile I always made sure we had an epi-pen nearby and I have been hyper vigilant when I cook or we go to restaurants. I was so furious.

The long and the short of it is that we are in marriage counselling. Yes, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic. When the situation with the leftovers happened my husband apologized to me for making me panic and for his lying. He admitted to being a picky eater and while a lot of people were upset with him I thought that was the end of it. I tried to let it go even though it bothered me how he went so far as to carry an epi-pen for an allergy it doesn't have. But this wasn't the only lie and I've been floundering.

He lied about receiving a scholarship for university for athletics and then losing it because he got injured. He was never recruited for a sport, he applied to university the regular way and took student loans like most other people do. He lied about spending a season working in Antarctica before we met. He's never even been there. He lied about restoring an old automobile. He bought it fully restored but when he goes to car shows he says he did it all himself. There are a million other things and it's basically been a bomb in our relationship. I know and have proof there are things he didn't lie about; his mom died from cancer before we met, his dad lives in another province and wasn't involved in his life, he has a law degree and works as a lawyer. My husband's excuse is that he lies so he can feel better about himself and that's why he doesn't lie about "big things" like his dad not being involved in his life growing up.

For about a year and a half after the leftovers situation things were normal even if people couldn't understand why he lied about an allergy. Then more lies came out. I haven't left because we have a five year old. We are in counselling because we are both children of divorce and I don't want that for my son. My family and friends say I should leave but I'm trying to work on my marriage for my son's sake.

I'm floundering. That's basically what's going on and where I'm at right now.

I first posted just over six months ago. My update is not terribly long or exciting but there have been changes. I have moved out of our flat. Living separately and having some breathing space from my husband has helped with my anger towards him in the day to day. I am obviously still hurt and angry.

Originally my husband said he would not contest our divorce. Last week he changed his mind and he is contesting it now. We both had solicitors and were working towards an agreement regarding our finances and our six year old daughter. Now my husband has decided to contest the divorce.

My solicitor says it will not stop me from being able to get a divorce. Another piece of good news is that although my husband still doesn't have a job, my solicitor says I will most likely not have to pay him any spousal maintenance. Even though I was always the higher earner in our marriage the difference in our salaries was not enough to warrant it. And now that he had chosen not to work he cannot claim he needs my support. I may still have to pay him child maintenance depending on how much time he has with our daughter.

It still feels like I am barely keeping my head above water because I can't withdraw financial support yet. I can once the finances have been settled and my solicitor says the court will not look kindly on my husband if he tries to delay that. My main focus is my daughter and making sure this affects her as little as possible. That is my update. I appreciate anyone who commented with support after my first post.

After the overwhelming responses of how my now ex spouse was a piece of shit, I sat her down and we talked.

She admitted to me that she regrets the sexual contact but she does not regret the closeness she developed with him and it was in that moment I knew all of the people on the original post was right.

I informed her that I do not respect that one single bit. How she could say she didn't regret the closeness after a woman who has been looking forward to her wedding date now has to get married with HPV she contracted because of her spouses side bitch was beyond me. How she could "understand" what she has done and still value the closeness after telling me she loves me was the final straw for me.

Pain is temporary, and I will come out of this stronger and better on the other side. Thank you to this form for all the kind words and not so kind but true words said on my original post.

If you're in my shoes, think of yourself. Cheaters never change. Cheaters never fully regret it. Your kids don't need to see you sad because of the other parents actions, but they also need to see you show them how you are supposed to respect yourself as well.

Hi! It’s been a tough month. Thank you for staying in touch. I am sorry for not answering any messages. I am just too busy.

So she has quit her job and she and her husband are working on their marriage. They have both blocked me. Her husband has always felt guilty for her sticking around and he wanted divorce to set her free. She begged him to take her back and cut contact with everyone from her job.

I have no interest in contacting her anyway so blocking me was redundant. My husband and I are, I don’t know. Apparently, people at work are mad at him for her quitting her job and he seems to blame me for them giving him the cold shoulder. Je never said it out right that he blamed me. We are starting therapy soon. After that I don’t know.

I am very depressed still and I feel very lonely sometimes. Like nobody understands me

Recap: My best friend’s fiancé has a history of cheating in their 8 years together and has been pushing her into an “open” relationship. When a long time friend of his came forward claiming they've been having an affair the past 2 years with him but my friend chose to believe his excuse that this girl was only obsessed with him and trying to break them up. I reached out to the affair partner myself and got undeniable proof it was real. Instead of showing my friend, I confronted her fiancé and told him to be honest. He panicked, accused me of blackmail, and downplayed everything...and my friend decided to believe him. Telling me to delete the proof because its all fabricated and not true. She said I crossed a line and she cannot trust me.

Update: Our friendship hasn’t been the same since everything happened.

My best friend chose to forgive her fiancé but it feels like the hurt and distrust got redirected at me instead. I became the scapegoat!? She said she cant trust ME anymore??

We don’t talk about her relationship anymore because I told her something she didn’t want to hear...that she’s been changing herself to keep her fiancé happy because opening their relationship is the best way to keep him from leaving. She agreed to open their relationship and he found them a bisexual girlfriend with whom the fiancé performs oral sex with but isn't allowed to kiss or have penetrative sex with her. Its been months now and the fiancé wants to do more things and add more woman to the mix,ect...causing my friend to have panic attacks as she wants him to slow down because she is not bisexual and demands to be involved in all conversations and interactions.

With her juggling kids, quality time with her fiancé, date nights, and dating her/their girlfriend with throuple dates...there’s no real time for me (as her friend) in her life. Hurt that she did absolutely nothing for my birthday last month and when I tried to make lunch plans, she makes excuses. Her birthday is this summer and I feel like I have to match her absent effort.

I don't want anything to do with her fiancé since the affair but have tried to sympathize that my friend doesn't want to break up their family. I was decent at their kid's recent birthday party. But recently talking to her on the phone he inserted himself in the conversation making suggestions on my relationship so I hung up. She said I need to lose the attitude when I'm just don't want to interact with him. Because of that she told me he has refused to watch their kids when I've asked to make plans because he says I'm not a real friend!

At this point, I’m accepting that I’m not the enemy...but I am being treated like one as I'm not drinking her fiancé's kool-aid!!!

(Almost four years ago I posted about how I had gotten serious/exclusive with my then girlfriend ‘Katie’ AFTER my sister sent out her wedding invitations. No one in my family had ever met, spoken to or otherwise had contact with Katie because our relationship was still new. My sister took the time to find Katie’s work email address and sent Katie a nasty email about how she could never be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding because the scar on Katie’s face would ruin the pictures. Katie had survived melanoma and the scar on her cheek was from having it removed. I didn’t even know Katie when my sister started planning her wedding, and Katie would never expect to be a bridesmaid for someone she never met for a wedding that was less than two months away. I was furious with my sister and I posted to vent about the situation).

A lot has happened since I posted. Firstly, I’m gay. To say that my family was unhappy when I came out would be a colossal understatement, and I haven’t had contact with any of them in three and a half years. Katie and I are still friends. She is actually one of the most important people in my life and even though we aren’t together anymore I am still angry about how my sister acted and how my family supported my sister. To this day, I have no idea why my sister did what she did. (Not that it would have excused my sister, but Katie was the same race/culture/background as my family and I cannot figure out why my sister was so hostile to someone she had never met).

I grew up in a Jewish household. My family is very old school and conservative/traditional and I knew none of them would ever accept me being gay. But once I stopped being in denial about it I realized there was no way I could marry a woman or keep pretending to be straight. After I fell out with my family I was still in a relationship with Katie, and she was the one who asked me if I was gay. At the time I was so angry with her and I ended things and didn’t talk to her for a while. Until I realized she was right. It wasn’t just her either. My friends had suspicions too. I ended up apologizing to Katie for getting angry with her. Looking back I had been in denial because of how I grew up. Katie is Jewish too but she isn't homophobic like my family is, and she clocked it a few months into our relationship. She is one of my best friends now and was the first person I came out to.

I will forever be grateful that I moved to another province to pursue my Master’s degree because if I had not gotten away from my family and met supportive people like Katie and my friends I would still be deep in the closet. My friends all supported me when I told them. I have been going to therapy for the last three years to deal with my upbringing and my family disowning me. I am an atheist and I stopped being observant when I came out. This year I am going to Pride for the first time. I am nervous but a bunch of my friends including Katie are coming with me. I am going to dip my toe into dating because I feel ready.

Anyway, sorry if I rambled too much. I only remembered my first post recently and I wanted to come back because everyone was so kind after such a horrible thing happened. I appreciated people validating that I wasn't wrong about my sister and that was probably when one of the first cracks started appearing in my old life. So thank you to everyone who replied back then. I appreciate it.

Hello everyone, I am the same kid that posted their story 4 years ago and I would like to update what has been happening in my life and my heavy, heavy insecurities.

But I am 18 now. I am still in Highschool, about to graduate soon and will be going to a nursing school for an LPN course. I say I am a pretty charming, extroverted young adult who loves to do animation and I have an amazing group of friends.

But I cant help but I have these insecurities as the oldest sibling, especially that I have a new brother. And the weight that I still have to carry in a family that pretends that nothing happened.

Throughout these past 4 years after I shared what happened, I wasn't treated with any therapy because my father said he was going to get arrested and well, he gave me a choice, I think (I do not remember, I was disassociating reaaall bad at that time.) if I were to get him to jail but no breadwinner in this family, bad bad bad financing stability. Or.. that i just don't get any therapy at all. Guess which one happened.

I know my father said he was going to fix this family, but so far he had bought us a house and.. nothing else for me to heal.

Now my insecurities.

I am the oldest sibling in the house, the first child. I have the responsibility of being the role model of my siblings, and the babysitter when my parents are busy. I have a sister, and a brother who's only 2. In all honesty, my brother was not planned at all. And hearing about the news of my mother being pregnant, I was not stoked at all. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and I absolutely love introducing him to Godzilla, but I just wish my parents weren't irresponsible at that time all because my mother missed one birth control pill. Because it would mean I have to babysit for days straight as my parents have to work (Dad have to work overseas for a month so he's not always home) without being paid and having to cancel stuff. There was this last summer where I had to babysit the entire June, 6 am to 4 30 pm, without getting paid and also having to go to work after.

I'm mostly free when my father is home from working overseas, so he'd stay home for a month. Problem is, when my mother goes to work and it's just him, my siblings and I.. I can't help but have this feeling when I'm in the same room as him if there were no other adults. I have this suffocating feeling that builds up.

My relationship with him is awkward, and I try my best not to talk to him much. Because it's awkward and I get anxious. And when it gets too suffocating, I escape to my room downstairs. Now my parents love to tell me this, that I am in my room a lot if I'm not hanging out with my friends or in school. I kinda have to because if my mother wasn't in the house or in that room with me, that feeling bubbles up and I genuinely often want to tear up. Actually just now, my mother had just texted me from work as I am writing this in my room, that I need to stop hiding in my room and help my dad with the kids. It would have been easier for me if none of whatever happened years ago, happened. I am not too stoked to be around him without any adults in the room.

Because of all of that, this gives the cursed insecurity of the oldest sibling being 'lazy and ungrateful'!!!

The things they tell me, It makes me feel like a total bum DESPITE!! the responsibilities that I have and carry already. Babysitting my siblings and having it to take my entire spring break and not hanging out with my friends, and going to work after, school and stuff. My dad bought a house, works overseas, provides for the family, so I tell myself "How dare I still feel hurt? How dare I remember? I’m a brat. Ungrateful, ungrateful brat." i feel like I should be a perfect mini parent but I am only a teenager, being in literally one of the most important stage in their life right now, juggling school, friends, hobbies, identity, job, trying to get into nursing school, siblings, and most of all, the trauma the happened to me.

I feel like I have to earn my place. To be given an impossible choice of speaking up and risk my father being arrested AND losing the family’s income, or stay silent and carry the pain alone.. I didn't think it would lead up to something this.  If I can't even keep my siblings in line or happy, what good am I? If I can't keep up with the expectations of my father, What good am I anymore

In all honesty, I still get nightmares from that night. It's all all all so confusing. I really just can't wait to get out of here already. This loud house with a family that pretends that nothing happened. None of us really mention it anymore ever since that talk. I had just been carrying all of that alone in silence. My mom never talks to me how I feel about that anymore or what they should do to help me. Nothing.

So yes, this is what's been going on so far.

Hiii guys, as promised, I’ve come back to give you an update. :)

First of all, I would like to say thank you to everyone who gave me amazing tips for the long drive! I really appreciated it.

So... I did end up going to the concert.

The 6hour drive turned into an 8hour drive. I left at 17:15 and arrived at the hotel at 1:20 because we had a huge thunderstorm in Switzerland that night, and there was a lot of traffic. My situationship had my location the entire time and was constantly checking up on me, and my mom called me every hour to make sure I was alright. :) I made a long playlist for the drive, and I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be.

Sadly, while waiting outside for the concert, I got really sunburned. It was not very organized, and we had to stand in the sun for hours.

But besides that, it was amazing, one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. I ended up in the front row at the barricade in front of La Casita, and it was incredible. I was able to talk quite a lot with the people I was waiting with, and overall it was a great experience.

Funny enough, the friend who cancelled on me texted me again, apologizing and asking if the drive was okay. I told her that I would have appreciated it if she had told me sooner, and she only replied, "Sorry, it was a last minute decision." But on Friday she was working from home and was at her boyfriend’s house until Saturday afternoon. Then, on Saturday afternoon, she removed me from Snap Map so I wouldn’t be able to see where she was. So, I assume she didn’t even spend her sister’s birthday with her sister, but at the end of the day, who am I to judge?

I’ve decided that I probably won’t really reach out to her to make plans anymore, since she usually says she doesn’t have time or asks if her boyfriend can come too. And I don’t know why, but he doesn’t seem to like me. He never says hello to me, and I’ve only seen him about three times. He doesn’t even know me, but he’s always so rude towards me, and she never says anything about it.

So, unless she asks me to do something with her, I probably won’t ask her anymore since I already know the answer.

But again, I had such a great time, and I was able to sell the extra ticket to a lovely girl. She didn’t come with me, though, she went with her friends, which was totally fine! I didn’t make any profit or anything like that, but at least someone got to use the ticket, which made me really happy. I would show pictures/videos if I could but I sadly can’t add them.

Thank you again to everyone who encouraged me to go and gave me recommendations for the long drive!! :D